Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Sometimes I Am My Own Worst Enemy

More on worlds colliding in a bit.

But first, let me entertain you with a story about Saturday night, when Marci, Buggie and I met at a country bar in Alexandria. (Careful, if you click that link it plays music even too redneck for ME!) We tried to make it to the 8:00 line dancing lessons, but the torrential rain threw a wrench in that plan. So, the girls arrive, and thereby begins 4 straight hours of PhotoHunt on the Megatouch machine. Shortly after I realized my butt cheeks were asleep, I suggested we make our way over to the yee hawing over on the dance floor. And we did.

It wasn’t long before Buggie had herself a little boyfriend, who we will call Flip Flop boy. Marci and I jetted around the dance floor together, then with some other men in cowboy hats, then together again. Did you know that you can take an ordinary man, slap a cowboy hat on him, and he becomes instantly hot? Instantly. It’s a formula guaranteed to work on even the homeliest of men. I promise. Some cowboy took a fancy to me and we danced for several songs. He talked about moving to California and told me how he didn’t think he would mesh with the culture and their political values. Yeah, um, so where’s that Megatouch machine again? He gave me his phone number, but you know I won’t call him because that just ain’t my style, and because while I’m not a bleeding heart either, I find that this makes me ill suited to date an extremist:

You are a

Social Liberal
(61% permissive)

and an…

Economic Conservative
(61% permissive)

You are best described as a:
Centrist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Two a.m. came really fast, and as Marci and I loaded up the MegaTouch again, we had no idea that the bouncer would literally have to kick us out. It was a conversation that went like this: “Girls, you really have to leave.” And Buggie saying, “Okay, but we’ll be BACK!” In the parking lot, I heard, “We’re coming here EVERY WEEKEND.” Yeah, see? Cowboys are way nicer than normal D.C. folk. Way nicer. And you girls made fun of me! So that was Saturday. Okay. Sunday. I cringe for this entire story, from beginning to end. I’m going to shorten it significantly because, well, ugh. Okay. Here we go.

I’ve been giving something a lot of thought, and frankly, I just need opinions on it, so fire away on this. A few situations have come up that I can’t write about for one reason or another, and it makes me question my entire loss of anonymity and the integrity of this blog. It’s never happened before that I can’t write about something, but now that day is here and I feel trapped. Of course we all know there is nothing I can do to go back and fix it, but I’m not sure what to do from here. I’d just sort of been mulling it over for the past couple weeks. Then I turned an old old old online profile back on. I know, I know, I said I would never do it again. But, I had a good reason. Or so I thought.

I had my zip code in as Phoenix. I was trying to plan ahead. Okay, not really, I just wanted to fish around in my city of choice and see what was in the pond. It didn’t last very long because I got slapped around by the therapist who told me to just change it back to D.C. and give it another chance. So I did. And got emails. And never changed my user name…Velvet. Nothing else, nothing about Dupont, nothing about anything else identifying, just Velvet.

So I get an email with the title saying, “Have I read your blog.” Um. Yeah. I am BAD at this game. Bad. Anyway, the emails ensue, and he asks me to have dinner Sunday night. I agree, mainly because his profile says he’s too busy to get involved with someone. Fucking awesome. There’s a non-committal situation I can get behind. Okay, so I go, intent on asking about the blog comment, and prepared to tell the truth, because lying is just too hard. Put on your seatbelts.

Me: So, what was that subject line all about.
Him: Yeah, I read some Velvet in Dupont this morning.
Me: Fuck.
Him: It’s no big deal, I liked it actually.
Me: Yeah, I’ve heard that before, and it didn’t work out so well. How on earth did you connect that?
Him: A friend was at my house and said, ‘Oh, I wonder if that’s Velvet in Dupont.’

I long for the days when I had 4 readers. Okay, no I don’t. But here goes the age old question – how do I date someone who reads what you write about them, and how would I date others (provided there are any) when one of the people knows about the others because they read about it. While you’re thinking about that for me, let’s discuss the walk home.

Straight past the dog park at 1:15 a.m. (yeah, dinner was that good,) and there are two people in there. Sort of weird for a Sunday night, but anyway, I didn’t think much of it until we got closer. I see it’s my dog park friend, and The Bartender. What. The. Fuck.

Do I need to move? Is it possible that I know and/or have dated so many people that this was bound to happen? Help. Seriously. I’m considering shutting down again and resurfacing as a new identity. Though, my writing style and constant swearing would probably give me away.


  1. johnny

    You do need to move.

    To my underpants.


  2. DV$

    Ha! Nick’s! You lose. 🙂

  3. I-66

    This is just proof that bad karma is associated with the country genre.

  4. Lucky

    Yeah, I just want to correct a small typo, you said that cowboy hats instantly make men look “hot” but I think that word is actually spelled “gay”

  5. Virgle Kent



    yeah I wish I had something smart to say but damn

  6. I-66

    Lucky, the voice of reason, saying what everyone else is thinking.

  7. Bill

    So many people have been hurt by loss of privacy in various ways. I don’t think restarting with a new identity solves the problem, but it may hide it for a while. I have blog software at home that allows me to control readership, but that introduces problems of its own. The issue is, though, one reason I haven’t started – aside from the huge payment I receive from the makers of Ambien not to publicize my soporific life. I don’t know how you can even self-censor, because you can’t know who you’ll meet next week, and hoping that your commenters will apply similar discretion is unrealistic even among your best friends. Someone always slips up. It’s really too bad that you can’t manage readership as well as you can control comments. I hate the thought that thoughtful and considerate people would have to restrict their discussions, but maybe it has to be that way. I’m going to look again at alternative software, though, and will let you know if I see anything that might help.

    Really, to lose discussions like the one you initiated last Friday would be a shame.

  8. Lucky

    Heh, thanks.
    (by the way I-66 I read your blog but can’t comment due to your stringent blogger memebership requirements)

  9. Washington Cube

    Tommy Hilfiger black bikini underwear make a man look gay. Sorry, Velvet, I’m using your blog to take shots. The Bartender, huh? He sure gets around.

  10. KassyK

    Oh girl…you know how I feel about this.

    Worlds colliding. Ay.

  11. bettyjoan

    As someone who has never had (nor desired, really) anonymity on her blog, it’s hard for me to grapple with the whole “worlds colliding” mentality. Yes, your blog life and your “real” life will inevitably intersect (I suppose the when and the how depend on your level of anonymity and the subject matter of your posts). Yes, if that intersection jeopardizes your safety, that’s a very bad thing. However, I’m not convinced that such a crossover should automatically cause concern. I’ll have to give the issue some more thought and get back to you.

    On an unrelated note, I cannot believe y’all went to the country bar without me! I’m a sad little Southern girl…sniffle…

  12. flawless

    To repeat a country song, “they all look good at closing time”.
    I love that your heart is an open book. That way you don’t have to decide whether or not to tell the new guy about your past!

  13. Velvet

    Johnny – Do give me location of underpants so I can mapquest it. I’ll be there soon.

    DV$ – Nick’s is Hilarious! I will be there again, I may buy stock in the place.

    I66 – Aah, how wrong you are. Country music has nothing to do with worlds colliding. If anything, it’s like a whole new venue of people who don’t know me. You won’t hear from any of them, “See this cowboy hat? I hear some chick Velvet loooooves cowboy hats.”

    Lucky – And, how wrong YOU are. I laugh at the irony of someone from Elizabeth, NJ slamming something else. You can’t drive through Elizabeth without holding your nose the entire time. What’s that they say about the “armpit of the U.S.?” Yeah.

    VK, I66 – Don’t become one of them snotty D.C. folk looking down their nose at others.

    Bill – You’re hoping the commenters can provide discretion? Have you read what just occurred above you? I think not.

    Cubie – Um…an incident with TH bikini’s we need to discuss.

    KK – Feel. My. Pain.

  14. Velvet

    BJ – Um, apparently we’re going back. Soon. And often. The whole plan was a mess for a bit and I wasn’t sure it would happen at all.

    Flawless – Alas, I was only making out with Megatouch at closing time…well, and considering making out with Marci but I didn’t think she would have any of that.

  15. Red

    He’s probably read all that you have out there. Him saying something means he is aware that you may be writing about him and it’s understood.
    You can’t stop being you…ever… and that means Velvet in Dupont.
    Love to ya Sista

  16. I-66

    Woah now… I’m not saying that I’m better than anything or anyone. Country just makes me break out in hives.

    In fact, if a cowboy hat makes a man gay then that’s just fine. There’s nothing wrong wit hthat. It just means more women for me and VK.

  17. Velvet

    Red – I keep forgetting to tell you how I love your use of “Mini Red” on your blog. Too cute. Reading all I have out there would 1) take a long time and 2) drive him into a coma. If he stops responding to my emails, I’ll have to check the local ER’s to see if he’s okay.

    I 66 – Cough. Cough. COUGH! First, you agreed with Lucky on the gay / cowboy hat thing. Second, um…I’m going to leave your last sentence untouched. But I have a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile over here.

  18. I-66

    I did agree, but how’s that saying I’m better than anyone or, as you put it, looking down my nose at them?

  19. Velvet

    Cause not liking the music and associating cowboy hats with gay (automatically) are two separate things. Instantly saying that a man in a cowboy hat (probably more hetero than any of the metros in my hood) is gay is putting them down.

  20. Bill

    Velvet – yes I did read the comments above mine – that’s why i said that hoping for commenter discretion was unrealistic. People do, and some get lucky for a while, but long-term it doesn’t work.

  21. Sweet

    Glad you had fun line-dancing. I can only imagine the three of you, I bet it was a trip.

    In terms of shutting down the blog, if it provides more stress than fun, then I say maybe it is time for a switcheroo. I can’t even tell you how freeing it felt to put Countdown on hiatus. Sometimes you just have to do what’s right for you.

  22. I-66

    Putting them down and looking down at them are two entirely different things!

  23. Siryn

    Let’s discuss the obvious mistake – using “Velvet” or any form of it on a personals site. I know you like the name, but if you want worlds to stay apart, you must not invite them together by using the same or similar monikers.

    That said, people are going to like the blog (duh) and the person behind it (even bigger duh) once they start reading. That has been consistent. What you can’t predict is their ability to handle you working your thoughts and feelings out in public. The anxiety that you can’t air to them, questioning character… most people are not strong enough to handle it because your readers are going to support you and it may make them look like a chump (sometimes mistakenly).

    You have your blog, and it’s theraputic for you. Not just because you get advice here, but because you need an outlet for your creative energies. A blog, a journal in hardcopy… either way, you’re going to have one. And either way, apparently, it will “get you into trouble” (see a post or two back).

    I say keep the blog, but change your personals name to something obscure! I like to use second-tier or obscure comic book characters (hence, Siryn) but that’s just me. For personals – something else completely that no one would associate with Siryn.

  24. Raincouver

    I wonder how many people from Phoenix read your blog? Time to check statcounter!

    P.S. I didn’t see any cowboy hats on the fetish crowd but I hear that chaps are quite acceptable.

  25. Lucky

    Ach! Look who’s complaining about internet anonymity and then finding out where I live all willy-nilly. Well for your information Nancy Drew, I actually grew up in Arlington and lived in dupont circle before “upgrading” to Elizabeth NJ. (Hey, it’s getting better. We have a Quizzno’s now)

    I’m sorry but nine times out of ten, if I see a cowboy hat on top of a man in the district, that man is gay.It’s just common sense

  26. Velvet

    Sweet – I’ve said it many times that I won’t let this blog get in the way of a good relationship. But to figure out the balance, if it is possible, would be great. Ideally, the ideal man (I know that’s a lot of ideals) would not care, and could be secure enough to handle it. I suspect this latest one is an adult, which separates him from the likes of the two men before who I dated and who read the blog.

    Siryn – Seriously I didn’t even look at the user name. It’s been my moniker for years. So I never even gave it a thought. I haven’t had a live profile on the site in question for many many years. Pre-blog, that’s for sure. To everything you said in your 2nd paragraph, you are dead on. Last paragraph, I did change the name. It is obscure. I’m in the clear. Of course it was my alternate “new blog name” so now that’s done. Must…keep…worlds…from…colliding…again….

    Raincouver – I’ve got 3 readers! Woo hoo! I like those odds. A whole city of men to date.

    Lucky – It’s on your profile page! My loss of anonymity is my own fault. I could have either chosen to go to the Happy Hours, met other bloggers and lost the anonymity, or remained in blogger seclusion. I suppose if I had to choose it again, well, I’ve been through some stupid ass painful shit because of this blog, but yeah, I would take the friends. I have met some amazing people, who far exceed my perceptions of friendship, most notably the woman just 2 comments above you. And actually, I kid about NJ, because that to me is “home.” People aren’t as real here as you get in NY/ NJ. OH, and we weren’t in the district. I’d agree with you on that. But we were in Alexandria. That’s a whole new world. Real cowboys.

  27. Aziz

    I’ve been pining to go to Nick’s for some time now. I first saw it when I was next door at the Shenandoah Brewing Company (a fabulous place where one can actually brew one’s own beer). I was intrigued by the number of women with mullets pouring out. I vowed that I would go back; ever since Whitey’s in Arlington closed down, I’ve been looking for a new Honkey Tonk joint to frequent. I’m glad you’ve given it your seal of approval.

    Now, to the meat of your question – it’s a bad idea to date someone and blog about it, especially if said person knows about your blog. I wish there were a way for you to finesse it, but there’s not. My opinion – if you find yourself involved in something meaningful, than shut the blog down. While your readers will be deprived of your infectious stories, you will probably be happier on a personal level. That’s probably more important in the long-run. But then again, in the words of Michel de Montaigne, Que sais-je?

  28. QofQ

    I totally agree with Siryn…you should change your profile name pronto! But on a good note…since he fessed up that he read the blog, he’s not some creepy creep keeping the big secret to see what’s written about him in the morning or to quietly keep tabs on you should things progress. As much as you’re out there with your writing, he’s out there with his reading!

    Oh, and worlds colliding is bound to happen in this town. After I thought a bit, I realized that the Biddy Mulligans hasn’t been the only one. I’ve had unexpected encounters with the tall odd-named Englishman, neighborhood straight guy that all the gay guys want to do, hottie hot bartender that you want me to have discretions with, and ugh…the COP! Plus, just last week I got you to approach the world’s worst pick-up line guy from a year ago. Its bound to happen, you just got to let it not phase you.

  29. Virgle Kent

    Hold up fucking another man in the ass is gay? Because from what I heard your only gay if your on the bottom, and wearing a cowboy hat

    ha ha, you know I’m frontin 😉

  30. Velvet

    Thank you VK for bring the smut to this blog! I work very hard to keep this thing anything other than X rated…oh. Wait. No I don’t. Carry on. But don’t get me arrested okay?

    QofQ – I did change it. I’m an amateur. And yeah, I said above to Siryn that at least this one is an adult, unlike, well, my other two instances of worlds colliding. And pleeeease get back with hottie hot bartender. I can’t take his hotness being all sprawled around every time I see him. You must go get him. Again.

    Aziz – Just for that, I’m going to get you back when you least expect it. Now, regarding the blog, of course you recommend for me to shut it down. Your girlfriend has you by the fucking nuts when it comes to what you say on your blog. Hey…seems you didn’t have to wait too long for me to get you back! Well, lookie there!

  31. La Whisky

    If you didn’t mean for me to find the humor in this post, well, I owe you an apology as I thought it was hilarious.

    First of all – change your profile name. Start over! Switch to or If I wasn’t afraid of the system overloading, I’d recommend your using that photo of your backside in the frilly unmentionables from VS.

    Second – start a second super-secret blog where you talk about your dates in embarrassing detail. Then, share that url with me. Mention the guys only vaguely/briefly on ViD.

    Third – I’m in total agreement on the cowboy hats, and would like to add Harley’s to the hotness quotient.

  32. Velvet

    La Whisky – On the 1st, consider it done. Though I’m not going to dive off this site yet. I’ve never tried this one, so we’ll see.

    On the 2nd – Also done. I have zero readers. Fun fun fun. But it’s bad. And I couldn’t have anyone who has ever looked me in the face read it. So bascially that excludes all of you except Washington Cube.

    On the 3rd – DAMN! How did I forget the Harley! Mere mention of it made aforementioned undies a little…misty.

  33. AlieMalie

    I think you need to move to Phoenix. I mean, you’ve obviously dated the entire eligible population in DC. Plus, on a very much more important topic, YOU CAN’T LEAVE US WITHOUT OUR DAILY VELVET. Do you realise how many people would go crazy?


    In all honesty, if you DO decide to shut down, I wish you all the best. I understand this blog is for you and venting and such so whatever you DO decide to do is for the best. We’ll just miss you like crazy.


  34. marie

    regarding your response to whisky’s comment:
    ….so…. since we haven’t met that means i get access to your super-secret blog?
    oooh, yeah!

  35. Aziz

    Now, now… just because I choose to be parsimonious with my personal life on the blog doesn’t mean my girlfriend has me by the cojones. (I can’t deny, though, that she is one of many people in my life who thinks my little hobby is puerile…)

  36. marci

    Seriously, does this shit happen to anyone else but you? I mean c’mon. I’d be weirded out for sure. But if the blog still provided pleasure, an outlet, or what have you I wouldn’t let small-worldness get to me.

    But Nick’s, yeah, soooo going back. Even if just for some more MegaTouch loving and people watching. Who am I kidding. Need to go back for more Velvety line dancing. Does what we did even count as line dancing?

  37. Wombat

    You Twahts won’t get a piece of me. You hear me? I OWN you, like I own PhotoHunt! Keep tryin’ bitches. Mwwwwahahahaha.

  38. QofQ

    You just HAD to go and add the word “AGAIN”! Woman…my worlds collide on your blog! I’m going to get another Uh Oh email from you!

  39. bejeweled

    I too have had similar problems with wanting to post something but knew I couldn’t b/c too many people I know read my blog. What I would want to say would hurt some people who are really good friends. Well, if they were really good friends then I shouldn’t have a problem with spilling my thoughts. For me, it’s a catch-22. I want people to read my blog yet I want to be able to write what I want but can’t b/c of how it may affect some people. I toyed with starting up another blog, but not tell my friends, but then who would read what I’m writing? Argh, so frustrating. If you did shut down Velet in Dupont, I’m sure your loyal reader base would miss you, but there are other people who haven’t enjoyed what you have to say. It could open up an whole new venue for your writing. Good luck!

  40. Barbara

    If you are going somewhere, you’d better take me with you! I count on your Blog to make me laugh at least once a day.

  41. popcultured

    velvet – it is funny how u march to the beat of ur own drummer, and now we march to that beat too…stay, go, change it up, regardless u make many of us happy…but otherwise, do cowboys even have internet?…i think u r on to something…

  42. johnny

    for the record, i find the best way to talk about someone is to address them as ‘some people’, as in ‘some people really keep mentioning analingus and eeeeew!’

    if they’re smart they will get the idea. if they are not, you can proceed to phase two.
    ‘i am sleeping with some people’s brother’

    when it comes to crossing the line, you got to pick your battles. there is such thing as the dog house… or the blog dog house — the bloghouse. 😛

  43. johnny

    ps. pickett street is the ghetto of the freaking ghetto.

    pps. but i might have been to nicks once back in the 90s.

  44. Sandra Dee

    Ahhhh. Cowwwwwwboys.

    You are dead on with the hat comment. Yeowch.

    And that, my friend, is why I live in the Midwest.

    Phoenix is calling…

  45. Stef

    Hats are good, but man, it’s the belt buckles that slay me! Nothing is hotter than a big belt buckle on some low-slung jeans. I need a cowboy!

  46. CrazyGirlCity

    First of all….YOU WHORE! You were 2 minutes from my place and didn’t even tell me! OK, I’m over it.

    Second, you have a few options. You either stop writing about the dating life if you know the person you are dating is reading. OR you continue writing here, while dating, knowing they read your blog…which is basically like a diary, and let things happen. Think of it this way…if you date someone who reads the blog, and you’re dating someone else and reading about it, you’re basically a reality tv star. You know those teeny bopper shows on MTV where the girl is dating someone back home, hooks up with someone else, and you think ‘wow, I can’t believe she did that on public television when she knows the guy she is dating will watch this!!!’

    It’s all about your priorities. Or there is option C. Keep the blog, but don’t use Velvet as an online moniker. That way they will never know and the blog stays private like a diary (should).

  47. popcultured

    just blame everything on the booze…then its not ur fault…anyway, if they cant handle honesty, f ’em…u could hide ur shit like everyone else in this world…obviously selective omissions r good too, but i think u get my drift…

  48. Mel

    You can move anywhere you want but please don’t take the blog away. Don’t do that to us. I need it – it’s like crack. Ok, since I don’t do drugs, it’s like chocolate.

    You have plenty of things to write about that make this blog entertaining and the dating can be sprinkled in for extra fun.

    Please don’t take it away! Please, I beg you.

  49. johnny

    There is no new post.

    This is internet detective speak for, hobo joe the new boyfriend is reading your blog and you dont want to post.

    Except that if hobo joe was your true love he would actually ENCOURAGE you to post everything.

    Cuz thats what the velvet is about.

  50. NS_Sherlock

    Oh Johnny,

    How in the world is he (or she) supposed to know if it’s true love after just one date (where they ran into an ex on the way home!)? Really.

    My sleuthing skills tell me Hobo Joe is playing hard to get and the Velvet is just crafting the perfect brain candy to beat him at is own game. Yes, this woman knows exactly what she’s doing. But I wish she’d post too.

    p.s., you aint the only internet detective out there my friend!

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