Okay. I’m doing better. And I have you kids to thank, the support was truly amazing. I also caught site of this, by MY blog crush, Circumlocutor. Stay anon my precious Circumlocutor, for look at all the trouble I’m now enduring!
It has been an emotionally exhausting 48 hours. But, I’m through it. I’d go into full detail, but even I’m unsure that I know everything that transpired behind the scenes. I liken this situation to peeling an onion: with every layer there is something else under there that you find.
The best I can come up with in a situation this volatile is to try to learn something. I have found through my life that I’ve encountered very few people in whom I can find absolutely zero redeeming qualities. Usually everyone has something in them that I can see as positive. But, occasionally I come across a person who is miserable, nasty, malicious and incredibly self absorbed and I realize I don’t want them in my life at all. I really should be the opposite – I shouldn’t trust anyone until I eliminate them from the “potential enemy” category. Especially since el bloggo has become more widely-read than I ever thought. It brings out the worst in some of the most jealous. And sometimes haters do some serious damage.
Through my life, I’ve had two people, both women, with whom I had a fight and we stopped speaking. Both of those friendships were repaired successfully – one months after and one years after the initial incident. I was enemy-free for a while. But I collected three more in the spring, and now I feel as though I’ve got one more purely poisonous person to add to the list. Four. I’ve got four enemies. All thanks to blogs and blogging.
There have been a lot of behind-the-scenes emails back and forth, with some unlikely sources who emerged, throwing in two cents that under normal circumstances would be nothing but an outsider’s opinion. But these people mattered tremendously as they revealed they knew the parties at hand. I found out more than I needed to, and I think I pieced together a good deal of what happened.
I would like to think that Sherlock learned to not tell other girls about his love life, no matter how much they state that they have “other things going on” or aren’t interested in him. Most women get jealous and possessive. He shared too much private information about me with some other women. He trusted them too much and as a result, I couldn’t trust him. Too many people knew our business. I’m not talking about things that I wrote on the blog – I’m talking about my name, where I work etc. That sort of stuff should not be revealed to other people.
When I was attacked in my comments, I fought back as I stated previously. I don’t tolerate that shit at all. I’m not a fighter, but if you pull me into the ring, I will make it very ugly. I feel that Sherlock and I were set up, for someone’s sick thirst for entertainment. I saw a portion of an email that floored me. Interesting that a woman who is incredibly protective of her anonymity would threaten to reveal mine as well as Sherlocks personal information online. Sad. Pathetic and sad, and I cringe that people like this exist among us, wagging the dog into sympathy posts on natural disasters. It makes me ill.
You may find my focus on the “other parties” to be, in a way, absolving Sherlock of his guilt in the matter. I’m not doing that. If there wasn’t a lie to be blackmailed with, then none of this would have happened. But only when threatened, did he come clean. Again, I can’t fault the man for this behavior. Look, some people have a lot of sex with a lot of different people. But as Homer Simpson said, “There’s a time and a place for everything and it’s called college.” For many reasons, Sherlock didn’t have the same experiences in his 20’s that the rest of us did. I did. I’m fucked out. I don’t need to sleep around with a bunch of people to prove my worth. But my answer would have been different a few years ago, just out of a six year relationship. That’s the stage he’s at, and it’s where he needs to be so he can get it out of his system. He shouldn’t have lied to me. I don’t know how I would have reacted, but it would have been easier to take coming from him, on his own terms, and not because he was threatened with it.
I’m quite happy to be able to put this entire situation to rest. And Sherlock did share something with me that I’m going to share with you. He said, “They all know Velvet, but I got to see a piece of the real you.” I said, “I don’t think you understand, that is me. It’s not a persona. I write what I feel.” And he said, “No. There’s something sweeter and more vulnerable about the real you. No one could possibly get that unless they know you in real life.” I’ve maintained for the duration of this blog that I give 100% and tell all. But you know, he’s right. There are small parts that I keep for myself. And it will stay that way.
And here I had my tire iron and dark alley ready for those hos.
It’s amazing that you land on your feet every time you fall. And you always have something left to say to us! I think you’ve given perspective to this one and you’re ready to move on.
I thought i’d finally comment so you don’t think someone’s stalking you from the ip address. love your blog, as you can see from how many times i read it.
anyway, i’m sorry that you have to go through all of this. i will never understand how women can be so vicious to each other. for a while i had no women friends at all. only now am i starting to make really good girl friends but i’m much more reserved and the application process takes infinitely longer.
but at least we all learn from these experiences…right?
And it should stay that way Velevet.
That which does not kill us makes us stronger,it is said.
You go Super Woman!!!
Don’t forget, as tempting as it is to keep peeling those layers, they all stink. All you’ll find is more stink, at your own personal expense. Miserable.
And I’m so sorry.
promise to proof read before posting future comments….sorry Velvet..not Velevet!
I’m just happy it’s all over.
Posts like this are why I’m really addicted to this blog. I’m not here for all the crazy drama, I’m here for your unique perspective when drama unfolds around you. You have such a great voice and strong character that we do feellike we know you, like we’ve seen some of your thought processes. You’re an amazing writer, Velvet.
And an amazing person.
For the record, I originally thought you compared it to “peeing an onion”… and while that may not be the comparison you were looking for, the thought of it was surely pain inducing which seems to serve its purpose.
No matter what it is you give us and what you keep to yourself, just know that we’ll be glad to read what we can get coming from you.
It sucks when blog worlds and real worlds collide. I don’t know the whole story but it sounds like you came out okay and the antics of these jealous girls were exposed. You have risen above it gracefully.
Sherlock said, They all know Velvet, but I got to see a piece of the real you.
Translation: “I got to have sex with you.”
You know, there are plenty of laws on the books to deal with people who threaten. you might want to consider consulting an attorney. Several years ago my neighbors were harrassing me for the most ridiculous reasons. it took exactly one letter from my lawyer to shut them up.
Wow. Pagan is so right. You have risen above it gracefully. And eloquently. By not rehashing details, you’ve simply declared that it’s over. You have better things to do with your life than to wallow or seek revenge. Good for you. Thank you for the example you set. I admire your grace, your resilience, and your maturity. And hard as it is for me to say, I think Sherlock is right: there is more to you than we know, and you are better than we will ever know. Hard to imagine, but I believe it. I hope you’ll always have those small secrets, Velvet.
Very nicely said. It seems almost like you’re breathing deeply again, and it’s good to see.
By the way, thank you for the inspiration to do the same.
There are small parts that I keep for myself. And it will stay that way.
mmm… chewey caramel pieces of velvet… with nougat.
was away from internet for a few days, and wow. this sucks but i can hear the strength and power in your tone — i know it’s not easy, but it does, as you already know get easier.
i agree w/ fellow bloggers, very inspiring to see you keeping on.
btw, more power to you, you know there are certain things NO ONE will ever, and can ever get to know. =)
wow….I’m glad you’ve come out of this strong. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than me.
“Did I ever tell you you’re my hero…”
Way to take the high road Velvet! And glad that you are able to move on.
I enjoy reading your blog everyday, though I rarely comment, you make me take a different look at things! Thanks for that.
Hopefully you keep writing so I can keep reading 😛
After the crap you’ve endured that’s been related to this blog, you HAVE to keep that small part to yourself and off the internet. We all understand and even if you gave us 10%, Velvet, it would still be more than some and we would still love you.
In thinking about the comments from this post and the previous post and then rereading some of your posts I have realized that, except to those who know you personally and also know about your blog, VinD still remains pretty anonymous. I write this because the nasty/negative comments–obviously there were more or you wouldn’t have started moderating comments–really have nothing to do with what you have written but, come from people who both know you and your blog….which leads me to my point: the comments come from those plagued with SHAME. Shame drives so much neuroses (sp?), anger, hostility. B/C seriously, I have no idea who Sherlock really is, nor will I ever. Who cares about Kokonutz’s identity? I visit VinD to read Velvet’s point-of-view, not to encounter the desperate shame of those who think people actually care about their identity (Sher/Kok/etc). And, of course, it’s not that Velv needs anyone to defend her….but that I am confused why F-Buddies, Kokonutz and others would think people actually cared to read their points of view. This isn’t Divorce Court, folks…It’s the Velvet Show. (I’m sure there was a shorter way to write this comment but, alas, that is not my strong suit.)
One of the few lucid things Ronald Reagan said was: ‘Trust, but verify.’
Back on the horse!
I KNOW you can do it, V! Because, well, like Surelick said, you’re a real piece…although I may have misunderstood that final point altogether…
Woman can be the most vindictive, malicious creatures on earth. We are preadators. We sneak up on our prey, and attack with full venom. The women who did all of this nasty trash talk and dirty deeds to you, and to Sherlock, is truly an ugly person. She will never fully understand how her actions ruin other people’s lives. She deserves all the unhappiness in the world. You on the otherhand, deserve all the best and more. I know you give what you can of yourself, but deserve the right to hold back some part of you as well. We can’t always show our hand, for no other reason but to protect ourselves. You’ve done a wonderful job of letting us into your life and I have no doubt that what you share and what you say is truly you. There is some part that is reserved for just that right person, and they will be absolutely lucky to share that with you. All my best!
You know how I feel about all of this and I do think Sherlock is right that there is a part of you that is unexpecetdly more vulnerable off blog. But being with someone they see even MORE of you than even your friends…although he is DEF not absolved of his behavior it is good to know that he did come clean.
I always feel kind of bad for people that didn’t have wild college years or in their 20s…there is something sad about sleepng around in your 40s plus right?
I’m sure Sherlock is right when he says that he got to know a part of you that we readers don’t know…. When you write, and I mean you in general, you put out parts of yourself, and sometimes you put into words thoughts that the people that know you would never think you had. But as much as you’ve given of yourself to this blog and to us readers, it is never the same as talking, and sharing with the person.
That aside, I wish you all the best and know that you will come out of this with more stories to tell, and a lot stronger, as you already seem to be.
What if the real Velvet is a 65 year old guy with a comb-over, who sells insurance in the midwest out of his 82 Monte Carlo? Let her keep that part to herself.
I prefer the fantasy of my own personal blog-Velvet anyway. The terrifically-assed greek fireball who writes with such wit and sagacity, and yet has a whole pervy thing going. She’s Anne of Green Gables in black lingerie.
She doesn’t belong to us, whatever she needs to do to be both Stan (the insurance salesman) and Velvet the blog vixen is her business and none of mine.
You don’t owe us anything Velvet, you’ve already given more than we can return in wonderful writing, insightful commentary, and dog stories.
And I hope you keep doing it, for as long as you get more out of it than it costs you.
And thank you —
That was way traumatic. I’ve just started reading your blog, so I don’t fully understand the scope of what happened, but I hope that you don’t let Sherlock bring you down and continue writing. Loss of anonymity on the web is a tough thing.
Nadja – I emailed you (don’t worry, if you fill in your email, I’m the only one who sees it) to tell you that no, I didn’t think you were stalking!
NR – I emailed you too, and aww…we made each other blush. You’re sweet. I’m glad you are here.
Erika – FreckledK recommended a fantastic book called “The Gift of Fear” and in that book, it goes through the process of legal help etc.; Usually it is better just to ignore the offending party. I, of course, still have to make a few digs at her, which I did in this post.
Bill – Thanks as always for your kind words. It didn’t feel very graceful, I felt that many of you knew who I was referring to, which is fine because she outed herself in an earlier post. And what I responded back to her was anything but classy. But I was drunk. And pissed. And protective of my budding relationship.
Chud – You know if I was any piece of candy, it would be chewy caramel. My fave.
Nikki – I do plan to keep going. I think that Sherlock said he thought this girl wanted to be responsible for “taking down VinD,” so there’s no way I could let that happen, right?? HA!
Circumlocutor – It’s funny you say that because I have had a couple people say to me (off-blog) that all the commenters just agree with me no matter what I say. I’m not encouraging you to agree, it’s good to have a debate / discussion. I’m Greek, I do like a good battle now and again. But I don’t tolerate downright nastiness and mean-spirited comments. But you’re right, it’s not really a forum for all that.
Bejeweled – I’m glad you say this. When someone does something just so wrong, I too have zero sympathy for them, and wish them the worst. Sherlock said he just felt sorry for her because she was so pathetic, but for me that’s not enough. Though, based on what she writes on her blog, I think she’s unhappy enough.
KK – Sherlock is 33. He’s still got some time till 40, thankfully.
Caribbean Lurker – I like how you come back to comment every once in a while. Any backlash headed your way on the storm coming? Thanks for the kindness you spread. And if your blog was in English, I could read it!!
Dan – I LOVE IT!! But the Velvet you describe isn’t a fantasy. I do exist, and I’m not a 65 year old man. I promise!
holiday – Basically what you missed was that I was dating someone who knew of my blog because I stupidly used “velvet” in my profile online. Some girl told him he should go out with me and wondered if I was “Velvet in Dupont.” Then we started dating, but as I was writing about it, she backed off, saying she wouldn’t get involved. But she turned out to be a vicious nasty liar, and when he and I started to get serious, she changed her blog ID and came back commenting all sorts of nastiness, lashing out at me for stuff I wrote. It reeked of a crazy jealous bitch. When we got to the bottom of it and realized who it was and what her motive was, I fought back and she then started threatening Sherlock that she would reveal his “secret” which was that he was a bit of a gigilo during a period of time we weren’t seeing each other. So he confessed and everyone went their separate ways. I hope the bitch is happy, she got what she wanted, as she cries her tears about the Katrina anniversary. Makes. Me. Ill.
In preparation of your upcoming trip to visit-yipeee!-I was explaining the difference of the you I met and the you I read.
Not gonna lie…there is one…and I know I said something like, “You’ll spend the first 3 drinks trying to connect Velvet with the girl in front of you…by the fourth drink, you’ll just be glad you know her.”
Live is always better.
Playful – I cannot WAIT to see you! Can we go get drunk at some redneck bars and pick up some swarthy men and lay on the beach? Pretty please??
heh, i had to check the spelling on nougat, and i thought the definition was apt: nou ·gat (nÅ«’gÉ™t)
A confection made from a sugar or honey paste into which nuts are mixed.
You got it V, there is NO WAY that she would ever be able to take VinD down!!
You go girl!!
Chud- That is awesome.
All nougat aside and totally off topic, but I was driving today and listening to NPR and they were talking about how the police and security forces that are supposed to stop sectarian violence are actively participating. I started thinking about DC cops. I found myself really glad that our cops are just lazy as hell instead killing people or even just making women cover their hair (I imagine that Velvet has quite lustrous, nice hair rather than a comb over). Things can always be worse.
After that, I decided I was thinking too much and switched to my MP3 player to turn off my brain. Interpol, Infadels, Depeche Mode, and The Notwist have a magical way of turning off my brain like it never existed.
I’m being attacked by a kitten so I’ll wrap it up there.
Rednecky bars? You should come to WVU this weekend then. Plenty there. I’ll be the one that Isn’t kissing his sister
We had some rain (actually a lot of rain) this weekend,which served for some much needed resting and family time, but nothing major.
As for my blog, I know, it’s in spanish, i’m thinking about starting one in english since it’s supposed to be anonymous and one of my b/f discovered it so I no longer feel free to write whatever i want. I’ll let you know.
God – I have a lot to catch up on!!! Let me get to reading (after my Korean webex training, of course!)
I always thought Paul was a better writer than John.
You mentioned the other day how the number of hits you get has spiked – oddly, it makes sense. The sense of drama is phenomenal. I get tired just reading your blog, and yet I find myself oddly drawn in. Like office drama, I guess, except no chance of me getting fired. Or something.
Velvet-I had a archnemesis in college. I liked to call her “the Gargamel” to my “Papa Smurf”. She always went out of her way to try and bring me down. I personally found it kind of flattering that she would spend so much time plotting my demise. I got upset at first, but then I started egging her on, because it was entirely transparent to all of our friends what she was doing and she was making a fool of herself. I think she even started a campus website to spread gossip about me. I don’t even have a website dedicated to myself. Props for putting in the time.
I realize what this girl did was incredibly hurtful, but just know that you are better than that.