Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

So What’ll Happen To You Baby, Guess We’ll Have To Wait & See

I never called CL#3TextTormenter back last night. It was my plan to at least leave a message when he was on the plane flying back, but I got a little lazy. This morning, as I was wondering if I should call him, he called. But I didn’t pick up. I don’t know why. I didn’t feel like it. Then the text messages begin:

CL#3TT: Call Screener! No more calls now. Only texts.
Velvet: Just cause I don’t answer the phone doesn’t mean I’m screening. Ever heard of being unable to get to the phone?
CL#3TT: I hear ya. I thought I’ve called a few times over the last few days.
Velvet: Just last night and this morning.
CL#3TT: Feel free to call me back whenever you get the time.

So I went out to walk the dogs and I called. It was an infuriating conversation. When he and I were first emailing, we had this long stream going back and forth. He asked me a bunch of questions in one of his emails, I answered and didn’t hear back. Since I seem to (still) be having problems with Yahoo mail, I rewrote and asked if he got the last email. He seems to have taken that as a sign for non-stop communication. He keeps bringing that up. Ok, so we’re on the phone when I’m outside letting my dogs have their off-leash way with Dupont Circle. He tells me he is coming into D.C. to meet some friends and wants to meet up with me. I say I have a few things to do but that sounds like it might be ok. He says he will call later with the time. Fine.

More texts:
CL#3TT: Should I call or text?
Velvet: Call

But then, and I swear I’m not lying, I got a work related call. So I picked that up and then when he called I said, “I just got a call, I have to call you back in a few.” He started bitching at me and I said, “Goodbye! I’ll call you back.”

I am having a massive issue with our new office. I ordered the top of the line furniture and it got damaged over the weekend and no one is fessing up. So I was in the midst of these phone calls and then I called him back when that settled. He was like, “You were the one who emails me asking what happened to me, so I call you a few times and you freak out.” I remind him this is my work phone and I’m working he says he’s just kidding. But it still annoys me. Now, let’s debrief for a second.

That email where I followed up a second time was WEEKS AGO. We have had numerous phone calls and numerous text messages since then, and never once since then have I called or texted or emailed two times in a row. Yet, he keeps bringing it up. This is maddening. I don’t know why he’s so incredibly insecure. Someone must have really done a number on him.

Anyway, I’ve now received a text that he’s on his way into the city and said he will see me soon and he’ll buy. Then he sent a follow-up that said something about owing me some relaxation. Ok, there. Finally. Perhaps if he would just chill out a little, this could go on.

Why do I attract people who think it is OK to call me in the middle of the night? As soon as I jettison some asshole out of my life who is a drink and dialer, I get another one. For many years I had Jake, the cracked out friend of an ex-boyfriend who had all these emotional problems. I had to set him straight, but it took a long time. Then I had The Bartender. Then CL#3TextTormenter tried that shit and I put a stop to it. So I think I’m in the clear but The Bartender fucking called me at 1:45 a.m. last night. This is not cool. Yes, I am speaking directly to you! I’ll use caps since I know you like that.

  • To The Bartender: STOP CALLING ME BETWEEN THE HOURS OF MIDNIGHT AND 7 A.M. I do not have a job that allows me to drink all night and stay awake calling people. Therefore, I have to get to bed at a decent hour and I have to wake up at a decent hour. Despite the pattern of months past where I have been working from home, the sleeping until 10:00 a.m. days for me are over. OVER. This phone must be able to stay on overnight for emergencies. If you continue to call me in the middle of the night, I will show up at your bar and tell all your new girlfriends that you have a gift that keeps on giving* ensuring that you will never have sex in this town again. Don’t think I can’t do it. I will out you on this blog, name and all, and ruin you! HA!

*People, please. Velvet keeps her motor clean. Do not even begin to worry about this. It is a ploy to beat The Bartender into submission. You must know that when it’s down to a man vs. Velvet, Velvet always wins.


  1. trueborn

    I’ve always tried to be considerate about the phoning after 10:00. I mean, unless you know the person is still up, there’s no reason to wake them up. Sounds like these guys don’t understand the word considerate. Good to know you’re not above crushing a mans chances of ever having sex in a town again.

  2. Kathryn

    Dying laughing here. I did a “number” on him. HAAAAAAAAAAA

    He kept calling and texting and emailing and I wouldn’t ever respond. Anytime I did, and he asked me to get together, I would say no. He actually said to me, the last time we spoke (other than the occasional A-town run-in, where he’s drunk every time), “every time I ask you out, you say no. I’m like, ‘what is this girl thinking??'” I said, “why? because you’re so awesome I couldn’t possibly NOT like you?” (forgive my lack of creativity – he was grating my last nerve), and his response was an entirely unironic “EXACTLY!”

    I think Velvet already knows that, but you readers need to know it, too. And again – I never even held the guy’s hand! I only had drinks with him twice! In girlfriend search mode indeed.

    And those late-night callers tend to be VERY selfish. My biggest culprit certainly is.

  3. I-66

    This is a small world, evidently.

    The both of you have more tolerance for idiocy than I.

  4. Johnny

    you take midnight calls?
    post your number!
    I’m calling!!!

  5. Velvet

    Trueborn – I’m reading your blog(s) and they are great. Why can’t more men be like you. Unless you are a woman fronting as a man. But why would you do that?

    Kathryn – I did know that, but I do think that it’s good to have confirmation on some of these behaviors. Otherwise, people think my meanness is without merit.

    I66 – Shh. Don’t tell anyone but Kathryn and I have dated the same boy!

    Johnny – If you are going to call at midnight, you better make it worth it for me. Wink wink…

  6. Kristin

    I’m almost glad that my mobile doesn’t work in my apartment. (When it’s not in Vegas, that is, and stops working completely.) I’m picky giving out about the home digits.

  7. I-66

    Gotta love only having a mobile phone… less numbers to memorize.

  8. trueborn

    Nope. Not a front. There are plenty of good guys out there, they just need to advertise.
    The Asshole/crazy guy gets all the pub these days.

  9. I-66

    oh, and your secret’s SO safe with me. Nobody but you, me, and Kathryn will know…

  10. trueborn

    By the way, that has to be the nicest insult to my manhood that I’ve ever experienced.

  11. Stef

    “man vs. Velvet” – I love it!!! Have you ever considered contract work? I’ve got a man in mind who could use a little crushing, and I’d be happy to outsource.

    Trueborn – love the icon! Harrison at his very best.

  12. Barbara

    How was dinner? Sounds like you’ve invested a lot of time “talking” to this guy!

  13. Rhinestone Cowgirl

    I’m so confused – I can’t even figure out what’s going on anymore with CL#3. But what I want to know is – did you ever tell CL#1 the awful truth?

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