Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Til What Do Us Part?

It is totally unintentional that my last post title deviated from my usual song lyric clip to part of the traditional marital vows, and that this one is another vow. But why “Til Death?” Are you no longer married after a death? Aren’t you always married in your heart?

My dear friend Lily, whose husband has been battling cancer for several years, passed away this morning. I am so very heartbroken and sorry for my friend.

In the last few weeks, she has sent me various texts or emails with thoughts and concerns she has about living a life solo, without her husband and sidekick of the last 20 years.   I hope if and when she ever reads this that she’s not upset that I am sharing the content of something she texted to me late one night.

She said, “I wish I could go back and do the last 19 years over, and cherish every moment.”   I responded and told her that just isn’t possible in reality. We always wish we could go back and do something over again, but the truth is that life sometimes gets crazy and busy and we forget to cherish the time we have. Or we don’t have time to. We have to leave our loved ones to work. We argue with our loved ones. We spend time apart for one reason or another. It’s just how it goes. We do our best to outweigh that with the positive and the moments we do cherish.

Perhaps this makes me less of an atheist than I think I am and more agnostic, but I prefer to believe that Lily’s husband is with his mommy right now, and that it’s way better there than it could ever be here.

Kisses to you Nick. Your impact on my friend’s life and the incredible, compassionate, loving husband you were to her and father to Nicholas will leave an imprint on their lives and hearts forever.

11 Comments

  1. Carla

    At first I thought your friend had passed away.

    This is so sad, but she had 19 years with him — some people live a lifetime and never meet their second half. And though 19 years is such a long time, once you lose that person, it’s not nearly enough.

    And I also think like you, death is not the end all. My grandfather passed away about a year and a half ago, and I like to think that he’s still being part of my life. I like to believe that it is no coincidence that two months after his death I met the man I’m marrying.

    I think regardless of your religious beliefs, believing that it really isn’t completely over that keeps you going.

  2. Barbara

    My father chose to die on the same day my mother did, 10 years later. I’m convinced he swallowed his wedding ring, because it was no where to be found after he died. I’m sure they are together even today wherever people go after they die.

  3. Velvet

    Carla – Agreed. I think a lot of people jump through hoops with religion but I view it as more simple than following a complicated set of beliefs. Just be a good and nice person, don’t harm others, do the best you can, and voila. I envision hanging with all my grandparents who died when I was just so young that I never got to know them. My aunt thought my grandfather was reincarnated into my dog. But that’s a whole other saga. And it’s funny you would mention how people go their lives without meeting the other half – I said the same thing to Lily. That is something to mourn – a love that never was. I am so happy for her that she had time with Nick.

    Barbara – Have you seen The Notebook? If not, you should. That story is pretty amazing about your parents. The mystery of the wedding ring…that is so odd. Where did it go?

  4. carrie m

    The night my grandfather passed away, I woke up around 4ish on my parents couch b/c my mom insisted I stay with them. My first thought was Grandpa sitting around with my grandmother, his family, and friends who went before him. Smoking, drinking his Old Granddad on the rocks, and having a good old time. Catching up. It didn’t make me sad, it was the most comforting thing I could have woken up to.

    I’m so sorry to hear about Lily’s husband. But again, comforted just a bit by the imprint he has left on the lives of those he loved and who loved him back.

  5. Barbara

    We’ll put The Notebook on our Netflix list. David has seen it but wouldn’t mind watching it again.

    I never solved the missing ring thing. It would have been just like him to swallow it — to have the last word. It was probably so thin after almost 50 years of marriage that it would have slipped right down. One of those mysteries I’ll never solve…

  6. Re

    I’m so sorry for your friend’s loss, and so happy for you that you’ve found true love that will last – who knows how long? But at least as long as possible.

    Thinking of you with much love. Great to “see” you.

  7. Reya Mellicker

    Oops. It’s me, Reya

  8. Cyndy

    I feel so sorry for your friend’s loss. I’m sure that in time, the cherished memories will be the ones that she remembers the most.

  9. Laura

    This is my friend’s blog post.
    http://www.twosnarkybroads.com/2010/05/lamentation.html

    Your post reminded me of hers. I hope you are feeling better.

  10. Dupontalicious

    One piece of advice: don’t believe everything you hear, Velvet, that’s for darn sure!

  11. Velvet

    An interesting comment to put on a post about my friend’s husband who died. Are you implying he didn’t really die? Or the more likely scenario – you speaking of something else. In any case, it’s totally disrespectful to put something like this on this post, so why not just email me if you have something to say.

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