Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Ain’t Nothing Gonna Break My Stride, Nobody Gonna Slow Me Down

So, the blogging thing is pretty cool, if only for moments like this. I got a Christmas postcard all the way from Canberra, Australia. Thanks Aussie Em, that was mighty nice of you, especially considering I haven’t yet sent my Christmas cards out. Err. From last year either.

Tonight I had another date. His nickname is so easy, Fencer 4, because he is a Fencer. Well, not by profession, but for fun. By profession he’s a supersleuth IT guy, who I had an interesting conversation with about all sorts of things in which I had to effectively hide how and why I knew so much about computers, IP addresses and other fancy stuff.

Anyway, I wish I could say that there was some sort of chemistry with him because we had a good conversation and he seemed like a great guy, but I don’t see that. But this of course, doesn’t mean that one of my friends wouldn’t want to date him. So I’ve effectively moved him to a new category on the list – dated, and would hang out as friends. Now, I have to figure out who I could set him up with.

When I was walking home, someone asked me for directions. He happened to be looking for an address near where I lived, so we walked and talked. He’s gay so don’t start thinking I picked someone up on the way home from a date, but we had a really interesting conversation.

Him: I always get lost in this city. I’m here once a month and I haven’t figured it out.
Velvet: Where are you from?
Him: New York.
Velvet: Aww. Home. I miss it.
Him: I don’t know how you live here actually.
Velvet: Yeah, I don’t know that myself. My mom just asked me if D.C. was a fun city and before I could think, the word NO came out of my mouth.
Him: Everyone looks the same here.
Velvet: I KNOW! You are so right. And a lot of them are assholes. I used to meet the nicest people and date the hottest guys when I lived up there. Now it’s a sea of ugly.
Him: You should come back.
Velvet: I think about it all the time. It’s just so damn expensive.

Finally, if you give someone all the rope they want and they hang themselves with it, is it more or less fun to watch, knowing that it is coming? Or would you rather kick the stool out from under them? Just a thought.




  1. AussieEm

    Awww, thanks for the shout out! That’s sweet. And you even scanned the card and everything. Now everyone can see the beautiful ‘Berra. lol

    Which is the capital of Australia by the way folks. No, it’s NOT Sydney! 🙂

  2. Velvet

    No, I took a picture, and then put it on the computer Aussie Em! If you had a blog, here is where I would link to you and then you would get some fun people over there reading about life down under.

  3. Carrie

    but we’d miss ya if you went back to NYC! i was in the village this weekend and i couldn’t go more than few steps without seeing a hot guy. DC? not so much.

    oh, and i’d like to volunteer myself for any guys you want to shunt off. LOL

  4. Not So Little Woman

    Depends on what the spectacle is. If it’s more fun to kick the stool…. You get what I mean.

  5. AlieMalie

    Hmm, much rather watch them hang on their own just to see how creative they could get. Plus it prolongs your pleasure/their agony which in some cases can be rather entertaining.

    I miss Australia – great place with super hot guys. You should go there for a vacay, Velvet.

  6. E :)

    Dude! Canberra! I have an aunt there, but every time I go to that city I have a shit of a time. Too many politicians inhabit the bars. Looks like I’ll end up working there though…

  7. Nikki

    Well Velvet, I would wait and watch them hang themselves but I do enjoy watching people suffer. If it got really bad, I would kick the chair out from under them, but it would have to be really bad. Just my random thoughts.

  8. Lord Chimmy

    I’ve been thinking about moving up to DC. However, now I’m wondering if I’m just going to add to the sea of ugly.

  9. beaker

    Feels good to not be out there, contributing to the sea. Then again, I’m not out there counter-balancing it either. Take your pick.

    Either way, feel free to kick my stool 😉

    **NY feels like a second or third home now (SF being the other) so I totally get your missing it feeling. =\

    Have I said Happy New Year btw? Well, HNY if I didn’t.

  10. Wicked H

    Kick the stool!! Just like rip the bandaid right off. That way you can move on to bigger and better things….

  11. jordanbaker

    Kick the stool! Kick the stool!

  12. I-66

    Dammit. I was going to type exactly what JB typed. Curse you, smart italian!

    Kick it. For the love of all things holy. I don’t even know what you’re talking about (or do I?) but kick it!

  13. Big Tone

    I absolutely love your 80’s lyrics for titles.

  14. washingtoncube

    Fencer sounds kinda cute.

  15. Rachel

    Love reading about your dating debacles. I would watch them hang themselves if for no other reason than you can’t be held accountable for it.

  16. LMNt

    I vote let them mostly hang themselves and finish them off at the last minute with a good solid kick. But I like to watch the evil suffer.

  17. 6s & 7s

    Can I have him?

    And what’s this about hangings? What’s going on in that head of yours? Do we have a new victim you haven’t let me in on yet?

    Need to see you. Soon!!!

  18. marie

    Oh, no! I’ve got to keep on moving..

    Um, but if you kick the stool you still know what’s goint to happen, don’t you? It’s going to happen faster, yes, and you’ll be playing a much important role in the death.. Hmm.. At the same time, you WERE the one to give them the rope…….. Oh, I”m confused..

  19. tfty

    Send him to RED. It sounds like this guy might be right up her alley.

  20. suicide_blond

    there is a REASON i live in DC… its cause its too hard to get any work done if your surrounded with hot guys wanting to do cool stuff all the time…like in NY…. here.. its pretty easy to say no to ugly ….
    sooo i guess that is a pretty shitty
    oh the rope a velvet one?? and kicking the stool really depends entirely on what shoes your wearing!!

  21. The Captain

    Man, as much as ou rip on the quality of guys in this city, you sure are dating an awful lot of them. I’ll bet this same point has been made a hundred other times on this blog, by you even, but I’m a new reader, so you’ll have to deal with me catching up.

  22. rob

    okay– i haven’t paid attention, but if there are no hot guys in DC– then it works out perfectly because there are no hot girls either. mediocrity has never felt so right.

  23. Tacoma

    Hmm, watch or kick… they both sound somewhat fun. Depends on who I’m watching, and how bad they’ve screwed me. Honestly, unless they’ve kicked my dog, I’d probably leave before too much suffering happed (no kicking, no watching). Maybe check the body a couple days later to make sure it’s dead. Is this metaphore being dragged too far?

  24. Mandy

    Wow, girl. I go away for a little while, and then you’re back and dating! I’m glad I checked back in, and I’m sorry you’ve had such a roller coaster in the last few months (I know we’ve commented on each other’s blogs, but I didn’t presume to be part of the password crowd). I think there’s a lot to be said for the not caring approach, it seems far less stressful. Take care of yourself!

  25. The Captain

    This is not related, but I thought you’d appreciate it anyway. One of my co-workers got a flat tire last night, on the way to taking her son to the Wizards game. She was on H street, and there was a cop right there, who she asked for help. He told her to pay a homeless man $5 to change it for her. Nice huh? This just adds to your other posts on the subject.

  26. playfulinnc

    I agree with Mandy! Little baby Jesus…I look away for one week, and you’ve been busy!

    Thanks for the gifty…enjoying it as we speak…

  27. washingtoncube

    Re: what the Captain just wrote. I’ve had D.C. cops tell me things like that before. They totally suck eggs.

  28. Luck O' the Irish

    Sadly, the sea of ugly extends into Maryland. I think I just need to move to Australia and be done with it!

  29. Robert

    [Insert obligatory defense of D.C. here.]

    It’s amazing how ex- and current- New Yorkers never get tired of ripping on this town.

  30. ashburnite

    I agree with LMNt:

    “let them mostly hang themselves and finish them off at the last minute with a good solid kick”

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