Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Top Ten Things I Won’t Miss Now That The Election Is Over

10) I’ll finally be able to retire my naive hope that Giuliani will pop his head out from under a Yankees bleacher and say, “Just kidding!” and get his ass back in the race.

9) That I won’t have to listen to people whine about how sad it is that Obama’s grandmother died, as if they knew either of them. Please. That’s not sad. He’s forty-something. He had a grandma all that time. Try losing a grandma at 8 because there was so much space between generations because your parents and grandparents chose to do something novel like, oh, wait to have kids when they could afford them instead of popping them out every 16 years and having five living generations at a time and expecting the rest of the country to pay for the kids. Now, that’s sad. Did I digress? Oh. Maybe.

8 ) The word “Maverick.”

7) People shoving election paraphernalia in my face or under my windshield wipers.

6) Having to listen to people complain about how Bush being in the White House for 8 years ruined their lives for one reason or another. It’s old already. It was old back in 2003.

5) Minorities everywhere bitching and moaning about how they are being held back by the white man. It’s all you now kids. Let’s see what you do with it.

4) The fear that Cindy McCain could be our First Lady and we’d have to follow her fashion choices for at least four years. Yikes.

3) That maybe for the 2012 election I’ll have more faith in one candidate over another to actually make up my mind earlier than when I’m standing at the voting booth.

2) Wondering if John McCain will take off his blazer so I can see what’s up with the arms.

1) That the worst of the economy is probably behind us as evidenced by the elation in the streets Tuesday and the lines for the WaPo on Wednesday. Public positivity alone can correct the economy, fuck your bailout.

Time to buy buy buy. Stocks. Real Estate. Get going. Because in 10 years when the Dow is at 15,000 and real estate prices are on the up and up, we’ll all be kicking ourselves wishing we bought more foreclosures and invested more in our 401K’s.

13 Comments

  1. Patsy

    “8 ) The word Maverick.” Drink!

  2. I-66

    My biggest fear about Cindy McCain is that she’ll catch a virus and crash, and then they’ll have to re-install her OS and all her applications. That alone could cause a sharp increase in our deficit.

  3. JohnnyDC

    The election is over.

    But the erection is just beginning.

    muhaha

  4. Doug

    How bout not having to hear about Sarah Palin’s every move and how her “roll-out” was botched. What the hell did they want? A ticker-tape parade? Oy! Long live a boring Veep!

  5. LiLu

    I will miss Tina Fey doing the Palin, though.

  6. James, Etta

    Honey, what’s up with McCain’s arms is that he can barely lift them after having them tied, twisted and beaten in the Hanoi Hilton for five years. Yeah, I know, everyone’s is sick of hearing how McCain was a POW. But listen, if any of us had our teeth pulled for 8 percent our our lives, it would surely be a talking point when people thought we had a nasty smile.

    That’s all.

    Kiss!

  7. wildbill

    If you had a shot every time you heard the word Maverick, you wouldn’t feel that way about it. The housing market is NOT going up in the short term, it still has a ways to go before it hits a true bottom. The effects of the meltdown haven’t taken effect yet, so keep your money safe until then… Just Sayin’

  8. Uncle Keith

    I hear ya about Rudy!

    I’d even be willing to let Obama be the president forever, even though I didn’t vote for him, just so I would never have to live through another election in my lifetime. Really, all those poor bastards who we try to ram democracy down their throats, just don’t know how good they have it. No damn commercials! No robocalls! No TV Channles that pretend to be objective (Fox, MSNBC, CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC)! No stupid friends, neighbors, and family trying to tell you why you should vote for their brand of hell, over your own personal brand.

  9. Velvet

    Patsy – Is there anything you don’t drink for? Ha ha!

    I66 – Yeah, Cindy is quite “robotish.” It’s a bit scary. That’s a lot of plastic surgery I think.

    Johnny – You’ve always had an erection!

    Doug – Oh poor Biden. He’s a nice man!

    LiLu – Yeah, that was great. I don’t get the SNL thing though when the Real Palin came on. That was her chance to un-do all her bad press and she failed miserably. She should have done the rap. People want leaders who we think are just like us, not the ones who sit in the ivory tower. Obama takes off his jacket and rolls up his sleeves a lot. That’s a pretty calculated move which conveys: I’m like you and I’m in it with you. Damn psychology.

    Etta – Oh, you’re still talking to me? I figured you hated me. Listen, me and the phone, we just ain’t friends. I hate answering it, I hate hearing it ring, and I live by the text. Sorry!

    WildBill – Never underestimate the power of positivity to overcome a downmarket so bad it seems there’s no going back to the good old days. I’m almost sure we’re at the end or damn near close.

    Uncle Keith – Damn, how did you just get inside my head??? I had to put the parents on warning: No more Democratic Propaganda Bullshit. My vote is MY VOTE. This is my biggest complaint with Democrats in general – they LOVE to tell you why you are stupid for thinking that anyone other than a Democrat is the right candidate. Was Clinton a good president? Maybe. But maybe he benefited from a cycle in the Economy which was ripe for the happening, and maybe just maybe, he enjoyed a better reputation as president for prosperous times he had nothing to do with.

  10. James, Etta

    I don’t hate you! How could I ever hate you (even if you have become a cold fish now that you are with man)?

    But hey, I know what I have to do if I want to continue any semblance of communications with you — leave comments here!!! Brace yourself Betty, ’cause here I come!!!!

  11. Washington Cube

    I wore an “I Like Ike” button election day, and when people asked me “Ike who?” I answered, “Turner.”

  12. Phil

    I will miss getting phone calls from Hank Williams, Jr. urging me to vote for John McCain.

    No one knows his politics like Bocephus.

  13. freckledk

    Tina Fey is the only thing I’m going to miss. I almost voted the wrong way, just so I could have four more years of those skits. Kidding – kind of. It WAS really funny.

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