Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Wanna Shine On In The Hearts Of Men

Those fuckers at It’s Just Lunch called me today and well, we sort of had a fight. They were yelling that they going to put me on “hold” and I said something about them being incomptent and I just want to be finished with them. I used the words, “Bring on the dates.” Something tells me I won’t be hearing from them again. Good. I hope they die.

On to happier things…

CL#4NewJersey and I tossed a few emails back and forth today. I really like him. He is sharp, very witty and there’s just a little something there for me. It looks promising from my end. We’re planning to get together on Saturday. Originally he asked me to do something tonight but uh…keep reading.

CL#5PornName and I had our first date. He is so freaking adorable. How did I bomb out on Craigslist the first time and now I have two champs? Anyway, we met at a bar on U Street, talked up a storm for a couple hours, then he drove me back to my building, we hugged goodbye and that was that. No inappropriate kissing and groping, just like with CL#4NewJersey. So, I’m happy with this one as well. Might I add that I was especially charming tonight too.

But then my charm ran out. Earlier today I sucked up my guilt and called CL#1Writer. He called back when I was out with CL#5PornName. When I was walking doggies, I called him back, so I could get it over with. We made the obligatory small talk as I walked around the block. Here we go.

CL#1: So, we should get together again.
Velvet: I have to tell you something.
CL#1: Okay???
Velvet: I have given this a lot of thought, and I am not feeling the chemistry with you. I’m sorry.
CL#1: Really? (The really was said with a tone as if I had just said, “George Bush is the best President ever.” It was incredulous, like he couldn’t believe me…which leads me to wonder, Did I somehow lead him on???)
Velvet: Yes. I’m not sure why. You have everything I would be looking for in someone, but that final piece just isn’t there for me.
CL#1: Hmmph

The conversation lost pace for a few minutes. He was really quiet and he didn’t say anything at all. There were grunts and uh-huh’s and I realized that it could go on forever if I didn’t put a stop to it. So I made the move to say goodbye and it was a struggle, but I finally got off the phone with him. The curtain has fallen on CL#1Writer.

I realize that it is a blow to someone’s ego to hear those words. I don’t think CL#1Writer or any other man I use that line on should be put off by what I said. It might not be nice, it might not be politically correct, but it’s the truth. I would love for my ex to call me and tell me why he doesn’t want to be with me. I deserve the truth after almost a year of dating. But I can’t change that situation, I can’t force him to tell me. I can only do my part, and I think the people I date deserve to know.

Chemistry is elusive. We have chemistry with people who are right for us and people who are not. We have to differentiate between the two and make wise choices for ourselves. I would like to think that I have done that in this situation, with class and maturity.

1 Comment

  1. Velvet

    Siryn said…
    I think you are spot on.


    It sucks, but it’s better to be honest than to drag this crap on and on when you aren’t feeling him. Rather, he’s feeling you (up) and you don’t appreciate it.

    Now just to get to CL#3!!

    1/05/2006 12:46:57 AM

    Velvet said…
    Woman, I’m trying to send you an IM. Where you be?

    Thanks for your vote of confidence. I really feel much better right now. He seemed upset, but I mean, I REALLY FEEL BETTER.

    1/05/2006 12:50:29 AM

    Siryn said…
    I be on computer with no yahoo because mine is on the fritz!!

    I’m going to fix that, though. (I hope)

    1/05/2006 12:58:07 AM

    Velvet said…
    Oh, and it says you are online! AOL?

    1/05/2006 12:58:49 AM

    Siryn said…
    huh? I’m not logged in anywhere. I suppose I could use the windows messenger. Got that?

    1/05/2006 01:11:35 AM

    Siryn said…
    and God, no, no aol.

    1/05/2006 01:11:58 AM

    I-66 said…
    I will always applaud saying what you’re thinking as opposed to hoping he gets the hint – for instance.

    1/05/2006 07:41:44 AM

    Jo said…
    Good job, Velvet! The last time I had no chemistry with someone, I waited for 12 years and 3 kids to go by before I said anything. I think your way is MUCH better 🙂

    And I feel ya on the wanting to know. Half the time anyhow. I’d love to know why I wasn’t ‘good enough’ for my ex-bf, but on the other hand I totally don’t wanna know.

    1/05/2006 07:49:14 AM

    FlameOn said…
    I have to tell you that I’m super naive when it comes to the whole Craig’s List phenominon. I don’t entirely get it and definitely don’t know how to do it. That said, your intriguing post may just cause me to figure out how.

    1/05/2006 08:46:17 AM

    chicgirl said…
    I cannot believe you have met 2 quality guys from cl. Amazing. And good for you.

    You did the right thing with CL1. Dating karma. And, even though it sucks, he will move on and be grateful to you in a few months. If you didn’t tell him, he would call you in a few months still holding on to hope…

    1/05/2006 09:17:17 AM

    Jamy said…
    What you did was courageous and he will thank you (eventually). It’s much better to hear a reason. I find it freeing. There’s no more speculating, wondering and tormenting oneself. I’m glad the dating continues!

    1/05/2006 09:55:43 AM

    alwayswrite said…
    Kudos to you for speaking the truth. It’s the hardest thing to say. I think I’ll tuck this post away for future reference; Maybe if I have a script to work from I’ll be able to rip off the bandaid that much faster.

    1/05/2006 10:05:10 AM

    Kristin said…
    Way to go. Being nice or politically correct is a really bad reason to stay in a relationship. Great job in taking a stand. That must have been hard.

    1/05/2006 12:39:22 PM

    Larissa said…
    ‘Chemistry is elusive. We have chemistry with people who are right for us and people who are not.’ So dead on!

    1/05/2006 12:39:23 PM

    Johnny said…
    if by chemistry you mean knocking boots, then yes, chemistry has to be there.


    1/05/2006 01:36:04 PM

    Velvet said…
    Siryn – I fell asleep. Be a doll and Email me please cause your addy isn’t on your profile page.

    I66 – Yes, it really is better to be honest. It’s easier to lie though…

    Jo – 3 kids! How could you wait so long. As the pain of child #1 was passing through my coochie, I would probably have grabbed the son of a bitch and said, “GET OUT OF MY LIFE.”

    Flameon – Set up a fake email address though. No sense in giving them any of your real info.

    ChicGirl – You are so right. He would have called in a few months…sort of like I did to Chris. And I still don’t have my answser. Bastard.

    Jamy – Woo hoo! I got your stamp of approval. I feel good now.

    AlwaysWrite – I will be holding you to that. I expect you to break a heart in 2006.

    Kristin – Is it bad that I was picking up dog shit as I was doing it? Velv is a busy gal. Gotta multi-task. I even said to my dogs, “Come on, we’ll walk while Mommy breaks up with (name of CL#1Writer.)”

    Larissa – Keep that in mind my friend. You will need that information in your future, wink wink.

    And leave it to JOHNNY to come in with a fabulously X-Rated comment which has me laughing my ass off. Nice.

    1/05/2006 04:05:52 PM

    Marci (aka Baby Banana) said…
    ***wonders to herself if Velvet’s cast offs are good enough for her***

    1/05/2006 06:45:50 PM

    annie said…
    Actually, I think the way you worded it was really humane. The missing “final piece” thing is inspired.

    1/05/2006 09:35:02 PM

    playfulindc said…
    I agree, girl, BRAVO.

    No time for the princess to be kissing toads when their are fine frogs to be testing.

    1/05/2006 09:50:15 PM

    Barbara said…
    I think you earned an A+ in chemistry today!

    1/05/2006 10:35:00 PM

    Stef said…
    Hearing the words will probably always be difficult. But as someone who’s been on both sides of this scenario, I think it’s totally the way to go. Even though I didn’t want to hear whatever the reasoning for why we wouldn’t work out, I always later realized it was important to know. At least then the person knows where they stand and can feel free to move on and find something better for themselves, too.

    1/05/2006 10:51:56 PM

    Mandy said…
    I think that most people, when rational and not recently in the throes of a “we have to talk” conversation, would say that they would prefer to be dealt with honestly. No one wants to be a pity date or an obligation, so I think the direct approach is best – otherwise you just drag things out and waste everyone’s time. Yeah, it’s hard to hear, but I agree with Stef – it lets you move on faster instead of wallowing in “What Went Wong?” Land.

    1/07/2006 01:40:42 AM

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