Sherlock and I went out to dinner tonight to our new favorite restaurant. After we were done eating, I jumped up and down in my chair and clapped my hands while screaming, “MILK DUDS MILK DUDS MILK DUDS.” Sherlock said, “You want Milk Duds?” See, Sherlock has come to understand that when I want chocolate, I really want chocolate with caramel. Milk Duds usually do the trick, but sometimes Rolos or Sugar Babies also work. He also knows that they don’t sell Milk Duds at the 7-11 by his place. So we had to walk a little for them. 29 degrees out there. It’s cold.
We got to the store and he asked me to find him some lip balm. I went off in search of that and shortly after finding it and picking every lip balm product they had and putting it in the basket, I stumbled on the Valentine’s Day Candy. YAY! I love buying those stupid heart shaped cardboard boxes and then eating all the chocolate myself. But, wait! I don’t have to do that this year. I have someone to eat it with. Hooray! So, I started looking through the options and Sherlock came up behind me.
Sherlock: What are you doing? These don’t look like chapsticks or Milk Duds.
Velvet: I’m buying Valentine’s Day Candy. Will you be my Valentine?
Sherlock: Yes, of course. Are we waiting until Valentine’s Day to eat the candy?
Velvet: No. We’re going to sit on the couch and watch the movie and eat it all tonight.
This made Sherlock smile. I thought that our plan was set in stone.
We got home and he had to try to get a stain out of my shirt where some wayward food landed after I didn’t try hard enough to get it into my mouth. I unpacked the bags from the store, (that means I just threw everything on the counter,) and opened the coveted and very exciting Heart Shaped Box of candy. I put the legend out on the counter so we would know what was what. Then I grabbed my soda and the pretzels and headed into the living room. I thought he was just behind me with the chocolate since he had JUST SAID, “I won’t make popcorn, we can just have a chocolate night.”
I got to the couch and he’s not behind me. I waited. And waited. And waited! Then I said, “What are you doing?”
He popped his head out from around the corner and said “Me?” Aggravated, I said, “Yesssss,” and as I said it I noticed that his mouth was moving. He had some food in there. I said, “What are you DOING?” He said he was making popcorn. I could hear the microwave humming from where I stood. I’m trying to wrap my brain around what is going on but it just isn’t making any sense. I said, “So what are you eating?” He just looked at me with this expression like, “This is where I’ve fucked up. I know.”
I walked in there, and he has eaten THREE of the Valentine’s Day Chocolates. What. The. FUCK!!! I said, “You fucking ate our Valentine’s Day Chocolate without me! How could you do that?” He said he thought I left it out for him to eat. I said, “No, we should eat it together. I told you we would eat it on the couch and watch the movie. This is such bad Karma!!”
Dude. He ate the fucking Valentine’s Day Candy without me.