Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

So If You Think I’m Gonna Settle Down, I’ve Got News For You

It’s Raining Men right now.

I don’t have names for any of them yet, but I have tentative plans with a bunch of men. I don’t even know where they all came from, but for some reason, there’s that old theory – the more you have the more you can get. There are five in total.

1) Dupont Boy – Engaged in emailing. Trying to set something up for this weekend or next week. Another Greek. Oh boy.

2) Older Man – Is on leave of absence from his work so that he can finish construction on his house. Seems nice, but 15 years older than me. We’ll see how I like this. We have plans for Wednesday.

3) Consultant – Just called me this morning. He sounds fun. A little off the wall maybe, but fun. We’re going out Monday night.

4) IJL #13 – I’m sooooo close to being done with these people. Two dates to go. Two dates to go. Two dates to go. And after next week, I can change the chant to “One date to go!”

5) Arizona Online Man – I don’t know how this happened, but some stupidly hot man emailed me from Phoenix. There was that one point in time where I had my profile as saying I lived in Phoenix. Anyway, he used to live here in Maryland, if that’s not weird. When I go out there we’re going to meet up. I’m a resourceful little bitch aren’t I? I may just create a duplicate profile and run it for Phoenix and see what I can shake out of the trees when I go. Fucking hooray.

There you have it. The “Scorecard” has returned.


  1. Raincouver


    If this keeps up, you’re gonna have to make your dates wear barcodes. You’re way past name tags!!!

    Game on. 🙂

  2. KassyK

    OOOH juicy. I cannot wait to hear more. Go on with your bad self. 😉

  3. barbara

    How can you keep all these guys straight? If it’s Tuesday, it must be … I sometimes think it’s the excitement of having multiple balls (bad choice of words) in the air at once that enlivens you, not the guys themselves. If this is what you wanted, I’m glad you’ve got it. Loved the line “it’s raining men.”

  4. Siryn

    I love you, Velvet. You are awesome for vicarious living!! Can’t wait to hear about these…

  5. Needtsza

    Online men, huh? Not to burst bubbles as I wish only the best for ya, but remember what you told me about your luck with online doods.

    Have fun fun!!

  6. Red

    Here is a book for you:
    Around the World in 80 Dates by Jennifer Cox

  7. cosmic shambles

    Are there any men left that you have not dated? (except me, of course). You are going to have to move to Phoenix just to replenish the stock!

  8. Ashburnite

    Just make sure you keep their names straight. I made that mistake once…2 guys with similar names (Mike and Matt).

    I’m partial to the older guys myself- they know how to treat a woman; and they’re usually done with all of the games and drama.

    Oh, and if you have some of that mojo to spare, send some my way.

  9. johnnyDc



  10. Velvet

    Raincouver – I am in love with the idea of the men wearing barcodes. Now, how to implement that…

    KK – Oh, you will!

    Barbara – That’s why I make the scorecard. And are you saying this is more about the chase than the actual kill? Why, Barbara (dripping sarcasm) I never!

    Siryn – ILY2. Booked my trip. NYC Aug 18-20. Bloomingdales here I come. It’s like no other store in the world.

    Needtsza – Remember? I only said it like 2 hours ago! But, it keeps me busy. And I do love learning about people. They fascinate me.

    Red – Despite my aversion to chick lit, and the other reason I haven’t read other dating sites or dating chronicle books because I’m scared I would lift their material accidently, I did click the link buy that little puppy. Thanks a lot! (More sarcasm!)

    Cosmic – We can date! I have an opening between 10:40 and 11 p.m. on Thursday.

    Ash – I was going to email you. I wanted to do a joint post with you on a topic I think you will like. Are you going to HH?

    JohnnyDC – Hells yeah.

  11. Luck O' the Irish

    Man o man. You are quite the little resource manager…heh-heh. Send some of that voodoo hoodoo magic my way. I’m dateless and need all the vibes/voodoo/whatever I can get. Have fun!

  12. homeimprovementninja

    I can just picture you walking into the first bar you see in Phoenix, surveying the crowd with an evil grin, then saying “mmmmmmm, fresh meat!”

  13. Velvet

    Luck O’ The Irish – Dateless? When there’s something called THE INTERNET? NEVER!!!

    Shuddup Ninja – I will NOT be bringing my reputation with me. I’m going to behave and date one at a time and never say anything bad about them. Oh. Wait. That’s not me. Forget it!

  14. Dara

    I know I’m reading too much when I see something and think, “Ooh, Velvet should see this!” So here it is, Forbes’s list of the best cities for singles.

    The gist of it is that Phoenix ranks higher than D.C. You can also sort the list to show online dating, in which case Washington is ranked 4th.

  15. Scarlet

    Awesome! I should start following you around and we can split the dates.

  16. Dara

    I’m with Scarlet. Let me know if any of your excess guys are into short, jewish, lawyer-y types.

  17. elvis

    From readin this, seems like you’re not sure what you want right now. You don’t want a serious relationship. You want fun. But you need little bit of this, little bit of that, you could have relationship if it’s the right person, etc. So here it is — until you figure out what you really want, no amount of Category Five Hurricane of men is going to solve… this. Seems you also move alot. And as an instructor once told me, “it’s aweful hard to hit a moving target.” Have the time of your life though.

  18. Tacoma, washington!

    Thanks for the post, I had a nice little daydream about the guys.


  19. AlieMalie

    Niiiiiice. Very glad to hear things seem to be returning to somewhat normal in the Land of Velvet, if at least dating wise.

    I say go for the Phoenix profile, might as well have some fun when you’re out there.


  20. ashburnite

    Unfortunately, I’m not going to HH tonight…I’ve been fighting a migraine all day, but def. email me. I’d totally be into doing a joint post.

    Have fun at HH

  21. bejeweled

    Ah, so many men, so little time. Go live it up gurl!

  22. Washington Cube

    If men wore bar codes, then I wish we could put some coding into them, “past his expiration date,” “no longer valid,” “defective recall,” etc.

  23. Sandra Dee

    Rock on you bad ass. Five men?! I can hardly keep track of details on two or three!

  24. john of ne

    Where were you women when I was young!

  25. zenchick

    dude, you will decide to move and then one of these guys will get serious! The Murphy’s Law of dating 🙂

  26. Needtsza

    we still remembering? it’s been a few days 😉

  27. Asian Mistress

    I was looking over my “list” (of past, not current) – and thinking of posting it as an ode to the losers I’ve dated or hooked up with….then again I dunno if I want to subject myself to the public eye for that. But, it might be entertaining….

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