Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

The Face That’s In the Mirror When I Don’t Like What I See

Not Safe for Family to Read. Okay??? You three. Get off here. Now!

I was driving to pick up some sushi today and something occurred to me that had me laughing so hard I almost had to pull over because I couldn’t see through the tears coming out of my eyes.

Someone I had sex with…um. Ok. I know I never talk about this kind of stuff, but this is just too good. Someone I had sex with was a little odd – like they either didn’t know what they were doing or they had a list of positions they wanted to do because they hadn’t done it in so long they had to make up for lost time. Anyway, something about the experience has stayed in my head, but not in a good way. It finally occurred to me that the reason I cannot look back fondly on this experience (among other things) is that he made this smile all during sex that was creepy. And as I’m driving along with my sushi, I scream, “THE JOKER! HE WAS THE JOKER!” So when I get back to work, I google image searched The Joker, and I got this, which is so uncanny of his facial expression during sex that I screamed out loud in my office. Fortunately they are used to that, and no one came running.

After I saw this picture, I realized there was something else about the face too. Not just the smile, but that whole eyebrow thing too. Ick. No wonder I never went back for more.

It made me reflect on some funny ass shit that has happened in the boudoir. But nothing, not even airplane bathroom mishaps and having someone stop right in the middle to declare that they have to pee, takes the cake over the man who will forever be known now as “The Joker.” I feel dirty. And not dirty in a good way. Dirty like I need a vaginal transplant to wash the shame out of me for that one.


  1. MellyMel

    LOL! You are too damn funny. Girl, let it go. Remember the good ones. Most have had a time or two, or three, or four plus (oh hell!!!) that we’d love to pretend never happened.

  2. Drunken Chud


  3. cosmic goof

    Couldn’t resist:
    “Holy Benedict Arnold Batman! Suzie! Chief cheerleader, a member of The Joker’s criminal gang!” -actual Batman TV quote

  4. Siryn

    I gues you have danced with the Devil by the pale moonlight!

    Time washes everything clean… do your best to forget this one!!

  5. Mel

    I think I’ll help you be a little skeeved out.

    God, that face is not a pretty one and certainly not a fun sex face.

  6. cosmic shambles

    What are you complaining about? Every girl I have ever slept with has had that expression… usually followed by laughter!

  7. cosmic shambles

    Oh, and what’s with TWO cosmics on this damn blog?!?

  8. la whisky

    What’s worse – no expression whatsoever or the Joker? I find a lack of expression pretty disconcerting.

  9. KassyK

    I am lol…That face is almost as scary as the face Matt Dillon makes in his 3-way sex scene with Denise Richards and Neve Campbell in “Wild Things”. My ex and I called it the “OH yeaaa” face. EWWWWWWWW.

  10. KM

    Just be glad it wasn’t The Penguin’s face, Velvet.

  11. I-66

    …or Two-Face’s

  12. Scarlet

    I love google!

    That’s so funny. I would be terrified, that picture is way too clown-like.

  13. Caribbean Lurker

    hahahahhaha, too funny!!!!!!
    Oh yeaaaaaaaaa! loved it! still laughing oceans away.

  14. marie

    caribbean lurker? erm, right..

    maybe he was just trying to imitate (poorly) the face the guy made in the porn where he learned all his fabulous ‘moves’.. i bet he thought he looked hot and intense..

  15. Fabulous

    Priceless!! Ick- that would completely creep me out!
    ~ Fab : )

  16. Chico's Bail Bonds

    I find it borderline heresy to juxtapose a Tim McGraw lyric with a hilariously creepy sex story.

    As for the last two sentences (disturbing), can you PLEASE start an urban legend about women who wake up in a bathtub full of ice with a note to call 911 because they’ve had involuntary vaginal transplants from the Joker?

    Because I want someone to forward me THAT one…

  17. Serena

    Creepy. Where do they come from? The freak farm?

  18. Reya Mellicker

    Who among us hasn’t had some kind of weird sex with a joker, even if it’s not The Joker.

    I had to laugh, reading this. But shame? What’s to be ashamed of. Sex is so weird anyway, such a singular experience. Sometimes it’s really weird which provides memories you can laugh at later on.

  19. Big Sis

    I keep having these totally irrational attacks of nostalgia. Last night, I was dancing with an Israeli diamond dealer to the heart-wrenching strains of Haddaways famous epic poem ‘What Is Love?’, and it reminded me of being at university. But why? The human heart is like a drink-addled word association game.

  20. Aja

    OMG!!! I love that you said that!!! For future reference “this better be good or else I’m getting a vaginal transplant”!

  21. Washington Cube

    Someone needs to start up a “weird shit that happened during sex” blog.

  22. Eternal Freshman

    Your story reminds me of this guy I had sex with a few years ago. When he was about to you-know-what, he’d get this horrible look of excruciating pain on his face. It was so bad I actually stopped to ask him if he was okay. His face looked like he was passing a kidney stone the size of a golf ball. Sexy? Not so much.

  23. Asian Mistress

    OMG I’m going to have nightmares

    Was he trying to be “sexy” do you think?


  24. barbara

    Nobody likes to be a part of someone else’s little experiment. This sort of reminds me of those interviews and filming of sex that contributed to the Kinsey report. Makes me uncomfortable just to think about it.

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