The beaches in Athens are rocky and filled with cigarette butts. It’s a widely known fact, but this was just a temporary stay on the beach before we boarded a ship. We ran out of things to do in about 4 minutes. My brother took to calling me Blackie, for my ability to walk outside and instantly become three shades darker in 10 seconds. After giving up on the sun worship, he and I found ourselves surfing the internet in a hotel conference room. I kept asking him to hand over his PDA but he kept pushing me off. After several tries with the standard, “Hold on, I’m not done,” and “Your dogs are fine, you don’t need to check your email, you psycho,” he said, “Go look at that flip chart over there on the stand.”
I have been his sister for enough years to know what that means. I flashed back to visions of Erasa-board menus in restaurants with prices changed to 99 cents and leftover rice in chinese restaurants molded into a penis and balls and I said, “Oh no. What have you done?”
I walked over to the flip chart, and I saw this:
All right. So it seems that he’s drawn a penis next to “personal rapport” on what appears to be a presentation for salesmen. But what are they selling? I flipped the page and saw this:
DING DING DING DING DING!!! What do we have here? A SEMINAR for PICK UP ARTIST WANNABES? I’ve truly waited my whole life for a day like this! Yay!!!!! Ladies, we’ve heard enough from the boys. It’s time for an alternative take, isn’t it?
Because I wanted to help these poor sad little fuckers, I really did, I decided to add a few slides of my own. First, we have this one, which I placed between their introduction pages:
I left after this slide. But then I told my mom about it. I filled her in on the totally absurd “PUA” society, how guys spend money and time perfecting ways to get into girls pants – the blogs, the books, the seminars, the t.v. shows, and then I decided another slide was in order. I’ve learned that I just can’t leave the scene of a crime until I’m almost caught. So, I made my mom be the lookout while I crafted the next slide:
Who are these losers at life whose seminar I hopefully destroyed? I read that stupid book by Neil Strauss – The Game. Retarrrrrrded. And that book was about 400 pages too long. True to form, he’s a total geek who tries his hand at being a PUA, nails a few skanks, then falls hard for some girl in Courtney Love’s crew. (Oooh, bet that one was a winner. She promptly left him for Robbie Williams by the way, and he sits at home painting his “game goggles” with a racing stripe.) I wanted to see if I had ever “fallen” for any of these tricks. Unsurprisingly, I hadn’t. Why?
Because the girls who fall for these tricks are insecure and competitive and not worth having. My girls and I are not competitive with each other. That is probably key to this entire shindig. If we were out and some guy said something insulting to me like, “You don’t seem as smart/cute/skinny as your friend,” I would just agree. She’s my friend. Why would I take his insult and then turn it into an insult on her to “prove” him wrong? And so the plan is foiled and he doesn’t get in my pants – then what – I don’t get laid? Oooh, how awful. I just got another get-out-of-jail-free card on not getting herpes. How terrible for me. You should all feel so sorry for me.
The rule is universal – if you spend all your time talking about “it,” you aren’t getting “it,” whatever “it” may be. It applies to money, sex, status. The person who talks about how important they are at their job is the one who is insecure. The one who is constantly coming up with the new “million dollar idea” will spend their life as a poor man. The guy who spends 23 hours a day strategizing how to get in a woman’s pants most likely fits the following personality profile:
- Was a loser in high school.
- Still thinks life now is high school.
- Insecure at work. If he even has a job – which many of these guys don’t, the job is something menial in the lower ranks of the corporation.
- Talks about getting laid all the time.
- In reality, has very little sex.
- Gets very little attention from women.
- When his advances are rebuffed by a woman, he goes on all out rampage to malign her. He thinks calling her names will hurt her feelings, but the fact that she was smart enough to reject him speaks volumes for her confidence.
- Has “Mommy” issues or had one parent totally absent from their upbringing.
- Once (or twice) had his heart broken by a woman so badly that he now wants to get back at the rest of the female population by fucking his way through them for the perceived injustice.
- Spends a lot of time planning revenge on others who go against him.
- Has not matured into adulthood.
- When he is constantly rebuffed by the same classification of women (i.e. an age group or certain ethnicity) he will publicly renounce them as targets, citing a litany of reasons why he will “no longer date American girls,” or why “women over 24 are over the hill.”
- Owns no property; usually lives in group home or with parents.
If all you are looking to do, legitimately, is get your dick wet, fine. But what do all these losers have in common? They study and train, train and study, fuck hundreds a few women, then ultimately find a girl they fall in love with and renounce their former ways.
I like to think I helped maybe just one guy who came back to the seminar say, “Hey, she’s right! I do have a small cock.” Wait, that’s not what I meant to say. I meant to say that hopefully, just one guy learned that using a success rate formula for measuring “notches” is a pretty sad way to live. Try being genuine. Try making yourself a better person instead of using insults to bring others down to in turn elevate your own perceived worth. Spend your money on an education boys, a real education, in an accredited institution and the girls will come, pun intended. I promise. I learned more about human nature and life in general in grad school and from work than I did hanging out in bars and assessing body language.
If you have to trick her into bed, and she’s dumb enough to be tricked, is she really worth it?