Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Know I’m Diving Into My Own Destruction

First and most important, I’m honored for the mention of this blog. Blushing, I thank you, KOB, from the bottom of my heart.

On to business. Darren wrote back.

Well, sorry to have offended you, but you obviously need to get your mind out of the gutter and re-read what I said. The “or more” part referred to maybe going out more than once if we had fun, not suggesting anything MORE than dinner or drinks. Please don’t assume all men are pigs who only want to get in your precious pants.

I was suggesting something a bit more innocent, like actually going out for a drink and maybe having someone to talk to over dinner and sharing some company while I’m 3000 miles from home. But apparently you can’t get beyond your assumption that everyone with a penis must want to have sex with you!! Get over yourself sweetie. I actually thought you had a sense of humor and might be NICE and fun to talk to from your profile…..what the heck was I thinking??

Good luck and do try to have a happy life….of course that would require you to lighten up about a thousand percent. I’m beginning to think the “bad” date you describe in your profile was NOT totally the guys fault!! You might want to extend your exile a bit longer……since it seems you’re still a little bitter!! LOL.

And by the way, when you ARE ready to date, you just never know where you’re going to find that special person. Maybe even someone who’s just “blowing through town for a week”. Personally, I’d hate to miss that person even if I bumped into them only once in my life for a few minutes. Just a thought…but you might consider not ruling out eveyone who doesn’t live with 10 minutes of your house. 🙂

And PS…if I though you were a call-girl I would have offered you money!! Hahahahaha.

Very sorry to have offended you. Gee, I’ve heard you East Coast folks aren’t easily offended and it’s us California types who are wimpy and overly sensitive??? Guess not.


Here are my thoughts on this:
1) Yes, my pants ARE precious.
2) Again, what loser tries to get a date while he’s in town for a few days? What is this? “Pretty Woman?”
3) The bad date he refers to was with GreekWonder. Yes, it was MY fault he drank half a bottle of vodka before he left his apartment.
4) The more one writes, the more emotionally charged they are, thereby acting like they are “defending” themselves. Nice Darren! And you insist you didn’t want to have sex…

Ok, enough thoughts. I present to you, my response:

Your extra long emotional outburst is a joke. Perhaps you shouldn’t tell me to lighten up and instead look at your long tirade of crap. Good luck finding your one night stand. Your manners indicate you need it.

I’mportant rule here: The less you say in an argument, the more the other person says. And with that, I blocked him. If he tried to respond, and I’m sure he did, it said, “We’re sorry, this person has blocked you.” HA HA.

No response from the other nitwit, Heather.

Tonight I got a phone call from MotorcycleInstructor. Ah HA HA HA HA HA. I didn’t answer it. It’s a pure joke at this point. It was another desperate sounding voicemail that I should call him. So ridiculous. No room for master of all liars in my life. But, then he called again around 9:30. I started to wonder why he was on my case, so I called back. He said he’s been thinking about me and asked if I have been thinking about him. I said no. He called me an ass. Then he asked if he could see me. I said, “Well, you’re going to laugh, but I’m seeing someone.” He said, “Why would I laugh?” I said, “Because the day I decided I was totally done with you was the day before I met someone else. How true, how true. He said that he had just wanted to call me and tell me what happened. I said, “All of that was too little, too late.”

And my “friends” at the lunch place called. It seems I have a lunch date on Monday. I really cannot wait to get out of that. I think it’s over in May. Fourteen dates or May – whichever comes later. So I guess this is date #8. Hopefully, it goes horrifingly wrong. I love bad dates.Now, regarding the Bartender. I have been sort of mum about this, and I’m not really sure why. I really like to tell all. But, the bottom line is that he is incredibly sweet and attentive. I’m currently knocking on Death’s Door, as I have Strep Throat (faaaabulous) and he’s been very kind to check in with me every few hours to see if I need anything. Hopefully I haven’t gotten him sick, and the doctor said I am “highly contagious” for the next few days. My fever is 103. Who gets a 103 fever? Do I have Malaria? The last time I was this sick was in February when I thought I was going to die, and Derek stole my Vicodin.

Anyway, the sweetness of his text messages blows me away. My favorite is “Thanks for dinner and the excellent company last night. I hope you enjoyed my company as well. I look forward to whatever.” As quick as it is moving along, I still, as always, keep one part of my heart (the big part) out of it. There is a lingering ex-girlfriend on his end, and some lingering men who I have tentative dates planned with on my end. Slow and steady is a fine pace for me right now. It’s nice to date someone who missed out on majoring in “How to Play Games With Her” with a double minor in “Get in Her Pants on the First Date” and “Don’t Call When You Say You Will.” Aww, hell, it’s just nice to meet someone, well, nice.


  1. Johnny

    Clearly he is wound up and needs to get laid. Course thats a whole chicken and egg problem.

  2. Velvet

    Hold on – I was having major posting issues. Reread! Reread!

    For some reason, sometimes damn blogger doesn’t like how I post and they throw my sidebar stuff down to the bottom.

  3. Rhinestone Cowgirl

    The Bartender sounds like a good one. Enjoy the sweet messages and the solicitude!

  4. Kristin

    You are so obviously an uptight prude, sitting at home, knitting, with your legs crossed and your chastity belt locked.

    Oh, wait. That’s not you. You are dating (see: Bartender) and not scanning online personals trying to hook up with someone on the other side of the country. My bad.

  5. Sub Girl

    the Bartender sounds very promising!

  6. Anonymous

    The ex IS over and done with . . . I only tolerated her for so long in order to reccoup the better part of a grand that she owes me.

    Regardless, she can have the money and spare me the misery. I will be lying when I say that dating is a VERY viable option for me as well (not just you hotstuff ;D).

    [Disclaimer: I have enjoyed our courtship greatly but I have adopted yr policy as far as dating is concerned. My heart is
    locked away in its boxed for the first time in 4 years. I shall enjoy the peace of mind it’s isolation brings.]

    hope yr feeling better.
    The Bartender

  7. AsianMistress

    I found you on DC Blogs (and various others) and I LOVE YOU.

    Especially enjoy the song titles.

    P.S. Good luck with the bartender

  8. Velvet

    Asian Mistress – WOW! Thank you so much. Those are very kind words!! You just made my day.

  9. Anonymous

    I know your dating horror stories because I’ve lived them myself. I’ve often considered writing them but I don’t believe I would do them justice. Thank you for writing. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for entertaining me for the last 5 hours as I have read your whole blog. You aren’t alone! Best of luck… can’t wait to hear about this hotty bartender!

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