10) I’ll finally be able to retire my naive hope that Giuliani will pop his head out from under a Yankees bleacher and say, “Just kidding!” and get his ass back in the race.
9) That I won’t have to listen to people whine about how sad it is that Obama’s grandmother died, as if they knew either of them. Please. That’s not sad. He’s forty-something. He had a grandma all that time. Try losing a grandma at 8 because there was so much space between generations because your parents and grandparents chose to do something novel like, oh, wait to have kids when they could afford them instead of popping them out every 16 years and having five living generations at a time and expecting the rest of the country to pay for the kids. Now, that’s sad. Did I digress? Oh. Maybe.
8 ) The word “Maverick.”
7) People shoving election paraphernalia in my face or under my windshield wipers.
6) Having to listen to people complain about how Bush being in the White House for 8 years ruined their lives for one reason or another. It’s old already. It was old back in 2003.
5) Minorities everywhere bitching and moaning about how they are being held back by the white man. It’s all you now kids. Let’s see what you do with it.
4) The fear that Cindy McCain could be our First Lady and we’d have to follow her fashion choices for at least four years. Yikes.
3) That maybe for the 2012 election I’ll have more faith in one candidate over another to actually make up my mind earlier than when I’m standing at the voting booth.
2) Wondering if John McCain will take off his blazer so I can see what’s up with the arms.
1) That the worst of the economy is probably behind us as evidenced by the elation in the streets Tuesday and the lines for the WaPo on Wednesday. Public positivity alone can correct the economy, fuck your bailout.
Time to buy buy buy. Stocks. Real Estate. Get going. Because in 10 years when the Dow is at 15,000 and real estate prices are on the up and up, we’ll all be kicking ourselves wishing we bought more foreclosures and invested more in our 401K’s.