All you really need is a quick recap of where I’m at right now, but for those of you who know me, who truly care about me and want to know the update of this situation with Sherlock, etc., I will post the long version as well.
Cliffs Notes Version:
Kids, I admit when I’m wrong. Most of you were right. Sherlock turned out to be withholding quite a bit of information from me, and his “fuck buddy” friend is now threatening me and placing incendiary comments on this blog.
What have I (we) learned in the last year plus of reading this blog?
1) I will not tolerate a liar.
2) I will not tolerate attempts to bully me into behaving a certain way, especially if attacked first, and without provocation.
3) It never works out to have someone you are dating also reading your blog.
4) I can end a relationship without ever looking back. That said, I’ve employed a new break up line we must add to the list: “I want you out of my life.”
Reading The Whole Book:
Laying in bed watching CMT on Sunday morning, wishing for my headache to go away. The headache is a casualty of a Saturday night with one Foto Fox of I am Therefore I Date. Two bottles of wine, five splits of champagne and very little food made for two very drunk girls. Sort of a “when dating blogs collide” event. But oh, how glad I am that you have moved here one Foto Fox, for you are one cool chick.
My week and weekend up until the point of drunken debauchery Saturday night was a non stop Sherlock extravaganza. Friday night we had a really late dinner, went back to my place and had this incredibly deep and intense conversation that gave me the chills. There was a definite connection with him during and after that conversation that brought us to the next level. He stayed over with me (I was two for two!) and Saturday morning he came with me to take the dogs to the beach in Annapolis. On our way back into the city, we decided to have lunch at the much despised Lauriol Plaza (service again receives zero stars) and then went back to my place. When I had to get ready for my above blind-lesbian-blogger date, he went home.
Something had been transpiring on my blog that I was keeping an eye on. A commenter seemed particularly vicious with respect to this situation with me and Sherlock. I know that some of you get heated, and want to slap me around for doing stupid shit, and sometimes I get upset and snap back at you, but this was different. And a couple people (Kokonutz, NR) noticed it as well and said something in the comments that had not occurred to me – which was, “Is this the fuck buddy coming out?” This is where commenters I don’t know can be extremely useful – seeing another angle of a situation I can’t see. Thanks to you kids for that.
At some point after oh, 104 drinks with Foto Fox, Sherlock sent me a text telling me that the raging bitch in my comments had outed herself as another personality, one who had commented as another name. She’s the girl who he dated before me, who told him about my blog. He read me what she wrote over the phone while I was at the bar. I’m not understanding what it is with some psychotics that they want to ruin things for others or just be nasty bitches. All I could think was that this girls life must be so miserable that she’s trying to ruin what happiness I have. This girl is the same girl who lamented to him, “You’re going to get serious with this girl, why is it that every guy gets serious with the girl right after me?” Boo fucking hoo. As pathetic as that statement was, I no longer feel bad for her.
I still honor my credo of deleting people and blocking them if they become downright mean spirited. I’ve been through a lot of shit on and with this blog. For some reason, some people see a good thing and get jealous. It makes them act out in ways that are truly ridiculous, and I’ve had to do a good deal of protecting myself from this cattiness because it just isn’t positive or productive for my life.
So while Sherlock and I were on the phone, and while I was still out with Foto Fox, he made a statement that I just can’t stop thinking about. He said, “Look, I don’t want to get in the middle of this between you and her, maybe you could just make up?” Um….first of all, this bitch is coming after ME, I’m not laying into her, and what the fuck is that comment all about? I can understand not wanting any conflict in life, but shit, most men consistently fail to see what bitches other women are to each other. What I said back was, “Oh, you ARE the middle, you’re in it, and welcome to the fucking middle.” Without him, this wouldn’t be going on, right?
We’ve just spent the last three days discussing “us” and our status, talking of getting married and having fucking babies. We got to the elusive BF/GF words I cringe to use with anyone. Part of that commitment, minor as it may be compared to say, a marriage, is being on your partner’s side. Not loafing around in the middle. No matter how genuine his affirmation of the statement “I love you” might be, he has to back it up with actions. Fortunately for me, that feeling of love was still a one way street.
Sherlock came to get my drunken ass, and while I wasn’t upset with him for any of this stuff that is currently going on, I couldn’t get past the “don’t want to be in the middle” comment. I was quiet and brooding on the ride home. We get to my place, I responded to the dumb bitch in the comments. It’s not the prettiest side of my personality, but when someone pulls me into the ring, I fight back with no remorse for the feelings I’ll hurt along the way. I’ve since pulled her last name and employer’s name, not because of her threats but because I really just don’t care about her and don’t want anyone to be directed over to her site. After, when we were walking the dogs, he asked me what my options are.
We fixated on her outlash being a jealousy thing and proceeded to have a whole conversation about what this blog has become, and how it got that way. I told him that I hear rumblings of pissed off people who think their writing is better or their material and content is better, and they can’t understand how I get the hits that I do. Half of me wants to shrug at that, but the other half wants to say, “Fuck you. It’s not easy to get out there over and over, dating shithead after shithead, so I can chronicle a slice of the dating scene in Washington D.C. for everyone.” I’ve formed a lot of friends and allies along the way, I read a lot of other blogs, I spend a lot of time reading stuff of new commenters. I take a genuine interest in what people have to say and they pay me the same respect back. Also, I’m NICE to other women. When a woman is around who is better at something than I am, then I want to learn what makes her tick, and I’m certainly not going to gain anything by being nasty to her. Unfortch, not all of us have learned that art.
When people come to know you, through your writing, they either decide that they are rooting for you or against you. Fortunately 99% of you appear to be rooting for me. Occasionally I come across the 1% and I’m always shocked at their childish spoiled behavior, almost stamping their feet crying, “But my blog is better!” Ugh. Sickening. Grow the fuck up.
So where are we? He goes home and this morning I get a text message from him that the bitch is threatening all sorts of shit. Wah wah wah. She sent an ultimatum of sorts to Sherlock asking me to take her name off my blog, when in fact you can just google her blogger id and come up with her real name. Ok, I’ll indulge you, stupid whore. She wants to put all my information online. So I call and ask Sherlock how she could possibly know the things she’s threatening to put online. He told her of course. Something isn’t passing the sniff test. I ask what else went on with them, and fired off a bunch of questions that amounted to asking why this girl is so vicious, and that something else must have gone on with them.
He finally tells me that he’s scared to talk and I tell him he better start talking immediately. There wasn’t just one girl he slept with during his two weeks of stalking. There were three. Some back to back, including this bitch in my comments. Of course when I asked him the first time, he lied. He also lied earlier this week you might recall, because he only fessed up to one, not three. He said he told her how much he liked me and she must have been jealous. Um…hello? How could you be fucking one woman telling her that you really like another? That makes no sense to me. You learn that shit in 2nd grade. So I listen to him tell me of all the women he’s nailed in that time period, all the details and I start shaking. I can’t believe that when I choose to let someone in, it turns out like this. And yeah, I know most of you saw it. But you knew I had to give it a shot. I had to at least try.
He asked me what I wanted to do. It was calm, and it was honest, and it came out of my mouth so directly and so forcefully that I knew there was no other alternative:
“I want you out of my life.”
I told him I would be over within the hour to pick up what little I had left there (you know, porn…toys.) I dropped the dogs off and went over there. He let me in, I walked by him, not looking at him, found my shit and headed for the door. Then I turned around and said, “Where’s your cell phone?” He pointed at the counter. I told him to delete my number out of it. He did it in front of me, and I turned around toward the door. Parting words?
Sherlock: I’m sorry.
Velvet: Fuck you.
Final Stuff For You to Know:
I’ve blocked his email, not that it will do much good. Anyone can create more email addresses. He’s getting new internet service so there’s no point in blocking his IP’s.
Well, this saga is officially over. I’ve taken about all the bullshit I can from Sherlock and company. My sheets, smelling faintly of him, have been ripped off the bed and thrown in the wash. With bleach.
Comment moderation is on. I’ll approve them as quickly as I can.
Freckled – Wanna place bets? I bet Sherlock will be fucking someone else by Friday night. If not, I’m sure I just gave him the idea, as he’s been on the blog alllllll dayyyyyyy.
Nato – Don’t apologize. I emailed you as well. You know “lesbian” was just a figure of speech, right?
¿Como se dice “good riddance” en espaÃ±ol?
You deserved to know that this guy is a dirty dog player (and a bit of a man-whore) before you got in any deeper, no matter the popcorn value of seeing the train wrecking more slowly.
A couple of possibly constructive thoughts:
Zenchick is right: it takes T-I-M-E to see past a guy’s bullshit, or at least to identify it as such and decide whether the guy is worth his bullshit. Said time is measured in months (and sometimes years), not in weeks. And please trust me, we are ALL full of it. Myself included.
Dating someone who knows you from your blog is dangerous at best. If they ARE a player they will have all the tools needed to manipulate you and your feelings. But you already knew this, so the maybe the point is to act on your gut as well as the wisdom and lessons that you truly helpfully provide for the rest of us…
Sympathies and good luck getting back on that horse (so to speak, I guess, I mean I know about the rabbit…IS there a horse?).
You are giving him too much credit. $5 says he’s already gotten a piece of the fuckbuddy.
Let’s just say, for shits and giggles, that Sherlock is truly sorry for having hurt you. Wouldn’t he respect your wish to be left alone? Trolling someone’s blog, when they know that you can see their activity, hardly qualifies as giving someone their distance. If he truly felt remorse, he would make himself scarce.
I just started to cry at the thought of that. Damn it. Must escape to bathroom without anyone seeing me.
Ohhhh…I didn’t mean to make you cry! But this guy is just RIDICULOUS. It’s aggravating.
It’s not your fault. I don’t think it helped that some damn sad Sheryl Crow song “Always on your side” or some crap came on my CMT radio…which I probably shouldn’t be listening to today. It just snuck up on me.
As a first time reader of your blog – this is the goldmine of passing time at work.
As a woman, I’m really sorry about everything that happened.
“Lets just say, for shits and giggles, that Sherlock is truly sorry for having hurt you. Wouldnt he respect your wish to be left alone? Trolling someones blog, when they know that you can see their activity, hardly qualifies as giving someone their distance. If he truly felt remorse, he would make himself scarce. ”
Um, freckled? We already knew from the first time around that he doesn’t really respect her wishes. Or her, truly. He showed his colors at the Poison concert. Doing what she didn’t want him to AND trying to lie about it.
Not worth your tears, Velvet. Not one.
“You are giving him too much credit. $5 says hes already gotten a piece of the fuckbuddy.”
Which one? There were three, after all. I’d bet it’s been two or maybe all three PLUS a random bar-pick up, too.
And the fact that some of the others were multiple times while wooing V implies that he was telling THEM that dear V was the fuck buddy and that THEY were the ones he wanted to eventually marry and have kids with, doesnt it?
As a service to the lurking Sherlock to help him improve his game in this regard (as his ham-handed efforts here make us all look bad), I’ll link him to the Players Guide to Dating Many Women at Once: http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/05_How_to_Handle_Girls/manyrel.shtml
Even a player knows that HONESTY is the key to a relationship that is going to last longer than breakfast…
So…Kokonutz. Are you the same Kokonutz referenced in (one of the three) Fuck Buddy’s post today?
All I can say is he sucks and is not (nor will ever be) worthy of you. He SHOULD be sorry because he lost someone amazing like you, and you are so much better without him. He is not only a lair but completely emotionally immature (“I don’t want to get in the middle” – what is that bullshit?). I know it is hard when you let someone in and they disappoint you, but this jackass isn’t worth a second thought.
Probably, although yours is the only blog I’ve read today so I can’t say for sure.
Feel free to email if you’d like!
Wow, everyone jumped on the “I’m Sorry” train way the fuck before I got here. I’m glad to see so much support here for you and I’m also glad I didn’t see any blatant “I told you so’s.”
Circumlocutor, as usual, made a great point. Despite your myriad awful and boring experiences with guys, there are some great catches out there and I’m sure you’ll find one. We all saw that pic of you in your new panties (http://www.velvetindupont.com/?p=700). How could you not find a great guy?
I propose a bottle of wine and a hot bath for you. Relax, decompress, and stay strong. And sassy. You crack me up when you go off on someone.
Great! Now I can fix you up with this relative of mine. He’s a little bit of a shut in, and he spends most of his time playing video games, but a lovely personality- AND all of his teeth:)
Just kidding. (Although if you’re interested… I wouldn’t tell him about the blog, and I happen to be more trustworthy about that than SOME people)
Aw Velvet, you deserve a break.
Zenchick said it really well: he’s a shitty liar and a coward. Karam is serious and you, Ms. Velvet, you have some amazing good karma coming your way…
BTW: the idea to share the user name is BRILLIANT. I thought of doing the same thing three years ago after all time biggest on-line dating freak blew up in my face…hahahahaHA. It’s elementary!! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist the Sherlock joke…). ;-}
Hey there. You don’t know me from a hole in the wall, but I read your blog probably weekly and the part that got me was others asking why you get the hits. You said:
“Fuck you. Its not easy to get out there over and over, dating shithead after shithead, so I can chronicle a slice of the dating scene in Washington D.C. for everyone.”
This is exactly it. You have some stamina and balls and you also let people in. You are yourself. I personally HATE the dating scene in DC. I read what you write and sometimes it gives me hope, other times it is a warning showing what to watch out for. You are the one who taught me that this was such a small town after all (I’ve only been here a short while), and I’ve learned it is so true.
Whatever you do, just keep being you.
whoops–I meant to say Karma. Damn!! =-)
You poor soul. Hang in there.
P.S. Phoenix anyone? 🙂
wow, hun….I’m sorry things turned out so badly. I was hoping Sherlock would be one of the good ones. That certainly would have given me hope. I can’t believe he was screwing multiple women and telling them about you. messed up.
You could always post his info at http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com
In all seriousness, I am sorry that he turned out to be such an ass bag, but I admire you for putting yourself out there. In the short time I have spent reading your blog I’ve noticed something. No matter what sort of dissapointment you face, you remain positive and don’t give up. You are courageous and strong and I like that about you! Chin up Velvet 🙂
ooohhh…queen of preen- I actually had to submit a guy to that site….very long story, but he was lower than low- and def deserved it.
Hugz again, babe
Fellow Velvet fans: thanks for all the google hits and unsolicted emails! Suffice to say that V and I are of a mind and I remain an ardent fan(atic).
In the meantime, to quote a recent email I received from what I can only describe as a dear, sweet friend: We will get you the results you need. Use this tab regularly and youll have the best. Every man wishes it. Its absolutely true just take one before start. Have you ever dreamt to have a very hard peenis during all process? Only has to link on here and sign up!
Kokonutz- Forward me that email if you please. I am frequently concerned about my peenis during some process. I’ve been dreaming about better process for ages. This man certainly wishes it. I want badly to link on here and sign up. I’ll dream about it tonight, I’m sure, whispering sweet nothings into my pillow.
I’m gonna guess that people who date you/read your blog are 9 times out of 10, narcissists who just want some fame and recognition. Read: not really into the blogger.
(The other 1 out of 10 are stalkers, and I welcome you crazy loons with legs wide open).
i have missed much of the sherlock story. But, what an insecure a!! this guy sounds like. One new theory I have – if they are that good in bed and come on that strong, that is because they are professional lovers (but ultimately losers).
If I still lived in DC, I’d be all over some Velvet…the fact that I am female and am engaged have nothing to do with it. 🙂
Yes, I assumed that lesbian wasn’t meant to be taken literally, but a guy can hope. Actually, bi would be nice; you’d have twice the dating material to work with! Although, considering the women you’ve been interacting with lately courtesy of Sherlock, maybe that wouldn’t be such a great idea . . .
This is a very belated comment in response to this post – I have spent the last 3-4 days reading through your archives. It’s very addictive.
I have been struggling with being public about my blog. I just told my family and close friends about it on Saturday, and what I’m already finding is that it actually makes for more honest connections. I think Sherlock’s knowledge of the blog actually benefitted you in the end, because you found out that he was not as forthcoming and honest as he claimed to be. As my Bible-thumping grandma said when she caught me & my aunt sneaking into a R-rated movie, “Be sure your sins will find you out!”