Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I’ve Done My Sentence, But Committed No Crime

The last few weeks of my life have been about regrouping and reassessing. There have been many unfortunate casualties during this time away from the blog, but I had no choice. After a lot of consideration, I have decided that blogging will not be of those casualties. Not now, anyway.

Due to a series of truly unbelievable, venomous, vindictive events that transpired, I thought it might be best to close up shop. I gave the idea of quitting Velvet and returning to a life sans blogging, or blogging anonymously, a lot of thought over the past few weeks. The idea of an anonymous blog is incredibly appealing. I could essentially have my life back. But I kept coming back to the fact that I have worked really hard, poured my heart and soul, literally, into this blog, and into writing. I am a fighter, through and through. A fighter to the bitter end. I’ve been places that I hope to never see again – emotionally and physically.

What helped tremendously was the rallying of support I received from so many unlikely sources. Seriously. It always amazes me that the people you expect to count on, master the art of hibernation; Those you wouldn’t imagine would help, end up far exceeding your expectations. I’ve seen friendship redefined for me several times over in the past few weeks.

On the rest of the matters, I’ve taken what I will coin the “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” strategy. In life, we can’t erase people from making their mark, however big or small. But this blog is a different story. I can erase whoever I want. And I have. Delete delete delete. Backspace backspace. Highlight, select all, cut, paste to clipboard, close without saving. I know it’s bad to just obliterate some things off the map, but I’m doing it. You may notice there are a few posts missing. Call it Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Blog. Buh-Bye. Thanks for flying with Velvet. I hope to never see you again on another flight, ever.

While I’m on the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Blog, I’m also no longer tolerating any negativity in my life. So that means if you submit a nasty comment that hits way below the belt, you might be asked to exit the plane while we’re still circling the airport. Definition of “way below the belt?” Don’t worry, it’s nothing that the normal, sane, non-bipolar, 99.9% of readers are guilty of. Devils Advocate? Fine. Downright obnoxious? Deleted. Worse than that? IP Banned. Welcome to my rules. Negativity has no voice here.

I do believe when moving forward in such a final, no-looking-back manner, that it’s important to have learned something. The closest of my friends can and did sniff out trouble long before I can, leading me to one major conclusion: I have got to find a way to become a better judge of character. I overlooked some very obvious red flags. Sigh, I miss the old days of playing ball in elementary school. With those colored jerseys, you always knew who was on which team. In life? Not so much.

I can’t say what will happen from here forward. I’m frankly quite burned out on dating, and I’m very depleted of trust. And since you need enthusiasm and trust to date, well, it ain’t looking so good. Of course, I could and probably will change my mind. The heart is a resilient muscle, and it seems to quickly forget what happened to put it in such a bad way to start with. But right now, my heart is elsewhere.

In addition, with respect to internet dating, I’m also done. I know, so many of you recommended it at one time or another, but it doesn’t work. Not for me, or anyone I’ve spoken to about it. I’m hanging up my CL/Match/Yahoo hat here in Washington D.C. for good. I’ve met nothing but lunatics and sociopaths online, occasional normal man tossed in, but I draw the line at my personal safety being compromised. Even if I have two dates a year with people who I meet in real life, I’m much better off than having 25 or 30 a year from the internet. I know I’ve said that the more dates you have, the better the chance of meeting someone, but not when you are scraping the bottom of the barrel.

The reality is, a dating blog doesn’t have an endless life. Eventually, it comes to a point where you realize, you just can’t tolerate such a high level of emotionally draining experiences over a long period of time. How much more can you readers really be interested in reading about men who I seem to tire of somewhere between two hours and six years? That said, I have a lot of ideas to keep us on topic, but they don’t involve dating deranged mental patients for entertainment.

I don’t know exactly where Velvet is going, but I know this much – I’m too tired to continue going to the places I’ve already been.


  1. Scarlet

    Welcome back! I, for one, missed you. And amen to the ban on negativity.

  2. BC

    I’m glad to have you back. I almost emailed you but figured you needed some space. I’m sure I’ll enjoy reading whatever you choose to write about. Take care of Velvet, first and foremost.

  3. Sharkbait

    Good. I think this is just what you need and you have a great attitude about it. I am always here for you!!

    And I am very much excited to see you tomorrow…I think the no negativity is such a great thing and we should all try it…but such is life.

    Oh how I have missed you so!!

  4. Barbara

    Welcome back, Velvet. Whatever you choose to write about puts a smile on my face and I have been so saddened by your Blog going into hibernation. I look forward to new material about various aspects of your life and still predict that there is a book coming sometime in the future. You will continue to be one of my favorites! (Meanwhile I’ll keep my eyes and ears open for Mr. Right. I’m sure he’s out there somewhere!)

  5. Sweet

    Good for you. Sounds like a new chapter in Velvet I’m looking forward to.

  6. Kathryn

    Welcome back!

  7. Siryn

    It’s good to have you back. Let them eat cake.

  8. DCOE

    Well, wherever you go, we’ll be right here. And by we, I mean me, but whatever. I like to give my RAZR its use, and I like to gossip over drinks. Anytime you need to do either of these things, make sure you let me know.

    Glad to have you back!

  9. Pele

    Glad to see you back – first and foremost because it means that you are okay! I say take as long as a break from dating as you need. A day, a week, or a month from now, you’ll be walking down the street and catch yourself checking out some guys ass. That’s when you’ll know you’re ready to be back in the game! (Okay I’m an ass girl, maybe it’ll be some other part for you 🙂 )

  10. Rebecca

    YEA! Velvet has returned! I was wondering what happened, thought about e-mailing you but figured you must need some down time. I’m glad that you have purged your life of negativity.

    I too have given a lot of thought to ditching the internet dating thing. Almost 2 years of internet dating and only a handful of the 15 guys I met actually led to a second date and of those only one led to a semi-relationship. I guess I’ll leave my love life up to fate, isn’t that how it was intended anyway???

    Take care woman! And glad your BACK!

  11. playfulindc

    Ah, the Captain is back at the helm! It is she who choses where this ship goes, because it is SHE who owns the site.

    Good for you. Internet should be free, but dang it, you pay money for this, so do what you want!

    (i missed you)

  12. marie

    glad you’re back!!

  13. Washington Cube

    Glad to see you back in action.

  14. Mel

    Welcome Back – I didn’t like the hibernation period.

    I’m now expecting to be entertained, so solid entries expected. 😉

    Seriously, welcome back!

  15. Sandra Dee

    I almost e-mailed you, too. I’m so glad you wiped away your drool on your pillow and are starting fresh. 🙂

    And more dittos for the ban on negativity. Who needs enemies when you have friends? 🙂

  16. AlieMalie


    *sing song voice* Velvet’s back and you’re gonna get in trouble.

    So glad to have you back and blogging – I missed reading you and have been hoping you were doing well and trying to get things back on track for yourself – whatever that might have been; if that had included not blogging, so be it – but I’m very happy you’re back. Woohooo!

    And to hell with the negativity, no need for it.

    Welcome back!


  17. Chase

    Welcome back, sunshine! 🙂

  18. maxx

    happy to see you back.
    a friend of mine decided to give up negativity for lent. a hard task, but, i think it’s worth it.
    good for you!

  19. MellyMel

    Yes, I too am glad to have you back. You know I only get to catch up on your life this way since we never manage to call. 🙂 Love you girl!

  20. Reya Mellicker

    Yay!! So glad to be reading you again. I think part of the beauty of blogging is that you can go back in time and change things, all for the better, always. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to do this with real life? Sigh … at least you’re doing it here. Yay!!

  21. El Guapo

    Maybe you can write to this guy:

    I remember you two had a connection.


  22. Stef

    Hooray! Welcome back!

    Feel free to control your destiny – and/or your blog – however you like. We’re along for the ride. 🙂

  23. Law-Rah

    And by “we”, DCOE means me too!

  24. Susann

    Welcome back…. I appreciate your insight and adventures, whether good or bad, and I’m touched that you choose to share them with all the strangers that we are.

  25. bejeweled

    I kept coming back, and coming back, waiting for Velvet. Whew! Thanks for not napping into eternity I applaud your bravery. Why is that saying, or in the case, writing our thoughts gets us into so much trouble? They’re our thoughts, right? Me?? I say- “say what you want, how you want, when you want”. A censored Velvet is very boring. WE are your online thearpy. Use us, bend our ears. We are here for as long as you’ll let us. Isn’t that what blogging is all about?

  26. CrazyGirlCity

    You, me, alcohol, the dogs, my patio!

  27. Wicked H

    If you write it we will read….

    I join all the others in welcoming you back and moving forward. Such a strong woman you are, BRAVO!

  28. Aziz

    Welcome back. The internet was duller without you.

  29. AUA

    No more shenanigans. Stick around this time.

  30. Velvet

    Scarlet – Thanks dear!

    BC – Nope, you could have emailed. It wasn’t any of you all that I needed space from.

    Sharkie – Hooray! See you later!

    Barbara – I have a new theory on Mr. Right. I’m hoping to find him at Rolling Thunder this weekend.

    Sweet – Thanks!

    Kathryn – Thanks to you too!

    Siryn – Cake…ha ha! Am I Marie Antoinette? Eh. I’ll take it. Now, if only I had a guillotine…

    DCOE – I was thinking about buying you stock in Coke for your birthday. But then I realized you would cash it in for less than par value, for a diet coke.

    Pele – The ass. HA! No…for me, it’s probably the arms and shoulders.

    Rebecca – Are you back? I have to go check your blog…thought you were down for the count as well. Yup. Internet dating is ridiculous. And you could have emailed as well. I didn’t need downtime from any blog friends. Well. Maybe a few. But none of you.

    Playful – Thanks!

    Marie – I had this blog up for 13 seconds and you caught me! I was making some template changes yesterday. Too funny.

    Cube – Thank you…it’s good to be back.

    Mel – The hibernation was a bit necessary. But thanks for the warm welcome back.

    Sandra Dee – re: enemies. Ha ha. You have Noooooo idea.

    AlieMalie – Thank you. That means a lot to me. There are so many blogs out there now, it’s hard to read them all, and it’s nice to be missed.

    Chase – Thank you!

    Maxx – I’m trying!

    MellyMel – Um…we have a LOT to talk about. Remember the drama at our old job? Yeah. Like that.

    Reya – Deleting is fun. Crossing lines through things and leaving them published is even funnier. I’m having a grand old time over here purging.

    El Guapo – You kill me! The Angry Man!!! Too funny. That man has got to be recovered now. I should write to him. Maybe he unblocked my email address. Wonder how he made out with the Patriot Act.

    Thanks Stef!

    Law-Rah – And by “we” I mean, all of us and my diet coke.

    Susann – You know, that really means a lot to me. I enjoy writing, and I think that you all do understand that this is from my perspective of things. It doesn’t mean it’s 100% accurate, it just means this is how I interpret something to have happened. I don’t always profess to be right…I make mistakes like everyone else. But I’m trying!

    Bejeweled – Yes, It becomes even more interesting, and dangerous, when you have to watch every word you write. This blog started out as the blank slate, and I could do what I want. Now, I apparently have to watch every word for fear someone cut and paste a portion, taking it entirely out of context, and tossing it in my face and making me explain. Which I frankly have ZERO problem doing. Bring it on, asswipes.

    CrazyGirl – yea, and that other stuff I emailed you about! We need that too. For our bonfire.

    Wicked H – Ugh. You have no clue what the last few weeks have been for me, being “strong” like “being a friend” has been redefined for me several times over as well.

    Aziz – thank you! I do so love your blog…keep it up, even with that bum team you got over there!

  31. DCOE

    Hardy har har. Hey now – I wouldn’t cash it in! What I would soon realize, however, is that all rises in stock prices for Coke directly correspond with increases in my personal consumption of Diet Coke. Tricky economics out there!

  32. GypsyCurls

    A long-time lurker sez Welcome Back!!! 🙂

  33. jamy

    Good to see you back. Hope you stay a while.

  34. Nikki

    Welcome back Velvet! Very glad that you decided to keep the blog for now. And I am with you 100% in regards to the zero tolerance of negativity!

  35. KassyK

    YAY! As a new Velvet fan and friend…I look foward to having you back and hear anything you want to chat about…You are my internet doppellganger after all…:-)

  36. Stelawho

    I missed you, too! glad you’re back!

  37. Juju Bean

    **SO** happy to have you back. My morning routine at work just wasn’t the same without you. Rock on, sista

  38. Marci

    “Sigh, I miss the old days of playing ball in elementary school. With those colored jerseys, you always knew who was on which team.”

    If we’re choosing teams, I wanna be skins.


  39. Toya

    It’s about time! Welcome back!

  40. CrazyGirlCity

    I think I want to get a t-shirt printed up that reads “TEAM VELVET” just for shits and giggles. Don’t think I won’t do it either!

  41. Serena

    Whew! You were definitely missed. I don’t care what you write about…just keep writing.

  42. Bilious Pudenda

    Big Sis here. Welcome back! Baby brother will be pleased. We’ve been on the wagon awaiting your return. Two bars went into receivership, children have gone hungry! You have us all breathing again up here.

  43. Velvet

    AUA – Hmm. Ok, since you’re telling me to stick around, can I ask for you to bring Direct Current back? Pretty please?

    DCOE – Don’t hurt yourself with those voodoo economics!

    Gypsy Curls – Thanks

    Jamy – I plan to, unless forces beyond my control take over.

    Nikki – Thanks!

    KassyK – Hooray! It’s good to be back you little red headed vixen.

    Stelawho – Thank you!

    Juju Bean – Morning routine? Wow. I’m barely awake in the morning.

    Marci – You are a bad bad girl. And I love it. I could have guessed you’d be skins!

    Toya – Thank you.

    CrazyGirl – HA! I would laugh my ass off if I saw that. I saw a Team Aniston shirt on a woman waltzing by the Scientology building on 20th and R. She should have been wearing a “Save Katie” shirt instead. Oh wait, it’s too late.

    Serena – really? Even if I write about doggie doo? Hmm. I think you would all revolt.

    Big Sis – Thank you. And where is Baby Brother? Figured he was pissed at me after a certain email exchange. Glad to know you’re still here, availabe to spank people and slap them around.

  44. Nicky

    Glad you’re back. I’m rooting for you.

  45. Elle

    Thank god! You’re back. You were sorely missed.

  46. French Cafe

    Good to have you back.

  47. Gina with Fuzzy Legs

    I knew you’d be back! I just knew it.

  48. p

    Yay! glad to see your site’s back up!

  49. Ems

    Three cheers for Velvet! Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah. 🙂 Great to see you up and running once again.

  50. chicgirl

    you are doing the right thing miss velvet! glad you are back!!

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