Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

You Took My Body and Played to Win

Some simple math to start things off.

1 Lorazepam + 1 Klonopin + 1 joint = I’m so sorry I blacked out at your bachelorette party and I don’t remember a fucking thing. No, I don’t remember that either.

1 set of car keys + 3 Texas sized “medium” beers = We stole some chick’s car for a joyride.

1 returned, joyridden vehicle, reparked across the street + 1 bag of Chex Mix + a Big Gulp + Patsy = Damn fine entertainment.

You will need to recall “order of operations” for this next one.

1 “almost” three year old blog whose writer prefers the rating XXX + (1 friend – any morals whatsoever) + increased searches for said friend both on google and in the Velvet search box = A Brand New Weekly Column from Sixes and Sevens!

Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, you will come cum to love Tuesdays. Sixes and Sevens, formerly known as BIGGER BITCH THAN YOU, is going to begin her column here, called C U Next Tuesday! We’re very excited about this new column here at the Velvet in Dupont Headquarters. (Site of HQ: My bed.) We ran this by our Board of Directors (that’s really just me) and they gave it the okay. Then we finalized the details with our marketing department (also just me) and they felt this was the way to address our nationwide focus group findings: MORE SMUT. Finally, we consulted the Finance Department (also me.) They felt that with the recent dip in the economy they could not budget any additional funds for this endeavor. Then we all laughed hysterically since everyone knows Sixes and Sevens puts her sex life on display for free.

Exxxcellent Smithers.


  1. mama in lala

    Wow. I’m excited. Funny, back in the dog park days I had know idea there lay this pulsating undercurrent of sexual (mis)adventures. Bring it!

  2. ma

    I don’t get to watch soaps, so lets go Ms. Sixes and Sevens. Entertain me.

  3. wildbill

    This is WAY better than the NBA ( and it might involve one or two of them too) I also think Sammy & Thora should also post but that’s just crazy talk (or is it?)

  4. I-66

    I haven’t even seen it and I already feel molested.

  5. sixesandsevens


  6. Ms Anthrope

    Oh good lord Velvet. That tart is all going to get us fired. The Man doesn’t like it already that I’m constantly trolling Craig’s List. Now this. Geeze.

  7. homeimprovementninja

    Damn. So now I have to wear a condom when I read this site?

  8. sixesandsevens

    at least you won’t need the lube or a fluffer…that’s what I’m here for kids!

  9. Uncle Keith

    I’m so excited my nipples are erect!

  10. I-66

    Like she uses lube.

  11. sixesandsevens

    some places and some times call for lube. Here I can show you…(tomorrow).

  12. I-66

    I wait with (mastur)bated breath.

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