Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Only Time Will Tell If We Stand The Test Of Time

Is there something wrong with the fact that earlier tonight, I was on the phone with Sherlock discussing what movies would be best to order off Excalibur Films, finding myself saying, “Well, years ago, anal and girl on girl were considered fetish, but now that stuff is in pretty much every movie you would buy…make sure you get something newer because full bush and no implants really piss me off now. Oh, shoot. I have to go, I have a date.” But okay, as bad as that is, is it worse that I had my date with TheConsultant and saw CL#3TextTormenter across the fucking bar? You remember CL#3TextTormenter, the spitting image of a drunken Kennedy. I know, is there really any other kind of Kennedy? Prior to dating me, he also dated Kathryn and attempted to get a little Cookie. Hot as we are, his claim to fame seems to be having dated Miss Delaware. I’m off on a tangent. The point to this paragraph was really to show that I’m a porn loving whore with no conscience for the fact that buying porn online with Sherlock, who adores me, then telling him in the same breath that I’m going out with someone else is mean, and that my past dates continue to reappear while I’m on new dates because this city is too small. Yeah. Run on sentence motherfucker. Read it and weep…literally.

I know, you want to know how I ended up on the phone with Sherlock. I called him Monday night after the debacle. Look, he reads this blog and a wee few of you are very critical (and some of you are Judgie McJudgie Poo’s) so I’m just not going to get into the specifics of our conversation. Basically it was the type of conversation each of you have had when you are trying to make those decisions about if the person we are talking to is someone we want to be with. It’s the deep, “long term outlook for the two of us” stuff. I won’t bother writing it because there were some incredibly sweet words exchanged that will get ripped to shreds by a couple of you who seem to forget that I’m like, a person under here with a heart. Frankly, I know Sherlock and I have both made our mistakes, but I just can’t sit by and put him in a position to get roasted on this blog when we may have a future together. I’ve put you guys and your entertainment first for a long time, but now, I have to remember what I’ve always said: I will never let the blog stand in the way of a good relationship. Is it good with Sherlock and I? Time will tell. The jury is still out.

That said, what can I tell you? That in addition to talking Monday, he came over on Tuesday and we watched a movie. He said he’s not going to see anyone else until we resolve what we’re doing. I said, “I can’t make the same promise.” I’m sorry, I just can’t. I have a really really exceptionally hard time trusting people. I let my guard down this weekend and Monday it got crushed. So the guard is back up. It’s not conscious, I just notice that my skin is thicker now. I need to figure out if he can get back in, and I just don’t know the answer yet. I’m not stringing him along, so please don’t bother accusing me of that.

In other news, I’ve received an email from a reader I’ve never heard from before – either via comments or email. His name was somewhat familiar. His original email asked me to get a drink with him. I replied asking if he was a blogger. He said, “No. I was never a blogger.” Unfortunately that is a big fat lie. I hate lies. I replied, stating the name of the now defunct blog, and he said if I meet him for a drink he’ll explain. Hmm. So, you lied to me for some reason, and you’re using the reason for your lie as bait to get me to go out with you? I go out with people on MY TERMS, not yours. I decided to just not answer this email, but another one came, instructing me to meet him at a bar tonight at a certain time, with his phone number in the email. Since I was on a date with TheConsultant, and staring ex-date CL#3 in the face at a bar in Clarendon, all the while wondering what porn Sherlock had ordered, I was unable to physically or mentally make it for this date. So sorry. Try commenting some time though. Then at least I’d have a frame of reference for who you are, and I may have agreed to go out with you.

Continuing in the My Life Sucks vein, I am going to tell you straight out that blogging and being “public” is scaring the shit out of me. The disturbing emails have picked up again and I can never tell how harmless someone may be from this side of a screen. I forwarded an email I received to Sherlock and he was like, “I had no idea you dealt with this kind of stuff.” I’m sorry to have to inform those of you who read, don’t comment, then email me thinking we have some sort of rapport, we don’t. Without comments or a reference to your own blog, I don’t even have a glimpse of you. I understand that I pour my heart out here and you feel as if you know me. But, I don’t know you. Sherlock is going through a bit of this now, realizing that he’s read a lot and not heard it from me, and that’s partially to blame for him being in the fast lane – he already knows me. I’m realizing, sadly, that some of the email relationships I’ve participated in are not healthy. I give my all to this blog. I am going to continue giving my all to this blog until the day I wake up and decide it’s over. Don’t worry. It’s not soon. I’ve got a lot left in me that has yet to hit the keyboard.


  1. Tacoma

    Jesus honey. Do what you gotta do.
    And if you can talk porn with him, I say-Good sign!

    I’m a little buzzy right now, hope you are enjoying the dating and talking to Sherlock.

    Maybe that’s what you need, if you are looking into other people it will slow things down. Of course. What do I know I got engaged after 3 months. When I went to circle Vs site where she was giving advice about dating and mentioning things don’t get serious until 2 years I was like– Shit?

    Anyway. Love your blogging, but don’t let it get in the way of your happiness.

  2. Drunken Chud

    look, i only want to smell your garbage. i don’t want to hack you to pieces. or do i? mwahahahaha. nah, that’d be a waste of a perfectly good woman.

    oh, btw, you flip flop more than john kerry on tough issues. this rollercoaster ride is mind boggling. though, highly entertaining.

  3. CrazyGirl

    I love you Velvet! I wish you were in Spain with me as I know we’d have a smashing good time, and could ignore DC drama.

    As far as readers go, you know this, there will always be those who think they know you based on what they read here. You may pour your heart out, but as I know from my own past experience, there is always a different side. Just keep doing what you are doing, and be happy. If you want to pour your heart out here, then go for it. Just know that along with the fans, come the haters and the stalkers. Don’t let your life be dictated by them and be smart about your choices.

  4. QueenofPreen

    Your porn relationship with Sherlock seems healthy and quite normal to me. Hmm, that not be a good thing, haha. Anyway good luck with him, I hope things do work out. To hell with the nay sayers! Did you ever consider that the people who comment negatively on every single guy to discourage your courtships might be acting in the interest of prolonging the life of your blog for their own selfish and voyeuristic entertainment? Just a thought 🙂

  5. Bill

    Guilty as charged, Velvet. Sorry.

  6. homeimprovementninja

    Buy more porn. That will fix things. If it doesn’t, at least you have more porn…which is a good thing, right?

  7. Chico's Bail Bonds

    Wow. This post seems very cathartic and healthy, V. A good start to a Thursday!

    Sherlock, please be patient and don’t eff this up!!!

  8. freckledk

    I was happy to see your post today. I was hoping it would turn out well, and it sounds like it has. Whatever makes you happy – It’s all about how you are made to feel when you are with this person.

    Every single one of my girlfriends HATE my Ex. But they hate him because they care about me, and they were the ones that I called when he did or said something to upset me. I was able to forgive his transgressions and move on, but my girls weren’t. The list of crimes just added up and up until, to them, he was Evil Incarnate. They had no reason to like him….I hadn’t given them any. Oddly enough, though — his buddies still adore me. I think, to them, I’m Mother Teresa – in being able to put up with him for as long as I did. Point is – I only know what I’ve read, and not things about that relationship that are beyond words. I don’t think you are making a bad call, and screw the folks that do think that. You are a big girl, and I’m sure are more than qualified to take care of yourself.

  9. playfulinnc

    The best thing I did with my N was to make a promise: everything I write on my blog will be talked about BEFORE I hit publish.

    You know what the real result of that was?

    We both became less irrational/emotional/sensitive. We were being honest. Novel idea. Damn, it took me years to learn that.

    I want you to have the best relationship ever, and if that means I cannot sneak up on your blog and check on you, so be it.

  10. Luck O' the Irish

    You could write about paperclips and I’d still come read! Ditto to the above sentiment: Don’t let blogging or the comments get in the way of happiness. A lot of the comments are good food for thought, but only you can prevent forest fires. Wait, that’s not right. Only you can live your life and do what makes you happy. Good luck and HAVE FUN.

  11. Lucky

    The porn on Excalibur sucks, seriously, it’s just really low grade badly done stuff. All the good stuff can be found on “the internets” these days. Have you seen the movie “9 Songs”?

    Glad to see you wised up and took my advice that I gave weeks ago. (I was right, I win.)

  12. cosmic shambles

    I hate to get too deep, serious, or emotional when commenting on a blog, but this time I must. I once saw a porn where two guys were doing one girl. The two guys were standing with the girl in the middle, and they had lifted her off the ground with one guy going in from the front and one entering from the rear. I’m not sure if this position has a name… standing DP? Anyway, I was just wondering if woman really enjoy this type of thing. And is it considered gay if two guys are doing this and their pee-pees happen to accidentally touch?

  13. Kathryn

    Oh. Dear. God. Please do not use the word “dating” so lightly! We never even held hands, girl!! 🙂

    But I wish you’d mentioned your date would be in Clarendon. I could have told you you had a 1-in-3 chance of seeing CL#3.

    As for lying ex-bloggers… HA!!!!

  14. doubleonegative

    life is never dull with you, is it velvet? i almost fell in the shower this morning and that is enough entertainment to last me a week. if you keep dating at this pace and you can guarantee random encounters on every date moving forward. but come on…there is something awesome about that — and you wouldn’t have that in AZ.

    anyway, here’s to our rapport.

  15. Living in Dupont

    I have to say, I love the blog rule about it not getting in the way of real life. I find that hard to stick to sometimes, as in, writing and such just sort of take over, and a date Tuesday night pointed that out. He asked why I’m so busy and I was like “well, I have a lot of work.” He knew right away I didn’t mean my job, and he didn’t take to that too kindly.

    Good luck with Sherlock though (sorry for the slight rant up there), if y’all are willing to work at it – at whatever level you’re comfortable with, which you seem to be – then it might all be worth it.

  16. marie

    Miss Delaware isn’t even that hot..
    Glad you decided to give Sherlock a chance..
    You know how I felt about this whole thing..

  17. NR

    I think that this on again, off again schtick worries me more than when he was plain old bat-shit crazy. V, I don’t know you but after reading the blog I feel, as I’m sure many other readers do, that I have a vested interest in your life. We want you to be happy. But Sherlock can’t seem to get his shit together. It’s always something with him. Sometimes it’s better to cut something so dangerous loose before it gets in your boat. Take my advice or leave it, but I hate being jerked around. I won’t put up with it for anyone.

    Prove me wrong Sherlock, I dare you.

  18. Dan

    If you want to go all anonymous again, I have a Vox invite I can throw you. 🙂

    Just make sure I get to find out where you land next; there’s nothing better – nor sexier – than a well-crafted sentence and in that regard (as well as others, I’ve no doubt) you’re the height of womanity and I’d miss you.

    As for Sherlock, as the Dukes of Hazzard so wisely taught us, we all make our way the only way we know how. Do what you gotta do, with authenticity and integrity, and though you won’t escape criticism at least you won’t deserve it.

    Go Velvet Go.

  19. Rachel

    Velvet ~ Sounds like you two are working hard to salvage a relationship. Hopefully Sherlock has realized that he has to offer complete disclosure or he will mess it up again.
    I totally relate to the hard to trust thing. I used to be SUPER trusting. After being crushed enough times by people who betrayed me I have learned to only trust people to a certain extent.

  20. Velvet

    Tacoma – Thanks. I think as you get older, you know what you want much faster. Two years is a good timeline, but at 33, and having dated a lot, you get a better sense earlier on I think. Though, there are few people I would want to spend “forever” with.

    Chud – Whatchoo talking about Willis? I’m just trying to feel the situation out. I don’t have an opinion yet. And want me to send you some trash?

    CrazyGirl – I’m long overdue for a trip to Europe. Long overdue.

    Queen of Preen – Yes, I think people comment sometimes in an angle to keep the drama and the blog going. Someone wrote it yesterday: train wreck. Yeah. Thanks!

    Bill – Sigh. Okay.

    Ninja – More porn rules. Seriously. I’m waiting to see what Sherlock purchased so I that I don’t double up and buy a duplicate.

    Chico’s Bail Bonds – HA! Thanks for the note to Sherlock. Awesome.

    FreckledK – Friends are a mixed bag. In many ways, a commenter who I don’t know, with his/her heart in the right place will give more dead on advice than a friend who knows me and actually cares about my feelings.

    Playful – We’ve been through this before, haven’t we? Seems like years ago we had this convo, but it was just last winter I think.

    Luck O’ The Irish – Crafting my post on paperclips as we speak! Sherlock asked me the other night how much of what I read in the comments actually influences me. Again, it’s mixed. I take into consideration the commenter, what they’ve said in the past etc., what their own love life may be like (if I know) and such. There are a few people who I know say things just to stir the pot and such.

    Lucky – and WHAT? Excalibur has EVERYTHING!!! Vivid, Wicked, all the major porn production houses are there. Go to the AVN Top 100 and do some shopping! And you can be right all you want if I end up happy.

    Cosmic Shambles – Um, okay. You had me cracking up at my desk, in tears. And I have no clue how painful a DP would be. And no, if your pee pee “accidently” touched that other guy’s, you’re not gay. I promise. If it accidently went in his ass for a few minutes, you’re gay. Least I think. Those lines are very blurred here in Dupont Circle.

    Kathryn – Okay okay! Not “dated.” But “hung out with?” And is that the girl? I could swear that her name started with an “S” but I couldn’t find any mention of a name that sounded familiar on the popular Miss Delaware website.

    Double O – I’ll drink to our rapport!

    Living in Dupont – So the guy knows you have a blog?

    Marie – Um, TextTormenter was looking rough rough rough last night. They are about a good match.

    NR – I hear what you are saying, but, I have found in my life that I make the same mistake over and over. Either I walk away from a situation too soon, or I stay way too long. I’m trying to do neither in this case, giving him the benefit of the doubt while paying attention to serious red flags.

    Dan – A Vox invite? Huh? You’re talking to a girl who moved from blogger to her own domain and had to hire someone to do it for her. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Thanks for the kind words, and I do love the Dukes reference. Daisy Duke was hooooooottttt. I’m doing the best I can, and you’re right, it’s all I can do.

    Rachel – Complete disclosure. Yes. A hard lesson learned. I do believe he’s sorry, and didn’t realize we would end up where we did just a few short weeks later!

  21. Barbara

    Velvet — I think most of us are pulling for Sherlock. Although a successful relationship may spell the end to this as a dating Blog, my guess is that you will figure out many more entertaining things to write about. I give it to Sherlock for being patient while you work out the details of this evolving relationship. The fact that it is still alive at all is somewhat miraculous, but very encouraging.

  22. oi

    you’re surrounded by yes men! when you say “fuck you sherlock,” they’re like “burn him BURN HIM!” and when you say “we’re looking at porn,” they say “ahh, glad things are workin out so well.”

    velvet, don’t trust these people. next time, it might be you they want to burn at the stake. sure, they reinforce your feelings… but why?

  23. KM

    Your Life Sucks vein= interesting reading for the rest of us. It’s like watching ping-pong on this blog.

    At least you’ve been able to recover something with someone who seems to care a lot about you. Leaving something like that without attempting to fix things can lead to serious regret. I know.

  24. Siryn

    As you can probably tell, I am not a yes man. My concern is for your long term emotional health. So far I don’t see anything that gives me confidence that this will last more than a couple of months at best, because it’s easy to be swept away when you’re looking at it through porn-colored glasses.

    It is important to see beyond what you want. I hope that both you and Sherlock can. Don’t throw out everything you have learned about red flags because you have to have what you think you want.

  25. Stef

    Sounds like your night in Clarendon was one of those bizarre “this is your life” moments where life past, present, and future all collides. I had one of those nights at a theater in Pittsburgh once and it freaked me out for like a week! Sometimes the universe toys with us.

    And I’ll second, third, twelfth what everyone else has said — you write about whatever you want here, and we’ll read it. Your hilarious post and comments earlier about the escapades of Sammy and Thora should be proof of that! You’ve got a really funny and insightful way of looking at the world, and that’s what we keep coming back for. 🙂

  26. TravelGirlDC

    “I let my guard down this weekend and Monday it got crushed.”

    I really don’t get it. So what! He told you after you officially stopped dating that he had a fuck buddy. Would it have mattered if he told you a month from now? Who gives a fuck. He was willing to give her up for you. I wouldn’t sweat it. Trust the dude. Make your own porn video and quit watching the stuff you buy. You like being famous. Starring in your own video a la Paris Hilton/Paris Hilton will make you even more famous, that way if you break up you can act really pissed on the blog that he published the ViD unsanctioned video.

  27. kokonutz

    Ooooooh yeah! And the snake continues to swallow itself. I feel like it’s an episode of 24: we’re nearing the end of the hour and the clock is ticking…beep…beep…beep…

  28. Glitterati

    Oh Velvet, best of luck sorting all this out w/ Sherlock. Baffling though his behaviour may be, it seems like he really cares about you and does want to make it work. Way deep down under there, we’re all just people with feelings, and yeah, sometimes we fuck up royally, even with the best of intentions. No one knows better than you whether or not you can forgive & move on…

    Oh my, how very “ABC After School Special” of me.

  29. bejeweled

    Hey, look at me. I fixed the problem w/ my web page. Thanks for pointing it out! My only two cents is don’t be like the stupid TV networks who cancel a really great show before finding out how the story ends! Sherlock seems like a great mystery to unravel.

  30. Needtsza

    and what kinda porn are you into now? 😉 btw, I think it’s great that some women/girls can be cool with porn and all that. I mean, sexuality is a part of life, so why the hell not women too? Why do guys have to be the only “perverts”?

  31. NR

    I’m not sure if TravelGirlDC was promoting the idea of you making a porn video of yourself that finds itself all over the interweb, but if she was then I am completely behind the idea. Completely.

    Velvet, sweetie, I appreciate your situation but I have to wonder if this isn’t one of those times where you stay too long. I’ll address myself to Sherlock himself since I’m sure he reads the comments.

    Sherlock, you’re a fuck up. Don’t deny it. you just are. I want you to think about whether or not you can seriously think about the things that you say and do before you do them. I realize that this can be a chore. I am frequently confronted with the same problem. I lack the filter between brain and mouth that most people are born with. But I am happily engaged to a beautiful woman because I learned that a relationship is not 50-50 but 100-100. If you can’t put that into this relationship then you should bail now before you hurt Velvet. ‘Cause we’ll hurt you. Bad. Never feel things below your neck bad. Yeah.

  32. TravelGirlDC

    NR – Yes, my point (after a half bottle of wine, so forgive me if it wasn’t clear) was that ViD and Sherlock should make their own porn video. They could get the get neighbor to tape from the window across the way. Then Sherlock could ‘accidently’ leak it to the internet, then ‘accidently leak it to the blog folk. ViD could then act pissed and we would have a whole other month of blog drama material. Isn’t it all really about the drama? Think about it, ViD went on and on for two weeks about what a stalker Sherlock was, yet she never blocked him from the blog AND continued to make him a topic of convo here. If she really did fear for herself you would not propogate the problem by discussing it. Stopping an IP address from a personal blog, which ViD has already admitted to knowing how to do is super simple. ViD knew from the first dinner that they would end up together, it just makes for a better story this way. Seriously, in a matter of a week she went from “Fuck you Sherlock” to “I slept at his house last night.” Smells of network broadcasting sweeps week tactics to me. You get weeks of hype about some big plot twist, then during the sweeps week there is a big twist, the very next episode however puts everything neatly back where it belongs for the following season. IMHO, ViD is not going anywhere.

    I wish you both the best,okay maybe the worst, since the drama is what keeps us all coming back with our big bowl of buttered popcorn.

    {TravelGirl has been warned by Velvet, workout Queen Extraordinaire, to stop buttering her popcorn, as it makes the girth of her ass just wider and wider.}

  33. Velvet

    TravelGirl Bitch – If you think it’s all made up, then why the fuck do you continue to come back, over and over? FYI idiot, I did block him, but every time he logged on he was assigned a new IP. I would have had to block everyone with VERIZON internet service, which would have been ridiculous. I never feared for myself. Ever. I was just irritated. And I didn’t know I wanted to be with him until the second go-round. In fact, Sherlock, who is sitting here next to me, just said he didn’t even think I was into him on the first date. And why are you so hot for me to film a movie with him? Need to learn something?

    Speaking of IP’s I need to block…perhaps it’s yours who should go up on the chopping block. Keep being a nasty drunken bitch, and I’ll be happy to block your Comcast IP, which I have right here…

  34. TravelGirlDC

    {Comments of girls with extremely fat asses and big disgusting noses are deleted here at Velvet in Dupont}

  35. NR

    Screw the porn video. I want a video of this cat fight. But seriously, TravelGirl, you were a bit offensive. Lets all tone down the heat in this conversation and use our inside voices.

    Dinner now, be good kids.

  36. kokonutz

    Oh…my…God. Just when I thought it couldnt get any better! Is TravelGirl Bitch the fuck buddy!?!!?!? Was she the cyber-wingman, turned bitter and green with envy!?

    Best. Blog. Plot twist. EVER.

  37. Velvet

    NR – You don’t want a video of the cat fight. Believe me. I’ve seen Travel Girl DC’s ass, on her other blog “Princess” whatever she is, and you couldn’t get a string of 100 donuts around that thing. Cat fight begone, but show me Carmen Electra and I’ll do you some damage.

    Travel Girl is someone who dated Sherlock at one point in time, and had a conversation with him that went something like this: “Damn, Sherlock, you’re really falling for this girl. Why is it that every guy I date gets serious with the girl after me?” Hmm…maybe because the size of your ass and ugliness of your face is a problem? Or perhaps it’s just your piss poor attitude. To me, her comment “I am Sherlock here” sounds full on psycho with a side of narcissim.
    Kokonutz – It’s a good question about the f-buddy. Sherlock says no. And I believe him. Either way, some ugly whore is bitter and it ain’t me. Please tell me you are popping popcorn. Pretty please? Cause, you are going to need it. Velvet doesn’t play with big ass bullies.

    Travel Girl DC / Rachel Fat Ass / Princess / Whatever your name is these days: You don’t like bitch? How about jealous, big assed, ugly, in need of nosejob cunt? How’s that? Get off this blog, and don’t come back, or I’ll inform your employer, {you know I know who it is right?} that you are abusing your internet privileges. Dumb bitch. Stop eating all that fast food and take your fat ass to the gym instead of trying to start fights on other people’s blogs because your own is sad and pathetic. :::wiping away a tear::: All your links have been deleted, cause I know you just want to stir up trouble to bring traffic to your stupid little site.

    Oh, and yeah, Sherlock lied. She is the fuck buddy.

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