Who the hell goes to the gym on Friday night at 6:30 p.m. when it’s 30 degrees outside? Really. Who? Me, and the U-Street Metro, that’s who. Right when my left cheek has decided to give birth to two unsightly zits. My luck fucking sucks.
Walking in, I bumped right into him on his way out. I may be the tiniest bit crazy, or perhaps the tiniest bit optimistic but I think he looked happy to see me. He actually smiled and stopped in my path. Quite a contrast from the other times I’ve bumped into him where he looks about as uncomfortable as one would look, say when a pair of boxer briefs is shoved up their asshole. With a car tire attached.
We talked for several minutes – much longer than any of our last attempts at being unawkward and friendly. Exchanging small talk was nice, but it still stung. He looked good. He always looks good. He seemed relaxed. We said goodbye and I went off in search of an elliptical machine.
As I climbed away, of course he stayed in my mind. I thought the timing pretty funny considering I JUST saw his girlfriend in Washingtonian. I thought about the time we spent together and how easy it was to just fall in love with him. Finishing my easy Friday night workout and realizing the gym visit was anything other than a breeze, I went home.
During my shower, Sherlock popped into my mind. I started collecting my anger at all the things he’s done to me. I said them out loud in the shower. I decided to make a list. Expect to see it soon by the way. (Suggestions & reminders appreciated.) I stepped out of the shower, grabbed my towel and then I asked myself: Why did I bump into the U Street Metro at the gym? Because coincidence resulted in both of us being there? Okay, sure. But, in the absence of religion in my life, I pay close attention to “signs.” It’s a holdover from “The Celestine Prophecy” being one of my favorite books.
The U Street Metro was put in my path to show me that I shouldn’t settle. I should wait until I feel that way again about someone else. If he asked me to take the blog down, I would, without hesitating. But Sherlock? I don’t feel that strongly about Sherlock. It might be part love, part attachment. But it has burned me out. I went to the gym last night and said to the Queen of Quantity, “I want to love a man as much as I love my dogs.” She didn’t think that was stupid at all, in fact she agreed wholeheartedly.
I dried off and fired up the laptop. The date of this post is staring at me in the face: Today is AtlantaBoy’s birthday. Another man I fell head over heels for. Another sign. It’s time for me to get up to bat and send the other team home. This game is finally over.
Sounds as if you’ve had your big “Aha” moment.
I’ll just remind you that he always put his want to be in your life ahead of your need for space. Jogging past your house, giving your personal info to crazy blogger fuckbuddies, showing up uninvited at Happy Hour. He denied you any sense of privacy because he couldn’t stand to be a part of it.
It just shouldn’t be so hard. You two just aren’t a fit. Doesn’t make him a bastard, or an evil person…it just makes him not the right person for YOU.
I meant NOT be a part of it. Sorry…too much beer and not enough lunch!
Trust me, if our dogs could speak (English) and could forget (or remember) our birthdays, we’d hate them too.
🙂 gym clarity by our V
We lost each other today but I think you are doing the right thing. I am always hesitant to give people advice bc I think everyone is different and different things make us happy…but I know you, and I know that what you are doing may hurt like hell in the short run but you are being true to yourself by cutting him out.
It shouldnt ever be that hard even with love involved. You will find the right man for you and you will KNOW. I love you. Chin up sugar…that promise on getting you high is still up for the taking. Heehee
Yay for Velvet! Noone could say that you didn’t give him a fair go. I think he has had plenty of chances, but (to use a classic aussie saying) he has a few too many kangaroos loose in the top paddock. 😉 You deserve much better.
Time to give it a burl with someone new. Happy hunting! 🙂
It’s time to “move on with your life” as they say in the soaps. You gave this one your best shot and it just doesn’t work. There will be someone else. I’m sure of that.
I can say that I did not agree w/ your first decision to stay with him but supported you whole heartedly in your choices. You have to do what makes you happy and I agree with the above posts, it should not have to be that much work to have a relationship, especially in the early stages! You deserve so much more happiness than he was giving you. His idea of happiness was just short of suffocating (stalking) you. It’s kind of like when my kids constantly go mom,mom,mom,mom and I finally blow my top and scream “what? yes I see you, now what?!?!” Yes Sherlock, now what?
This is good, I think.
I will now revert to my silence on this matter.
Good decision, V.
Also, I went to the gym at 6:30 last night too. The cold builds character. That’s what I told myself.
this post makes me happy…
and as someone who was also in the gym at 6:30 (9:30 for you) last night i’d have to say that the gym is pretty much like church. i’ve had many a revelation there and also have sweated out many a sin from the night before.
Oh, happy day!
The universe is revealing itself to you all in due time.
I’m sure there are more “Aha” moments coming because you have opened yourself to them.
Gotta love a good “sign.” I’m glad you took the time to think about it. I agree about the “Aha!” moment.