Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Know Who You Are, It Wasn’t That Hard Just To Figure You Out

Every night for the past week, I fall asleep, hoping that tomorrow is the day I shall get healthy. But, every night in the middle of the night, I wake up sweating, shaking, and coughing. These antibiotics are not working fast enough. As if I don’t have enough to deal with, I have to wake up (around 11 or noon) and deal with this crap in my infamous inbox.

I would like to explore more of DC on my frequent visits, would you be interested in being my guide to the capitol city, at least for one evening? I’m a pilot and flight test engineer, work in SoCal, and appreciate the great things DC has to offer.


Ok, when did my name become Gee? Anyway, I wrote back. Keep in mind that there is a continuum of sorts between how sick I feel and how mean I am in the emailed reply.

I’ll tell you the same thing I tell all the out of town people who want a D.C. girlfriend for the times they blow through town: No.

I should feel satisfied with my above answer, but, feel compelled to somehow say more.

1) You are not even divorced yet.
2) You are clearly out of my “within 10 miles of D.C.” range.
3) Do you find it at all sleazy that you are looking for a companion for an evening or a few days a month.
4) Is there some service that writes the emails for the out of towners? Because everyone wants to “explore D.C. with a tourguide.”
5) It’s always the out of town emailers who NEVER post their picture.

I cannot help you, my Yahoo compatriot. But, you can call “A Sure Thing” at (202) 887-4849. They are in the business of providing dates for the evening.

The Sure thing people should give me a fucking referral fee. I’m going back to bed now.


  1. I-66


    There’s an actual service called “A Sure Thing”?

    My god.

  2. Velvet

    Yes. I looked online under “escort services” for D.C. Of course none of them have street addresses, but they all have local numbers.

  3. I-66


  4. Crazy Girl City

    Hahaha…..yes, you should get a referral fee!

    Feel better soon!

  5. Kristin

    I am so amused. I recently told a out-of-town sleazebag looking for a bar where he could get rowdy that he should try Camelot or JP’s Nite Club.

    Do guys really think that Match or Yahoo Personals or whatever provides “tour guides”? Do they not feel like whores? Are they just deluding themselves into thinking that they really do just want a date?

  6. Jason Bradfield

    I just discovered your blog on I read a few of your past entries, so fucking hilarious…tragic, but hilarious. Glad you have a sense of humor about your dating life.

    Apparentely, these guys who want a DC girl for their time in the city are just too damn cheap to go the escort route from the get-go. DC is notorious for its escort business.

  7. alwayswrite

    I’ve gotten a bunch of those messages on j-date… Maybe instead of turning them down we should start charging. I mean, a girl’s gotta eat, right? (A joke! A joke! Relax, people!)

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