All you really need is a quick recap of where I’m at right now, but for those of you who know me, who truly care about me and want to know the update of this situation with Sherlock, etc., I will post the long version as well.
Cliffs Notes Version:
Kids, I admit when I’m wrong. Most of you were right. Sherlock turned out to be withholding quite a bit of information from me, and his “fuck buddy” friend is now threatening me and placing incendiary comments on this blog.
What have I (we) learned in the last year plus of reading this blog?
1) I will not tolerate a liar.
2) I will not tolerate attempts to bully me into behaving a certain way, especially if attacked first, and without provocation.
3) It never works out to have someone you are dating also reading your blog.
4) I can end a relationship without ever looking back. That said, I’ve employed a new break up line we must add to the list: “I want you out of my life.”
Reading The Whole Book:
Laying in bed watching CMT on Sunday morning, wishing for my headache to go away. The headache is a casualty of a Saturday night with one Foto Fox of I am Therefore I Date. Two bottles of wine, five splits of champagne and very little food made for two very drunk girls. Sort of a “when dating blogs collide” event. But oh, how glad I am that you have moved here one Foto Fox, for you are one cool chick.
My week and weekend up until the point of drunken debauchery Saturday night was a non stop Sherlock extravaganza. Friday night we had a really late dinner, went back to my place and had this incredibly deep and intense conversation that gave me the chills. There was a definite connection with him during and after that conversation that brought us to the next level. He stayed over with me (I was two for two!) and Saturday morning he came with me to take the dogs to the beach in Annapolis. On our way back into the city, we decided to have lunch at the much despised Lauriol Plaza (service again receives zero stars) and then went back to my place. When I had to get ready for my above blind-lesbian-blogger date, he went home.
Something had been transpiring on my blog that I was keeping an eye on. A commenter seemed particularly vicious with respect to this situation with me and Sherlock. I know that some of you get heated, and want to slap me around for doing stupid shit, and sometimes I get upset and snap back at you, but this was different. And a couple people (Kokonutz, NR) noticed it as well and said something in the comments that had not occurred to me – which was, “Is this the fuck buddy coming out?” This is where commenters I don’t know can be extremely useful – seeing another angle of a situation I can’t see. Thanks to you kids for that.
At some point after oh, 104 drinks with Foto Fox, Sherlock sent me a text telling me that the raging bitch in my comments had outed herself as another personality, one who had commented as another name. She’s the girl who he dated before me, who told him about my blog. He read me what she wrote over the phone while I was at the bar. I’m not understanding what it is with some psychotics that they want to ruin things for others or just be nasty bitches. All I could think was that this girls life must be so miserable that she’s trying to ruin what happiness I have. This girl is the same girl who lamented to him, “You’re going to get serious with this girl, why is it that every guy gets serious with the girl right after me?” Boo fucking hoo. As pathetic as that statement was, I no longer feel bad for her.
I still honor my credo of deleting people and blocking them if they become downright mean spirited. I’ve been through a lot of shit on and with this blog. For some reason, some people see a good thing and get jealous. It makes them act out in ways that are truly ridiculous, and I’ve had to do a good deal of protecting myself from this cattiness because it just isn’t positive or productive for my life.
So while Sherlock and I were on the phone, and while I was still out with Foto Fox, he made a statement that I just can’t stop thinking about. He said, “Look, I don’t want to get in the middle of this between you and her, maybe you could just make up?” Um….first of all, this bitch is coming after ME, I’m not laying into her, and what the fuck is that comment all about? I can understand not wanting any conflict in life, but shit, most men consistently fail to see what bitches other women are to each other. What I said back was, “Oh, you ARE the middle, you’re in it, and welcome to the fucking middle.” Without him, this wouldn’t be going on, right?
We’ve just spent the last three days discussing “us” and our status, talking of getting married and having fucking babies. We got to the elusive BF/GF words I cringe to use with anyone. Part of that commitment, minor as it may be compared to say, a marriage, is being on your partner’s side. Not loafing around in the middle. No matter how genuine his affirmation of the statement “I love you” might be, he has to back it up with actions. Fortunately for me, that feeling of love was still a one way street.
Sherlock came to get my drunken ass, and while I wasn’t upset with him for any of this stuff that is currently going on, I couldn’t get past the “don’t want to be in the middle” comment. I was quiet and brooding on the ride home. We get to my place, I responded to the dumb bitch in the comments. It’s not the prettiest side of my personality, but when someone pulls me into the ring, I fight back with no remorse for the feelings I’ll hurt along the way. I’ve since pulled her last name and employer’s name, not because of her threats but because I really just don’t care about her and don’t want anyone to be directed over to her site. After, when we were walking the dogs, he asked me what my options are.
We fixated on her outlash being a jealousy thing and proceeded to have a whole conversation about what this blog has become, and how it got that way. I told him that I hear rumblings of pissed off people who think their writing is better or their material and content is better, and they can’t understand how I get the hits that I do. Half of me wants to shrug at that, but the other half wants to say, “Fuck you. It’s not easy to get out there over and over, dating shithead after shithead, so I can chronicle a slice of the dating scene in Washington D.C. for everyone.” I’ve formed a lot of friends and allies along the way, I read a lot of other blogs, I spend a lot of time reading stuff of new commenters. I take a genuine interest in what people have to say and they pay me the same respect back. Also, I’m NICE to other women. When a woman is around who is better at something than I am, then I want to learn what makes her tick, and I’m certainly not going to gain anything by being nasty to her. Unfortch, not all of us have learned that art.
When people come to know you, through your writing, they either decide that they are rooting for you or against you. Fortunately 99% of you appear to be rooting for me. Occasionally I come across the 1% and I’m always shocked at their childish spoiled behavior, almost stamping their feet crying, “But my blog is better!” Ugh. Sickening. Grow the fuck up.
So where are we? He goes home and this morning I get a text message from him that the bitch is threatening all sorts of shit. Wah wah wah. She sent an ultimatum of sorts to Sherlock asking me to take her name off my blog, when in fact you can just google her blogger id and come up with her real name. Ok, I’ll indulge you, stupid whore. She wants to put all my information online. So I call and ask Sherlock how she could possibly know the things she’s threatening to put online. He told her of course. Something isn’t passing the sniff test. I ask what else went on with them, and fired off a bunch of questions that amounted to asking why this girl is so vicious, and that something else must have gone on with them.
He finally tells me that he’s scared to talk and I tell him he better start talking immediately. There wasn’t just one girl he slept with during his two weeks of stalking. There were three. Some back to back, including this bitch in my comments. Of course when I asked him the first time, he lied. He also lied earlier this week you might recall, because he only fessed up to one, not three. He said he told her how much he liked me and she must have been jealous. Um…hello? How could you be fucking one woman telling her that you really like another? That makes no sense to me. You learn that shit in 2nd grade. So I listen to him tell me of all the women he’s nailed in that time period, all the details and I start shaking. I can’t believe that when I choose to let someone in, it turns out like this. And yeah, I know most of you saw it. But you knew I had to give it a shot. I had to at least try.
He asked me what I wanted to do. It was calm, and it was honest, and it came out of my mouth so directly and so forcefully that I knew there was no other alternative:
“I want you out of my life.”
I told him I would be over within the hour to pick up what little I had left there (you know, porn…toys.) I dropped the dogs off and went over there. He let me in, I walked by him, not looking at him, found my shit and headed for the door. Then I turned around and said, “Where’s your cell phone?” He pointed at the counter. I told him to delete my number out of it. He did it in front of me, and I turned around toward the door. Parting words?
Sherlock: I’m sorry.
Velvet: Fuck you.
******
Final Stuff For You to Know:
I’ve blocked his email, not that it will do much good. Anyone can create more email addresses. He’s getting new internet service so there’s no point in blocking his IP’s.
Well, this saga is officially over. I’ve taken about all the bullshit I can from Sherlock and company. My sheets, smelling faintly of him, have been ripped off the bed and thrown in the wash. With bleach.
Comment moderation is on. I’ll approve them as quickly as I can.
Man, I can imagine how pissed you are. I’ve been following this whole Sherlock saga and kept wondering why you would go back to him when there was just so much wrong. It’s insane how grown women can act like girls in a middle school clique. Sherlock isn’t worth this, HASN’T EVER been worth this from day one, and I’m glad that unhealthy element is out of your life. Your posts have had a more stressed tone since all this crap began.
You ARE nice to other women and I wish there were more women like you, cuz lord knows there are enough bitches roaming around out there.
Give the dogs muzzle kisses 🙂
Ugh. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that. I don’t quite understand that, when given the opportunity to tell the truth, men choose to tell half truths. Half truths that are going to come back and bite them in the ass, forcing them to reveal the rest of the much more damaging story. This guy sounds like he was a waste of time, and perhaps he deserves the nasty bitch who commented on your posts. Clearly he doesn’t have his act together, in the very least (sleeping with 3 other women in one week???) and is in no position to be in a relationship. While this whole experience has sucked, it’s probably better that you got rid of him now, before you became TOO emotionally invested.
Ugh, boys.
I’m sorry, Velvet. Tons of us guys just suck ass.
I like how he didn’t want to be in the middle – um, if it wasn’t for him, there wouldn’t have BEEN a middle, he created a middle, and then didn’t want to be there. What a coward.
Waahhhhh, my four girlfriends don’t all get along. I didn’t see that coming at all, there was absolutely no precedent in the entire history of humanity that could have foreseen that shocking turn of events. Waaaaaaaaaaaah, now I’m in the middle of the mess I made.
You have integrity Vel, Shitlock doesn’t. Clear the decks and NEXT!
Geez. I’ve not commented recently because I thought you were making a mistake by giving this ass-hat another chance. But I didn’t want to question your judgment. Clearly, there’s an asymetry of information here, as you know everything, and I only what you decide to post on your blog. So, I thought, who am I to make judgments and offer unsolicited advice on this whole Sherlock situation? Sometimes objectivity is valuable though. And objectively speaking, Sherlock is an ass-hat. When you told him I want you out of my life, I hope you meant it this time.
Velvet, I am so sorry. I am ashamed to share my gender with anyone who would treat any woman as he did you, let alone one so generous and honest as you were with him. But enough, he is gone. You are strong, but this must have hurt. Protect yourself, please, and care for yourself. You have good and loyal friends who will stand by you. Please consider me one, too, if there is anything at all I can do – you know where to find me. Move on. There are not many men good and smart and strong enough to be yours, but you will find one. You know that.
When I read the title of this post, I thought you were “closing up shop” and shutting YOUR BLOG down–and I nearly wept. Once I read the whole story, I still wanted to weep–not because the Sherlock saga is over (duh), but because we must be living in a sad, sad world if a) women can’t look out for and respect one another, and b) there are men like Sherlock roaming free. I understand that he had some lovable qualities–he must have, if you chose to spend time with him–but YOU, my dear, are far too precious and fabulous and plain ol’ fucking awesome to have to put up with that infantile crap. Glad you’ve washed your hands (and sheets!) of the whole thing–as always, call me if you need anything, or if you want to chat over beverages. 🙂
NICE.
I actually feel anticipatorily bad for Sherlock when his karma finally catches up with him.
For better or for worse (and from my own painful experience), it takes a minimum of three months to fully assess someone’s character (they can “fake it” for an average of three months, but not much longer).
I’m trying a new system of not giving up anything I’d be upset they had until I feel totally comfortable that they are who/what/how they say they are.
Interesting how guys are showing their true colors, now BEFORE I’m in over my head. Yeah, he’s a shitty liar and a coward. I actually get *suspicious* with the overly-attentive-too-early-I-Love-you guys nowadays. It’s usually bullshit drama.
I’m sorry that you are hurt and I hope it’s really and truly over.
There’s nothing worse than feeling completely hoodwinked by someone. That sucks, I’m sorry.
Wow… just… wow. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all this, you certainly don’t deserve it. I’m glad you’ve decided to make a clean cut though, with liars it seems the only way to deal with it.
Here’s hoping that things look up for you soon, and I’ll be sending good thoughts your way.
Ugh…I’m also sorry that this all happened, but am almost glad that he showed his true colors so early before it got really bad. Best of luck to you…You know you deserve (and will get) much better…
The pain will subside, and Sherlock will move on to his next victim. His F-Buddy will forget about you and your site and anything having to do with Velvet. They will realize how insignificant their b.s. was/is in the greater scheme of your life and move on to drag someone else’s life to their level of sewage. You, however, Ms. Velvet, must not change your ways or lose faith in love or in men. Trusting someone and/or having faith in someone is not a wrong or a weakness. The saddest condition of life is when one completely loses their innocent trust/belief in the sincerity of man (or, in this case, men). Don’t let Sherlock steal this from you.
What a fucker! I’m so sorry.
I think all men lie. I thought I was wrong once but I was wrong.
What a prick! I hate liars too, but I probably would have burned the sheets!
Hey Velvet ever wonder if men are apologizing becasue they got caught in the lie or because they are truly sorry? My experiences have been the former.
Credit to you for continuing to get out there and find someone decent. The old adage, if it is meant to be it will happen.
Here if you need us, as always!
(low whistle). . .
I can’t even think of anything to say, beyond that I’m sorry, and to reiterate the fact that both of these people are clearly quite insane.
I’m so sorry it turned out this way. But here’s to moving on to bigger and better… keep the faith that there’s someone great just around the corner. And even in your neighborhood, he might even be straight! 🙂
I am so sorry this happened to you. I keep trying to paint you into a romantic fairy tale that just never happens. The guys that comment on your Blog seem to have so much more integrity than most of these recent boyfriends. It’s hard to believe that just a little over 24 hours ago we were exchanging such positive e-mail messages and now you are back to square one. You are one of the most resilient people I know and you truly deserve a happy ending.
Sweetie I am so sorry–esp with how guarded you are with men (as I am as well) I know how it feels to let yourself open up a bit and find out the person is a complete wack job. You are an incredible woman and do not deserve his (and her) childish behavior.
Besides his whorish behavior–this is not 1950 and there are a ton of diseases out there and I am glad you ended it with him before you found out he was having unprotected anal sex with a male hooker as well that week. Good riddance although I know it still hurts.
🙁
What a jerk! Sorry that he hurt you and caused so much trouble. At least you caught it sooner than later. (although not having to go through any of this would have been the best…)
Good riddance.
Keep being fabulous!
You are the winner in all of this mess. At least you still have integrity. Just keep your head up.
Awww, Velvet… I am so sorry to hear this! 🙁
Bastard! I feel sorry for his mom. She still has to love him.
I really think this is the icing on the mother fucking cake. That’s it! When I head to London, I am taking you with me. Those French/Algerian/English men with eat you up!!!
I’m sorry he turned out to be a creep. I admire you for putting yourself out there. It’s bound to happen soon, usually when you’re not particularly looking. I suppose you’ve already tried computer dating? I know of 3 babes who ended up getting married to their dates. Hang in there…it’s worth the wait.
I’m not going to spend much energy on bashing Sherlock. He doesn’t deserve anymore time spent on his sorry ass. What I will say though is, I’m mad he fed you lies. I’m mad he gave you hope. I’m mad that once again, your trust has been shattered. I know how hard it was to let your guard down. Men don’t understand the reprecussion of their actions and the decisions they make will forever impact the lives of others. This just goes to prove why ‘we’ are so jaded, so closed down, untrusting. I loved the way you ended it… “I want you out of my life”. Clear cut and to the point. Yea for you. Strong women prevail!
Hey V – I’m sorry. Liars are like cheaters…they don’t stop. And typically if you’re one, you’re the other. Good riddance.
Oh wow. I’m so so sorry you got hurt. It’s complete shit. Props to you for being brave enough to give it a try in the first place, and for taking control and not compromising your values in the end. Damn the universe had better have something really good in store for you after all this crap.
Sucks. You tried to look past his intial screw up, gave it a shot, and realized it wasn’t worth it. Don’t give up girl. For every asshole out there, there are plenty more assholes waiting for you around the corner. Just remember, everyone is an asshole. It’s a just a matter of finding an asshole that you suits YOU.
Ahole 4 times in a comment. I think I might have set a record.
Ditto, ditto and ditto with all above. How sucky. I find that the liars and also the “withholders of information” usually fall in the exact same camp.
Glad you tried, though. You tried, you were honest, now you know the real him and now you can nip, cut, move on and be a Sherlock-free, liar-free Velvet.
Try to have a good week!
I’m very sorry you went through this. I don’t understand how he could possibly expect you to trust him after his serial lying. I’m not sure if his deceptions or his unwillingness to get involve in a conflict he created is worse.
I’m so sorry to hear it turned out like this. I was hoping that he’d be different, ’cause you deserve different (and better).
I hope that you’re able to avoid the mistakes I’ve made – letting people like this lower your standards. I’ve seen the fairy tale work out in real life, and I know it’s possible – you don’t have to settle for anything less.
Take care of yourself, darlin’!
I second, third, and fourth everything written above. Its easy to say please don’t judge our gender based on our worst specimens, but after reading so many of the blogs here in DC, I’m sorry to say it seems like there are far to many jerks out there to just completely overlook it.
Here’s to you for starting over, and hopefully things get better from here.
i’m really sorry this mess happened, but i really admire the way you ended it so completely. i particularly love your parting line.
Sorry, boo. I admire your willingness to keep going despite all the drama.
Wow. Glad he’s gone. What a complete loser. Hopefully, after all this shit you’ve been through in the dating scene, you’ll end up with the cream of the crop. Karma, right? I can’t believe all this happens just to you.
🙂
AM
Velvet,
Sometimes when I’m feeling down and depressed and even suicidal. I read your blog and then I’m like, damn at least thats not my life. Then I feel better again because I realize that things could be worse.
The funny thing is that in an email you kind of predicted something like this happening talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Damn girl!
Holla
I agree with bettyjoan, that I was fearful you were shutting down the blog.
Now I’d understand if you need a minute before your next entry.
like I said on mine, ‘hugz to Velvet’
If this society wasn’t so litigious, I’d ask you to email his name and online dating profile name to all your single online dating friends so they could avoid his plague of lies and deceit.
It could have been worse – you could have slept with some guy for three months who didn’t give a crap about your orgasm. Life is too short and I commend how speedily you find these idiots out.
All, I’ve been seeing everything you are writing, and getting the emails and I sincerely thank you. I haven’t responded only because I wanted to just let you guys do your thing. But that said, I’ve got someone to respond to.
La Whisky – That my girl is a FUCKING BRILLIANT IDEA. Any woman who is dating online please email me so I can send you the proper warnings. Woman, you’ve had my back through two motherfucking losers now. How do you do it? Watch me consistently go down the drain?
Bummer. I was beginning to hope that my earlier recommendation that you to trust your instincts was wrong.
Well, look at the bright side. At least you found out in relatively short order what a jerk he is. I was spent two years with a guy before the lightbulb went off.
you handled that situation well. you should be proud of how you told him point blank that you want him out of your life. i hope he really listened to you.
Apparently Sherlock didn’t read all of the comments about full disclosure.
Are you sure this guy isn’t still in college? It seems that he pulled a lot of sophmorish pranks. Until he matures to the point of being able to handle conflict and being honest he is always going to lose out on a great woman.
Velvet – you deserve way more than this shit.
YOU ARE IN THE MIDDLE???
OMG.
Sorry about the yelling. That is some passive agressive BS, and I am glad you called him out on that.
Jeez.
you rock. sherlock sucks.
Wow. I’m really sorry you had to go through all that, Velvet. I’m just glad for you that it’s really over and you can start moving on to someone who will be straight-forward with you (and who won’t have a gaggle of psycho ladies in tow).
Velvet, I officially apologize for my earlier comment stating that I hoped you’d still date him because I like watching the train-wreck (which, yes, was actually somewhat sarcastic, and should have been a reiteration of my earlier comments to run the hell away). Hopefully Sherlock and his fuck-buddy will go on to share a perfectly miserable life together (I envision a trailer, Camaro on blocks in the front yard, the occasional fight with a frying-pan vs. a screwdriver, and a pack of chain-smoking kids . . .).
Good luck and please, more blind-lesbian blogger dates!
What an asshat. Move along, V. That tool doesn’t deserve to drink even a drop of your bath water. Idiot.
Ummm… yeah… when I said last week to Sherlock not to “eff this up,” apparently I meant, “Go get in the DeLorean with Doc and try to un-fuck everything.”
Bummer.