Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

With The Touch of a Velvet Glove, Abra Abra Cadabra

There is officially someone who has as much time on their hands as I do, and who also enjoys a good practical joke/revenge at some bastards expense. El Guapo is handling things with the AngryMan from here. We should call him CLAngryMan I suppose.

El Guapo created a fake email and sent this, which resulted in the exchange that follows.

Hello. You may find this strange, but today Diane sent you two pictures of me. You see, Diane is my sister-in-law who has it in her head that I am going to be forever single. So, she posts ads for me on Craigs List and Match in her treasure hunt to find me a man.

She told me that you two had a fun back and forth today and actually sent me your picture. I’m actually traveling in South America for work right now, but would love to chat with you over e-mail until I get back. Be forwarned that my response times will either be very quick or very slow depending on my meeting schedule.

Diane is a good judge of character and she told me that you had great wit. Besides, you are too cute!

Sorry for the novel. I can’t wait to hear from you!

I am not quite sure I understand what is going on here.

You are out of the country? Who sent me the pics and who is the woman in the pics?
Wow! That was quick! That’s me in the pics.

It’s kind of embarrassing that she does this, but she tries to find me guys to date on the Internet. She complains that I work and travel too much etc etc.

She told me that I would like your sarcasm. And she knows my type, so she forwarded me your picture in the hopes that I would actually take initiative.

Well, tonight I’m in my hotel room and the martinis gave me the initiative to write you.

How are you? Tell me a bit about yourself. What do you do? Where are you from? etc.
So, that is you in the pics? I asked for her to call me to prove it was/is her, but she did not. Is this the reason? Becuase it is you?

I guess I feel lied to, but I see why she did it.

Where are you right now? I know you are in a hotel, but where?

I live in Fairfax, VA. I own a town house and live alone. I love living alone……………wait, everything she told me was a lie? You don’t do real estate? You don’t live alone in DC?

This would be much easier if we could talk on the phone………….can we?
Yup, that’s me! She’s married to my brother, and she couldn’t pull off my accent (although she tries!). I’m sorry that she lied to you. She’s a super amazing person. I didn’t like her at first (she took away my little brother!), but she grew on me very quickly.

No, I’m not in Real Estate. My family is in the make-up business and several of our manufacturing facilities are in Venezuela & Brazil. Right now I’m in a city called Manaus in Northern Brazil.

You already want to talk on the phone? Well, luckily I’m in Brazil, so I can’t. However, I’m a little new with this meeting people over the Internet, so I’d feel a lot better about it if we kept it to e-mail. Do you mind? I’m sorry, but my family is very protective over me and I don’t want to put myself “out there”. They’re very nice once you meet them and they know you.

I do live alone in DC. I live just off Pennsylvania Avenue in Capitol Hill. I love it there, but I wish I were home more… 🙁

I own a townhome and share it with my Fox Terrier. Do you like dogs? I love dogs. They are loyal and are always in a good mood. I like living alone too, except when it’s cold in the winter.

I went to college in the North East, but my family is originally from Brazil. I pretty much grew up here, but I still have that accent. I like it though. It’s very me.
I’m sorry that she teased you like that, but it was for a good cause. We got to speak over e-mail didn’t we? And, I get back on Sunday, so we can talk then.

What about you? Tell me about yourself? I can’t even sleep now. See what you did to me?

What is this dude’s hangup about living alone? It’s like he dated someone in a group house and he’s scarred for life. El Guapo – you must get on that! Invent a permanent houseguest.

Why am I doing this? Because, this guy was cruising the ads sending out obnoxious replies under the anonymous email address feature. I know he’s a dick and he deserves a little slapping around for it. So, all you Anonymous posters who want to cry about it, tell me I’m wrong, that I should stop – get off my blog. Go read about sunshine and lollypops, cause Velvet and El Guapo are muy busy.


1 Comment

  1. Velvet

    Sandra Dee said…
    Hilarious. You should do this Choose Your Own Adventure bit more often!

    1/25/2006 11:53:57 PM

    Siryn said…
    This is too funny!!

    1/26/2006 12:05:19 AM

    Nikki said…
    Ha. This is funny. The guy is a dick. I can’t stand men like that.

    1/26/2006 12:45:26 AM

    Rhinestone Cowgirl said…
    Oh my God… El Guapo, you kill me. HA!

    1/26/2006 06:58:26 AM

    Jessie said…
    OMG, hi-larious. And the guy totally deserves it. He kinda sounds like a twit.

    1/26/2006 10:01:10 AM

    AsianMistress said…
    You are a loser.

    Haha but I love you.

    1/26/2006 11:33:12 AM

    Pele said…
    In the spirit of choose your own adventure, I wanted to comment before reading the more recent post.

    El guapo – how do you make this stuff up? I have tears streaming down my face and everyone in my office thinks I am crazy – I am laughing so hard.

    Velvet – you are brilliant – this guy is such a jerk, I can’t feel bad for him.

    1/27/2006 10:49:01 AM

    Stef said…
    I’m catching up late here – but this is hilarious! I can’t wait to see how it turns out in the next post!

    1/28/2006 05:04:42 PM

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