I had dinner tonight with Giggles, The King of the Dog Park and Sixes and Sevens. Giggles was sent away for work, so it was a catch up dinner of sorts.
Sixes and Sevens, holding up her beverage and looking at me: Mazel Tov!
We were toasting to my aforementioned good news. No, not engaged. No, not preggers. Despite my hatred of Greenspan and the damage he did to our economy while making MY PRECIOUS INDUSTRY the fall guy, I know a good deal when I see one. And people? A house on the Eastern Shore that your company built and needs to get rid of for a drastically reduced price is a GOOD DEAL. I am a homeowner. Again! Two homes in my name, my mini real estate empire has begun!
I would have filled Giggles in on all the details, but I didn’t bother. I told him the one thing that I knew would make his face light up: My front door faces a liquor store.
The King of the Dog Park: So, Giggles, did Velvet tell you what she did?
Sixes and Sevens: You haven’t been reading her blog!
Velvet: I haven’t posted it yet. I needed to whale on Greenspan.
Giggles: So? What happened?
The King of the Dog Park: A public blowjob!
Sixes and Sevens: In the Sports Authority dressing room!
Velvet: Potomac Yard baby. Dressing room one. Don’t go in there.
Giggles: Wait, why?
The King of the Dog Park: Bitch didn’t swallow! Poor Sherlock!
Velvet: What the fuck! I didn’t have a beverage to wash it down with, nor did I want to go out and pay for the clothes I just tried on with goop all over my face! So I ripped off a price tag and cleaned up with that. I stuck it under the bench, so really, don’t go in there barefoot.
The King of the Dog Park: That story gets me so hot.
Sixes and Sevens: Why? Because you have a thing for Shirley?
The King of the Dog Park: No. It’s the public sex that turns me on.
Velvet: Well, for him too. He was so fast I didn’t get lockjaw this time. All future blowjobs will occur in public.
The King of the Dog Park: This is masturbation material for a week now.