Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I’m Waiting For the Sun to Set Cause Yesterday Ain’t Over Yet

I had a really bad week last week. (I actually wrote that sentence before it even reached the bottom.)

I had the kind of week where you have to take a Klonnie every night because you can’t cope with your life. I knew this would happen, because two weeks ago I actually heard myself say, out loud, “I love my life right now.” (After I said it out loud, I heard my mother screaming “TOUVLO!” from Connecticut, which means, “idiot” in Greek because I knew I jinxed myself.)

So it’s why I didn’t write. I can’t write when I’m really miserable. I know, I’m the opposite of most of you and Hemingway. You are more creative when miserable.

Monday was a disaster followed by a Tuesday, a disaster of more epic proportions, mostly because my Monday at 5:00 went something like this: “Drop everything, this needs to be done right away.” This is not the first time this has happened at the Vortex. I always hope it will be the last, but now, it’s happened enough that I need to have a conversation about it. Damn it. I hate having to point out the obvious: When you routinely wait until the last minute to dump something on me of this level of complication, be prepared for mistakes. And because of the kind of work, these mistakes could end up following us for a couple years.

Then, as has also happened several times, the work dumped on me was not dumped with its details in their entirety. Nope. They were uncovered during the day like a treasure hunt, changing everything and making me start from scratch. The only break I took was a phone call from the vet to thankfully tell me that Thora’s tumor wasn’t cancer. Christ, finally something goes okay. So my deadline came and the only thing I accomplished was wasting an entire fucking day and getting nowhere. I put my name in the upper right hand corner and turned that puppy in. Fuck.

Even though the deadline was at 5, I ended up working until 10 because I’m the only one who knew something and had to run a meeting. Did I mention that during my 14 hour day I also had to hold my emotional shit together because Mr. X and I were engrossed in a drama of “All My Children” proportions and I just needed a good cry.

And wait, when I came in a few hours late the next day to make up for that ridiculous 14 hour day I pulled, I had emails asking for stuff “first thing.” It’s time to count my gray hairs. If unemployment wasn’t at 10% I’d go get another less stressful, more organized job. (Liars keep saying 5.8% unemployment but don’t forget that some people burn through those 26 weeks and still have no job. And by “some people,” I mean me and those like me who know working is for the birds.)

So when a tornado hit my office and the power went out across the area, leaving several co-workers stuck in the elevator, I was so burned out I had no problem going home to my de facto new roommate, E. I love that E cooks for me and walks the dogs. I don’t love that E spilled balsamic vinegar all over my freshly shampooed car mats. There was always some reason to not get my car detailed. Summer brings beach and sand and dogs. Fall brings leaves. Winter brings sand from snowplows, it was always something. Sucking it up and getting the car de-dog-haired took four years of warming up and was such a big deal and all it takes is one E and one shoddy tupperware container away from destruction.

After I kicked her out of my car, I drove to work and promptly took my car mat to the sink at work and washed it. Someone walked in and said, “What the hell is that?” And I said, with that tone like everyone should be doing it and I’m starting the trend, “I’m just cleaning my car mat.” When someone later asked why the office smelled, I said, “Oh, because I put my car mat on the a/c vent.” In my disoriented and stressed state, it never occurred to me that any of what I was saying was, well, ridiculous.

I tried to keep my head up for the rest of the week but barely made it. When I got home on Friday I had big plans for running and working out and all I did was medicate and lay in bed. From Friday at 4:00 until now, Sunday night at 11:30 p.m. It was too hot to do anything. You would think that not leaving the house would mean nothing else bad happened.

You would be wrong.

I lost my emotional shit again over a misunderstood text message and a phone being turned off and just when that resolved itself and I thought I could finally send this week packing into the past, my mom called. My uncle died Saturday night.

Fuck. Me. To. Tears.

Well. You wanted me to write. I told you it wasn’t good.


  1. Anonymous

    That sounds like the worst week ever. So sorry about your uncle. I hope that everything else gets better for you as soon as it possibly can. Take care, Cyndy

  2. Erika

    Yes, take care of yourself. I’m sorry.

  3. Talking Budgie

    Shit. I hope things get better for you. Good vibes being sent your way…

  4. bettyjoan

    So sorry about your uncle–I’ll be sending good vibes and hoping that the coming weeks are much, much better.

  5. jordanbaker

    That’s just too much for such a short period of time.

  6. F

    E, that stupid slut. It’s a good thing she made your breakfast that day and made sure that you ate yesterday when all that shit when down. Little Jewish mother, she is. But spilling balsamic in the CAR! What a dumbass.

  7. I-66

    Here’s hoping that this Monday brings about an upward swing. I don’t know what’s worse, everything over the last week put together or having to share a living space with E.

  8. E

    “Oh well, my car smells better now than it did with that GHETTO LEMON SHIT!”

    I believe you said that yourself.

  9. suicide_blond

    …poor thing…it must be the planets aligned or misaligned… cause it seems to be going around…keep your head up chickie…or keep the klonnies coming…

  10. mysterygirl!

    Hopefully it was just limited to one horrible week, which now is over. I’ll keep my fingers crossed!

  11. ma

    Man, Velvet. I do hope that things get better. I feel so bad for whining about having to write a bridesmaids speech now.

  12. sixesandsevens


    well move over and save some space on the All My Children channel. I might be going postal at INS today.

  13. Uncle Keith

    Damn, sounds like everybody is having problems. This looks like a job for Porn!

    In all seriousness, I’m sorry to hear about your Uncle. I hope the outlook for everything else starts improving.

  14. Shannon

    I’m so sorry – what a lousy week.

  15. E

    Don’t worry baby Velvie. I’m coming on the 17th to make you food and exercise with you. I’ll tuck you in and kiss your forehead, too!

  16. Drunken Chud

    klonopin is good, but alcohol is more resolute. just a friendly reminder from your neighborhood drunk. if your neighborhood extends to the midwest.

  17. Ulysses

    So, now you’re telling yourself you’re gonna have to keep it together, keep it together, keeeeep it to-ge-ther, to help your mom out. Make some Velvet time. Schedule it. Work on it.
    In the meantime, here’s a shoulder; land some big punches on it. No, not like a girl, like you mean it. Oww,… Hey!,… Kidding! God Damn girl, you been working out? That’s gonna leave a mark…

  18. JohnnyDC

    I love this movie. I believe Clint Eastwood finally comes by and tells you he’ll euthanize before moving south to live with his key lime pie.

  19. Dara

    When my mom died, everyone kept telling me stuff like keep taking deep breaths while remembering to put one foot in front of the other. Or something. It’s cliche, but it works, and eventually, gets better. Trust me.

    Well, either that or when you get to a breaking point, you decide to take two weeks and drive up the California coast. That works too. 🙂

  20. Beach Bum


  21. Lemmonex

    I am sorry life sees it fit to throw so much shit at you right now. Bah.

  22. wildbillthePirate

    ” She said it wasn’t Good,
    she knew you understood,
    Work’s a Chore,
    with Idiots Galore,
    and vinegared mats to Boot!

    Emo’s a Roller Coster,
    if only things worked as their supposta’,
    less pills would be taken,
    and more Love would be makin’,

    We’re empty when someone dies,
    mark not their death, but their Lives’,
    Remember that things can only get Better,
    even in sultry DC weather!

  23. sixesandsevens

    i want to start taking whatever it is that wild bill has be prescribed.

  24. Velvet

    Thank you all for your well wishes, poems, words of encouragement.

    My uncle is being cremated today, as he didn’t want a funeral. So I won’t be driving up to the Jerz this week. My work project just came back to me and switched all around again. The phone system at work was just changed and somehow all the main number calls are coming to my phone. Not sure how that happened but it is indeed hilarious.

  25. St. Augustine OTB


    If you don’t already have it, download “Hey Julie” by Fountains of Wayne. You might like it.

    I hope this week proves better for you…

    St. A

  26. RestaurantRefugee

    Keeping a good thought for you.

  27. Patsy

    Sending you many well wishes and hugs! That which does not kill you blahblahblah I hate people that say that bullshit. I hope the rest of the week gets better.

  28. wildbillthePirate

    I dare you to start answering your phone : Velvie’s bargain Bondage Barn

  29. Anonymous

    Sounds like a week from hell. So sorry to hear about your uncle.

    You would have loved the “secret room” in the Naples museum containing unbelievable porn. We were supposed to have a reservation to get in, but with no guard we just walked right in. So Italian.

  30. Washington Cube

    Either you’re having a fantastic week, or the week from hell. Hoping it’s the former. I’ve had a lot of deaths in the past three weeks, so you know how it’s been going for me. Secret room? Napoli? What was in the secret room? 🙂

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