Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Want to Thank You, For Giving Me The Best Day of My Life

Still campaigning for Brent’s HIV Walk. If everyone who reads this blog today gave ONE DOLLAR, he would reach the goal and then some. Please help!

On to other stuff.

The week of September 11th, 2006 was by far my shittiest week ever. It was pure misery packaged neatly into equal time blocks called Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I’ve renamed those days “Shitday, Assday, Cuntday, Bitchday and Fuckday.” I could not wait for Friday to end so I could have a weekend to recoup and make a plan for my life. Oddly enough, Saturday night I was laying in bed taking inventory of the week, and the half of my weekend that had already passed, I thought, “Surprisingly, after the last 5 days of hell, today has been the most perfect day. In fact, this has been my favorite day of this entire year. Shit, it might not just be the best of 2006, but the entire decade.” Yeah, it was that good. So I can call it this early, even with three+ years to go in the decade.

Most of this is stupid, but here’s the rundown:

  • I woke up next to a boy. Even though he pissed me off by making too much noise for 7:30 on a Saturday morning, I was still quite happy.
  • I ate spaghetti with tomato sauce in an Italian Restaurant with damn fine bread, Creamy Italian dressing (which you NEVER find in restaurants anymore) and red checkered tablecloths – a sign of an old world place. Spaghetti and tomato sauce is my comfort food. Even though they brought me a meatball and I’m a veg, I survived quite well.
  • I got the best professional massage I’ve ever had in my life, for an entire hour.
  • I ate some Baklava.
  • I ran the most perfect carb loaded run, breezing through a few miles without even realizing it. Usually it’s a struggle. I’m no Baby Banana, evidenced by this.
  • I drank two Yuengling, my favorite beer, and the exact right amount before they start to lose their taste in my drunkenness.
  • I played Ms. Pac Man with a boy.
  • I had sex on said boy’s Harley. Yes. On the Harley.
  • Sex moved inside the house and ended up being by far, hands down, no more calls we have a winner, I can name that song in 2 notes, No Whammies, I’ll take Jim J. Bullock for the block, I’d like to bet it all in the Daily Double Alex, that’s my final answer sex I’ve ever had in my life, complete with four of the most amazing orgasms – one strong enough that it propelled him out of me. (By the way boys, if you didn’t feel it, she faked it.)
  • Went home and went to bed with my doggies, listening to Christina Aguilera’s new album, which is the best fucking album that I’ve heard in a long time. This thing just doesn’t have a bad song.

I know, I finished off with Christina Aguilera. How…odd, after that buildup. But it was nearing midnight, and stuff that happened after midnight doesn’t count. And interestingly enough, it poured rain most of the day Saturday. The sun didn’t come out except for a couple minutes. I didn’t get to lay out and it was still my favorite day.

When was this? Saturday September 16. Yeah, last weekend. I know. You don’t care about any of it, you just want to know who the boy was. I’d tell you, but I’m not sure I know who he is either. I’m still trying to figure it out.


  1. elvis

    That’s alot of fine, clean living. Bravo! Bravo! If we were at Princeton, I’d come over and lay my pen at your desk.

  2. Virgle kent

    This is soooo crazy because on the exact same day I had sex on a tricycle with bell on the left side of the handle bar. Then the sex ended up moving inside and I had an orgasm that was SOOO amazing that I vomited on her back. (Girls if he doesnt puke on you, he doesnt care).

    Then I went home and listened to/ masturbated to the new Danity Kane album, which by the way is the greatest album Ive heard.

    When did this happen you asked? SEPTEMBER 16! I know right? Crazy! Its just too weird!

  3. Velvet

    VK. I’m DYING right now. You have me cracking up. But, wait…what? No sex with a midget?

  4. KassyK

    Ok, so we are semi-clones besides my born again behavior. Living vicariously through you. We. Must. Discuss. 🙂

  5. playfulinnc


  6. freckledk

    I’m jealous. The best part of my weekend was watching Flavor of Love. If I didn’t love you so much, I would have to hate you. Glad you got some 🙂

  7. Drunken Chud

    ahhh assday, cuntday and fuckday. three days so wonderful that they’re worth putting up with bitchday. nobody likes shitday. except the germans and they don’t count.

  8. Wicked H

    Good Lord Girl. I vote to rinse lather and repeat. If that is the process for figuring things out, why the Hell would you need an answer. Stay with the research…..

  9. cosmic shambles

    What’s an orgasm?

  10. Drunken Chud

    cosmic shambles, the female orgasm is a myth. worry not.

  11. Asian Mistress

    You just made me want to have sex. Really good fucking sex. Sigh.

    …and a meatball.

    (That sounded dirty)

  12. Needtsza

    Kass had a bit of random sex too? and here I didn’t go out this weekend. Damn it!

    Good for you Vel-viv-devo. The ying 😉 of a shitty week, followed with the wang, i mean yang of a good bangin’.

    Cheers. Btw, Ying is the best beer. tis truth

  13. Old Lady

    See, I told you those youngun’s packed power in their punch. Ha!

  14. Needtsza

    how ‘young’ are we talkin’ about?

    is 30 old?

  15. Old Dude

    30 is older than shit.

  16. bettyjoan

    Wow. All I can say is…well, WOW. That, and I need more details. 🙂

  17. Marci

    I really wish I had seen this before last night…if would have made that goodbye so much funnier. Not that you were paying any attention to us girls whatsoever!

    Hot damn.

  18. KassyK

    Needs–No, I wish I had some sex!!

  19. Tyler

    Wow… I am still awed by sex on the harley… and very jealous. Good for you for having such a fabulous day!!

  20. NR

    I guess m quote about Living for the Weekend was more prescient than I might have thought. I’m amazing.

  21. LadyDiDC

    Happy Assday! Wish I was getting some. Damn, I’m jealous. The highlight of that night for me was wearing my hot new knee boots.

  22. Serena

    Well, hot damn. Glad to see you finally found that biker bar ; )

  23. Lucky

    This “authentic italian” eatery. Was it in bush gardens? I’ve been there.

    EMTs have a nickname for harley riders, they call them “Organ Donors”

  24. barbara

    This sounds too good to be true! At this rate you are going to be out of new material by the end of the week. Is there no trouble in paradise? I’m impressed that you even had time to get to the Post Office. TY!

  25. Not So Little Woman

    Way to go, Velvet. Will live vicariously through you….

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