Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Searching Everywhere, You Turn and Swear, It’s Always Been There

I wish I could give you a blow by blow detail of the wedding, but sadly, it all blew by so quickly that I barely remember anything. And I only had a couple beers.

When we caravaned to my parent’s house on Thursday, X’s mom was so pleased to meet my mom – a fellow Greek. X’s mom is just beside herself that this wife (cough, ME) is Greek. They had a grand old time those two. But because Number 1 and Number 2 went to bed at 5:15 a.m. Wednesday night, and we woke up at 5:30, they needed naps upon our Connecticut arrival. They went back to the hotel, and my mom went into mom-mode.

“So, you promised you would take that thing out of your tongue when you got married.” (I’m not exactly sure why I promised this to my mom, maybe because it represented the last vestige of my crazy single life.) I reached inside my mouth, unscrewed my tongue ring, and handed it to her. She laughed and said, “GREAT!” and threw it across the kitchen. Who knew that bothered her so much?

What was bothering me was a sudden appearance of two bruises on my right arm that looked like Lyme Disease. The entire family gathered around my arm trying to decide wtf was going on. Then I said, “Oh, can we also discuss this?” At this point I showed them the zit/goiter/new planet that seemed to take hold on my jawline. Ugh. My mom thought I was breaking out in hives. No amount of makeup would cover this.

X and I had a plan. The hotel/restaurant where we were having the wedding cost a fortune, so we blocked rooms at a Hilton in the next town. Thursday night he stayed with Number 1 and Number 2 at the hotel, and I slept my last night in la Casa Mommy and Daddy with my brother, the Elitist, slathering zit medicine on my goiter-zit, every hour on the hour. The next morning he and I inspected the zit and thought we did pretty well. I figured the rest of the roadkill could be covered with makeup. Then I went downstairs and my dad said, “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR NECK?” Great! It metastasized! And the oldest guy in the room saw it first. Not. Good.

Back to the plan. X was going to dress at the Hilton, I would dress at our wedding location, and we would meet on the deck to get hitched. No. Such. Luck. My half hour makeup appointment went in excess of 90 minutes as the entire staff at the MAC store attempted to cover my lyme disease and the puberty-redux happening on my neck. When I got back to my parents house, my dad had hijacked my friends from Atlanta after picking them up at LaGuardia and had them at the kitchen table eating sandwiches. At 4:00!!! When the wedding was at 6:00!!! And all the vendors were at the hotel!!! And X isn’t. And neither was I! Where the hell did the day go? Then just as I got to the wedding location, X calls and says he was almost there, and realized he forgot his suit. He had to turn around and go back to the other hotel to get it. When my mom showed up she was like, “Oh my God can anything go right right now?”

I went downstairs in my bathrobe and put out the placecards and the table identifers. We used Greek Islands instead of numbers. But because each table had a different number of guests, I had to sit there and count. “Okay, this table has 10 places set…this is the Rhodes table….okay lay out cards for people who I put at a 10-top…” and so on. The waiters thought I was the Wedding Coordinator, the Event Manager thought I was the bride’s sister and I was thinking about finding some narcotics, crushing them and rolling around in them on the floor I was so freaked out.

The photographer and I had a few nice moments in the room before the melee. First Mommy. Then Daddy. Then my brothers…friends…nieces…dogs….X. We literally got dressed in front of 10 people, with cameras snapping all over the place.   There is clearly nipple (mine) on the video. But I wouldn’t trade that part for the world, because here occurred what will no doubt lead as one of my most cherished moments in my life. Once I got my skin tight dress on, I realized I couldn’t bend to put on my shoes. Without prompting, each of my nieces took it upon themselves to grab a shoe, and put it on one of my feet. I should mention my nieces are 3 & 1/2 and almost 5 years old. And I should also mention that my shoes tied around the ankle and had a belt-like strap that had to be poked through a hole.

A lot of you have read this blog for 5+ years and know that I have never posted a picture of myself. I’m changing that rule because this picture absolutely must be shared.


Here’s where I’d like to say that the rest of the night was fantastic, however, that would be a lie. Let’s see…how shall I put this?

I fucking fell down the stairs when I was going down to get married. In front of everyone – my mom, dad, brothers, sister-in-law, nieces, X, X’s mom, X’s two kids, the photographer, they all saw. And we all laughed. It’s on video. When I watched it I was like, “Damn, I went DOWN!” In my mind I had only slipped a bit. Nope. I really ate it.

Friday was a complete blur. Seriously. There are definitely regrets and things I would do different, but honestly – I would hire a freaking videographer if I had this to do again. X and I felt like with a wedding of 30 people, that having a video camera in people’s faces all the time would be a hassle. They wouldn’t have a lot to film if they only had 30 people to rotate through. Plus it was around $2000 for the night and that just seemed like money wasted. Now? I really screwed that up. I would hire 20 videographers if I knew that the entire night would zip by me without me even realizing it. Barely ate, barely drank, and barely feel like I talked to anyone. I even forgot to dance with my dad. Please. I know. Don’t get me started. I cried the whole drive back to D.C. over this yesterday. My nieces were just loving the wedding, and my focus suddenly became on them, to the exclusion of almost everyone and everything else. Kids are really a time vortex.

Anyway, my photographer is working on the pictures, but she sent me her favorite.

She’s really good.



  1. Pook

    Oh please don’t cry! A wedding really is for everyone else and time does flies by. I’m glad your family came together, your pups were with you, and that you looked beautiful! Every wedding has these hiccups…my flower girl passed out and we forgot to give the ring bearer the pillow or the ring. He walked down the aisle without anything to do. Oh and my wedding dress got ruined two weeks before the wedding! Congrats Velvet, it looked like a great time!

  2. X

    OK – almost a week later, I see your picture here, and my breath is taken away – again. We did great!

  3. Candie

    I forgot how much I love you! You crack me up! Congratulations and I hope to meet X one day!

  4. Tyler

    Congrats!!! You looked great!

  5. mysterygirl!

    You look beautiful, and your dress is perfect. Yay to you and X!

  6. allezoop

    Fences4 and I are pleased as punch for you and X! You looked amazing, by the way. Can’t believe you had a Big Fat Greek Wedding Zit, but at least your dad isn’t the type to spritz you with Windex.

  7. JohnnyDC


    Congratulations. Makes me very happy gran will not have to ask you why you haven’t landed a man yet.

  8. carrie m

    I heart that picture. Both pictures, actually. So happy for you guys!

    Now you can pass your sage wedding wisdom onto me. 🙂

    Big hugs!

  9. WordNerd

    I didn’t have a videographer, either. At first I regretted it, but then people started telling me stories about their evenings. I remembered little details as time went on. The husband and I compared notes. Then all the photos came. And boy, were they triggers. As all the info comes in, your day will become this huge, beautiful kaleidoscope of images and stories and memories that a video couldn’t entirely capture, either. Enjoy all that info coming in because it is a lot of fun. 🙂

    Congratulations to you and X! You looked absolutely gorgeous.

  10. chris

    i love it! and i won’t do the “i told you so” re: getting a videographer 😉

    you looked absolutely stunning, and that dress is perfection. I’m so happy for you guys!

  11. Lexa

    You look beautiful, truly.

    Mazel tov.

  12. Tammy

    I have read your blog for AGES. I remember reading it years ago – not even sure how I found it, as I don’t read too many blogs. Then, I remember you password protecting your blog, no big deal, you wanted privacy and I stopped reading (obviously). Some how, probably a year after you blocked, I stumbled upon your blog, again I can’t remember from where (I kinda feel like a stalker writing this! – I am not I swear). You have always cracked me up with your writing and your stories and I wanted to finally let you know!
    Your wedding story is exactly how it should be. You don’t remember the little details, but in the coming months, years, people will tell you what they remember about the wedding and that is more precious than a video. Personal takes on what they remember about your wedding is just awesome. And forgetting the father/daughter dance may now seem sad, hopefully in a few months, years you can laugh at the fact that it was so chaotic that you forgot the father/daughter dance (who does that, you will ask…well, you do Velvet…).
    Congrats on your marriage! The picture is just wonderful and you look amazing!

  13. gunnlino

    The shoe inspector girls are adorable , the brides photo is breathtaking.

    “The hardest part is what to leave behind. It’s time to let go ”
    (with apologies to Pooh)

    Taxutnta Oewv ( or something close to that )

  14. Anonymous

    I’ve also read your blog forever and haven’t ever commented. Just wanted to say I’m very happy for you and you look gorgeous and I love the shoe and toe nail polish choice 🙂

  15. Velvet

    Pook – X was telling me the part too about being happy the family came together. Truly, they couldn’t have done any better than they did. I found out after the fact there were little uprisings and issues, but everyone did remain on their best behavior the entire night. And re: wedding dress getting ruined – I guess I should be even happier I ended up with two, right?

    X – We did do great! XOXO

    Candie – Ha ha! It’s always an issue with me, you know that! I saw you pop onto chat last night on FB, but I had about 10 windows open and my sound is turned off, so I didn’t hear the popping of the box and couldn’t get to it.

    Tyler – Thanks, and you’re next! I beg you – hire a videographer!

    MysteryGirl – Thank you!

    Allezoop – My mom did suggest windex…

    JohnnyDC – All these years of this blog and yes, I finally got there!

    Carrie M – Sage advice: videographer. and don’t forget to dance with your dad!

    WordNerd – thank you! And this is exactly what my brother said – that after the wedding he and his wife heard all the details of what happened to everyone, whose car broke down, who got lost, etc, and the stories made it better for them so that they didn’t feel like they missed so much. My friend called today to tell me on the hotel shuttle that my friend from DC was saying to X’s kids, “So you have a step mom now, I wouldn’t say anything to her about the zit on her neck.” OMG! LOL!!

    Chris – I know, I know. Groan. It never even occurred to me that this was a necessity.

    Lexa – Thank you!

    Tammy – Thank you so much. I was going to respond to your comment via email and explain all that password stuff. There was so much going on back then with the guy I was dating and his nutty ex-whatever, that I could barely keep up, and it seemed time to just get everyone out of our relationship. But now, in hindsight, I should have known that wasn’t the right relationship if it came with all that drama, and that the right one would find me. Lucky for me, it was the next relationship that was the right one, otherwise I probably would have moved and started writing Velvet in Cincinnati or something. Because I most certainly was about to run out of date-able men in DC!

    Gunnlino – Those little nieces of mine are incredible. I find a lot of kids to be shy and standoffish, which makes sense. I was like that too, I can remember covering my eyes when going to the dentists office because I didn’t want anyone to see me. But my nieces were so happy to be a part of everything. I was going to write up a separate piece about X’s and my first (only) dance, because we had to include the girls. They had a ton of fun.

    Anonymous – The shoes area actually a brand I never heard of – RSVP? They were so freaking cheap compared with where I started with $200 Badgley Mischka shoes. Here they are. Damn. And now they’re on sale!

    The nail polish was OPI…I got my nails done at one of those little chop-shop places, nothing fancy. It was either Siberian Nights or Lincoln Park After Dark – I can’t remember which I picked because I had both in my hand at one point.

  16. Siryn

    Yay!!! Congratulations! And you look so gorgeous. The picture with the shoes is precious, and there’s Sammy, looking up at gorgeous mommy.

    Your photographer looks like she’s done a smashing job.

    I’m so happy for you!

  17. Shannon

    Best wishes to you both!

    Your dress is gorgeous! This was Dress #2, right?

  18. Velvet

    Siryn – Thanks! In the video I was trying to get Sammy to pose for pics and he wasn’t cooperating. Then the shoes go on and he’s like, “Okay, can I help?” I had to boot him out there wasn’t enough room. Poor Sammy!

    Shannon – This was the 2nd one, yes. I should have bagged the first one, everyone liked the 2nd one better!

  19. Cyndy

    Thanks for the pix. You look gorgeous and it sounds like it was a perfectly wonderful day and a great start to your new life with X. Congratulations!

  20. Carla @ I Run, You Run

    You know I LOVED your pictures! And falling down the stairs? TOTALLY something I would do.

    Everyone tells me the day will go by fast too… Apparently people forget to eat. I freaking want to eat my food, damn it!

  21. Amy

    Congratulations! You look sooo gorgeous! What great photos! Now I have a face to put with the blog.

    And after you decompress from all of that and settle into your married life, we can start counting down to your book! Obviously, I am not the only lurker who has been following your shenanigans all these years. You are such a great writer and I know it would make you rich.

    Congratulations again to both of you!

  22. Washington Cube

    The photograph with your nieces is absolutely gorgeous…and the dog…with total love on the face looking at you. When you start saying, “I wish we had done….” this is what “X” can say to you, “You can do that with your next husband.” JOKING.

    Every wedding has flaws. I’ve never known one that didn’t have something going off with it. Did you do the something borrowed, something blue thing at all? The dress is perfection, and I love the mirror shot. Can’t wait to see more.

    I am so happy for the both of you.

  23. Lemon Gloria

    Congratulations! You look beautiful! There’s a lot to be said for biting it on the way down the stairs and laughing and carrying on. Well done!

  24. AussieEm

    Awwwww love it! Don’t stress about regrets or minor mishaps. Your wedding day belongs to you and to X and what makes it unique are all the hapy things and sad things and beautiful things and even the zit things. 😉 Celebrate all of it!

  25. Velvet

    Cyndy – Thank you! And thanks for reading and keeping up with my antics all these years!

    Carla – Oh, I ate, but I was so full and that dress was so tight that I couldn’t eat a lot. Half my salmon went to Sammy and Thora!

    Amy – I emailed you. I think you gave me a push I needed on that…

    Cube – Poor Sammy – in the video you see how I tried to keep getting him to cooperate and be in the pictures and he wouldn’t. So right at that moment when he was staring at me, I booted him and said, ‘Come on Sammy, no one wants you here now.’ Sniff. I feel bad for that. I was mean to him but he got in the way! And I did do the tradition. Something old was the veil – it was my moms. Something new was the dress, borrowed were my mom’s earrings and blue were the shoes.

    Lemon Gloria – Yeah, I ate it all right. I showed people at work the video and we were all dying.

    Aussie Em – The remnants of that zit are still evident! Bah!!!

  26. Barbara

    I always knew you were beautiful, but these pictures look like something out of a Bride magazine!

    Every wedding comes with screw-ups. I started back down the aisle before we kissed and had to turn around. Talk about embarrassing!

    I’m glad you pulled everything off, despite the last-minute obstacles. It sounds like everyone behaved.

    Now it’s just happily ever after. The next picture you post will probably be you and X holding twins…

  27. Hungry

    Well, it’s a fairytale ending to a long story! Congatulations to you both. It’s always good to know that these wonderful events really do happen in real life. Much love to you both!

  28. Velvet

    Barbara – I found an excellent makeup artist. And she’s Greek! What more could I ask for. X saw your comment and said, TWINS!!! He saw twins at the mall once and said he wanted twins. As if they are something that can be ordered!

    Hungry – Thank you so much! I admit it, I was lucky. But as the title of this post says – X was in my face the whole time, I just wasn’t paying attention.

  29. Dagny Taggart

    Absolutely gorgeous! Congratulations and best wishes, you look stunning.

  30. Mike

    I am writing to ask for your permission to include your posts on along with our contributing writer’s articles. We would include a link back to your blog fully crediting you for your work along with a profile about you listed on . Please let us know as soon as possible.

    Mike Thomas

  31. KassyK

    I love love love these photos. I am so happy for you lady…getting all weepy just thinking about everything and how you finally have the happiness you deserve. xoxo

  32. Wicked H

    Here is to a Happily Ever After…Congrats, Mazel, all of it.

  33. Claus von Gingersnap

    I can’t get over how beautiful you look… and how perfect the mirror shot is. Classic!

  34. jordanbaker

    The shoe picture is too presh for words.

    I always want to punch the videographer at weddings, and no one I know has ever watched their wedding video more than twice. So I think you made the right call.

  35. El Guapo

    Congratulations! You look stunning.

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