It’s “What has Velvet learned about dating” week over here and we’ve got our next installment. You might want to grab a snack because we’re going to be here for a few minutes and you’re going to participate in the class discussion. Ready?
This is exponentially more important in D.C. because people are in love with their jobs here for some stupid reason.
A man’s profession is very very important in decoding how he will treat you. Let’s take a look at some various professions and what you can determine from each.
- Lawyer
Likes to argue. Will never let you win an argument. Will resort to confusing justifications to trick you into believing he is right. Compromise is not a word he knows well because any sort of compromise means that he lost. Losing is not in his nature. - Salesman
Look, this ain’t no Willy Loman type of salesman to which I’m referring. His title will be something important sounding like “Pharmaceutical Consultant,” “East Coast Account Executive” or “Surgery Specialist.” Sounds important but really isn’t. Basically if his title can be dumbed down to being in his car all day gathering road rage while he “calls on” clients, and his clients are doctors to whom he brings lunches and other goodies, then he’s a salesman. And a salesman, ladies, will tell you anything you want to hear just to get what he wants. For him, it’s all about making the sale. And goodwill won’t last long with him – it’s always going to be “Yeah, well what have you done for me lately?” - Entrepreneur
La Zipcode had an email from a man on match who “owned his own business.” Listen up: This is not necessarily a claim to fame. Do not pursue this man because you think he has endless supplies of money and vacation time to take you to Paris. The man who owns his own business (and works alone) most likely does so because he hates working with, for and beside others. He cannot get along well with people, and thinks he is smarter than everyone else. Thinking you are smarter than everyone else is much different from thinking other people are stupid. Other people are stupid, I agree that that’s true. But most of us are not so arrogant that we actually believe we’re the supreme of the smarts. There is a giant exception to this rule. If he has employees, and he treats them well (i.e., does not refer to them as a “stupid son of a bitch” daily) then you’re okay. Starting your own business isn’t necessarily a sign of antisocial behaviors if you employ and play nice with others. But if he has no employees? Get out of there faster than Britney turned white trash. - Cop
Good lord do I even need to go here? Cops are arrogant assholes on major power trips. Bossy and self-important, you’ll never have any fun in this relationship because it will always be about his job job job. His job will always take precedence over yours because sitting in the cruiser eating a powdered, strawberry filled while watching the Picadilly Cafeteria across the street for any suspicious activity from the Blue Hairs is way more demanding than anything you could possibly spend your day doing. The only upside here is that he has handcuffs, but it’s not enough of an upside when you can buy pretty much anything you might want, here. - Military, ex-Military
Run. Run as fast as you can. These dudes are fucking scary. They like order, routine, and think nothing of waking up at 4 a.m. and expecting you to as well. Something happens to our boys when they enter the military – they get that training to hunt and kill and it makes something in their head snap. Laid-back military refugees are hard to find. Most of them are wound tighter than the rubber bands around Star Jones’ stomach.
What professions did I miss?
Why don’t you take a bathroom break and when we come back I’ll finish it up.
Online Dating:
Men describe themselves as better looking than they usually are. Women describe themselves as worse looking than they usually are. To us, “a few extra pounds” means just that: five extra pounds. If we were 10 extra pounds, we would, in the spirit of honesty, describe ourselves as curvy. Men? Yeah. Anywhere from 5’2 98 lbs to 6’5 550 lbs they think is “average.”
The premise of online dating is that you answer a bunch of questions for both yourself as well as your potential mate, spin the wheel and start bidding. These websites seem to be set up for failure. If I took the people in my life who were great boyfriends, fun to be around and passed my sniff test, most of them would not fit into the little prescribed box of qualities I would select.
My first boyfriend was a smoker. I would “never” date a smoker. But I did. For six years. Mr. X has been married before. While this doesn’t necessarily rule someone out for me, there’s clearly baggage there that I’d rather not deal with. But in both cases, it just worked out to become a wonderful relationship. If I used an online questionnaire to weed people out, I would have never met the loves of my life. So you have to think outside the box, and you have to test and jump out of your comfort zone.
Since these sites continue to include generic profile questions, I would like to make a suggestion to them. The world would be much happier if they included a section on teeth with a picture of his chompers required. I would like for this section to include information about the color of teeth, as well as how straight they are. There are a lot of bad teeth online. Just sayin!
In fact, all online dating questionnaires should be destroyed. In their place, I’d like to suggest the following:
1) Please submit a letter of recommendation from your dentist with full dental impressions.
2) Who is your last ex-girlfriend and what is her phone number so she can be called in as a reference? Yes, I think you’re lying when you say she was crazy.
3) What is your propensity to be psycho, scale of 1-10; 10 being the most psycho? (Add 4 to his answer.)
4) How big is your penis? If you lied about the above and I get far enough with you to find out otherwise, you will live to regret it. So now is your last chance. How big is your penis?
5) Do you have any gifts that keep on giving?
6)Do you now or have you ever lived in a trailer park?
Any others?
Those questions would save a lot of women, a lot of heartache. Myself included. Though, as I said to Mr. X the other night:
“I would take 20 more bad relationships to get to this one again.”
And he said, “Well, lucky for us, you don’t have to.”
Good luck girls!
Well said – however I only get along with cops and military and wildly attracted to those types.
Lets see what profession have had thus far – teachers is a good one – they correct the hell out of you. The rest are military and cops haha and if they didn’t end on a shitty note – I have become good friends with them. There is a big difference between enlisted and officers. Enlisted guys are more fun – I am finding the officers to be cheap and bad in bed.
Cops – here is my take on guys in profession – there are 2 types – the guy who got picked on bad in high school and has to prove himself – this one turns out to be the most aggressive type, he was probably former military for the same purpose. The next because like me got into to try and help and I love investigating crap.
I have found they all lie about their penis size and their height – always. I am big on teeth as well – lots of bad teeth out there. Gah I hate dating
There’s only really three sorts of women I would not date:
1) Hooker
2) Stripper
3) Sixes
Stay away from journalists! Yes, this is a sweeping generalization, but so true.
My ex (we were together three years, lived together) was a reporter. Much like a lawyer, they can talk their way around anything. They use words all day to make their point and twist things t suit their agenda. We would have arguments where we would talk in some many damn circles that he could somehow convince me that he had not hurt my feelings.
Also, they are sanctimonious and smug. They believe they are doing the most important work EVER and we are all just shills, believing all the lies that have been fed to us.
(On a practical note, it can make you really paranoid. EX wrote about Homeland Security and I still lay awake at night from time to time worrying about all the shit that could happen to us. I wouldn’t call myself a worrier at all, but some of it was just really intense. I had to put a moritorium on the “we are all going to die” talk. He told me things I never wish to have known.)
Wow, that is so full of typos, but generally talking about him kinda sends my brain on the fritz…
Your most important rule was the first one – the first 5 minutes. Sometimes you can put that 5 minutes away, hold onto it for 5 years, and bring it back and it has the same effect.
And a correction — women describe themselves as better looking. I have heard “at the beach, my friends tell me I remind them of Angelina Jolie”.
Is a trailer park a good thing or bad on your questionnaire? That’s where the Angelina look-alike lived. And she did have nice teeth and did not lie about penis size.
I was married to a lawyer who wound up working as a diplomat. Not only was I not allowed to have an opinion without it turning into an hour-long debate, I had to debate in languages I don’t actually speak.
Zipcode – But it is fun to watch you. I have to admit…
I66 – That’s a good policy. I’d stick with that.
Lemmonex – The journo sounds all-around manipulative though. And according to my stats, some people at DHS spend a lot of time on here, so their “concerns” can be that great if they’re reading blogs all day. I think those types just like to act superior too, like, “I know some shit that would knock your socks off in your little world that’s so not important when compared to the work I do!”
Mr. X – I’m genuinely sorry about that. You’re in a better place now though, no? Wait. Wait. Wait. Five years. Shit. Is that somehow a reference to moi? What did I say? Tell me! I know I left our first meeting wanting to have sex with you. That much I recall.
Shannon – In other languages? That’s brilliant!
Does Mr X have any single friends?
Thing was, Velvet, he’s American. He just liked to show off by speaking foreign languages to his fellow native English speakers.
#4 made me spit water all over my keyboard, I may have to get it replaced now. I think it was the…this is your last chance, how big is it…part. I imagine that being asked in an angry voice with a kitchen knife hidden behind your back. It looks like all my keys still work.
ViD – there was nothing in there to be sorry about. It was a reference to you. Remember, I asked all the questions. You did all the talking, and talking, and talking (until I told you it was time for you to leave).
ZipC – what’s a “friend”?
And isnt that a great picture of Angelina Joy Lee at the beach?
hah Mr X – do you not have any friends?
I have three things to say:
1. I actually got up to use the restroom when you told me to, that’s how much power you have.
2. Britney never “turned” white trash…pretty sure she was there from day one.
and 3. These recent posts are making me ponder why I just went through a break up… I HATE dating… was I really that unhappy… ??
My penis requires a math theorem that has not yet been discovered by mathemeticians, and therefore cannot be measured.
Shannon – That’s just arrogant, oh my god.
Zipcode – He doesn’t. Not anyone he knows well enough to give the stamp of approval required to allow anyone I know, even virtually, to date.
CL – I’m glad you liked that!
Mr. X – You’ve never told me to leave since that day.
Hostess – Sigh. Lucky for Sixes and I we already put our bridesmaid dresses on hold.
Phil – Are you referring to pi? 3.14?
the pickings are soooo slim out there right now…
that im currently ducking calls/texts from both a sleazy swinger AND a real live honest to goodness(bad choice of words) member of the current admin… Republican….
ugh..
xoxo
As a lawyer (who won’t date lawyers) I think I should set the record straight about our much-maligned profession. Ahem…SOME lawyers are people you shouldn’t date. Those are people we call assholes, but they refer to themselves as litigators. Someone who argues with people for 8 hours a day is someone you don’t want to date, but the other types of lawyers (transactional, regulatory, tax etc.) can be great people to date. Just ask the girls I date.
Blond – “The pickings are so slim out there” – That’s hilarious!
Ninja – Who are these women? I need to call them. I already know where Velma lives since I had to drive her home when your tire was flat. Though I don’t trust her opinion considering she let you pay for several dates before divulging that the “slutty whatever” Halloween Costume you initially met her in, was not representative of her personality in general where she thought turtlenecks and parkas were appropriate bar-attire. Poor Velma. Got any others I can ask?
3.14?…..please.
We should probably put bloggers on that list as well, for guys and girls… cause you know eventually, some shit is going to end up out there… 😉
So, where do computer programmers who occasionally spend time under the daystar rather than just under fluorescents fit on this list? And does having joined up only as protest against your hippie parents offset the negativity of being ex-military, or does that just show evidence of REALLY BAD decision-making skills? And short of the house being on fire, I can’t think of any good reason to be up at 4 a.m..
I’m glad journalists were thrown into the mix. At the worst end of the bell curve…arrogant know-it-alls that don’t. I would add people who work on Capitol Hill. Napoleon complexes and boring. Lawyers…it depends. Some can be wonderful: bright and witty. Ditto, doctors, but some doctors are the guy who smelled like formaldehyde in high school and had petri dishes going for fruit flies, studying genetic histories.
There are some men that fall outside of career because they are under the catchall “sociopathic narcissist.” These guys can really fool you. Charming as hell…at first. Liars and cheats later. Once you’ve spent time with a sociopath, in the future alarms go off like a carbon monoxide detector.
I knew a man who always referred to a past girlfriend as “my psycho ex-girlfriend.” She had allegedly (he didn’t have proof) keyed his car (he didn’t say why.) After hearing about the “PEG” a few times I finally said, “In my experience, women don’t key cars unless a man does something really horrendous to piss them off. What did you do to her?” Trust me. THAT did not go down well. And I would love to talk to her and every single one of his ex’s. You think a full page ad trying to track them down would be too much?
Oh yes, can we throw in the love of your life who asks you to write his essay for Match.com so he can get good dates?
Phil – I meant to say “times three.” Sorry about that!
LivitLuvit – Oh, I’ve sworn off bloggers for good. Ugh. Disastrous all around.
Nato – You are in your own category. Truly.
Cube – You are so right. If I had a nickel for every alleged “psycho ex-girlfriend” who is truly sane, I’d be buying up foreclosures faster than Thora and Sammy can max out my credit card. I call bullshit on that whole thing.
Oh my goodness. When you described the lawyer type, I instantly thought you must have met my ex, who is actually a lawyer and one of the biggest assholes on the planet. My brother is also a lawyer. He, too, fits the profile to a tee.
Not all lawyers are bastards, just most of them. Or at least most of the ones I know are.
I wonder if the Reverse is also true?
Oops totally forgot this one – Firefighters –
I know this one well – this was my ex fiance — a firefighter + law enforcement relationship does not work. Plus they think their shit doesn’t stink and have the hero complex – “I am here to save the day” plus they have the worst diets and eating habits i have ever seen. I felt like I lived with a caveman for 4 years.
Don’t forgot One Upper Guy – this can with any profession – he has done it better than you, done more than you. Oh hell he will be a blog post later today – its too much to write on a comment.
That Velma shit just made my day. Holy hell. It’s always nice to start the morning, pissing yourself laughing.
And this item: “2) Who is your last ex-girlfriend and what is her phone number so she can be called in as a reference? Yes, I think youre lying when you say she was crazy.”
Yeah, that’s a must-do from here on out.
Yes, K…always call them on the crazy thing. Which is not to say they truly didn’t have a psycho ex, but….
I had to throw this in…Amish. I actually went on a blind date with an Amish boy once…it’s a long story. He was cute, but….Amish.
Gay men who think you can save them. Yeah, I’ve actually heard that. “If I had only known you when I was in high school.”
Oh. A gynecologist. I dunno. Skeeves me out.
FBI, CIA, NSA, PI….nuff said.
President of the United States. “We aren’t having sex.” The next thing you know you are being interviewed coming out of your lawyer’s office by a phalanx of reporters. Film at six.
Teeth are important, as is dental history. Someone who has had 4 root canals and 5 crowns could be sinking a lot of money in his mouth instead of in your dining pleasure.
How did Mr. X embed a picture in his comment??? I didn’t know you could do that.
So about a week ago, I went out on yet another eHarmony date. The guy’s profile said he was an analyst; he told me he was an analyst on the phone; he even talked about analytical things he did at work that day in email. But when we met in person, he springs on me he’s unemployed. Since December ’07. He’s all, “I didn’t think you’d go out with me if I was unemployed.” And I was all, “Irrelevant at this point. I am not going out with you again because you lied.” And I am assuming he couldn’t afford to buy deodorant anymore.
Is it too late to become a lesbian? Or asexual? Or something?
V-
I bow down to the wisdom you’ve just imparted. So true, so true.
I’m willing to step into the carpet bombing I’m about to receive:
Here, let me just get in line for the weighing and measuring. Because I only exist to be judged by you and have no actual desires of my own. Is my cock big enough? Obviously, I will overlook the extra weight your carrying.
Oh your done with that? Excellent. Would you like to pick from your 1000 reason long list why I’m not eligible to date you, or should I do it? Is it because I’m a: lawyer, docter, dentist, salesman, corporate automaton, cop, fireman, soldier, government bureaucrat, capitol hill staffer, nurse secretary, barista, musician, journalist, chef, copywriter, editor, blacksmith, race car driver, truck driver, grocery bagger, horse trainer,underemployed, overemployed, etc.
Is it because I’m nice/not nice, bad boy/not edgy enoughy, emotional/not emotional enough, distant/too clingy, etc. etc. etc.
Barbara, I thought summed it up nicely: “someone who has had 4 root canals and 5 crowns could be sinking a lot of money in his mouth instead of in your dining pleasure.”
And that’s why, as men, we exist, to devote our existence to your happiness. Well, except that would make us too nice.
I love the DC bloggers, so many gifted writers, including you Velvet. But the war between the sexes in the dating world is just brutal.
Budgie – Aww. Your family does need a good kick in the arse sometimes. Damn that brother! I probably agree with Ninja’s assessment of the lawyer thing. Though the few I dated were complete pricks. Unfortch, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a lawyer here in DC.
Bill – Wait…what reverse?
Zippy – Yes, but firefighters are hot. Wow. When they show up at my building I get all misty. Down there.
FreckledK – Agreed. Though I’m sure all our exes describe us as crazy and we don’t even know it. I’ll never forget that time that the “fuckbuddy” of Sherlocks told me that he said I was on meds. I was like, “Huh? Birth control pills maybe… but meds?” Dickwad. It’s a face-saving mechanism.
Cube – I agree, I couldn’t deal with any of the gov-types.
Barbara – It’s not money, it’s just the whole teeth not looking like little yellow bumps that irritates me. Teeth are important. And I had to add that picture but I think you can just copy and paste one. I’ve seen it done before.
Katherine – I agree with the lying thing completely. That’s a bigger offense than the actual content of said lie.
JoJo – Thanks
BatesHorn – Oh I don’t doubt that the women have their own issues too. However, having never dated a woman and having never sought one out online, I couldn’t possibly comment on what they do to make them at fault. I will say one thing though, I know that more often than not, women do the disappearing act when the check comes. That’s not cool. I am a believer that all first dates should be split 50/50. And I’d go out with a musician anytime. The rest of your comment falls into what I’d describe as a girl taking the easy way out instead of saying the truth: I don’t have any chemistry with you. I’ve used that line before and thought it was relatively faultless, though some men say it’s not nice. But it’s true, and no one is at fault for there not being chemistry.
I actually love the chemistry line. It’s elegant and honest.
Honestly, we all overlook faults in people if the chemistry is there. Beyond the teeth issue (I’m with you there), one will overlook all sorts of issues when the chemistry is right. Things that pissed you off in a prior date barely register when the “juice” is flowing. So to speak.
BatesHorn – I just thought of something else girls do early on in dating – they start talking about fucking getting married and having kids. Why why why do they do this? Part of me finally growing up is avoiding people who aren’t right for me even if there IS chemistry.
Yes they do. This is especially galling when you are divorced and already have two children and women see you as an obviously fertile sperm donor who wants more children. On a first date. And I qoute “So, do you want more kids?”
And I make it clear before I go on dates that I have children. This is not something one springs just as the entre arrives.
Velv – I am with you on the 50/50 check deal too, however backing up to my disaster date with navy moron – he should have never shown me ever credit card and his cash wad either – that was tacky.
Zippy – That’s why I was POSITIVE I’d gone out with that guy. It sounded just too familiar.
BatesHorn – Any chance you want to impregnate me and a bunch of my friends? No? Damn!
Hold on… what’s “not nice” about the lack of chemistry? It’s a two way street, chemistry. Just because a girl doesn’t feel chemistry with me doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ve done something wrong. It just means she doesn’t think I’m right for her or she doesn’t think she’s right for me. Cut bait, move on. No harm, no foul.
velv – did he have a girly first name? wear bad shoes?
Zippy – No, he was named Mike. I can’t remember his shoes, but I remember mine were heels and I ran home in them.
I66 – I thought the no-chemistry line was good too, because it is the truth, but I’ve taken some shit for it – people say it’s not nice. Whatever!
Instead of no chemistry, say “no connection”. I also have a good line that I use, but I won’t say it here because I don’t want it spreading and becoming the “It’s not me it’s you” of 2009.
I’m just going to call it like I see it. Couple hot friends of mine (classic blondes, southern, etc) used to be chased all over DC by men all the time. They’d have this ideal man in their heads and chased the image. Would get burned all the time. Those “ideal men” would lie, cheat, steal, pass of rent checks, get arrested, etc. They’d go home to Georgia, wherever, and date someone they knew remotely, etc. Six months later, BAM! Chernobyl. Meanwhile, plenty of average looking but otherwise clearly suitable men would be interested but would be kept at a distance. Excuses would range from “I’m not attracted to him” (ie “he’s not fuck-a-licious hot”) or “he’s not rough enough” (in the doggie position). The update? One married a podunk salesman from her home town, who has nothing going for him other than his looks (total tool). Two gave it a try with their “friends” (those seem to be the happiest). Two have met guys at various venues and are engaged. Others are waiting out the breakup of Brad Pitt and Angelina. There’s no lesson. just a story.
I have to add accountants – some of the strangest people I have ever had the misfortune to meet. Something seems to be missing in their psyche as soon as they decide that excel spreadsheets and tax is fun. It sounds awful, but they seem to be the most mentally unbalanced group of people on the planet. (God I hope none of your friends are accountants). I have never met a sane accountant
Just testing something
Can we please please please say something about PILOTS?!?!
I’ve dated two. One was an airline pilot, ex-military, who I dated on and off for two years (mostly on). He was super sweet, very calm, not controlling, but scared of committment like you wouldn’t believe. Ultimately, as I got older (after all, this was over the span of two years in my mid-twenties), I realized I needed more, and he couldn’t or wouldn’t give it to me. I only hold fond memories of him besides a little (just a SMIDGE) of bitterness at the whole “you’re my girlfriend/wait, no you’re not” thing. I wish him well.
My most recent pilot exploit was with another ex-military pilot, this time helicopter. He flies commercially now, but boy, is he *arrogant*. Everything has to be done his way, on his timetable, and if it isn’t then there was something wrong with me. Ugh. Just thinking about it gives me a sick feeling. He liked the chase, and when I showed interest back, he would fade away; then when I would say, well, screw that, he would come bounding back with all these lovely promises and phrases. I finally said, enough, no more, leave me alone. He had the gall to say he knew what he wanted (ME) and even if I didn’t want him, he knows that deep down I want him and he’s going to make me realize that. Can you imagine the extreme audacity to say something like that to someone?
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. 🙂 I like to think, perhaps, it was just coincidental about the fact they were both pilots….but maybe not.
Right now I’m with a software/systems engineer and we have a relationship built on respect, trust, loyalty, and spoiling each other. It’s swimming along quite nicely. 🙂
You’re right about lawyers, but it goes for female lawyers too. Not that people shouldn’t date them, but they should be prepared that the other person is (1) argumentative; (2) unyielding; and (3) in love with the sound of their own voice — or maybe just overwhelmingly narcissistic. I think that narcissism is why lawyers tend to date each other — it’s like looking into a mirror. (Of course the long hours at work and their effect on the lawyers’ social lives exacerbates the matter.) Then, thanks to the uncompromising nature of the parties, they then break up in spectacularly ugly ways. Not that I know anything about this.
But I digress. I meant to add a comment about engineers, but now that I think about it, I can sum it up in one word: “Yawn.”
RE: Kids/no kids…I think it’s really important to make sure you’re compatible with someone before you enter any sort of heavy relationship with them. Woe upon anyone who find out their partner wants no kids and a shack in Montana when they had pictured a McMansion in Loudoun and some IVF triplets.
But when is the appropriate time to ask about the big life stuff: kids, goals, where to live, values, closeness to family, career, etc?
I think, instead of springing the big questions on the first date, you should make it part of an ongoing conversation. You build a comfort level, then bit by bit discuss who you are and what you want.
It sounds harsh, but I just plain don’t want to waste my time on guys who aren’t right for me. Life is short.
Ninja – Damn it! I want to know! Is it, “I can’t drive you home because I have a flat, but my friend Velvet will, and she’ll even make out with you too?”
Anon – I’m going to take a stab and say all those women to whom you are referring are young. Real young. That just doesn’t sound like the attitude and outlook of my friends. What the girls are looking for it seems is chemistry and attraction over substance. Granted you need both to make a relationship work, but it’s foolish to seek only one to the exclusion of the other.
Hungry – I don’t know that any of my friends are accountants. At work they sort of tried to shuffle me into a more accounting-heavy job and I kept saying, “No no, I’m a finance person. We believe in ‘close enough’ not in ‘must match to the penny.'” Regardless, I do more accounting work than I’d like, and it’s indeed quite boring.
Cube – Test away. Anything I can help with?
Amanda – Oh, I forgot the pilot. I remember one of my 7th grade friends dad was a pilot. My parents used to make snide comments about him being a philanderer and having a girlfriend in every city. Seems it was true…I dated a pilot once, also military. He had major issues. Personality flaws like you would not believe. I like that 2nd guy who said “deep down” he knew you wanted him. Delusional in a mate is a great quality to have. Yikes.
Dara – “they break up in spectacularly ugly ways.” True. Especially if married. Wow. Two lawyers arguing about what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine. I still like the idea of pre-nups.
Shannon – I’d spin your first paragraph to say this: I have never really wanted kids. But with the right person, I might want kids. If a guy asked me on our first date: Instant turnoff. If he asked me after a few months of a relationship that was on the fast track to happiness, I’d be delighted to discuss it.
The fallacy with having a hard and fast rule of wanting something like kids is that people make huge mistakes when seeking it. I believe in one step at a time. There are plenty of guys who would make good dads but not good husbands. There are plenty of guys who would make good husbands but not good dads. If you let the desire to have kids drive all your decision making, you could end up picking between a relationship with a so-so guy versus holding out for a relationship with Mr. Right.
I’m a firm believer in the fact that there are no guarantees in life. What if you find someone who also wants kids, only to find that for one reason or another, you are unable to have them? And what if you cannot adopt because of money or other requirements? Then what?
I think people are too narrow minded in their search for a mate. This goes back to what I said about “thinking outside your comfort zone.” Eventually I’ll get to the story of Mr. X and I, when it’s right, and I’ll tell you, never in my life did I think I would end up with someone older than me by more than a few years. But I did. Outside the comfort zone is quite a comfortable place to be, to be quite honest.
A man might be turned off or not know the answer to something like “Do you want to get married / have kids” on the first date. But by the 4th, you may have made such an impression that all of that changes, and his rules go out the window.
Shannon: If I ever dated someone whose dream was living in a McMansion in Loudon County (or most any suburb) I’d be quite saddened.