You all are probably familiar with the I heart NY shirts. There was even a song that went along with this slogan. A very, very bad song on all the New York television stations in the 70’s. IIIIIIIIIII love New Yorrrrrrrrrrrrk. Oh hell. Now I have several commercials from the 70’s going through my head like that stupid Flemington Furs in NJ where they follow the lady down the street and the Pocono’s commercial…”winter spring summer or fall!” Okay, off topic.
So here it is. The logo we all know.
I assumed that New York was the first to make this slogan. New York is always the first to do anything. Anyway, seems I was right.
Recently, I started seeing the same shirts for D.C. I find it hard to love D.C. so it is comical to me that someone would actually put this on a t-shirt. It’s like putting “I love a swampy shithole filled with lying politicians and a sub-par public transportation system” on a t-shirt, but whatever. There’s a guy with a Ben’s Chili Bowl tattoo in my neighborhood, I suppose everyone has their vice. Anyway, suddenly I am seeing people all over town wearing these shirts. Not just any people though.
You would expect to see this on a tourist, right? A tourist walking next to another tourist wearing the FBI (Female Body Inspector) shirt. Hardy har har. But there are very few tourists in my ‘hood or any of the ‘hoods in which I hang.
Here’s the offending apparel by the way:
So who is wearing them? Homeless people. HOMELESS PEOPLE!
Okay, what is going on? Seriously. Are they being handed out at the area shelters? Does anyone see how this might be a cruel twist of philanthropy – having a homeless person wear a shirt announcing their “love” of a city they are ill equipped to leave; declaring love for a city that has disappointed them in so many ways; proclaiming their supposed attachment to a city that has chewed them up and spit them out, into the gutters of the soon to be unplowed snowy streets. Thanks Fenty! You’re a real workhorse! Sorry, off topic again.
Whoever handed these shirts out is either an idiot or has a sense of humor more fucked than mine. Can you imagine that meeting where this gem of an idea was hatched?
Douchebag Number 1: Gee, let’s make a bunch of ‘I love D.C.’ shirts and give them to the most captive audience we know have – the homeless.
Douchebag Number 2: Oh, Douchebag 1, you are so smart. There certainly are a lot of homeless people here. They will be happy to have a clean, new shirt. The swamp city simultaneously gets some free advertising during peak tourist time. Ingenious!
Douchebag Number 3: Yes! Using people who wander the streets all day instead of paying for advertising. Walking billboards! It’s like subliminal advertising, soon everyone will be wearing the shirts!
Douchebag’s Boss: You’re getting a payraise Douchebag 1! For the millions you saved us in advertising I’m going to give you 1/10 of 1 pay grade raise.
Douchebag 1: That’s four dollars a year! Thank you! I might be able to move closer to the city now. My commute from West Vagina is hard!
I personally want to make a shirt that says “I heart D.C. Cops.” Then I want to wipe my ass with it. Oh. Sorry. Off topic again.
Most cities, err, most normal cities try to minimize the undesirables by pretending they don’t exist. Here? Oh, hell no. We’re just pompous enough to not only use our undesirables, but to put them in the brightest yellow shirts anyone can find. I think that is a much better tourist draw anyway. Now we just need a new slogan.
“The District of Columbia, we’re so wonderful even the bums won’t leave!”