Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Don’t Try To Tell Me It Ain’t What It Is, I’m Good

Two friends asked me this weekend if I would post their respective, current plights on my blog seeking your expert, non-biased opinions. This works out well for me considering that my own weekend passed in such a drunken (cough, among other things, cough) haze that I don’t really recall any material of my own. Though, I do remember a near bar fight with some troll who couldn’t wait 10 seconds for me to pee and found it necessary to bang on the door like a lunatic and I also remember that the bar I went to on Friday was subjected to an armed robbery just minutes before my girls and I walked in. But I digress. Today is about the friends needing your advice.

Situation 1:
My friend Kate has been seeing a guy for a little while now, and he was at her house on the other night. As the evening progressed, they had sex. She told him to make sure he pulled out. Then, feeling a change in the dynamic, she knew that he had come and she asked him point blank if he did. He said no. She got up, and being that this is something we girls will find out anyway (helloooo gravity,) she went to the bathroom and realized that there was now a “mystery” substance coming out of her body. So she asked him again, “Are you SURE?” He said, again, “No.” So she presents her evidence (verbally, not like she showed it to him, though I said she should have,) and he says that he didn’t feel it. She told him she highly doubted he could have an orgasm and not feel it. He’s sticking with his story, denying all knowledge on his part that he actually came.

Now, despite the fact that I have very large balls, I do not have a penis. I cannot answer this question for sure, I just know that of the men I have been with, no one has ever been “not sure” whether they actually had an orgasm or not.

Boys? Little help? Is it possible to come and not feel it? Is he a big, fat, lying, selfish, pre-pubescent boy who can’t control or feel his orgasms?

Situation 2:
Another friend who I’ve named “Sixes and Sevens,” met a guy at a bar. They both seemed quite interested in each other and spent a good portion of the evening talking. The guy seemed to be painfully shy. Despite this, he asked for her number twice and they exchanged information. There were some emails over a couple days that seemed to show interest on both sides of this puzzle. Then there was talk of possible weekend plans. He was unable to meet her Friday, but said that Saturday he would be at a certain bar with a bunch of friends if she wanted to stop by.

The bar in question is not a contiguous space, and while we sat in the bar at the corner, he made his way around the place talking to various people but never came over to say hi to her. She assumes he saw us and didn’t want to come over because he didn’t like her or thought it was weird that she showed up at the bar. I think he was pretty drunk and possibly didn’t see us. He and the friends were really downing the Schlitz. So, what do you all think? Did he see her and not want to talk to her? What should she do? Wait for him to call? Call him? Email him and tell him that she was there and he didn’t see her and she felt like she was intruding in his night out with friends?

Help the girls out with their problems please, as my well of knowledge has been sliced, diced, cut, burned, bumped, blasted, blown and insufflated.


  1. Edina

    For Girl #1: The asshat is a total liar. LIE-EEEEEEER. I ain’t got a penis but I’ve had enough to know they don’t fire without some sort of warning. Velvet is right, she should have LITERALLY shown him her evidence.

    For Girl #2: Here’s hoping he woke up going “wow I could have gotten laid…and here I am alone, face down in the bathroom. I’m a douchebag”. GF, try for a dude who’s drunk-blind doesn’t involve the word “Schlitz”. I doubt he was even BORN in that decade.

  2. Meghan

    Okay, I know it’s been FOREVER since I commented, but I’m tired of just lurking, so:

    1 – How can you NOT know when you cum?
    This guy is such a liar! She should dump him ASAP. I agree with you, she should have shown him the fruits of his labor.

    2 – Surely to buddha he was just drunk out of his mind! What kind of loser asks the girl TWICE for her number, invites her out, then ignores her?? BUT, I don’t think she should contact him. She should lay low and let him come to her. See if he asks why she wasn’t there or something like that . .


  3. E :)

    1. Liar.

    2. Loser.

    Nuff said.

  4. AussieEm

    hahaha While reading this post I was on the phone to one of my best mates so I described the scenarios to him. His response?

    “I think Girl #1 and Girl #2 should hook up. Yeah, that would be hot.”

    *rolls eyes at men and their lesbian fantasies*

  5. Tacoma

    First: God, I don’t know. Whether she should believe him is might best be dependent on if he’s good in bed.
    Second: Move on. Either he didn’t see her and will call again, OR he’s a total loser who thinks nothing of playing a bunch of mind games to see how badly he can treat her.
    Have I mentioned the fact I hate dating?

  6. Wicked H

    1) Honey, please. Next!

    2) Buh bye….seriously.

  7. Drunken Chud

    wow. nice to see the ladies out in force. as far as guy number one is concerned… he’s lying his ass off. the only way to cum and not know it is to be asleep, or passed out. her clue to the fact that he was lying, aside from his lying seed dribbling down her thigh should have been that he wasn’t trying to get her to “finish him off”. or to finish himself off. why? CUZ HE ALREADY CAME. we’re simple creatures. we’re gonna keep going till we reach our desired outcome. period.

    guy 2. here’s the thing. you said before he was painfully shy. you and your girl showed up, which is great. but, when he’s walking bye, if she makes no effort to let him know she’s there, or her body language is not OBVIOUS, like a smile and a wave, or a wink while sucking on her finger seductively while grabbing her own tits, he may in fact have been intimidated to come over. yeah, they have developed a rapport through e-mails and whatnot, but initiating a face to face contact for the second time without some sort of intimation from the other party that said contact is indeed founded, and wanted can be a bit daunting. sounds to me like both of dropped the ball. they were both working off of Napoleon’s Plan for Waterloo: First we show up. then we see what happens. yes, if she thinks the guy is worth it she should shoot him an e-mail saying she was there, and she felt like she was interrupting guys night. and almost verbatim he’ll send an e-mail back saying that in know way would she have been interrupting and that he in fact did see her but was afraid to come over, and how good she looked, and when he got up the courage to come over she was gone and he thought she might be mad… etc. mark my words. this is how this will play out.

  8. upstairs neighbor

    #1 – fibber… all guys, both in and out of relationships, have been chronically masturbating since they were at least 13, we know what it feels like. and the fact that he flat out denies it makes it most likely a lie.

    #2 – i highly doubt the ignoring was intentional… if he did see her he may have been intimidated by the group of women (aren’t we all) but in my book that excuse only works if there were three or more of you sitting there staring back at him.

    i also agree that she should have said something to him, then at least if he was ignoring her she could call him on it to his face. however, if he made his location known he shouldn’t feel weird that she actually showed up.

    email him, say you were there… it’ll be fine.

  9. Velvet

    Kate & Sixes and Sevens – Chud and the Upstairs Neighbor are boys.

    E:) – Sixes & Sevens emailed me to say she loved your answer!

    Edina – My mom drank Schlitz in college…least I thought she said she did. That would be late 1950’s / early 1960’s…

    Meghan – Agreed. When I have an orgasm, not only do I know, but the neighbors know. HA!

    AussieEm – Sigh. No, tell your friend, these two should not hook up!

    Tacoma – Yes, dating sucks the big one.

    Wicked H – Hee hee….

    Chud – It has happened like you have said, word for word before, so I’m inclined to believe you and would recommend to the ladies in question to follow your advice.

    Upstairs Neighbor – Someone’s coming to town this week, someone’s coming to town this week…

  10. "Kate"

    Someone’s coming this weekend? Bet THEY will feel it.

    Thanks for posting…and thanks for the responses. Affirmation that I’m not delusional to think that this was an utter lie has been making me feel much better. Wish me happy STD testing tomorrow. If the dude can’t be honest about an orgasm, chances are whole “I’m safe, I’m clean” could be bullshit as well.

  11. la whisky

    Um, jeebus, are condoms out of style or something? ‘Cause I don’t think the HPV vaccine works for chicks over the age of 22 or something… Anyway, considering that the most common std out there causes cervical and anal cancer, you’d think more people would be wrapping it up. Anyway – asshole #1 is a liar and possibly suffers from premature ejaculation, which makes him a loser two-times over.

    #2 – Men are idiots. Even the ones with functioning neurons are idiots. This one sounds like he needs a little more time on the vine.

    The thing for both friends to remember? There is a vast ocean of more idiots – and not all of them ejaculate prematurely or suffer from momentary social retardation. My motto is, “Next!”

  12. LMNt

    1) No way in hell. If she ever sees the dude again, it’s too soon. Her path of choice here would be to pray as hard as she can to whoever she believes in that she’s not pregnant and go get that test ASAP. Oh, and use a condom next time.

    2) Guy probably didn’t see her or was afraid to talk to her. Guy needs to grow some balls if he ever wants to lose his virginity. Not worth the time. If he’s REALLY REALLY hot, she should send an email that says “hey, sorry I missed you the other night, how was it?” and see what happens. But don’t say we didn’t warn you when his catch phrase becomes “I dunno… what do YOU want to do?”

  13. upstairsneighbor

    yeah i’m coming to town… maybe i’ll do my impression of guy #1 and when you see me you’ll go:

    ‘you made it, you finally came!”

    and i’ll go:

    “i’m not really standing here it’s your imagination. i didn’t actually come.”

    …you people aren’t going to make me drink schlitz are you?

  14. 1933

    I think LMNt has it down… the first scenario seems pretty covered, but the second is hard to call without really seeing the body language. Maybe he saw her, didn’t think she looked happy to be there/in a good mood/what have you and decided to lay low. A little cowardly, but I’ve done that myself… seen a guy I’d chatted with out somewhere, tried not to look too interested, then wondered why they didn’t say hi. So she should follow up, but not expect much if this shyness is going to bother her, because it probably won’t go away.

  15. Arjewtino

    If you shot a gun, don’t you think you’d feel the recoil?

    Whether he came or not isn’t even the issue. It’s pretty obvious that he did. The issue is that this clown was disrespectful of your friend’s feelings and wishes and can’t even admit to himself that he’s the kind of guy who thought he could get away with it. Gives us all a bad name.

  16. Velvet

    Kate – Dying to hear what happened with him on the phone…

    La Whisky – SHHHH! Don’t make it worse! She’s already freaked!

    LMNt – At least we know she’s not pregnant. And you are another boy, so I’m pointing you out in the hopes that Sixes and Sevens takes note!

    Upstairs Neighbor – You little tease…

    1933 – Good point. There wasn’t a lot of body language. He was doing a bit of dancing, chatting with the friends. I sort of had her backed into a corner at the bar, so all of this is hard to call.

    Arjewtino – This actually happened to me once where the guy didn’t pull out in time. But it was my long term boyfriend and it just sort of snuck up on him. But he didn’t deny it. He just said, “Oops.” Yes, she’s not pleased.

  17. LPM

    I’m attempting to explain with least possible ewwness.

    a>Us males, we maka da pee-pee and maka da blam-blam outa same hole. So, when the big “O” is on its way, we secrete something I like to call um, damn, a mere 16 years go by and I forget my high-school biology. Pre-ejaculate is the term.* This stuff sterilizes a guys internals so that our lil’ speedboats get to cruise down the vas deferens* without looking like they just took a swim in the Anacostia river.

    The long and short of it (no pun intended) is that some guys produce a lot of this stuff, other guys don’t.**

    b>You ladies have um, stuff. Stuff… down there… In there… down… Anyway, we shake stuff loose inside you. There was some Desmond Morris special on TLC years ago that dealt with human reproduction. Our, um, shape is designed to act as a plunger. To help us “extract” (brb gotta vomit) the previous guys’ deposits.


    Errata: Men can ejaculate and not come. They can also have those leeeetle orgasms too. This guy may not equate a diet-coke orgasm with a full-fledged one, but that’s just because he’s stupid.

    Now, did he do it? I can honestly say I don’t know. If her inner-weasel alarm is going off, then that should be enough for her.

    If she didn’t take a morning-after pill or something, my advice is to have her either a> cut him by “mistake” and make sure to save the rag or bandage with the blood or to swipe his comb or hair brush.**** Why go through a lengthy court battle for a DNA sample, when you already have a specimin handy.

    I’ve no opinion on number 2. It’s late and I need to go to bed.

    *The other term is Cowper’s Fluid. WTF is up with this? Women get cool terms like labia and clitoris. Us? Cowper’s Fluid. This is bullshit. And don’t even get me started on the vas deferens. I went looking for info on that and half of the google links led me to studies on mice. I think you’re cool Velvet. I think you’re really cool, but I’m not looking at mouse-dicks for you. Not. Gonna. Happen.

    **Don’t ask me how I know this. I try and block out all of my memories of that turkish prison.

    ***The former is much more satisfying, but you may wind up in a turkish prison.

  18. KM

    Leaving aside the question of whether #1 is a liar (he is), how good could the sex have been if he didn’t know it? Why would she want him back in that case?

  19. Patsy

    #1. Liar. Plain and simple. I’d have rubbed it all over his face. LITERALLY!

    #2. SCHLITZ! Your gf’s need to vet your men. Cuz….SCHLITZ!!!

  20. playfulinnc


    I couldn’t deal with either of them, but then again, I like a man to ejaculate when I walk in the room, so neither scenario would be my picking.

  21. Velvet

    LPM – Can you email me? That was an extensive amount of research which made me laugh my ass off, but I think my girl would like to talk to you if you don’t mind.

    KM – That issue did come up as well. You know once we girls cool off from being mad, we revert back to our own insecurities.

    Patsy – HA!

    PlayfulinNC – Yes, this is what you are missing by not being in the dating world. Kiss N for me. And I sent you something, you should have it by week’s end.

  22. Mahern

    Not that I necessarily believe the guy in Situation 1 but I will say my last boyfriend sometimes had trouble knowing if he came or not because he was on a lot of anti-depressants. He said he’d go to pee and find that he’d cum all over his underwear without knowing it.

  23. marie

    Situation #1: there’s nothing for me to add – Dump ‘im.

    Situation #2: I dunno.. She said he *was* very shy.. He wouldn’t have told her where he was going if he didn’t want her there. Give him a quick call (or send him an email) and see what his reaction is.

  24. miss dorgasm

    contrary to all the awesome people who know everything there is to know–guys can, in fact, have a subtle mini-orgasm without recognizing it. it’s sort of like being multi-orgasmic, but not that satisfying. a guy can go on and keep at the task at hand after this “mini” orgasm– so he might not even think it was the real deal– just a damn good stroke.

    so i don’t know shit about this jackoff– but i know there are some facts in his corner.

  25. Not So Little Woman

    On guy no. 1) Still not clear why a condom was not used (I’m sure she had her reasons, but in my book until I see a fuckin’ paper that says “all clean”, the boy is putting that rubber on).
    Anyways, on the subject of whether he came or not, I can only guess that he probably did. A good question no one has asked is if he was flaccid (sp?) afterward. If he wasn’t, then the theories of “mini orgasm” could work. If he was… honey, he came and is a liar. Either way, he should be sent on his way. Not being able to trust someone will respect your wishes is enough reason to follow la whisky’s idea (and mine too, for that matter): “Next!”

    Guy no. 2) Painfully shy can be problem. Email or text or whatever system of comunication is being used and communicate. If he does not respond it’s not that he’s shy is that… well, he’s probably one of those guys that get the number and never call.

  26. *A*

    1. could it have been “pre-cum”? either way, he’s a nerd….drop him.
    2. personally I am a firm believer of the girl saying hi in these situations, why bother playing the game, if you are there, go say hi!! he probably saw but is thinking that she should have said hi and maybe she doesn’t like him? guys are just as insecure as we are….I say email him and make a funny joke about it… GOOD LUCK to both girls.

  27. "Kate"

    Gotta sort some things out here…

    1) We had previously had sex with a condom…under those cirCUMstances he was able to control it. This time we didn’t have any condoms left, and I stupidly thought he would have some restraint and pull out. These aren’t excuses…I’m a dipshit…I got that. Its just what happened. I’m not pissed that he came, I’m pissed that he lied about it because he felt like a stupid shit that couldn’t control his pee pee. Oh, and I’m on the pill…so I should be good to go on the no baby front. STD tests still pending.

    2) What is a mini orgasm? There was substantial evidence that I soon had to deal with (as Velvet says) due to gravity. And this evidence is quite a definable substance. Not something that I, as a woman produce on my own. It was his, it was a lot. And as for the flacid question…within seconds, fizzled out completely.

    3) All easily offended, please skip this one…I first asked him if he came because I FELT IT throb. If I felt it, how could he not?

    4) No the sex wasn’t good. It was short-lived to only his deniable benefit.

    5) I’m not looking for a reason to excuse this. I’m looking for validation that I’m not crazy in thinking its close to impossible for him to be telling me the truth. I can’t handle people that lie to me. I can basically never get over that, especially if they can’t admit that they lied. He’s done…all but for making somewhat fun conversation.

  28. I-66

    Uh… I’ve never seen the “pre” look like the actual, and there really isn’t very much of that to begin with so that it could be confused. And I’ll argue that flaccidity (or maybe I’m just making up words) is not necessarily indicative of having just came – in other words, just because you just did, doesn’t mean it always goes limp.

    I’ve never ever not known when I came. Not once. There’s no question to me that he wasn’t being truthful, but given the circumstances and consequences that can come about as a result of what he’d just done, I can see why he might’ve hastily decided to deny it. I’m not excusing him at all, mind you, but say it was a mistake after all and he didn’t mean to, he might not have wanted to believe it himself, so it would’ve been easy to say “no”.

  29. LMNt

    A good question no one has asked is if he was flaccid (sp?) afterward.

    Flaccid or erect is by no means an indicator. I’ve definitely been known to have an orgasm and stay hard.

    As far as detection of my own orgasm, I’m with I-66. I have NEVER EVER IN MY LIFE not known. Last year, I got a pretty nasty bronchial infection and was on all kinds of drugs. An interesting side effect that came with these drugs is that I’d start to “erupt” before I actually had an orgasm. Freaked me and the girlfriend out, but I knew the second it started, even though I hadn’t come yet. Sometimes that will happen drug free when the sex it completely unbelievably good, but again, I know the second I start to expel the little guys, every time. I’ve had the “mini/multiple” orgasms too, and even then, I have to insist it’s physically impossible for a man not to know he’s ejaculated. And I’m not going to even begin to comment about what I think of a guy who’d lie about that particular action.

  30. LMNt


    My blind rage at how this jackass is screwing things up for the rest of us got the better of my typing skillz.

  31. 6s & 7s

    Thanks Patsy! You are so right. This is what happens when you come into town, get me drunk and then leave me with the carnage. Thank god for Velvet. Shy, Schlitz or Loser…HE REALLY MISSED OUT. I think he can give at least 10% here. And geeze, Girl #1 I am sorry…my lame ass problem pales in comparison.

  32. JohnnyDC

    1. Pffft. Its not even a question of knowing or not, its the simple glee of dropping the bomb right over downtown Bagdad. Pulling out is like “abort mission” and no ace wants to abort, if you knows what I mean. Fortunately for ya girls, most guys “mature” or whatever you want to call it and get wise to the whole baby thing. But the voice of the caveman/immature guy is still pretty strong, whispering sweet nothings.

    So, yep, he gave in, and then did what all lobos do… lied about it, denied and lied again. Cuz ya know, if you tell a girl the nontruth a bunch of times, sooner or much much later the insecurity comes out, you know, she thinks on the two hundredth lie — he might be right?? Nope. Just lying his ass off! hahaha.

    I conclude with three words: bust those balls.

    2. meh. I dont know and think the reasons could be many. Maybe his herpes was acting up that day. Who knows.

    There’s no chips on the table as of yet though so throw out another lure and get you another big fish.

  33. lgcll

    1) she should be using a condom if she don’t want cum in her. he’s a liar. she needs to get her head on straight. so does he. they should both sit in a corner for a month or two and think about what they’ve done. (i know the condomless wonder already copped to the fact that it was stupid. not rubbing it in, just reinforcing. so, yeah, he’s a liar.)

    2) why didn’t she go talk to him? she should’ve walked right into the bar, made sure you were pleasantly seated and boozing, then gone to find him, talk with him for a moment, point out where you two were seated and that’s that.

  34. Velvet

    Mahern – Holy hell. I never gave the whole meds thing a second thought.

    Marie – I think she should do this too…but we’ll see. stubborn chicks!

    Miss Dorgasm – HA! Love the name.

    NSLW – Yes yes, sometimes we girls screw up and forget the condoms. She did come back to explain, but we all make errors in judgment, myself included. Gee, I almost choked while writing that.

    *A* – I agree – I think Girl #2 should email, or something. But we’ll see. She has so many men hanging around her front door that I am not sure she cares all that much.

    Kate – I told you last night, I’ve done this very thing myself. Don’t feel bad about it. And you’ve taken care of him anyway and put him on the first train out of town, right?

    I66 – Agreed. The “pre” doesn’t look or smell like the actual, and there actually isn’t enough of it that it could be confused with the real deal. At least not with the boys I’ve known.

    Sixes and Sevens – You are one cool chick, so yes, I am glad you are not all torn up. Just confused. As am I, really. Though, I have archives full of dates and men who acted interested then chose something else over me. So who knows?

    Johnny – OMG, a comment where there’s not a spanking! And “maybe his herpes was acting up that day?” AWESOME! You are a riot. Sppppank!

    LMNt – I would say after reading your comment that girls have mini-orgasms too. I have some that are better than others, and it is interesting that guys do as well. We tend to think of the male orgasm as an all or nothing.

  35. I-66

    I feel as though I’m close to the situation with Sixes and Sevens. Call it a hunch, but it sounds very similar to something of which I am aware.

  36. 6s & 7s

    I-66….Oh god. Oh God. Blog world…very small. very scary.

  37. I-66

    Not really 6s & 7s (by the way, one of my favorite English phrases), I am just perceptive when I want to be.

    I think I’m going to start an “Ask I-66” blog where people tell me very little about someone and ask me whether that person is worth their time and I tell them “yes” or “no” with no explanation. I tell you I’m right 95% of the time. Ask Velvet.

  38. Not So Little Woman

    Regarding LMNt’s comment, I’ve never witnessed that (hence my flacid theory). Once again, you learn something new every day.

    Kate, not passing judgement on you (hence my line “I’m sure she had her reasons”). Just wondering. And I agree with Velvet. Don’t feel bad about it. HE’s the one who -at any rate-should feel bad.

  39. Washington Cube

    Ok. First of all..the funny part…I printed this out and showed it to a guy friend and he said, “WHAT is this? Did YOU write this?” Heavy shock. Anyway, he said, re: guy #1…Why is he denying it so vehemently? and guy #2? He said it’s very strange and hard to say without more information.

  40. barbara

    #1: In 57 years I’ve never met a guy who didn’t know he did it! I’mpossible. Maybe he’s embarrassed, but not innocent!

    #2: I have a shy son, so I can sympathize with the shy guy. If she’s interested, she is just going to have to take the initiative, at least initially.

  41. also in dupont

    Although I feel some twinge of sympathy for both girls here, I feel compelled to point out that perhaps if you had all stayed in school, your first friend would’ve learned the answer to this question in health class, and the second would’ve acquired the linguistic and social skills necessary to solve her dilemma. These aren’t tough questions, folks.

  42. Velvet

    I66 / Sixes & Sevens – Um…..

    I 66 – I LOVE the “Ask I66 Blog” now that FDDC is gone. I’m not equipped to give advice, hence, my deferral to you all.

    NSLW – Yes, make Kate feel better! Please!

    Cube – This is NOT the first post of mine you’ve printed out and showed to a friend! HA! I think that undies pic of me made it to a few of your friends too, didn’t it?

    Barbara – I agree…and awww, Dan. Send him my way!

    Also in Dupont – “Stayed in School?” Um, what??? In my health class they didn’t say squat about feeling a guy come vs. his lying about it. And the 2nd friend, uh, okay…whatever you say…

  43. "Kate"

    also in dupont: I guess I did miss the health class that talked about the audacity of a guy trying to weasel out of this situation by just denying all sensation of it. This whole part of the post started because I did vehemently doubt what he was saying, and voiced this to him…REPEATEDLY. But after a couple hours of him sticking to his original assertion, the stupid girlie in me had the whole “maybe I’m being too hard on him, maybe it is possible” crap start to haunt me. Hence the question of the post: Whether or not its possible for a guy to have an orgasm and not feel it. As much as I wish there could have been a comprehensive chapter on the deceptions of men (and of women for the guys out there)…I’m having to resort to stumbling upon them through life. Damn I wish I had your text books. PS, not all conversation has to be stimulated with tough questions. I’m pretty certain I had my answer with his initial, “eh no”, but sometimes relating your frustrations (not problems to be solved) can give a sense of reassurance. However I did actually learn from many of the responses here. Yours isn’t one of them.

    lgcll: I think I already stated that I got the “you should have used condoms” memo. Thanks, nothing like a berating to add salt to a wound. Again, the question of topic: Is it at all possible for a guy to have an orgasm and not feel it?

  44. LPM

    Kate: Your point in #5 is spot-on. You’re right. He’s wrong. F’em.

    Mahern: Anti-depressants? Wow. The last time I heard something like that happening to anyone was in the eigth grade. Drugs must really take the edge off.

    In regards to not wanting to pull out: why the hell not? Has this boy not watched any porn in his life?

    In college I would almost always pull out. I couldn’t afford to have a child. It was just that simple. Yeah, she SAID she was on the pill, but come on.

    So, you know, when the time came… pull out, extend the left arm,throw up the horns, yell “FREEBIRD” and collapse into a deep sleep; hopefully waking up alone.

    Why couldn’t this guy do that?

  45. Velvet

    LPM – PLEASE email me. Gracias. Smooches.

  46. Dan

    Dammit, that’s what I get for going on vacation and not checking Vel’s blog in a few days. I’m so late on this one… So much has already been said.

    Re: number 1 – sounds much more likely he’s more committed to his lie than that he suddenly would not know about his own physical response. While the amount of sensation can vary greatly, and a fellow can cum without orgasm and orgasm without cumming, and it’s physically possible to cum without knowing it, applying Occam’s razor to this scenario leaves me with the belief that he’s more embarrassed being caught in his lie than he is in so woefully screwing up the screwing.

    Re: Number 2, I did much the same thing when I was 10 and embarrassed to be meeting a girl. It was a Friendlys not a bar, and I was sipping a strawberry jr. fribble, but we agreed to meet, and when I showed up and saw her there, I was too scared to talk to her. Cause I was ten. And I’ve never forgotten about what might have been. Tara, I’m sorry. I should have bought you that fishamajig…

  47. rachelle

    Not sure what can be said that hasn’t already…

    My only thought on Guy #1 is that maybe he was so overcome with embarrassment at his premature ejaculation that he lied about it. Not that that would make it right, but it may have honestly been an accident.

    Guy #2 – is it possible that he didn’t recognize her? I’ve met people before when I was out drinking and completely forgotten what they looked like until the next time I saw them…

  48. Old Lady

    Not to change the subject-Saw you guys have a new police chief. Looking foward to future DC Cops stories!

  49. Elizabeth

    Since all I can add here would literally whip the horse to death, I will comment on Old Lady’s comment…you can be sure the popo stories will be kicked up a notch.Velvet, you and the rest of these dear commentors provide me with all the endomorphine stimulating belly laughs a girl could need!I suppose I could get the same effect from getting off my azz and working out, but I’d rather be right here. Pass the Schlitz, I love ya all!

  50. Velvet

    Old Lady – Hmmph. We’ll see!

    Elizabeth – Aww! Everytime I think I’m going to quit, one of you people come along and tell me how I make you laugh, and then I recommit myself again to writing.

    Dan – A vacation from Velvet? How dare you…

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