Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I’ve Lived in This Place and I Know All The Faces

I talked to my cousin last week. We have been dealing with some disturbing news about how my Uncle is being treated in the Nursing/Retirement home. Let’s just say it wasn’t good. They really don’t plan to do shit for him, despite the $8000 being spent each month to keep him there. If they can’t keep him from falling all the time by alleviating the pressure on his brain, they will be strapping him in his chair and bed until he dies. Now my parents are involved, taking him to some doctor in Philly, ugh what a mess. Details details. None of us are pleased – my other Uncle, my cousin, myself, my parents. Then. This:

Cousin: I’m going to Phoenix to look for houses for my Dad and I and see about what the homes are like for Uncle M.
Velvet: When?
Cousin: First week of September.
Velvet: I’m there. I’ll ask for the time off work.

It’s moments like this that make me appreciate that I hoard my vacation time and stockpile my money for rainy days. I haven’t asked for the time yet, but I will. And I’m going to drive so I can bring the dogs. So get ready bitches. When I drive is when my best writing comes to me. I’ll probably overload you with posts the entire time I’m gone. And if the trip goes anything like the last one, cough cough cough, well, maybe this time I’ll actually write it up instead of just sending out salacious emails.

Anyway, Tuesday I had lunch with someone really high up in a company in my industry. We met a few years ago and somehow ended up getting along really well, and I did him a massive favor just recently. During the lunch, the purpose of which was to thank me, he asked about business and such. I told him of our rounds of layoffs and consolidations. He said, “Yeah, you mentioned that on the phone, are you safe?” I said I didn’t know if any of us were to be honest.

Then he said, “God Forbid you get laid off, please call me. We are hiring like mad in Costa Mesa and Phoenix.

I’d like to bet it all in the Daily Double Alex.

What did I just hear? Holy fucking shit.

This ladies and gents, is how the ball just got thrown into play on Operation Get-Velvet-The-Fuck-Out-Of-This-Swamp. Up until now, I was just fantasizing. But now? Yeah. I’m ready to start packing. So, Johnny, The boys of Cafe 227, Double O, Ninja? We better hurry and make out now because I may not be here much longer. Not at the same time though. Well, unless you all are into that.


  1. I-66

    I thought you were always fantasizing.

    I mean, not about moving, but fantasizing nonetheless.

  2. Raincouver

    America West is based in Phoenix. At least you can get cheap tickets back to the swamp!

  3. Tacoma, washington!

    Booo Swamp.
    Yea! Desert
    And a BIG hand for air conditioning.

    Booo anyone who’s mean to seniors!
    Thank god your uncle has you guys.

    Yea! Bringing dogs on car trips!

    I think Sammy and Thora will be even cuter in Phoenix, they say Arizona has highest percentage of good hair days in the us (no rain, no humidity)so they’ll always have glossy flowing hair.

    Of course you’d be living in a city that always looks like it’s spelled wrong.

  4. Bill

    Well, you probably started more than one fantasy with the last couple of sentences 🙂

    And yes, I’m so ready to read your posts from the road. But really, do you have to leave before I get to DC to meet you? Or is that the point?

  5. cosmic shambles

    Shit, don’t leave me out of the make-out session!

  6. johnnyDc

    So you’re gonna hump us and dump us?

    Thats freaking awesome.

    Men like being used.

    For sex.


  7. homeimprovementninja

    Is it hot in here? Or are you sweatin’ me 😉

  8. Velvet

    The plan just called for a makeout, but whatever you want Johnny. Call me. 202 333 8128.

  9. Anonymous

    Rock the eff on! That’s awesome! Isn’t the prospect of really great options the best feeling? Maybe your dogs can be on the scorpion brigade or something :o)

  10. Aziz

    Pucker up.

    Whoa, that’s not your real number, is it?

  11. johnnyDc

    Its Briana Banks number.


  12. Marci

    Uh, I guess I did jump on getting the salacious deets pretty quick last time. You were tame in your retelling though. The pics did most of the talking.

    Would rather the lasciviousness happen here, but…eh…a girl’s got to get hers. I get that.

    Thoughts to your family.

  13. Living in Dupont

    Your family’s in my thoughts, I hope things can be worked out.

    As for Phoenix – the no humidity aspect is a huge plus, but the ability to pick up and leave everything? Massively envious and wondering how you do it.

  14. duck stew

    that number is to the good guys club on wisconsin ave… ahh, it’s a strip club.


  15. Scarlet

    Just please leave a forwarding address!

  16. Moni

    Fully understand the wanting to move to Phoenix! I’d do it myself, but I’m stuck in a PhD program. But I know the feeling. It’s a f’n amazing place!

  17. Tacoma, washington!

    Dang, If I didn’t know how guys read before, I know now:

    Bla bla bla
    Bla bla bla bla


    Velvet, you are on the pulse.

  18. Siryn

    Moving to Phoenix is quickly becoming a reality, isn’t it?


    Sniffle, I wish you’d stay in driving distance!!

    But honestly, hon, if it is going to get you to a place that is less toxic and less vitriolic, then godspeed. Just use those ducats to fly back east. 🙂

  19. Siryn

    Oh, and BOOOO shitty nursing homes.

  20. Velvet

    Tacoma – I’m on something. But it might be the Pulsatron! HA! (OMG, one makeout with Johnny and I’m thinking like him now!)

    Living in Dupont – Whaddya mean? Pack your shit and go! It’s easy. I’ve done it before. So liberating to just sell your shit and move.

    Siryn – it’s the same excuse my parents use for why I can’t go, and how often do we really see each other anyway? What? Just sayin!

  21. Siryn

    Yeah, but for you, getting out of Gloom and Doom’s driving distance is a good thing.

    You have to admit, I’m living under some unusual circumstances right now and my transition hasn’t been easy.

  22. "A"

    thoughts are w/ you and your fam, that is HORRIBLE about the nursing home!
    one of my best friends lives in phoenix, you would like her (ask KK) she is fun and LOVES it there!

  23. elvis

    They say they’re hiring in Phoenix cause all the developers are dumping their stakes in Vegas and jumpin to Phoenix. Only problem is, if the RE market is tanking nationwide, Phoenix may be next to go down faster than Briana Banks. Overall, all RE is looking bad — mortgage loan, agents, developers, interlopers, etc. Less, of course, you’re in Cincinnatti (which is, believe it or not, on an upswing).

  24. Velvet

    Elvis!!! You’re BACK! Just for that, here you go:

    Elvis, if you ever wondered. Wondered what ever became of me.
    I’m living on the air in Cincinnati. Cincinnati WKRP.
    Got kind of tired of packing and unpacking. Town to town, up and down the dial.
    Maybe you and me were never meant to be, but baby think of me once in a while. I’m on WKRP in Cincinnati…

  25. Law-Rah

    Please please please continue to send me the salacious emails. Really, that was the most action I had gotten in a while.

  26. Serena

    Sounds like the stars are aligning. Awesome : )

  27. KassyK

    Hey…wow. That is huge news. I want to talk all about this at HH. XO

  28. doubleonegative

    yeah, let’s talk at HH–shit, i won’t be there. see you at good guys?

  29. KassyK

    Velvet and I will meet you there at 10pm. Don’t be late. 😉

  30. Needtsza

    And here I was just getting into ‘knowing you’. humpf!

    What’s it gonna be “Velvet-in-CostaMesa”?

    Doesn’t have the same ring, plus I’d have to change the icon I have for you on my blog.

    That’s it. You can’t leave.

    Sorry I won’t be town for HH. Seems I’m constantly busy during these things. Will be in NY getting fuked up instead.


  31. Siryn

    I vote for “Velvet Cowgirl” as the new blog name. Yee frickin’ haaa.

  32. LivingInDupont

    See, this is where being a rural girl in the big city comes in handy: I love Rascal Flatts (I’m actually planning on seeing them at Nissan in VA when they come in September) and that song, you’re right, is just perfect.

    I used to be able to do that, pick up and move, I’ve done it a couple of times – once even to Rome for 6 months – but as of late it’s become harder to imagine doing it. I loved it, and lived for it, but when I signed a year long lease in December a part of me barely recognized my days of doing that were over. It’s a sobering thought, and with the lease up in February, I’m considering not quite settling yet. Maybe a year of stability will have been good for me, but you’re right, it’s about knowing that I have the control over what I want to be doing and where.

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