Uggh. I can’t believe I’ve neglected the poor Velvet blog for this long. Actually, I’ve neglected all my writing endeavors, save a few cryptic notes on my feelings about a long standing family drama that’s come to a head.
X and I have had a very busy summer. There have been work and vacations. We wrote an offer (that wasn’t accepted) on a house in the Keys. We’re still planning on buying our next home there though. Sammy and Thora had a summertime brush with fame when they endeared themselves to one of my favorite actors – Sean Hayes. Actually, it was less a “brush” and more of an intended bump-into. Let’s see…my ex, Sammy and Thora’s original daddy, had texted this spring that he’d like to try to see the dogs. They are almost 12 now, and he said he would rather see them now than when there’s an eleventh hour phone call. Shudder. I don’t like to think about that day. Anyway, he is in the movie business, and we went to see him on our way home from Florida. By “we” I mean, Mr. X and I.
I know what you are thinking, but it wasn’t awkward at all. In fact, to me, it was like just getting two of my closest friends in one place. See, when you have long term relationships with people who aren’t psychos, they can manage to function in the presence of each other without wanting to kick each other’s asses. And so there I sat at some high school cafeteria in Cartersville, Georgia, eating lunch with my husband and the man who was almost my husband, with Sammy and Thora and with Sean Hayes behind us. It was mega-cool. My ex brought us to meet Sean and he got down and started playing with Sammy and Thora. Sammy gave him his resume, but Sean wasn’t interested in employing a bacon-eating, bark-a-tron corgi from Washington, DC.
Our 1 year anniversary was July 23rd – yay! We came home from our vacation of bliss and started IVF again. Happy Anniversary to us! Actually, it isn’t that bad at all. We’re with Shady Grove – where we probably should have stayed from the beginning. I’m in the middle of the shots and other than being sleepy all the time, I feel pretty good. We have a couple days to go, then egg retrieval and the rest of the fun stuff. The only other time we did the fully stimulated IVF was the mega-disaster with the worst of the worst – Washington Fertility. That was 18 months ago. That round was during the big February snowstorms. When the area lost power, and all my eggs died, we had to wonder if the lab lost power as well. It was somewhat calculated that this time we would do this in the summer so there were no weather complications. Except I miscalculated for the time that X had to go get his vials of frozen sperm and have to run them from storage in Virginia to the lab in Maryland when it was 110 degrees. It’s actually comical.
I’m not going to get into boring scientific specifics, but comparing that cycle to this one where my ovaries are responding a bit slower, I will say that time means everything after 35. And this is coming from a woman with zero reproductive issues. Zero. So if you are on the fence and you’re mid-thirties, get cracking. Don’t wait because now instead of just facing Mr. X’s snippy snippy issue, we have my apparent Indy-500 race into menopause.
It was just yesterday I was doing keg stands. Now I’m looking for retirement homes in Florida and counting my eggs and hoping they hatch. But it’s been a great summer thus far. Hopefully it will get better.
Good luck! Hope it all works out 🙂
Keeping my fingers crossed – hope everything goes well!
I hear you on the neglect and being busy!! Isn’t it nice when you can have a civil meeting between an ex and a current?
Good luck with the IVF! I don’t like to hear the mid-30’s comment, since we are rapidly approaching that and are not ready yet!!
Thinking fertile thoughts. For you… and I guess also for me – I’ll be 36 in a few short weeks. But mostly for you.
Good thoughts for you guys!
Thanks guys!
Tyler, what I would recommend is not waiting until the day you are “ready” because then it suddenly seems impossible to conceive a child. It seems like so many people say that they did that, waited until the right time, then found out they had issues they could have resolved in the years prior. So it might be worth a visit to the doc to at least ask if there’s anything in the way that may prevent an easy conception when it’s time.
D – if you think you want a baby and you want your own but don’t want to wait for a man to roll into town (lol) then I’d also say that you should start looking into it now. Unless you want to adopt, in which case then none of this matters. But we’re seeing a lot of 40+ women in the waiting room who appear to be single (no ring, no husband in tow) and I wonder why they waited this long. Did they think someone would come along and they could have kids with them or were their careers just bogging them down.
Nah, I want a family, but not “a baby.” I couldn’t do it on my own – I’m not that brave or that strong or that f@$%ing crazy. 😉
Hi Velvet,
I’m glad you’re back. Your rapidly approaching menopause comment scares the crap outta me, because I’m 40 and planning to start the conception nightmare this fall. I am so scared that all of the abuse I put my body through in my 20s-early 30s is going to haunt me.
But I’ve gotta give it the old college try. I just can’t imagine letting all of the genius that is me, die with me. haha! The reason that I never worrried about it before was because my career sucked, and I honestly thought, “oh, I’ve got plenty of time.” Then lo and behold my career takes off and I turn 40 the same year. Aint that a bitch.
I am pulling for you and me! Hopefully by this time next year we’ll be complaining about screaming brats that won’t let you sleep.
So glad you are writing again. We missed you! Sounds like things are going better in your world than a few months ago.
My big question: Did Sammy and Thora recognize your ex? What was their reaction? “I remember you!” or “Hey, whatever” ?
D – well then the good thing for you is that you aren’t sitting around waiting for a man to come along, and you can make other plans if you need to. You know…you could freeze your eggs. Just a thought.
Amy – don’t panic. they didn’t make a drug I didn’t try (or do for years.) I don’t seem to have any issues on that front, and I have a bit of a revised comment on the menopause thing after finishing my hormones. I asked the nurse yesterday why I got so many less eggs, and she said it could be age, but it could also be that I was overstimulated last year. This makes more sense only because last year I was miserably sick and in pain – and this year I felt basically nothing except for being tired and crampy on the last 2 days of the shots. Last year I had hot flashes the entire time. I think that doc screwed up royally. I’d just say that at 40, I would try everything, but don’t try too long before you move to the next step. If you are trying naturally, start now. There’s nothing a couple months time won’t change, and if you’re “not really trying” now – you might have better luck! If you wait until you want a baby, it might not happen as scheduled.
Also, think of it like this. What if this month your body spits out a good egg, but then 5 months go by without one? Those 5 months your ego and attitude will take a hit, and then it compounds, and you will have less success because you’ll start stressing. If you have questions email me. Sadly, I seem to know too much about this. Also buy “Taking Charge of your fertility.”
Pook – He came out from around the corner and called them, they ran 9/10’s of the way there, then got distracted by a wayward chicken wing that fell off the craft service truck. He was so happy to have them there – he was walking around telling everyone, “these are my dogs!” It was sweet. He’s a good egg.
Thanks, Velvet. This is all good advice. You are right about the just start trying now thing. I think I was thinking, “Oh, I’ll get in better shape, and start taking my vitamins, then start trying.” But that’s silly. I also wanted to get reading about what to expect, so I will definitely check out the book!
How cute about your ex and the dogs! I don’t know how I would live without my two pups. They are such silly goofballs.
I hope it works this time. I know it’s agony waiting for nature to cooperate and dealing with the human error and weather that sometimes complicate things. I can picture your family living in the Keys.
Wait, so mr. X is your husband? That’s confusing, that would be a better nick name for an ex not the guy you are with.
Good luck with fertility.