Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

You Said I Wouldn’t Get Too Far On a Tank Of Gas and an Empty Heart, But I Got Everything I’ll Ever Need

Okay. A couple quick things, then some news.

First, I found a blog that had linked to me, following the trials and tribulations of my hellacious dating life. When I started reading said blog, I was fascinated. This poor guy is being stalked by a woman he calls “Bunny” (for Bunny Boiler in Fatal Attraction.) We’ve emailed a bit and shared some stories. I just wanted you all to know about him, because his stuff is good:

The Upstairs Neighbor

Second, the Queen of Quantity and I went to the pre-opening of Bebar. Our positively delicious instructor from the gym opened a bar on Ninth Street. The bar officially opens tonight. I read this morning in the article I linked above for you that some churches in the area were trying to convince the District that it was against Scripture to grant a liquor license. Vomit. There’s nothing I hate more than a bible-toter. Embrace gentrification people, embrace it. It helps us all.

Anyway, we spent the majority of the evening looking at the beautiful gay men and wondering why they couldn’t be straight and look that hot. They went top of the line for this event, sparing no expense. Nice work boys. Anyway, here’s the inside of the bar at peak time:

And Linda Cropp came out for a little speakage:

That’s all. I have pictures of the QofQ and I drinking pink drinks, but you know. We can’t post that. I also have a picture of Mike, but a) I’m not sure he wants it posted and b) I’m still not convinced he’s 100% gay and I’m drooling over his picture and creating a plan to convert him to my team.

Last Thing:

Sammy? Thora?

PACK YOUR THINGS!!! We’re going out of town!!!
I’d really like to do this:

  • Merge onto I-66 W (Crossing into VIRGINIA). 75.2 miles
  • Merge onto I-81 S via EXIT 1A on the LEFT toward ROANOKE (Crossing into TENNESSEE). 376.3 miles
  • Merge onto I-40 W via EXIT 1B toward KNOXVILLE. (Pass through Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, and New Mexico, crossing into Arizona.) 1751.1 miles
  • Merge on to 17 South via the exit on the left toward Sedona 138.7 miles

But I don’t think it’s going to work cramping the dogs in Speedracer for so long. Sans plan, I’m still excited at the prospects…

I’m out bitches. I had to beg for some time off so I can get out of here and clear my head. I know I’m hitting Atlanta and the Outer Banks, but if I can squeeze in anything else (come on…NASHVILLE) I’ll be lucky. Eventually I have to come back. And I’ll do my best to write from the road. Heading out in the morning. Kisses!


  1. I-66

    Yes. Merge onto me.

  2. Siryn


    Have a great trip and hug playful for me if you get the chance!

  3. Bill

    Driving into the eye of Ernesto? Sigh. Boston’s the other way, Velvet, but I hope you’ll relax and enjoy. Safe travels.

  4. holiday

    Linda Cropp does love gay men and martinis. I think that bar sounds great. Have fun on your vacation. I’m rollin’ to New York City.

  5. Nikki

    Have a wonderful trip, and relax!

    We will be waiting patiently for your return 🙂

  6. bettyjoan

    Sorry I couldn’t accompany you to Be Bar–I have been having serious Velvet/Mike withdrawal lately. 🙂 Have a great time in Atlanta!!!

  7. Marci

    Happy travels girl! Wishing you much hotness. You know, the man kind.

  8. Sweet

    Have a blast girl!

  9. scarlet

    You deserve a great, relaxing trip. GET IT!

  10. NR

    Have a great trip, Velvet. We’ll be looking forward to hearing about the trouble you get into on your trip across the country (or at least most of it). Bring back pictures!

    And gifts! I want a key chain.

  11. JohnnyDC

    I’d like an Atlanta Falcons Cheerleader.

    Possibly naked.

  12. I-66


  13. Drunken Chud

    i-66, motion seconded.

    ok, there is something alarming here that needs to be addressed. this is both pissing me off and scaring me, and why no one has said anything is beyond me. we can all see it. we all know it, but i am the only one man enough to say it? really? ok, here goes: HOW THE FUCK IS JACKIE KENNEDY (ONASSIS) ALIVE AND IN A PICTURE OF A GAY BAR! (look behind ac/dc shirt guy). THAT’S FUCKED UP. I WANT AN OFFICIAL INQUIRY INTO THIS PHENOMENON.

    that is all.

  14. I-66

    …and who’s responsible for the tablecloth that ate Linda Cropp?

  15. Velvet

    Chud – QofQ and I were making fun of that fag hag the whole night, those eyebrows are sooooo 1980. And yes, the irony of me being at a gay bar and calling another chick a “fag hag” is not lost on me. No siree. Now pass me a cosmo and some X or coke before I go in for my botox shots.

  16. NR

    Wow, you guys are brutal. I didn’t even notice the poor girl being mauled by caterpillars. Frankly, I’m amazed that anyone is looking at these pics so thoroughly so as to notice that.

    But she is freakish. I know several girls who could wax that into a real face in no time. Hmm, now that i think about that, that is kind of sad. My outlook on life is being taken over by the spa.

  17. Wicked H

    Happy Trails, V!

  18. KassyK

    Have the best time girl and be safe. You deserve a good weekend away. Muah.

  19. freckledk

    I think I spy Lance Bass…ten o’clock from Jackie O.

    Have a great time, Queen of the Road!

  20. Nikki

    Didn’t even know you were going on a trip or how long you’ll be gone. But anyways, hope you find some clarity on the road and have some fun along the way.

  21. circumlocutor

    Hmmm….Be Bar….I’ve got to get out of the house more often. Safe travels….

  22. Jimmy

    Maybe it’s offbeat but how about a vision of Velvet in a country music video… Leaving the men and the drama in the rearview mirror… Check it out — replace a lyric or two (and the truck for Speedracer) and here’s the scene:

  23. Stef

    I thought I spotted Lance Bass, too!

    And actually, while I completely disagree, the NYTimes recently had an article about how full, untweezed, as-nature-made-’em eyebrows are back in. So beware of more caterpillars on the scene these days.

    Have a great road trip!

  24. KJ

    Holla if you need a Nashville guide. I gots the low down on cheap drinks and great dog parks. (Here via Grateful Dating, btw.)

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