First, a complaint. I saw an old woman throw her gum on the street today. That gum will end up on someone’s shoe, virtually impossible to remove. Just because you are old, doesn’t mean you can litter. I wish I could tie that gum a la Crazy Girl City’s post about six degrees, as it moves through the streets of D.C., and somehow ultimately ends up clogging old woman’s pacemaker and kills her. Now that would be funny. Extreme, yes, but there’s nothing I hate more than a litterer.
Next, a movie review. It’s fast, but there’s a lesson to be learned. Maybe.
Tonight I watched Runaway Bride. (Any movie with Joan Cusack and Hector Elizondo has got to be good.) Richard Gere trails Julia Roberts as she makes her fourth attempt at that ubiquitous thing on the wish list of “all women” – the altar. Except that in this case, Julia Roberts doesn’t want to marry any of the men to whom she ends up engaged. Along comes Richard Gere the reporter to do a story where she insists she will actually get married (to the hottie on Law & Order: SVU.) If you haven’t seen it and want to, skip the next paragraph.
Of course she gets to the rehearsal and “runs.” (Well, she makes out with Richard Gere.) And surprise, she and Richard Gere fall in love and blah blah blah. They have a wedding, but she runs from that too. Ultimately what happens? You guessed it. They end up together. Now, why is it that men will become intrigued with a woman for one of her quirks, then think that they will magically drop the quirk, in this case, fear of commitment. In this case, that happens and she eventually succumbs and marries him. What-evah.
That’s all. I’m done with that.
Now. There is a problem. By the comments, everyone is just so pleased with The Bartender. But, how can someone you are dating know about the blog? I can’t possibly write censored and edited, because that’s not being true to me, or to you all as my readers. But then I run the risk of him changing his behaviors based on what I say or don’t say in the blog. There’s an added dimension with the presence of the blog that means now that I no longer have the ultimate control (of my half) over how things play out. Part of how I do things in relationships is playing my cards close. Well, that’s how I operate in all relationships. It comes from having to negotiate as part of my job – and watching my boss: master of all that is negotiable. So, the men I date not knowing about the blog has been my rule, because it just makes blog-sense.
So, The Bartender says he will accompany me tomorrow to go get my car at the shop in Rockville and ride back down here to D.C. with me. But, he says he has to be back at 5 p.m. I said, “You have to be in to work at 5?” He said, “No, I just have to be somewhere. I don’t have to be at work until 7.” I wasn’t born yesterday, clearly he has a date. But, here’s where I went wrong. I sent a text message about half an hour after we hung up saying “Somewhere at 5? How positively mysterious of you.” It begins a back and forth texting conversation.
He says: “Is that good or bad? Am I being too coy?”
I say: “That wasn’t coy…”
He says: “Damn, I must be the worst English major ever. I don’t like hiding stuff, certainly not from you. Maybe it’s the way you open your life on the blog. It’s very refreshing to meet a woman like that. So if you must know…”
I say: “Nah, don’t need to know.”
He says: “I was gonna tell you anyway. I got set up to go to dinner by B’s girlfriend at her birthday party last night. I think it’s a ‘group’ or ‘double’ date. As you know, I am against any date not involving the zoo.”
I say: “All good reasons why it is bad for anyone to know about the blog.”
He says: “There is no bad, is there? Please do tell, I am all ears, I mean eyes.”
I say: “Because I will want to write about all of this and I don’t know, I can’t. I want to be able to say what I want in the blog without you reacting or changing your behavior because of it.”
I can’t explain this very well, but I’m going to try. I want to be able to date men and I want to be able to share the details of those dates on the blog with friends and strangers alike. And I want to know that man-of-the-week will still do the same things, without changing it because of something he read in the blog. Let’s just say that The Bartender didn’t know about the blog, then he wouldn’t have read in the post the other day that I still plan to date other people. Perhaps he wouldn’t have felt it necessary to tell me he was dating someone else tomorrow. And he would have moved on in secret, as would I have, and that would be that. One of these little flings somewhere would develop into more (him & me; him & other girl; me & other boy) and then we would adjust our lives accordingly. That is the normal workings of relationship-ville. But now, all that’s out the window.
So, he called me. And I tried to explain what I wrote above, not very well. He said he would stop reading the blog. I said that would create more problems because I know I wouldn’t be able to stop reading someone’s blog if they were writing about me. Also, no matter what, I wouldn’t believe it, and eventually he would say something, coincidence or not, and I would think, “Hey…I wrote something like that in the blog.” He said it would be an all new thing for him to lose someone to a blog. But, I’m not comfortable with any of this.
Now what the hell do I do?