All right. I can’t sit silent anymore. Here’s what I originally posted this morning. The first five comments are from the original post. Anything after that is new. After the asterisks is the new stuff.
Here’s a phone call I made today.
IJL: Thanks for Calling It’s Just Lunch.
Me: Hi, this is Velvet. I, um, need to cancel my date with what’s his name next week.
IJL: Oh, with number 13?
Me: Yes, that’s him.
IJL: Awwww. I’m sorry. Why?
Me: Well, I guess I’m no longer dating.
IJL: Okay, so that’s good news!
Me: Yeah. It’s really good news.
IJL: Great. Well, we’ll put your membership on hold, and just give us a call back if you want to be rematched again.
There’s a phone number I hope to never dial again.
I’ll explain. You all know I ate dinner with Sherlock Wednesday. Thursday I was packing to head out of town for the weekend. He and I briefly discussed seeing eachother for a bit. He was out with friends and I was running around like a crazy person taking my bedding to the dry cleaner (thanks Thora for vomiting all over my down comforter) packing, squeezing in the gym, getting hijacked by damn Gay Friend M for some stupid crap (I hate you) and well, there you go. By the time Sherlock and I connected, it was around 10:30. And, um, I let him come over.
He met Sammy and Thora.
He came into my house.
I broke my rules.
Then we left and went over to his place, where I stayed for approximately three hours. Most of those three hours I spent suspiciously, but blissfully, unclothed. When I got home, I realized that yes, I had somehow taken the turn with the tide, and I was happy. But my realistic side said it was good that I was leaving town, because getting out of town is the best way for me to realize how I feel about him. And Friday morning when I woke up, I thought, “Huh. I won’t miss him.”
How wrong I was. We spent the entire weekend in text message foreplay and had a few conversations on the phone. He told me Saturday night he was going out with friends. But it turns out he had a date, which he confessed after the fact. No biggie, I just don’t like being lied to. I had to remind myself that just because my head caught up, didn’t mean he was back where I left him a few weeks ago. Deep breath. I thought of a few things I planned to say when I was back and I would leave it at that.
He picked me up from Union Station. We went and got the dogs, brought my stuff home, then went to his place for a few hours of the Thursday night, blissfully unclothed variety. What I planned to say, I said, calmly, knowing it was well thought out:
“Tuesday night I have a date, which I intend to keep. But I’m only going out with someone else for spite, because you lied to me about Saturday. But when I come home after that date, I promise to be done. I’ll stop.”
I know we had an awful start and a rough patch early on. But I think it set a dynamic between us that I’m quite happy with. He crossed a line early on, hell, a few lines, and I put my foot down, and that showed my resolve. But, eventually, after a little guilt set in for the way I handled things, and that little feeling of just plain old missing him, I responded to his contact. I’m glad I did.
I’m not going to stop him from reading. As I told him, it will keep me honest.
Kids? I adore this man.
**************************************************
All right. So what happened?
This morning I suppose Sherlock and I were getting our dating houses in order. I took care of the above crap with It’s Just Lunch. We had a couple texts of a sweet nature, then he sent me a text telling me that he canceled a pending date and “told his fuck buddy it was done.”
Um. What? Your who?
So I called him. He first said he told me about that, then he said that he didn’t and he shouldn’t have told me via text. Um, yeah. Maybe that’s a start. So my mind is reeling thinking about how unfair it is that he’s seen EVERY SINGLE THING I’ve written, thought, person I’ve dated, since he came into my life. I think, unless I’m a big fat fucking liar, that it’s safe to say that he’s the only person I’ve slept with recently. So I find out that he hasn’t been just with me. Okay okay. Trying to breathe for a minute. This really isn’t such a big deal.
Then I ask, “When was the last time it happened?”
He says, “Once before you and once after.”
This people, this, is why I don’t get into relationships. There it is. Please don’t get me wrong, it isn’t the act and the fact that it happened. I know it happened when we weren’t talking. It’s that he kept it from me until after I agreed to stop seeing other people. ANY TIME PRIOR TO THIS MORNING would have been a better time to tell me. But, I can see how, you know, when you’re getting your dick wet, why the fuck would you bother to be like, “oh, by the way…”
So I say, “Okay, so in the interim where you and I first slept together, you spent 10 days stalking me like a fucking lunatic, calling, texting, emailing, jogging by my house, sending flowers, reading the blog, and somehow you find time to fuck someone else?”
He said “Yeah.”
I had to get off the phone. I had to hang up before I said something that didn’t need to be said out loud. But he emailed me, attempting to explain. I don’t care that it happened, even though putting into context that it happened during the full on stalking period it strikes me as odd, I care that he waited until the absolute wrong time to tell me. I responded to his email and said:
This is typical sales guy again. Do you convince doctors to use equipment, then tell them mid-operation that “oh by the way, in the trials it killed a few people, no biggie.”
Fuck you. I’m so mad at you right now I don’t even know what to think…You deserve everything you got on the blog. And everything that’s coming. If I even bother to give you an ounce anymore.
Well, I guess I did give an ounce. I have to keep you kids informed. But look at the bright side, I have been writing this blog for 14 months. It’s hard to keep this new and fresh, right? But now, here you have it – Velvet gets into a committed relationship for 12 hours. Five of which I was asleep for! (Make your jokes, I know, I was asleep for all 12.) Really, it just doesn’t get any better.
Oh, one more thing. Fuck you Sherlock.
Blessings!
Like a commenter from across the country has any power.
Good for you knowing what you want.
Wow–you go, girl! 🙂 I’m so happy that you’ve been having fun (of the blissfully unclothed variety, of course), and that you’ve found someone to adore. He just had better adore YOU–or I’ll sic Mike on him. Ha!
As long as you are taking care of YOU, I’m happy. If you like him, have him. You should always have what you want – and your critics be damned.
I still do not regret boxing you on your ear.
Never anything wrong with the blissfully unclothed variety of fun.
You go girl!!!
I can’t believe this guy. He is either a fool or can’t help shooting himself in the foot. He finally gets what he wants and then screws up the entire thing.
Velvet, are you done with this guy? For good this time?
Sherlock ~ get a clue. Either give full disclosure before an agreement is made or keep your frickin’ mouth shut!!!
Sorry, Velvet. This guy is such a douchebag that his existance would be inconcievable if he wasn’t, you know, existing.
Don’t let it get you down. Pamper yourself, have a few drinks, and think about lighting a paperbag full of Thora and Sammy’s crap on fire at Sherlocks door. Not very mature but oh so satisfying.
Ah, man! Just when I was about to bust out an ‘I told you so.’
That sux. But hey, he was willing to give up his fuck buddy for you!!!! You mean you werent FLATTERED :rolleyes:
Dont forget to get tested and send him the bill…
Egad.
Well, the problem seemed to take care of itself.
Someone once said something to the effect of “Bears in pants.”
It may apply to this situation.
Also, another friend wisely told me, “If he ain’t getting it from you, he’s getting it from someone.”
Hmm. Maybe Sherlock isn’t so smart, or maybe he didn’t consider the emotional fallout of that particularly juicy bit of truth.
I was so excited for you.
I’m so bummed now.
I can’t help but feel he was trying to be open and honest with you. If he didn’t care then why would he say anything? What would it matter? But he put it out there and in his silly man ways he was letting his fuck-buddy go for you and in Man-World that can be a big thing. At least from what I gather.
Good luck and know you have so many of us here for you.
Want revenge, Velvet? Set Sherlock up with IJL.
i guess i sort of understand. but don’t. you weren’t seeing each other, so what does it matter? he never lied to you, cuz you never asked. i don’t get it. you wouldn’t give him the time of day and he got some somewhere else, and now you two reconcile, he discloses this and he’s in the wrong? this is why i will never understand women. though, truthfully, i’ll never understand why he admitted it. that’s just retarded on his part. though, painfully obvious to a fault.
Relationships are about managed expectations, Chud. This guy is a champ at blowing them.
Err.
Crap.
Ignore my last comment.
Phoenix just keeps lookin’ better and better.
This guy is a pathological liar and he is abusing you again and again. He coaxes you back, and he hits you with another lie. He coaxes you back and hits you with another one. Again and again. Please, Velvet, stay away from him. Don’t worry about revenge, just stay away from him. He has hurt you, and he’s going to hurt you again if he can. Please don’t let him. It’s not funny. It’s scary.
And Sherlock? There’s been a recall. Somebody let you out of the factory with some parts you don’t deserve to have. And one part missing.
I thought very briefly this was the happy ever after ending that would draw this dating Blog to a halt. Guess not! A mere 12 hours later we are all waiting to find out what happens next. I’m not ready to write Sherlock off yet, but there is going to need to be some heavy-duty discussion first. It’s time to set some real ground rules for this relationship if it is ever going to happen.
Isn’t this first stage supposed to be the honeymoon period? Can you imagine how much drama there would be once there is no longer “best behavior” and flaws become more obvious?
Oy vey. I’m currently preparing to make good on my above promise: “Hello, Mike? Yeah, I need you to go out and ‘Chisel’ this douchebag’s sorry ass to the ground. I’ll give you free smoothies for life.”
Seriously, V, whether or not this is the end of the Sherlock saga, I lubs ya and want you to be happy. Call me if you need anything…
dude (velvet)– chill. he had a fuck buddy. he told you about her (not that he had to). he could have not told you, finished things with her, and you would have lived blissfully unaware. but, he decided to be honest. it’s not always the best policy, as we all know, but it is admirable (in some way). if you like this guy (and you do), you need to stop blowing up in his face. he was just trying to do the right thing by you (you know, not fuck other women,) and this is bad–how?
you guys got off to a bad start, but after this, i’m not sure how much of it is his fault, and how much of it is some over-reaction on your part. don’t hate me for it. just how i see it. full disclosure–i’m male, i’ve had a fuck buddy, i’ve been in a similar situation (with the two women) and things did not end the way i wanted them to at the time, and i ended up falling in love with the fuck buddy and i couldn’t be happier about my luck…
Um, are there no other MEN here! CLEARLY he finally got what he wanted and the MOMENT he got it he didn’t want it anymore so sabotaged it.
Is it the END, though? Can his nuclear bomb be justified/spun/sold!? Now that V is livid and rejecting again wont he want her back yet again!? Wont the stalkerish behavior resume?
Luckily the popcorn is still warm!!!
Oh Velvet – I’m sorry. It seems like once again it’s not the content of what he told you but his monumental failure at timing and packaging that’s gone right up your ass (in the bad way, I mean).
Sherlock seems to be perfectly adept at taking the legs out from under you. Stamping on the buds of hope and happiness that you sprout. De-windifying your sails. That’s worse than if he were merley an asshole, because of the expectations. He’s worse than an asshole; he’s a nice attractive guy who’s the Gilligan of relationships.
And it’s not like Velvet is particularly fragile, methinks. I mean, she’s not made of china or anything. You’ve got to be extra clumsy to drop her in a way causes such a resounding thud.
I’m sorry Velvet.
That just sucks so much – what a tool.
There’s not a whole lot I can add to what everyone else has said, so yeah – what they said.
I believe that one of my favorite terms, “emotionally stunted man-child” is appropriate here.
Oh come on, that’s not so bad. He’s just not too swift between the ears, that’s all. He’s very passionate about you, and he tried to drown his disappointment in some other vagina when you told him to fuck off,right? Are you really so suprised?
Pretty stupid to tell you about it like that though…
Oy. Vey. Maria!
I don’t have any words. As you can see, we are here if you need us.
Sorry kiddo!
Please don’t stop (occasionally) seeing Sherlock! I just love watching train wrecks . . .
Well isn’t that just the ultimate rat’s ass? Total bummer. It’s just not fun to be on such a roller coaster with someone, whatever his intentions or idiocy of timing may (or may not) be. Especially when one party feels they have stepped up and been honest and broached difficult subjects. Not an easy thing to do. I think this guy just needs to be deleted from your life at the moment (permanently or temporarily), so you can get off the coaster and sort through everything you are feeling.
He should have kept his mouth shut. A true fuck buddy would never interfere. I agree with you. That would deflate me too.
I’m confused. Didn’t you say you didn’t want anything serious? Wouldn’t that lead him to assume that you two weren’t exclusive? I’ve got to be missing something here….
I’m so lost. (delving into the archives)
From what I’ve read in this posting, I totally undesrstand why you’re angry and think you are justified in feeling the way that you do. How infuriating! Better late than never is not always the best choice, he should have never said anything about the “fuck buddy” at this point, IMHO.
I ditto the above and more. Who the hell does that? The. Guy. Is. A. Moron.
I’m afraid to say anything to you right now. You know I care about you. I’ll leave it at “seriously flawed” and hope you remove yourself from the situation immediately and for good. Ultimately it’s up to you, but after reading what you’ve written? I would say, “Amputate. No contact.” There’s nothing else to discuss with this lower life form.
Ugh…I’m not even sure what to say, but just want you to know that I admire your stregnth…
Does this guy even realize how lucky he was?
While all this drama is FASCINATING! When do we get to hear Ms. V’s comments on the comments? You know you are formulating an opinion on all this. Personally, I don’t know how you can be pissed at Sherlock for past acts since your were NOT talking to him. He had an f-buddy. Didn’t you just say at the beginning of this NON-relationship that “It was just sex” yet you give him crap for having “just sex.” Â Give him a break, you like him AND the drama that goes along with Sherlock. Face it you like Sherlock AND the sex that comes along with him. Cut him some slack and be his f-buddy and so-so-so much more.
Can understand why you’re angry, but you kinda have to admit TECHNICALLY it was acceptable for him to have a fuck buddy since (initially) you told him you didn’t want anything serious. When you did tell him you wanted to be more serious, he did the right thing by ending it w/the F.B. but the wrong thing by being clumsy enough to tell you he had one. Silly, silly boy– he needs to learn that oftentimes ignorance is bliss.
Guys? Hello??? I don’t care that he had a fuck buddy!! That’s not the point! Did you see that I wrote this? In bold? And caps?
“Its that he kept it from me until after I agreed to stop seeing other people. ANY TIME PRIOR TO THIS MORNING would have been a better time to tell me.”
point taken.
If these are the guys you are meeting in DC, it’s def time to move on. I kinda thought people grow up… having fuck buddies is okay in college and few years post, but damn, it’s time to grow up. It’s high time to realize that you fuck with people’s emotions, lives, and chi when you fuck around like this. Sherlock knows what he did was wrong (with-holding information is a lie, don’t kid yourself — “‘technically… you never asked if I was screwing other people”). Giddyup Velvet, time to cut your loss, dump this stock.
you say that’s why you’re upset…..
If Velvet feels as if his not telling her was a deliberate action – then she has every right to consider that omission a LIE. Sherlock had the opportunity to begin again with a clean slate, and he didn’t take full advantage of it. Whether that can be blamed on fear, ignorance, or deception – I don’t know. All that matters is that Velvet was left feeling wronged, and none of his excuses/reasons will erase that.
I also don’t buy that, “I THOUGHT I’d told you” crap. Sherlock is well aware of what he’s told her. I’m sure he has every moment spent with Velvet – and every word that was said – committed to memory. Turning it around on her like that – as if it’s her fault for not remembering – is a load of garbage.
The point, and it is a HUGE plot point, is that while he was ‘stalking’ her he was sticking his prick in another woman! If his dogged pursuit had been pure it would have been chaste! Duh!
That said, going from ‘just sex,’ to ‘near restraining order,’ to ‘exclusive’ to ‘never want to see your fucking face again’….all in one week….is what keeps us coming back!
And the best part is, 5’ll get you TWENTY that they have been texting/emailing/calling since this post yesterday!
I’m going to run out for some butter and salt!!!
I [heart] you, Velvet!!!!
A twelve hour relationship… 5 hours sleeping and 7 hours fucking. Awesome!
(I know I’m chimin’ in kinda late here)
I’d think that in revisiting the discussion of going out, he’d have mentioned the fb. But the textual foreplay was too good, I imagine.
He felt wrong from the beginning. It’s better that you know now.
I think I might get stuff thrown at me by either Velvet, the commenters or both, but I’d like to play a little Devil’s Advocate.
Now, I have no clue what sort of conversations happen behind closed doors between you two, but just based upon what you’ve posted, it seems that ol’ Sherlock is in a no-win situation. First, you hated him for going back on his word and falling for you. Then, you hated him for overpursuing you after falling for you. Now, you hate him for banging someone else and not telling you about it until y’all had decided to try a relationship. If you’re upset about his seeming schizophrenia (in the colloquial sense, not the medical professional sense), I’m with you, but you’re advancing this argument of “he should’ve told me before” and that just doesn’t seem to work.
It’s clear to me that you have an attraction to him beyond the physical and that, for whatever reason, he intrigues you. It’s equally clear that he is totally infatuated with you. Do you think it’s fair to yourself to throw it all away over timing of disclosure of pecadillos?
As the song you’re quoting implores, “Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy, [but] I guess that’s just the cowboy in me.”
I will steel myself for the impending assault.
Too put it a little more rudely;
Velvet, it sounds like you are jerking this guy around.
All right. I’ve been quiet because I don’t know what to think or what to say. I’m going to go through the comments and only address what needs to be commented on.
Rachel – I agree. Full disclosure before an agreement is made. You hit the nail on the head of my entire source of misery right now.
NR – I don’t have revenge on the mind, but the Sammy and Thora poop on fire in a paper bag made me laugh when I was walking them this morning!
Kokonutz – No testing. Condoms. They’ll save you every time.
Red – I’m not doubting that he cares, but the delivery and the timing are what got me.
Bill – Your comment resonated quite a bit with me, but I’m left with the word “abuser.” I just don’t think that Sherlock fits that definition.
Barbara – Your last sentence, “It’s time to set some ground rules if this relationship is ever going to happen” is so incredibly valid. You are right.
FreckledK – I’ve wondered about that. What would “down the road” bring.
BJ – Thanks. Will you start coming back to class?
OI – You missed the point entirely. It’s not the existence of said FB. It’s the timing of disclosure, a disclosure that happened well after we had some intense conversation.
Kokonutz – I love that you have the popcorn in tow! Do you really think he sabotaged on purpose? I thought that was more of a classic Velvet move than a Sherlock move.
Dan – I do love the metaphor of being a Gilligan. That’s awesome. And I’m not necessarily fragile, that’s for sure. But sometimes major disappoints don’t move me but the minor ones ruin my life. I’m not predictable in what will upset me, other than violating a few a basic things – lying, cheating, stealing, being irresponsible and inconsistent, and not trying.
Nato – Your sincere interest in what’s best for me is fascinating.
A Chick – I suppose your comment is the unfortunate reason why you can’t just jump in and read one post here or there. Not serious is how I started out, but last week things changed, and I caught up to where he was.
Queen of Preen – Wait, why are you lost? Sherlock and I reconnected last week and, well, I think you may have caught up by now, but let me know if you aren’t.
Cube – Huh. I’m surprised. I would have thought you would have gone the other way on this. But, I guess I can see why you would comment this as well. We both know drama filled relationships quite well.
DC Ski Bunny – Anyone knows me knows I was sitting here reading the comments and chewing my lip! HA! Again, not the information, but the timing of the release.
Penny – Same as above applies. Timing. All timing. It’s hard for you guys to understand this without me revealing the deep and intimate conversations we had over the past few days. The timing on this was just wrong.
Elvis – You confuse me. Didn’t you say I was running away if I left?
Lucky – It IS why I’m upset.
FreckledK – You get it. Thanks for understanding. And I don’t know if the omission was deliberate. He does remember a lot, I’ll give him that.
Kokonutz – And that is it as well. The dogged pursuit wasn’t genuine. And give me a little credit, all that has happened over the course of 4 weeks, thank you very much, not one week! But if it helps plan your popcorn purchases, fine by me.
Cosmic – Where have you been? Damn you!
Chico’s Bail Bonds – As I told you, I know that you have my interests high on your list. That ultimately changes how I feel about what you say. I’m all for Devil’s Advocate. The fact is, I was hoping more people would tell me to stuff it and get over it, and that my being upset was totally without merit. You’re right, there were conversations behind closed doors, conversations that amount to some intense stuff. Can you understand how his pursuit of me, marred by sex with someone else, is just bullshit now? Like, none of that psycho stuff means shit anymore because all the while he had someone else. Even I, being relentlessly pursued, couldn’t relax myself enough to go fuck someone else. But I’m a girl. And we think with our hearts. Somehow, it just didn’t seem like something I would want to do – fuck another guy while Sherlock is all tied up over not being with me. And little did I know.
what a freaking roller coaster. there is no justification/rationalization for not being upfront. you lie when you’re a teeny bopper. you tell the truth after the fact only when you’re tryign to make up for the lie in the first place, ie guilt took over.
what a twat.
as you’re healing, do everything you need to do for *you*, including, when you’re ready getting back out there and meeting people who know how be real.
velvet–the timing? hmm, you mean, after he stalks you and right after you get back together and he has a chance to talk to her? oh, that timing? sounds like the only timing. he didn’t have a chance for any other “timing.” when was he going to tell you? when you already hated him? before he talked to her? a week in to something with you? how about during the time you weren’t talking to him? no? come on, now, velvet… what do you want from this guy?
i don’t mean to be harsh, but i do believe you (and a lot of people here) are very ready to toss this guy to the curb when he really doesn’t deserve it. i’ve read the whole thing, and i was never on the guy’s side until now. well, i’m not really on his side yet. i just think you’re both making mistakes.
Why thank you . . . I’m just here to help! If I thought I had any chance of influencing your decisions, I would’ve said block his number, refuse his calls/text/emails and move on. As a relatively new lurker (and someone who lives far, far away from the cesspool that is D.C.), I figure I really don’t have any influence, so I might as well kick back, relax and watch the wonderful recaps of your dating nightmares. 😀