Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Wonder If The Way We Were Was Only In My Head

All right folks. Since Sammy appears to be on the mend, I can get back to dating for a moment.

You probably want updates on dates. Let’s start with the easy one, CL#5PornName. He emailed me the day after our date (last Wednesday) and said that he had a good time, and said I owed him a picture of my motorcycle. I obliged, and I haven’t heard anything back from him. As cute and fun as he was, he was missing a major ingredient of my wish list. A college degree. He even said something about “not needing school.” Uh, Velvet is a school loving, Valedictorian of her MBA class, woman. I love me some school. I don’t think there is a person alive who couldn’t benefit from learning some new things.

Now, we all know that CL#4NewJersey and I had a fab date on Friday that lasted until Saturday morning. What I didn’t mention after the date was that when we said goodbye, he hugged me and said, “Take care.” Not so much a fan of “take care.” I would have thought after the date we had that I would at least get, “I’ll talk to you later,” or “I’ll email you this week.” But nope. Take Care.

I didn’t think a lot of it, and I didn’t hear from him until Tuesday. He sent an email that simply said he had a great time with me, and he’s never had a “better movie night, in fact.” But then he said it ruined the rest of his weekend. Not sure how – I assume lack of sleep. So, I replied by saying that he’s old now, and perhaps he shouldn’t be partying like that anymore. I told him briefly about Sammy and the possible MRI. Then, because I’m known to sign off abruptly, I made sure to say, “I had a good time too – blush.” I left it at that. That was Tuesday afternoon that I sent it back. I heard nothing back all day.

By Wednesday around noon, I was seriously wondering if Yahoo was having issues, not because I feel like making excuses for him – believe me, I don’t. But, because I’ve had several emails go unanswered from normally responsive people. So I decided to step away from the computer entirely and try another method. Don’t laugh. I sent him a text message telling him that I did reply and am not sure what’s up with Yahoo. Then I get an email back within an hour that said he received my text, the email below his was the last he received from me (which was the right email) and sent wishes for Sammy. He ended it by saying that he is getting old and perhaps on our next date we could play cards. I haven’t written back.

All right people. What the hell is going on here? It smells of the usual tricks of the men I end up liking. I’m sure some of you will say he’s playing games, I’m sure some of you will say he’s just busy at work. I do know this: Something isn’t passing the sniff test.

I’m not a beginner in the world of dating. I don’t look for chemistry where there isn’t any. I don’t think every man is my soulmate – obviously. But despite my sometimes insecure nature, I sure as shit know when a man is into me. Our conversations were nothing short of amazing, in sync, completely screaming of two people who were totally into each other. To listen to him talk was like listening to the thoughts that run through my own head. It was weird, and surreal. I didn’t think I had him pegged wrong – but then again, I pegged BoyFace completely wrong.

Damn. I hate it when I really like someone. I hate when I could potentially see us together. This is when I start making all sorts of mistakes. Emailing and then texting the next day is bad for business. I know better than this. I must find my copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” and read my little head off.

Thinking about going back on Craigslist to keep more in the pipeline, since CL#5PornName seems to have disappeared and CL#4NewJersey might be on his way to another woman’s house.

1 Comment

  1. Velvet

    Barbara said…
    Unfortunately it’s sometimes hardest to deal with good chemistry. If both people are not ready to deal with the reality of a relationship, there are issues. And the distance factor doesn’t help. I think we all replay dates or even just encounters with friends in our heads and often see what we want to see instead of what was really there. That’s just human nature…

    1/11/2006 09:58:19 PM

    Jamy said…
    You’ve made this offer for me before, but I’m ready to slap some sense into him. Or just hurt him. Say the word.

    1/11/2006 10:47:46 PM

    playfulindc said…
    Or, maybe he is doubting himself. Maybe he saw what a vibrant creature you are, and was worried that he couldn’t keep up.

    I am a big fan of clearing the air, so maybe email him along those lines.

    If you like him, be up front. Men cannot read our complicated minds (until they get to know us better), and I’ve been told that the honesty (even when we are masters of the *coy*) is refreshing.

    1/11/2006 10:53:04 PM

    chicgirl said…
    Having dated too much, I agree with you. Something is off and I would back off. He is starting the game. We all hate it. He may have a lot of reasons but all that matters to us is you. So, I would not reply if you hear from him for a day or two. Focus on you, meet more people and while there is still a chance for him – let him go for now mentally. That is actually the best thing you could do if you like him cause he will feel it and may do a turnaround.

    I am so glad that Sammy is better.

    1/11/2006 10:57:10 PM

    cupcakegrrl said…
    My cousin had a theory about satellites and planets…something like if you get sucked into someone’s orbit, then you become the satellite and they’re the planet. So the best thing to do is keep planets spiraling around you like so many spinning tops. And then you’re the planet. And then you’re distracted from the guy who sucked you (briefly) into his orbit. And maybe the combined gravities of all the satellites and you, you delicious planet-girl, makes him get pulled into your orbit.

    Something like that.

    She wasn’t a rocket scientist, but she was a very pretty girl.

    Anyway– I’se with chicgirl. Disappear for a while and give him a chance to find you.

    And yeah, I’m a spinster. But nobody knows how to diet like fat people, if you know what I mean.

    1/11/2006 11:52:27 PM

    Velvet said…
    Barbara – Agreed – that’s why I post here instead of mulling it over in my head or with my friends. I feel like you all will tell me the truth, instead of sparing my feelings.

    Jamy – But you were more serious with Tim than I am here with CL#4…so maybe if this goes on for another month I’ll take you up on it.

    Playful – Agreed on the honesty thing. I am not sure that I can bring myself to write back though…not at this point. It might be a different story if I was in love.

    Chicgirl – He IS starting the game. You are right. Damn these men.

    Cupcakegrrl – That is hilarious! The planets thing, I’m laughing my hiney off!

    1/12/2006 12:01:59 AM

    Mandy said…
    I agree with Chicgirl – and really, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that someone *act* like they’re interested if they really are. Inability to do so…well, I tend to read that as a sign of immaturity. He *did* send the last e-mail so technically it could be seen that the ball’s in your court (especially with the “next date” reference), but if you’re feeling like something isn’t right with him…well, I hate to say it, but you’re probably right. Good luck!

    1/12/2006 12:40:35 AM

    Johnny said…
    That’s odd.

    I asked ipod what was the dillyo with you and it said White Wedding by Billy Idol. Which seemed like wedding bells, unless it means he’s being a very bad boy with his sister.

    (I also asked ipod if Velvet was hot for me and it said Mighty Wings by Cheap Trick. You know: Mate you, Take me out on your mighty wings across the sky.)


    1/12/2006 09:31:38 AM

    chicgirl said…
    Hmmm… a story for us all (including me) to think about. I am really nice, too nice, to men. I dated a partyboy (in the past) who I am sure liked me but loved his new role of being a player. Things started to crumble. One day he wrote, I didn’t reply, I got three more messages over 24 hours. I, of course, became nice and available again. He moved back to being the planet (see cupcake’s story). They love the chase; we hate it. We should all say 2006 is the year we will merely do nothing when it comes to love – maybe that is how to win. Just wait. Make no moves. Be receptive but maybe don’t reply velvet. And, in the meantime, focus on other things/ people/ and Sammy…

    1/12/2006 09:34:28 AM

    cupcakegrrl said…
    Reading chicgirl’s story, I’m reminded of an old DCB post about girls who have “good game” v. those who don’t.

    I have a hunch that our Velvet has very good game. Nevertheless, the bewilderment and shock of tripping over a CL date with real potential would throw any girl off.

    Still, if he doesn’t show up again it’s totally his loss. And possibly he wasn’t a good guy as much as one of those guys very adept at mirroring, so that he gives every girl the exact date she wants by reading her invisible cue cards, even if he doesn’t mean it. I could write a book on the subject. And I’ll shut up now before I do it here.

    1/12/2006 11:04:43 AM

    Pele said…
    I love cupcakegirl’s comment and I think somewhere in all those planet references I agree with her…

    I’d be cautious about him, but not backing up the dump truck yet. After four or five dates I would definately consider this game playing. But maybe not yet. He did mention “your next date” for whatever the hell that is worth.

    Keep busy with other boys!

    Glad Sammy is better!

    1/12/2006 11:27:37 AM

    Larissa said…
    let’s hope he doesn’t screw up his chance with you! from reading your blog over the last couple months i have a sense of what a fun and vibrant person you are. maybe he’s scared, but let’s hope he realizes what he’s doing before he blows his chances. big mistake on his part 🙂

    1/12/2006 12:06:31 PM

    I-66 said…
    I’m glad to read that Sammy’s on the upswing. I know how rough it is when a pup’s not well.

    Let us not jump to conclusions with Jerz, though.

    1/12/2006 01:47:31 PM

    Anonymous said…
    Not knowing you or the CL dude in question I can’t say for sure that my persepctive is relevant, but I’ve been in similar situations with men who were just natural, adaptable charmers. They can flirt and forge a connection with almost anyone, and it can be hard to know to take their affection with a grain of salt without seeing them in their natural environment (with friends, at work, etc.) Not saying there wasn’t some real chemisty there, but perhaps his baseline for judging a good match and yours aren’t quite at the same level. Regardless, I don’t think it would hurt to respond to the “next date” comment and see if plans develop, without making him a top priority.

    1/12/2006 01:55:41 PM

    Velvet said…
    Mandy – Yep, if it smells like a rat…

    Johnny – What else is your ipod telling you?

    Chicgirl – there’s a very good book you might like to read…we should do lunch.

    Cupcakegrrl – I don’t think I gave off any clues, but you never know. I would like very much to read the book you could write on this topic.

    Pele – And I LOVE your comment! Ok, 4th or 5th date – you’re right. This is too soon to tell what it means, if anything.

    Larissa – I graduated from the “He’s Just Not That Into You” school – so I can’t make that excuse for him that he’s scared.

    I66 – Great! A man’s perspective. Well, not that Johnny isn’t a man, but you know… Ok, so don’t jump to conclusions. Point taken. But, how does Velvet proceed? Email? No email?

    Anon – I was thinking that maybe I should respond with a one or two word email agreeing to a “next date.” Thanks for this!

    1/12/2006 02:56:18 PM

    chicgirl said…
    anytime miss velvet. and for what it is worth, i am not so nice anymore. i can play the game but i keep hoping that when i do meet someone with real substance, the game isn’t part of the equation. changes my perspective on the guy in the end….

    let us know what happens with mr. nj!!

    1/12/2006 03:52:25 PM

    Anonymous said…
    Men have a built-in sensor that goes off the second we start giving a shit. They’re all into us and everything is cool at first. But the MINUTE we start to give a shit, let the games begin.

    1/12/2006 04:20:16 PM

    NubianTemptres43 said…
    i second anon’s comment.

    make sure you read he just not . . . its stuff you already know, but from a man’s POV, something we all need every once in a while.

    1/12/2006 04:36:24 PM

    playfulindc said…
    All of these comments about the game makes me dizzy. If you have game, you don’t have to play them, in my very weathered opinion. Most men are, I agree, very simple.

    Men like hot women. Women like men to think they are hot.

    He did say “next date” so WHOOPPEEE! He assumed something, something in your future.

    Even if it’s cards…that can be hot.

    1/12/2006 06:18:22 PM

    trueborn said…
    Only insight that I can give you is that the man talked to his friends about you.
    This is the biggest mistake that you can make most of the time if you’re a guy.
    Everyone has the same advice, “be cool man.”
    “Don’t appear desperate.”
    “They can sense desperation.”
    “Don’t sweat her, have her sweat you.”
    All of the above are variabtions on the same theme, which is don’t follow your gut. Do the opposite of what you want to do and you’ll retain your manlyness (if thats a word).
    It’s bullshit. If I had a date like that with you, I’d be hard pressed to leave you alone. I’d be excited as all hell, and I’d be hoping my excitement might infect you as well. He’s taking the “too cool” approach of one who really wants to do the opposite.
    It’s standard testosterone fare.
    He shouldn’t listen to his buddies. He should listen to his gut. I say give him another try, he may realize that the “too cool” route will go nowhere with you, and clean up his act. But at the moment it sounds like a classic mind game.

    1/12/2006 06:39:11 PM

    chicgirl said…
    wow – we like trueborn. a nice guy:)

    1/12/2006 10:28:01 PM

    Stef said…
    These are some great comments today, Velvet! What fun!

    I’m leaning towards still giving NJ a chance — guarded, but a chance. I like that he mentioned a next time, too.

    I love the planet and satellite theory. Is there room in there for something like a comet – the unexpected event or person that comes out of nowhere to throw your relationship situation all off-balance? Interesting.

    And I’m so jealous that Johnny got a prognosticating iPod. Mine’s just a cute little nano. 🙂

    1/12/2006 11:35:56 PM

    The Captain said…
    Is it bad that I still tell me Fiancee to “take care” at the end of our phone conversations. Do women really not like this? I always thought it sounded kind of nice and caring, but I’m a guy, and obviously uninformed.

    1/14/2006 01:19:30 AM

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