Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Know It’s Late, I Know You’re Weary

A few tidbits and a funny story.


  • The painter called me and left me a message. So I guess my theory of paying him for services rendered didn’t stop him from calling again. Since my transaction with him was complete, I can now ignore his calls. And I did.
  • Fifteen years ago from tomorrow (Friday Jan 20th) is the anniversary of my first date with my high school boyfriend and first love. Last I heard, he was still pumping gas at the same gas station, but he did manage to get married. What do I have? Years of failed relationships and…aww, forget it. Next tidbit.
  • Like the worst of all reality shows, CL#3TextTormenter is baaack. He called last night, I called him today. We talked for 5 minutes and then he said he had to go but he would call me back. I said I was going out of town for the weekend, but he could try. Then he said, “Ok, so you call me.” Yeah. Sure. I’ll be doing that sometime soon.
  • CL#4NewJersey and I have exchanged one email this week, initiated by yours truly. It simply mentioned the Warhol exhibit that he said he wanted to see. I sent him the link. Then he wrote back and said, “is that your way of asking me to go see it with you.” Good lord. That man used my own line on me. And it isn’t even my line! I stole it from my neighbors.

In all seriousness, I’ve lost a little of the twinge of excitement about CL#4NJ. I think it’s this painfully slow communication. I’m losing interest. In fact, I was checking a guy out today at the airport. (I’m in Michigan this weekend visiting the cutest baby in the world, who is suspiciously starting to look like me now.) Anyway, if I really liked CL#4NJ, I don’t think I would be checking someone else out. Come on CL#4!! Step up to the plate already!!! Can someone call him for me? Thanks.


Funny Story:

Speed Dating is hilarious.

I signed up for a speed dating event over a month ago. The event was last week. After I signed up, I convinced three other people, one of whom convinced a fourth, to sign up. In total, there were five of us who would speed date. One by one, the other girls received confirmations, and I remained on the waiting list. Since I believe things happen for a reason, I decided to not tempt fate by emailing the organizer or switching places with one of my friends – all of whom were having buyer’s dreaded remorse.

When I wasn’t confirmed, the girls and I swirled around a bunch of conspiracy theories in emails. The first theory was that CL#4NewJersey was important enough that perhaps there was no reason to speed date. I’m a big believer in signs – not coincidences, but signs. This to me seemed a plausible explanation. Even more plausible was the fact that Sammy, little dog, love of my life, was about to endure some extensive medical tests and my mind wasn’t in the dating game. So, there.

In the spirit of support, I attended the event and sat at the bar with a few friends. Shortly after the event started, the organizer delivered to me, a man who had signed up but was also not confirmed. She said if I agreed, we could both speed date, because she needed both of us to keep the numbers even.

I probably sat with this man for an hour and a half – the entire duration of the event going on upstairs. In that time, we had several arguments brew.

He asked me where I was from. I told him Connecticut. He said, “Oh, so your parents are rich.” What the fuck does that mean? We’re not in junior high school anymore. I’m almost 33 years old. It’s entirely possible that I AM the one who is rich, and supporting my parents. Ok, it’s not true due to money being allocated to sick dogs and high heels, but still. His comment was rude, and he directed it at three other people in the group.

At another point in the conversation he was describing something about his job. I said, “Interesting,” mostly in place of saying, “uh-huh.” To that he said obnoxiously, and with a straight face, “NO IT’S NOT.” Rude. Eye rolling and head shaking accompanied the asshole things that came out of his puckering asshole mouth.

Then he asked me what kind of food I ate. I told him I’m mainly a vegetarian who eats seafood. He responded by saying, “Don’t you feel bad that fish are caught in nets and suffocated so that you can eat them? I mean, they struggle for their last breath just so they can end up on your plate.” I said, “It doesn’t really come up until someone jerk I meet in a bar forces it to come up.”

At one point near the end of this hellacious time, he said it takes a really long time to get to know people. You know what I said?

“Nope. People tell you who they are within five minutes of meeting them.”

And I think we’re done here.

1 Comment

  1. Velvet

    A Unique Alias said…
    “Nope. People tell you who they are within five minutes of meeting them.”

    Fuck yes. That’s why I don’t have too many friends.

    1/20/2006 10:04:12 AM

    I-66 said…
    I hope for the sake of the speed dating business that your friends had a better time than you…

    1/20/2006 10:46:33 AM

    Johnny said…
    I need to go on speed dating.

    hook me up yo.

    1/20/2006 10:46:48 AM

    Larissa said…
    ack that Text Tormenter! And that’s annoying about the communication with Jersey boy, sigh. Have a good weekend and I hope to meet ya at the next HH! I was looking for you and Jamy 🙂

    1/20/2006 10:53:07 AM

    Marci (aka Baby Banana) said…
    Velvet – I can totally relate about CL#4NJ!! MY Google Dater and I just had date #3 this weekend–after the initial date on 12/22. Our next date? 2/2. yeah. Plus, he’s slammed at work so we’ve only had one email exchange (I initiated) and no phone calls…I wonder if he’s losing interest and I fear the same of me. WTF? I am not a big fan of the telephone, but still. How else we gonna flirt?

    1/20/2006 11:59:35 AM

    I-66 said…
    Jamy was there, Larissa.

    1/20/2006 12:39:54 PM

    playfulindc said…
    Woah. Priceless.

    1/20/2006 12:59:05 PM

    Nicole said…
    I’ve gotten flak for this in the past regarding CL#3 text tormenter. If you want him gone, then why’d you return his phone call in the first place?

    Ummmm, because I’m a spineless nice girl.

    Word ver: oohmrn = Ooh Mr. N? Omen?…

    1/20/2006 02:25:07 PM

    pele said…
    I’ve done the speed dating thing. I didn’t have a bad time, and certainly didn’t have to put up with any total jerks like that.(Really, what is wrong with people!)

    Despite this, I’m not sure I would recommend it. The laws of probability are totally against you. 8 random people is really not that many. No wonder one guy had gone to like 30 of those things!

    1/20/2006 02:57:31 PM

    AsianMistress said…
    What no link to my speed dating post? Hahaha.

    Awww I was supposed to go with you too! I’m glad I didn’t though! Sheesh.

    1/20/2006 03:21:38 PM

    Jo said…
    Sure… go to Michigan right after I leave it. You’re such a bitch.

    And you’re just mad cuz CL#4NJ ain’t chasing your ass down. I’m thinking you’ve met your match. It’s awesome!!!

    1/20/2006 08:51:46 PM

    Siryn said…
    Well, Jersey’s obviously not THAT interested – if he was, he’d be craving more time with you. It’s just about time to tell him that you’re losing interest because you don’t talk enough, don’t go out enough, and happy trails.

    I do like the way he used your (neighbor’s) line back at you – it means he’s paying attention to what you say. Too little, too late, though…

    As for the other stuff:

    1. Good, keep ignoring the icky painter.
    2. Wow, what an asshole that last guy is. It takes a hellacious time to get to know people if you’re the one doing most of the talking and not really doing a hell of a lot of listening. Case in point…

    1/20/2006 11:18:32 PM

    Stef said…
    That sucks you got stuck with that guy for an hour and a half when your friends got to buzz around the room and skip any weirdos after just a few minutes. Speed dating intimidates me — I prefer to enjoy it vicariously through the 40 Year-Old Virgin!

    1/21/2006 09:13:49 AM

    Sarah at Advancing the Plot said…
    I have met that guy! Has an argument for everything. What is up with that?

    I was sort of looking forward to speed dating stories. I am so too old and not interested in talking to 50 people in an hour, but would love a first-hand account.

    1/23/2006 08:49:41 PM

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