Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Lovin’ That Will Kick Your Behind

Before I dish, make sure you see the post about the Dupont House Tour if you are interested.

Well, it was a weekend of drunken and sexual debauchery. And frankly, I would like to order another. Monday shouldn’t be here. It should be Friday. Because, if it was Friday again, the following would happen all over again.

Friday night. In anticipation of the weekend, I wanted to get my run out of the way. I hit the gym and did some treadmill mileage. Then I went home and rehydrated myself with a few gins while I dressed for the City Sparkle / Virgile Kent birthday event. We went to…well, I don’t even know…a bunch of those fancy clubs on 18th Street with no visible signs out front telling you what they are. You can read the goods on their blogs. Yes, my dress was obscene. Look, I don’t get out to clubs a lot okay? I rarely go anywhere that jeans are not acceptable attire. So there.

Anyway, the man I’ve been calling “new guy” came to pick me up from the club. I convinced him to come inside because some of the partying kiddies wanted to meet him. I did the introductions, then we made our way to the bar and away from the crowd so I could shove my hand in his pants and he could do the same to me. Except I wasn’t wearing pants. Just a tiny string was connecting the front to the back. Well. Not for long.

We left and went back to my place, with full intentions of getting dogs, a rubber band for my hair (I’m obsessive about tying my mop up when I go to sleep) and going to his place. We didn’t make it. Something they call cunnilingus occurred in my building’s elevator. The Board President would be shock…oh, wait. That’s me. Lucky we haven’t installed that camera yet. But next week? No oral sex in the elevator as the camera will be fully operational.

So we got inside my place and he got inside my place and we didn’t leave for a long time. I think we I woke the neighbors. Saturday we woke up, parted ways to do the morning shower routines at our own houses, then reconnected an hour later to spend the day together. And the night. And the next day. And the next night.

There’s really no reason to keep this charade up. When I speak of “new guy,” you all know I’m speaking of Sherlock, right? He’s never gone away. We’ve had a few downs to go with our many many ups, but he’s here and despite the wishes and intentions of some miserable people in this saga, he’s not going anywhere. I’m going to protect this relationship fiercely. It doesn’t mean I won’t write about it, and it doesn’t mean you all can’t comment on it, of course you can. But if anyone physically or otherwise tries to get in the way again, be prepared for what will happen. Is that a threat? Yes. Consider it a direct threat. Stay out of our lives, and I’ll refrain from making yours a living fucking hell.

The name “Sherlock” connotes to me a time and place of this relationship that no longer exists. The name reminds me of a rough start, some inconsistent stories (that occurred while we were not together) and some generally crappy times. The name “new guy” really just covers a man I’ve had incredible sex with in some very public locations. I really need a name that works for the long term. Upstairs Neighbor, who has a knack for coming up with some hilarious names, suggested Mr.PantsOnFire, and has taken to calling him that in our email exchanges. I think that’s the name. It works in a double entendre kind of way, and it helps trim down the many many names I’ve been using for the same man.

Finally, the truth. Damn it feels good. I hated lying to you kids, but I had to protect my relationship.


  1. Rachel

    Why lie to us? We are big kids. We can handle the truth.
    plus, this is your blog. You are allowed to do whatever you want with it.
    Hmmm a new name for Sherlock…
    PDA Lover (public Displays of Affection)
    MagicMan (seems he has magic in all of his extremities)

    You should have a contest.

  2. KassyK

    Had a blast with you and so glad I finally met Sherlock and that you guys “came out”. 🙂 In more ways than…ahem…one. HAHA

  3. GirlWithMoxie

    Well damn! All these plot twists, it’s like a telenovela. (Would that be a Greek telenovela? Hmm.)

    Best wishes to you and Hotpants McGillicuddy, Pants on Fire, or Joe (whatever you wanna call him) in making things work!


  4. marie

    oooooooooooohhhh, ok, ok, ok…
    now it all makes sense..
    i’m happy you kids talked everything out and were willing to give the relationship a fair chance..
    also, having so much sex — err, fun.. i meant fun — doesn’t hurt either [although i know it’s so much more than that]..

    i loved rachel’s suggestion – RocksMyWorld

  5. Red


  6. Tyler

    With all this hot sex going on, I see no reason for him to not stay around for a while.

  7. bejeweled

    Wow, didn’t see that one coming, but I’m really glad you didn’t give up on ‘sherlock’ er, I mean ‘new guy’. I guess you always have to work at what you really want, right?

  8. Virgle kent

    HOLD UP!!! You people really didn’t see that coming??? One week shes getting her sex toys and leaving Sherlock and the next week shes apartment shopping with The new guy?!? I know Velvets been known to move fast BUT NOT THAT DAMN FAST!!! I’m the only one that picked up on that?

    HA HA HA HA HA, now thats funny!

    Congrats V, but you know I’m still taking my underground bets on you. Now all you have to do is last three months and 19 days. No problem its winter

  9. Law-Rah

    Sitting here shocked in disbelief! (okay, not really)

    Hey, any guy that shows up on a harley to meet 10 of your giggling girlfriends the *day after* the posting of the sex-on-a-harley story ain’t going anywhere:-)

  10. Rachelle

    Longtime reader, first time commenter here – had to write because I’m so surprised. I did NOT see that one coming! In retrospect that was a lot of hot sex for something so new, but why question that!?? Congrats! I thought he seemed like he had potential from the start.


  11. Jill

    Longtime reader, sporadic commentor. Yeah Velvet!! It’s about time. I have to say, I was slightly suspicious as to who the guys was. If he was new, you were moving awfully fast. But who am I to judge, I moved quickly with my now hubby. I’m glad it’s the new–old guy!

  12. Velvet

    Rachel – I emailed you back but realized that it goes to the email address you don’t check!

    KK – You are too cute.

    GirlWithMoxie – Thank you, and welcome again. You just plowed through the archives, so I guess this does make more sense to you now, right?

    Marie – Yes, it’s been a long road, but I think the good stuff is still to come.

    Red – Thanks!

    Tyler – I promise to report on any and all public sex that occurs in the city.

    Bejeweled – I think you hit the nail on the head – you have to work at things. The only caveat to this was that the work came at the beginning, not during the middle of an otherwise happy relationship. It was a hard call to decide if it was going to payoff. But I think it did.

    VK – Three months and 19 days puts me at…January 29, 2007. Interesting. A month after Christmas, and still 6 weeks shy of my birthday. I’d say, make your bet and double down.

    Law-Rah – I love this! You’re right. And you chicks WERE giggling.

    Rachelle – YAY! I love when you all delurk and say hi. Thanks for the comment!

    Jill – Hey!!! I remember you!!! You are the original reader of that secret blog that tracked the lunacy of the old bastard and the bitch ex-friends. Glad you are still reading!

  13. JohnnyDC

    maybe you should call him Harley.

    You like to ride him ALL NIGHT LONG!!!


  14. freckledk

    I’m going to throw Mr. Wand out there as Sherlock’s new Christian name. And you know why, Pet.

  15. Alejandra

    You know, I love JohnnyDC’s suggestion. I think Harley is perfect.

    Also congrats…I’m wicked happy for you (and not at all surprised). Best of luck to you kiddies…

  16. El Guapo


  17. Needtsza

    Sounds like quite the keeper

  18. Tacoma!

    How tricky, hiding in plain sight, making us so hot and bothered with all of the public sex that we didn’t know who it was.

    Although, you were doing all of that dating stuff.
    Jeeze My head hurts.

    And I agree, relationships all take big work at some point, might as well front load it.

    P.S. Has he met the Parents?

  19. Drunken Chud

    cunnilingus in an elevator. livin it up while he’s going down…

    that’s actually pretty hot. i need to try that some time. did you stop the elevator? or did he just get in there and work on the tease? DETAILS! and are there pics of this dress? i want to know what obscene is. good or bad… heh.

  20. Wicked H

    You GO GIRL!!!!!

  21. Big Tone

    i think you should call him Mr. Oliver Kloseoff because he seems to have that effect on you, Velvet.

  22. Barbara

    I feel vindicated because I was one of the few people who liked this guy from the start. It has been obvious from the get-go how much he cares about you and to get good (and frequent) sex thrown in too — you can’t ask for much more than that! I’m not sure what you are going to keep writing about because it seems like you have just about everything you could want. Perhaps there’s still some material in the area of the toys… Ha!

  23. KM

    The truth will set you free, Velvet. It may set me free too; many more posts like these and I’ll be able to read your blog from the comfort of my home instead of the office….

  24. Not So Little Woman

    Way to go, Velvet! For a long time you’ve been protecting your love life and blog life. I’m glad it’s working out for you!

  25. Lucky

    Oh look, I’m right again.

  26. hedonistic

    I’m jealous! I love semi-private, semi-public hijinks . . .

  27. QueenofPreen

    I agree with Rachel on the contest idea! 🙂
    I’m glad someone is having awesome sex. NO, I’m not bitter or anything 🙂 haha jk!
    Long live Mr. POF, go Velvet!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© 2024 Velvet in Dupont

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑