Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Right Or Wrong I Wrote You This Song To Tell You How I Feel

When it rains, it fucking pours. Where are all these men coming from???

It was two years ago from this past Christmas that I called the time of death on my six year relationship with my ex. I went out on the prowl for a rebound guy and I found him. RockStar ended up being the best 3 month relationship I could have asked for. Plays in a band, hence the name. He’s probably the coolest ex-boyfriend I lay claim to in my portfolio.

A few months ago I told him about the blog. I haven’t really been in touch with him, but got an email today from him saying that he had been reading my blog and he saw a girl recently who could have been my twin. I had to respond to that with my usual snarky comment. Here we go. Edited for length only.

Velvet’s Response: Did you have sex with that girl? Was she as good as me? Doubt it.
RockStar: Just met her once, so no. The only reason I talked to her was because she looked like you. If you lived closer I bet we would still be together.
Velvet: Why do you have to live in Timonium?
RockStar: I’m moving soon, but not to D.C. Are you still a vegetarian? I have some meat for you…

And there you go. Email exchanges with RockStar are like the old “Name That Tune” in theme.
“I bet we’ll talk about sex in three exchanges.”
“I say two.”
“I will get him to talk about sex in one exchange.”

Then it moved to IM.
RockStar: Hi
Velvet: Great. Now I can’t stop thinking about you.
RockStar: I know the feeling.
Velvet: I might have to write about you.
RockStar: And piss off those 2 guys?
Velvet: They know nothing of the blog, and never will.
RockStar: I was just thinking about how good you {bleeeeeeeeeep.}
Velvet: That was very dirty. Be forewarned that anything you say is subject to end up in the blog.
RockStar: Do you miss my massive {bleep.}
Velvet: I’m having a fit over here.
RockStar: What kind of fit?
Velvet: I’m thinking. Just thinking.
RockStar: About?
Velvet: About what I’m going to let you do to me when I see you.

All right. You get the idea. At this point the conversation got extremely graphic and X-Rated. I’ll email it to anyone who asks. But I’m not posting it.

Ok, what lesson is to be learned from all this? Men see that you have other men around you and in your life, and their little subconscious kicks in. They think, “Wow, that girl has guys on her ass…she must be attractive…I should want her…Hey, I think I want that girl…Ok, I must have that girl.” They tell their friends they won you from a bunch of other suitors. They feel validated that they are still attractive. Ladies, this is the Law of Momentum. The more men you have, the more men you can get. Why stop at one?

1 Comment

  1. Velvet

    Siryn said…
    While I’m more of a one-man gal myself, the thought of a little competition is kinda titillating if you don’t want anything serious. It’s like being The Bachelorette, minus the fantasy dates in exotic locales.

    1/05/2006 11:11:00 PM

    AsianMistress said…
    I’m waiting for my moMENtum to catch up and consequently kick me in the ass…

    1/06/2006 08:31:34 AM

    I-66 said…
    Nice pull, AM… So would the opposite be WOmentum?

    I have to disagree with the competitive generality.

    Example: The pretty girl at the bar with all the guys around her. I see her and all the guys and think “What’s the point in fighting for attention?” For better or for worse, anyway.

    1/06/2006 08:36:27 AM

    Sharkbait said…
    high five sister…

    and always-it rains it pours. Fricken figures.

    hey, you’re gonna be ther on the 18th, yeah? i need my dose of velvet seriously.

    1/06/2006 08:46:16 AM

    Kristin said…
    He’s gonna rock you like a hurricane.

    1/06/2006 08:51:56 AM

    Marci (aka Baby Banana) said…
    Great Kristin, now I have 80’s rock stuck in my head 🙂

    Oh and I am seriously waiting for showers over here…

    1/06/2006 10:20:28 AM

    Larissa said…
    damn, i do need to go to the School of Velvet!

    1/06/2006 10:41:37 AM

    Velvet said…
    I66 – I would agree with you. But for some reason, I’m finding the opposite is true. At least right now in my life.

    Kristin – Um. If it happens, it will be so fun…

    Marci – Showers? Huh?

    Larissa – Now accepting applications!

    1/06/2006 10:54:22 AM

    Rhinestone Cowgirl said…
    Showers ending a dry spell, mayhap?

    1/06/2006 11:03:47 AM

    I-66 said…
    yanno, other than “here I am, rock you like a hurricane”, Scorpions were rather hard to understand. Silly Germans…

    1/06/2006 11:07:20 AM

    Velvet said…
    Aah, thanks RC. How are you feeling? Your posting has been light. The Velv is worried.

    Sharkie – I forgot to answer you my little Greek Peanut. I am flying out of town Thursday a.m., so I’m on the fence about the Happy Hour.

    And I’m sure you will ALL be surprised to hear that I received exactly ONE EMAIL asking for the rest of the content of above referenced IM Sex Chat. That email was from, you guessed it. Johnny.
    I love him for all his dirrrrtiness.

    1/06/2006 11:13:02 AM

    I-66 said…
    I was gonna guess RC… but then I figured she got the direct dish.

    word ver: vddjspun

    …evidently DJ’s don’t let venereal disease keep them down.

    1/06/2006 11:20:58 AM

    Sharkbait said…
    Awww man. I hope I get to see you, if not we will do something when you get back.

    And I heart being a little Greek peanut! yay it’s almost like being 100% greek 🙂

    1/06/2006 12:27:53 PM

    alwayswrite said…
    One is usually not enough. This is why I mix my breakfast cereals.

    1/06/2006 12:39:51 PM

    Velvet said…
    Shh Sharkie – Don’t tell them you are a half breed! Hey…why DON’T we do something? Then I can be all alone with you.

    AW – Thanks for understanding!

    1/06/2006 12:45:41 PM

    Johnny said…
    the IM log was delicious. my third leg loved it.

    1/06/2006 01:49:53 PM

    trueborn said…
    Same idea works for men too. Once you get one woman after you, or better yet you start dating someone, they come out of the woodwork.

    1/06/2006 03:37:42 PM

    Marci (aka Baby Banana) said…
    Uh, yes. Showers, flood-fates…whatever you wanna call it. I am hoping for a little multi-tasking action 🙂

    1/06/2006 03:47:48 PM

    Marci (aka Baby Banana) said…
    Flood-fates? Freudian typo I wonder…

    1/06/2006 03:50:16 PM

    playfulindc said…
    Fierce. F-ing fierce, and I love it.

    You *can* always get what you want.

    BTW, I think it’s also true that you can have dating success if you try. Trying can mean many things, but mostly, you have to put yourself out there, which you are great at.

    Or, maybe, you were worried that you may not have enough posts for January??? NOw you do!

    1/06/2006 05:01:17 PM

    Sub Girl said…
    agreed! awesome.

    1/06/2006 05:17:24 PM

    Stef said…
    I, too, would like to enroll in Velvet school. At this point, I think I need to sign up for the remedial classes!

    And I love Trueborn’s new pic – nothing like a little Cary Grant!

    1/06/2006 08:25:54 PM

    Mandy said…
    I tend to be a one-at-a-time girl myself, but even I have no problem indulging in some harmless flirtation. It makes you feel good, and it usually makes the other person feel good, too. In fact, an ex- and I rarely talk, but when we do, you’d think that we were going at it like bunnies. We’re not, and everyone is happier this way (well, I am), but it’s still a lot of fun and one hell of an ego boost. Badly needed after my most recent ex-, BTW. Have fun, girl. It’s not like you’re exclusively seeing anyone.

    1/07/2006 01:46:30 AM

    Laurie (aka buggy) said…
    “The more men you have, the more men you can get.” -Words of wisdom.

    1/07/2006 08:39:35 PM

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