Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

You Knew All My Lines, You Knew All My Tricks

Dear BH:

When I was walking to meet you at the bar, I was shaking. I was so nervous that I tripped on my shoe as I walked by Lauriol Plaza. I think someone in line laughed at me. (Sure, I may have tripped, but in an hour I’ll have forgotten about it and she’ll still be waiting for a table at the most overrated restaurant in Dupont Circle.)

When I walked in, you were staring at me. I was staring at you. You had a drink waiting for me. Did I tell you how unbelievably sweet that was? I didn’t? I’m not so slick. Sometimes I forget to say simple things like, “Thank you.”

I tripped again trying to sit at the table. As we were talking, thoughts flooded my head – the anticipation of receiving an email from you…shaking when I’m near you…biting my lip when I think about kissing you…knowing that it’s true when they say that the last guy bailed because something better really was around the corner.

The length of time we have been emailing has been a very slow procession to an eventual meeting. The length of time you hovered at my lips before kissing me was the proverbial slow dance of this friendship so far.

We left the bar and went to your place to watch a movie. At this juncture, with just about any other man, I would have been protesting to stop unbuttoning my jeans. It would be an aggravating time where the guy would see my coming back to his place as a definite signal and me wondering why “let’s go watch a movie” doesn’t really mean “let’s go watch a movie.” I say what I mean and I mean what I say. But I digress…

Then I fell asleep. For two hours! You cleaned the bathroom. You read a New Yorker. You watched me sleep. When you woke me up, you told me what you busied yourself with, while I slept. I laughed at the prospect of you cleaning the bathroom. You said that you wanted it to be clean for me if I used it. You said I looked like an angel when I slept. An interesting dichotomy from my other persona.

I sleepily got in a cab and went home. We talked on the phone. You wanted to know when you could see me again. I asked when you would want to. You said, “In an hour.”

That hour is up. I have a date with someone else tonight and I don’t know what to do about that. I don’t know at all. I’m back to biting my lip.

There’s something else – You make my heart race.

Kisses and couch naps,

Update – 2 hours after I posted the above. I got the following email from CL#6 regarding tonight’s date: Hey, you’re going to hate me, but I’m going to have to postpone tonight. I’ll tell you about it later.

Ladies and gents…fate is a mysterious thing.


  1. CrazyGirlCity

    Wow……it sounds like someone had a good date!

  2. Eternal Freshman

    Hot damn, girl! CL6 just gave you an early Christmas present. Have a great time.

  3. Mr. BananaHammock

    I dunno. He sounds gay.

  4. John

    I agree with Mr BH – either he is gay or this guy knows that patience can be one of the most attractive things in a man.

  5. Mr. BananaHammock

    John, agreed. A smarter man (me) would’ve ordered her to strip and bend over my pleather couch. But that is just me. Good luck with this one…

  6. Sparkles Anon

    Yep, definitely gay.

    (grinning for you)

  7. Jessie

    oh la la, sounds super fantastic. How ironic with the whole CL#6 thang.

  8. barbara

    So is there chemistry with CL#6 or just mutual respect?

  9. Velvet

    CrazyGirl, EF – Thanks!

    Mr BH – He’s not gay.

    John – See above.

    Sparkles Anon – You kill me.

    Jessie – Couldn’t have been more perfect actually.

    Barbara – Mr. Wheaties and CL#6, who I’ve now decided shall be renamed “The Canceler” in subsequent posts are two separate people. I’ve never met CL6TheCanceler because, well, he keeps canceling.

  10. barbara

    Velvet — It’s hard to keep all these guys straight! So I’ll now ask — Is there chemistry between you and Mr. Wheaties or just mutual respect?

  11. DCOE

    Congrats on the awesome date! Sounds like everything was great – including the racing heart. How did you meet this dashing fellow?

  12. Siryn

    Please tell me that this was the older dude from work.

  13. Velvet

    Barbara – I know. That’s why there’s the blog!

    DCOE – Thanks! Someone I’ve been emailing for a bit.

    Siryn – Nope. That dude is M.I.A. We’re actually doing a deal together, but we’ve talked very little because there are so many other parties involved.

  14. Scarlet

    Whoa! I would totally take that as a sign! I think it’s adorable he cleaned the bathroom while you slept.

  15. Eternal Freshman

    Velvet- update update upDATE!!! Tell us what happened. Now.

  16. playfulindc

    Yep…a very good sign, but also could be a sign of OCD.


  17. Reya Mellicker

    The length of time you hovered at my lips before kissing me was the proverbial slow dance


  18. Larissa

    fate indeed. you deserve it.

  19. Sandra Dee

    Is this the dog walker from your neighborhood that you met through work???

  20. bilious pudenda

    “Sometimes I forget to say simple things like, Thank you.”


    You never forget to ask for the money!

  21. Velvet

    Bilious – Fuck off.

    Sandra Dee – Nope. See my response to Siryn above. And I’m not sure where everyone thought that guy was a dog walker. He just has a dog that he was walking one night when I bumped into him.

  22. Kayla

    I think BP is forgetting that we are talking about your date, not his usual dates who charge by the hour…

    I am psyched for you. I LOVE cereal… Wheaties are so yummy – crunchy, slightly sweet. Mmm hmmm…

    Oh, it’s so much going out with someone you are actually in to, isn’t it?!?!?

  23. SAM

    Patience in a man is a wonderful thing. The guy I’m currently with waited 3 (yes, 3!) whole months to give me a kiss, we’ve been together for 2 yrs now. Anticipation is a big part of chemistry……

  24. homeimprovementninja

    No offense, but I think he may be a light in the heels. If he is hetero, he should’ve made a pass at you, just on principle 😉

  25. Anonymous

    So this guy IS BananaHammock, right?

  26. Kayla

    So, anon, are you calling my brother bananahammock?? We reserve that name for family only… (and really only call him that on holidays)… Wait, Mom, is that you?

  27. Serena

    Oh yay! Also, I refuse to believe a man is gay just because of the fact that he is a little too good at certain things.

  28. Tyler

    Awesome! Glad you had a great time. I had a very successful Fri. night myself.

  29. Johnny

    “Unbuttoning jeans”

    Its hot, velvet. Spank off hot.

  30. Mr. BananaHammock

    Anonymous –

    Mr. BananaHammock with one woman? One woman couldn’t handle Mr. BananaHammock. You obviously don’t know much about Mr. BananaHammock.

  31. Washington Cube

    Someone who has Miss Velvet stuttering and stumbling like a schoolgirl? Wow. Major Mojo.

  32. MappyB

    Sounds like a movie! 🙂

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