I got an email from NJ on Monday afternoon. He said he didn’t mean to hang up on me but he was at the movies and that he’d call me. When said call didn’t arrive, I enlisted help from the girls, and this came back as a potential response that I ended up sending. My hands shook, my whole body got cold and I couldn’t even fathom sending this. But I did.
- You’ve been incommunicado for a week now. Clearly we’re not on the same page here, and while I have strong feelings for you I have to look out for myself. I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.
Then I got this:
- I didn’t know if I should send the long response or the short one. Neither one of us has ever said anything about the relationship. But your email makes it clear how you feel. I’m not going to try to change your mind. I truly wish you all the happiness in the world.
The finality of all this hit me like a ton of bricks. My mind was racing with what I’ve done. So what do I do then? I fucking called him and left a voicemail (of course) saying that I don’t want to do this on email and can he call me. I must be losing my mind. I’ve become one of the crazy people I’m used to dating. I’m sure I won’t be hearing back from him.
I’m an idiot. I have no idea how to operate when I really like someone. Anyway, this time I really have to step aside and sort it out. I didn’t expect to be this devastated. I didn’t realize how strong I felt for him. How did this happen in just barely 2 months? Forgive me if I don’t post for a bit. It’s hard to see through the tears.
I heart Velvet.
2/21/2006 09:32:08 PM
2/21/2006 09:35:26 PM
Wicked H said…
Take as much time as you need. We’re here if you need us….
2/21/2006 09:37:57 PM
I’m sending a hug, too. And not in a “US men’s speed skating, we really hate each other, but we’re hugging anyway, team” kind of way, but a real one. 🙂
2/21/2006 10:07:55 PM
a big fan said…
I’m a lurker but want to provide the mantra that my friends and I like to use: boys are dumb…. not to generalize of course, but its an easy thing to repeat. And while it doesn’t make things easier or better, at least know that you have plenty of people pulling for you and your happiness.
2/21/2006 10:18:41 PM
(Another longtime lurker and fan). I’m really sorry. Hang in there, and best wishes.
2/21/2006 10:43:49 PM
Oh, babe, I am so sorry for you.
No nay-saying, no male bashing, just sometimes things get convoluted and everyone has to step back for a minute, but not necessarily away.
I’m hoping he calls you back.
I think you both just got a little off the mark, and maybe need some communication to get back on.
I’m so sorry.
2/21/2006 11:28:24 PM
From a new reader…
I just hit this same wall last weekend with someone. I`m so sorry–
Keep writing, even if it isn`t for public consumption. You`ll feel better getting it out. Or not. Just take care of yourself, ok?
2/21/2006 11:33:47 PM
Washington Cube said…
Nothing to say. Your readers and friends will be here waiting for you.
2/21/2006 11:52:14 PM
I’m so sorry – you didn’t deserve this kind of treatment at all. Take your time, we’ll be here when you get back.
2/22/2006 01:08:06 AM
Sandra Dee said…
Velvet – I’ve been thinking about you and this guy since you posted several days ago. I’m so sorry. I’m the same way when I start liking someone. I go into freak out mode. I think the problem for me is that I have no way of knowing if they’re telling me the truth when they say things like what NJ said about being at the movies. You just don’t know them well enough – and that’s not your fault. It’s just a trust that you have to form. If he calls, tell him exactly what you told us – that you don’t know how to operate when you like someone. Surely he’ll understand and hopefully be flattered. In the meantime, do like what you did with Ray Ramono and date around a little bit. Keep your options open – and who knows? Maybe you’ll be walking your dog and that cuuuuuute client that lives in your neighborhood will be around! 🙂 Hang in there – thinking of you, girlie!
2/22/2006 07:23:07 AM
Love hasnt given up on you.
It just decided to throw a couple assholes at you.
Well, a couple or ten.
2/22/2006 07:33:32 AM
I’ve dated my fair share of men out there that cause me to feel like I’m going crazy, or becoming nuts waiting for calls. It sucks that this is happening to you, just keep in mind whether or not he is worth this negative energy, and if you decide he’s not – than drop that zero and get with a real hero! But, if things do workout, just remember to keep being totally open and honest, and the relationship will flourish! Sorry if that’s too deep for a Wednesday morning, I’m offline for the rest of the day, just wanted to see how you’re doing.
2/22/2006 08:16:34 AM
I hate to be the voice of reason here, but Velvet is better off without him.
1) the guy is clearly inconsiderate of others feelings, (either that or he likes treating women badly);
2) the guy is inconsistent (one minute he is into her, the next he hangs up on her and doesn’t call her for a week);
3) she is hurting now, but would be hurting much worse if he showed his assholish-osity* 6 months from now after she was realllly into him and thinking marriage thoughts;
4) he’s from New Jersey…’nuff said.
*I’m pretty sure that’s a word, if not, I fcuking have dibs on it and everyone who uses it has to pay me a royalty.
I wouldn’t give up on all us guys, there are some nice ones out there.
2/22/2006 09:17:39 AM
Oftentimes, I am an asshole. I don’t call people back, I don’t answer the phone, I don’t show up for plans, etc… and it’s never reflective of how I feel about the person I am being an asshole to.(I have a very tolerant circle of friends) My assholishness comes from my own issues. I hope you see what I am getting at here. I am not defending incommunicado for a week, but I say you trust YOUR gut instincts and YOUR feelings – not what all of our opinions are – we live your life through your posts, but don’t live your actual life. You have nothing to lose by saying how you really feel to him… It’s not “crazy”… Crazy is… Dr. Phil, the eHarmony guy (crazy in a creepy way).. 😉
2/22/2006 09:47:45 AM
Take care of you.
2/22/2006 09:52:09 AM
I want to throw a cream pie in this man’s face for making you feel bad.
Velvet darlin, you deserve a relationship with someone who gets how effing remarkable with you.
I hate that you’ve been disappointed.
Say the word, and I’m stopping at the bakery to pick something up, then driving to DC.
2/22/2006 11:32:40 AM
you know what? fuck. love. it’s a bullshit word for bullshit emotions that just leave you sitting in a pile of bullshit.
but, of course–unless it’s “the one,” or whatever–every time you love someone, it’s going to end up in disaster. shit, i’m in a hole right now. i’m in love with a girl that… i’m not sure i can be with. fuck it, eh? got to live sometime. and isn’t it always worth the pain? why is it always worth it?
2/22/2006 12:01:35 PM
Agree with Cube…we are here when you are ready.
And honestly you cannot resist my hot little greek ass for that long, now can you?! 🙂
Hugs and I too heart Velvet.
2/22/2006 12:33:05 PM
take your time girl, sending hugs
2/22/2006 12:54:24 PM
fyi i was in your hood last nite.
someone’s been holding out on me.
now fork over them K and Ks.
2/22/2006 12:58:53 PM
Hugs, my dear. That’s all.
2/22/2006 01:05:17 PM
This post has been removed by the author.
2/22/2006 03:27:50 PM
You’re not an idiot who has no idea how to operate when you really like someone. Youre a person.
Everyone who tries to be is suave and erudite – until they start to fall for someone. But once they do, all bets are off. The Greeks thought of love as a divine madness – and even when youre not truly there, the mere taste of it on your lips is likely to rend your heart when its celestial flavor is suddenly withdrawn. The only cure is to go on living.
Hugs and Grandma’s home made chicken soup (always makes me feel better).
2/22/2006 03:28:54 PM
Awww Velvet, it happens to the Best of us.
I don’t think I’ll ever understand men, one minute they’re completely into you and the next they don’t return your calls.
Take a break from dating, the right guy just might pop up when you least expect it.
2/22/2006 03:38:38 PM
I’m sorry to hear it Velvet. But you don’t need to beat yourself up, there are plenty of other people who need it.
When we start to fall, we fall with blinders on, when we fall hard, we often can’t see at all.
2/22/2006 05:01:17 PM
Sub Girl said…
2/22/2006 05:14:25 PM
Don’t ever listen to me again…
2/22/2006 10:01:34 PM
Bless your heart, sweetie.
Something I learned a little too late: that damn phermone we get by having sex with them actually *screws* us. We will attach like nobody’s business if there is the foundation for it.
2/22/2006 10:05:26 PM
Velvet, don’t humiliate yourself and don’t let him see how much he’s hurt you. He’s not a dumb man. He knows you’ve given him an out and he’s grateful that he doesn’t have to do any hard work in being honest about what a jerk he is. Remember your dignity. Your vulnerability should be for the man who absolutely deserves it — not this piece of manjunk.
It turns my stomach how often this exact scenario happens. People are entirely too careless with each others’ hearts.
My best to you.
2/22/2006 11:40:44 PM
Why would your friends advise you to send such an email?!?!?!?
It sounds too much like gamesmanship.
People need to learn to say what they mean. “It hurts that you didn’t call. We need to talk about this relationship because I feel hurt and we need to get on the same page. Please call me.”
Good communication is so important.
2/22/2006 11:42:20 PM
sorry, didn’t mean to chide you when you are down. (No edit function to go back.)
Hope the pain subsides soon.
2/22/2006 11:58:12 PM
Pink Oyster said…
Out of respect I stayed away from commenting. But just wanted to send you goodwill.
I know this sucks, but I think you should talk to him. Get everything out in the open and find out what/how he thinks. What have you got to lose? At least you understand yourself (and maybe also him) more. It might help you in the future.
Please don’t be despair. Cry. Dry your tears. And love will someday find you. Just focus on yourself and be patient.
You go girl.
2/23/2006 04:46:36 AM
From a frequent reader: *hugs*
2/23/2006 05:22:38 PM