I got an email from NJ on Monday afternoon. He said he didn’t mean to hang up on me but he was at the movies and that he’d call me. When said call didn’t arrive, I enlisted help from the girls, and this came back as a potential response that I ended up sending. My hands shook, my whole body got cold and I couldn’t even fathom sending this. But I did.
- You’ve been incommunicado for a week now. Clearly we’re not on the same page here, and while I have strong feelings for you I have to look out for myself. I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.
Then I got this:
- I didn’t know if I should send the long response or the short one. Neither one of us has ever said anything about the relationship. But your email makes it clear how you feel. I’m not going to try to change your mind. I truly wish you all the happiness in the world.
The finality of all this hit me like a ton of bricks. My mind was racing with what I’ve done. So what do I do then? I fucking called him and left a voicemail (of course) saying that I don’t want to do this on email and can he call me. I must be losing my mind. I’ve become one of the crazy people I’m used to dating. I’m sure I won’t be hearing back from him.
I’m an idiot. I have no idea how to operate when I really like someone. Anyway, this time I really have to step aside and sort it out. I didn’t expect to be this devastated. I didn’t realize how strong I felt for him. How did this happen in just barely 2 months? Forgive me if I don’t post for a bit. It’s hard to see through the tears.