All right, you all wanted to see it. Here’s his pic.
Gracias for all your hard work yesterday. You have proven yourself to be the Numero Uno funny man of the D.C. Blog scene. I have an incredible urge to stick my tongue in your boca. But since you will not present yourself, I shall continue cruising Craigslist for dorks.
In an effort to thank you, I hereby present to you, this shrine. An Ode to El Guapo. Here are your best lines, used on AngryMan.
- I love to curl up with a man while he watches sports. It makes me feel perfect.
- Yes, I get manicures and penicures regularly. (Freudian slip?)
- I don’t have very strong hands, but I can do other things to make my lover happy
- Other treatments for my body? Well, yes, but I have to find that special someone to help me with that.
- You sound so big and strong I’m sure you could just flip me over so easily. What would you do then? Would you pour some candle wax on me? Would you mind if I turned you over and poured candle wax on you?
- My favorite thing to do in the bedroom is to tie up my partner. I have velvet rope that I use. I like to control him
- I’ve always wanted to use food during lovemaking. This sounds weird, but I like spicy food, so I would like to pour Tabasco sauce on my lover’s chest and lick it off. It would be spicy on my tounge and hot on his chest. Then I would kiss him for him to feel the heat.
- Yes. I have been with a woman. Is this ok with you? It was a very strange relationship that my brothers found out about. It was a very messy situation, but this was in Brazil, so they cannot do anything to my lovers here. It was wonderful. I met her while I was volunteering at a school for the blind. I still think about her on rainy nights.
- I touched myself last night while thinking about you. I didn’t have my vibrator, so I used one of the whiskey bottles in the mini-bar. I know it’s kinky, but I needed something. The label was peeling a little bit and it felt good.
- Have you ever stuck anything in you? I like doing that sometimes. I think it’s hot when a man is masculine enough to admit that feels good. Would you be ok with my doing that?
- I was with my female lover about 5 years ago. She was blind, but beautiful. She could not speak very well because of surgeries, but she could touch. We spent most of the time in bed because she couldn’t walk without the use of canes
- I would sit on her face for hours while she made me orgasm over and over. It took some getting used to her hands being always in a fist, but I eventually used that to my advantage.
- Paul, I need to know about your size. Please tell me.
- His response: “my name is not paul.”
- It is true, I had made love to my business partner Paul, but that was one time in a drunken night in Singapore. There were others as well. He doesn’t mean anything to me John! He was just there and it slipped.
- Please Paul. Have your friend come and meet us. I can watch you two make love while I touch myself like you wanted.
- Please Paul. You must be aware of what the Patriot actually covers. Unfortunately, lustful e-mails is not one of them.
- Paul, please, think of all of the deli meats we can eat off of each other. Please, do not be vindictive with your imaginary uses of law. I beg of you
El Guapo, I might be in love with you. You made personas en todo el mundo laugh yesterday.
Much Amor y besitos,