Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

When You Got Nothing, You Got Nothing To Lose

Dear CL#4New Jersey:

Even though you don’t know about this blog, a good majority of the blogging world knows about you. They have lost faith in you. I know that these readers only want the best for me and that’s why they have told me to move on. But there’s something special about you. I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

Those following our saga don’t know I’m about to present all new information. On Wednesday afternoon you sent me an email. I was very impressed that you followed up on your text from Monday. You acknowledged that we had not spoken in a while and you meant nothing personal by it. You enjoy spending time with me, and while you are going to be out of town for a week, leaving on Saturday, you want to get together. You just aren’t sure when. You turned it back on me, asking what my excuse was. Well, I did send you a text, didn’t I? I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

I sat with your email in hand for a few minutes and ended up consulting some friends. Everything I got back was negative. It was more of “He’s just not that into you.” Fine. I stewed for the entire evening on Wednesday. Then I talked to Penny and she said, “You like him. And I know how rarely you like someone, so don’t let it get away. So what if you look like an asshole, you have to find out. Just call him.” I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

I meant to call on Wednesday, I did. But I couldn’t make myself pick up the phone. I went to bed and did the hour of power reading before lights out. Velvet’s been working out at 6 a.m. these days so I need to go to bed earlier now. I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

Then you sent me a text at 11 p.m. It said, “Hi Sweetcakes.” I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

You win. I told you you win. I can’t play the games anymore. I called you. You didn’t answer, and I second guessed myself. But still, I sent you a text and said to call me. You called. Do you remember our conversation?

Velvet: Well well well
You: I know, I know. Did you get my email?
Velvet: Yes. I wasn’t sure how to respond. Where are you?
You: I’m at my stupid company Christmas party.
Velvet: What? It’s February!
You: I know. They suck. So, why didn’t you answer the email?
Velvet: Are you drunk? I didn’t know what to say yet on the email.
You: I am a little drunk. Why didn’t you know what to say?
Velvet: I don’t know.
You: We haven’t had that relationship-ey talk. You know in the times we’ve been out we haven’t talked about that.
Velvet: I know, which is why I shouldn’t really give you a hard time about us not talking for some time.
You: Well, I think we should talk about it. That’s why I wrote you a serious email today.
Velvet: That was serious?
You: Maybe we have different definitions of serious, but I do want to talk about this with you.
Velvet: Me too.
You: I should just drive over there now.
Velvet: You’ll crash your car.
You: Fuck the car. I’ll take a cab.
Velvet: Do it.
You: Really?
Velvet: Yes. Do it.
You: Ok. I’m coming over there. I’m going to kiss you for a couple minutes first. Then we are going to talk about this.

I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

Your party was in Northern Virginia. Twenty minutes later you were at my front door. I buzzed you in. Damn you look good in a suit. You said, “Let me play with the dogs for a minute.” You got down on all fours and threw toys for Thora and pet Sammy while Thora showed us what a good retriever she is. Then Sammy came and sat in the chair with me and you got in Thora’s face and said, “You are wondering what this guy is doing here with mommy, aren’t you? Mommy’s probably wondering too…’what’s his deal’ and all. Can you tell her I have no bad intentions? Thanks Thora.” I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

Then you got up and sat next to me on the ottoman. You wanted to talk but you also wanted to wait until you weren’t so…drunk. I said, laughing my ass off, “No, I think now is the PERFECT time to do this.” You took my hand into yours, put your other hand on my thigh and the following occurred.

You: It goes both ways Velvet. I’m not excusing my part, but you can call me too. You shouldn’t think that I wouldn’t want to hear from you.
Velvet: I’m not very good at that. It was a stretch for me to send you that text Monday.
You: Well, see, that makes it hard for me to really know where you’re coming from.
Velvet: I agree, I should call. And even I don’t know where I’m coming from.
You: Well we haven’t talked about any of that relationship stuff.
Velvet: Yes I know.
You had a pensive look on your face.
Velvet: What’s the matter?
You: Nothing. I was just thinking some things.
Velvet: Say it.
You: No. Not now. But I like you.
Velvet (laughing): I like you too. If I didn’t like you, you wouldn’t have made it past the first date. I don’t mean to put pressure on you, but you make it hard to like you when you disappear.

I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

I didn’t push you to tell me. There was no sense. Granted you were on the potent truth serum of alcohol, but it would be as tacky of me to take advantage of that as it would if the situation was reversed and you tried to, oh, get in my pants. I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

We went to bed. We kissed a little and fell asleep. This morning, neither of us had to be anywhere very early, so we layed in bed cuddling. I’m not much of a cuddler but you do bring that out in me. You said, “This is sooooo nice.” Yep. It was. I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

When I was getting dressed so I could walk the dogs and walk you out, you walked into the hall and watched me. You said, “I like watching you put your clothes on.” I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

When you left this morning, it wasn’t an awkward goodbye. It felt good. I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

When you got to work, you sent me an email. We’ve been back and forth a couple times today. Finally. I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

I don’t know what is going to happen or where it will go, but I’m still in it. I thought I was sick of it, I thought I was losing interest but I’m not. I like you too much to not follow this through. If it means I have to do a little chasing too, well, it is 2006 and I think I can muster that up. I think you realized I was about out of energy and you seem to be trying harder to stay in touch. I’m glad I started things back up with a text.

I was supposed to have a date Thursday night with CL#2BlueEyes. But he canceled. Fate is an all-knowing thing I think. We’ve rescheduled for Friday night, but who knows if it will happen. We’ve been trying unsuccessfully to meet up for two months. I’m still glad I started things back up with a text.

I know that many of the readers still won’t be on your side. But I’m on your side. I’m rooting for you. I think this could be something really good. And I hope that everyone will realize that “rules” of how to be chased and “He’s just not that into you” don’t apply to all situations. Hopefully no one rips me a new asshole for setting the women’s movement back a few decades.

But you know what?

No matter what anyone says, I’m so fucking glad I started things back up with a text.


1 Comment

  1. Velvet

    AlieMalie said…

    with him leaving his company party to talk things over with you – that definitely goes over well with me.

    good luck with this one.


    2/02/2006 09:59:30 PM

    Velvet said…
    Ok ok…off to a good start. Let’s see if everyone is as optimistic as you Aliemalie. Thanks!

    2/02/2006 10:03:32 PM

    chicgirl said…
    this is great velvet!

    maybe he is the kind of guy that needs reassurance rather than the chase:)

    cannot wait to hear how it plays out!

    2/02/2006 10:17:20 PM

    Velvet said…
    Two for two. Y’all know I was nervous posting this shit. CG – I’m in Dallas a couple days this week so it might screw up our lunch plans. How’s the week after?

    2/02/2006 10:20:54 PM

    Washington Cube said…
    Of course I’m rooting for you, Velvet. I’m always in your corner.

    2/02/2006 10:23:32 PM

    Rhinestone Cowgirl said…
    Honey, you know I’m totally in your corner. You asked me for my read; I gave it. I could very well be wrong. And in fact, if it means good things for you, I’m THRILLED to be wrong. 🙂


    2/02/2006 10:34:03 PM

    Stef said…
    This all sounds good. And it’s apparent that you like him lots, and I always think that’s worth pursuing. Good luck!

    2/02/2006 10:43:53 PM

    Barbara said…
    Did I tell you? I just knew that NJ was a good guy! I am SOOO glad I was right! My heart is going pitter-patter for you!

    2/02/2006 11:05:29 PM

    Kristin said…
    I’m for you. Period. If it makes you happy, I’m glad you started things back up with a text.

    2/02/2006 11:18:40 PM

    AsianMistress said…
    Texting rocks. Sometimes. 😉

    Yay see good times for all!

    I echo Kristin etc… with I’m glad you started things back up…

    2/03/2006 12:26:10 AM

    Jamy said…
    I’m happy if you’re happy. I don’t think you did anything wrong. He clearly likes you. I just don’t want anything other than fully respectful treatment for my friends–and anyone else for that matter.

    I’ll always be on your side.

    2/03/2006 07:58:10 AM

    A Unique Alias said…
    Well, I wasn’t saying I thought he was a douche or anything . . .

    I’m glad you went with your gut, and I’m glad it is paying off 🙂

    2/03/2006 09:24:03 AM

    Larissa said…
    yeah to second AUA, you went with your gut and I’m so glad you did. and can you believe it? you’re actually making me rethink texting 😉

    2/03/2006 09:27:41 AM

    marie said…
    velvet, i know it was hard for you to ‘make the first move’, but you gotta understand, it doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl, people get insecure.. sometimes people just need to feel that the other person IS into them..

    turns out, he WAS going through the same thing you were, waiting for THE phone call.. (remember the first comment i left you that day?)

    i gotta admit, i was rooting for him, but am actually kinda surprised at how quickly he responded.. and HOW he responded.. he sent you a email and when that didn’t work he sent you a message.. he went to your house.. hell, he was the one to suggest you two had ‘the talk’.. wow!.. i mean, that’s very big.. if that’s not making an effort i don’t know what is..

    i’m glad you decided to do what you felt would make you happy.. and not what you’re ‘supposed’ to do.. there are no rules, no right or wrong..

    okay, enough for now, gotta stop writing and start working..

    2/03/2006 09:38:52 AM

    Nicole said…
    Aww. Warm fuzzies for you.

    2/03/2006 09:43:48 AM

    Siryn said…
    Well of course I’m on your side. Just let me know if you need me to kick his ass, though…!

    But I think you need to be more forthcoming about why the interaction bothered you. You sent emails and he wouldn’t engage you with the kind of enthusiasm you expected from someone that is really interested in you.

    Every time you’ve gone out, it’s really been because you took the initiative.

    I mean, you really hit it there at the end of the quoted text. You make it hard to like you when you disappear.

    I hope it really sank in.

    2/03/2006 09:46:16 AM

    juju bean said…
    Hooray! I’m really happy for you. I recently went through something similar with a clueless guy who has come around to acting like a normal person (at least how I interpret normal people to be). Anyway, the whole experience just reaffirmed my belief that men just don’t think the way we do. You can’t overanalyse with them. But being direct with them and asking “WTF?” now and then goes a long way!

    2/03/2006 09:50:52 AM

    Velvet said…
    Cube – Thanks. Does it make you want to text any of your ghost men? Kidding.

    RC – I know. I asked you what you thought, but I had already heard from my neighbor and another dating blogger that the email was lukewarm. I guess I learned to not analyze things so much.

    Stef – Thanks. Yes, it’s rare that I find someone I can really like like this.

    Barbara – Thanks! And I know what you’re thinking, but don’t book the church.

    Kristin – So clever, using the theme of the post in your comment.

    AM – Well, don’t go overboard now. Texting was Coward-Velvet’s way out so I didn’t have to stumble on my words.

    Jamy – I know. I remember being saved by you from the most boring date in the world a couple months back!

    AUA – You’re funny. I know that. It was the guy’s read of it. Maybe I have to just keep reminding myself that communication isn’t this guy’s forte.

    Larissa – As I told Asian Mistress – Don’t do it!! Texting sucks. Well, it sucks every day except for last Monday.

    Marie – Thanks! And I should add that everyone says they are rooting for me. I know you all are, but you weren’t rooting for CL#4 anymore. I have to reread how I wrote that because it might be confusing.

    Nicole – Thanks!

    Siryn – Every time we went out I took the initiative? I don’t get it. He has done all of the asking.

    JuJu Bean – Hello new reader! You’re so right. Men aren’t as vocal and communicative as the ladies. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

    2/03/2006 10:09:44 AM

    BigTone88 said…
    You deserve credit for taking the initiative because speaking from experience, it is not easy for guys to put themselves out there because of fear or rejection. I know that it is frustrating that even the most obvious signals are ignored and you are right that some guys like myself miss those signals. Forgive us 🙂 PS: I heart your blog so much

    2/03/2006 11:41:10 AM

    Bilious Pudenda said…
    ‘Hopefully no one rips me a new asshole for setting the women’s movement back a few decades.’

    If someone does, I have first dibs on the new virgin stoma. If I may make a suggestion: an ileostomy would be preferable to a colostomy, tighter fit you see and less of an olfactory sensation.
    I’ll bring the KY.

    Women themselves are the only true enemy of the women’s movement.
    Shame, I say, shame!

    2/03/2006 12:31:37 PM

    Velvet said…
    bigtone88 – Awww! Thanks! It’s always good to hear the man’s side.

    BP – You cunt. (I only call you that because you like it.) You are steady crusing through the blog scene wreaking havoc, aren’t you? But you’ve sort of grown on me, and your comments make me giggle.

    2/03/2006 01:39:01 PM

    Scarlet said…
    Aw! yay! I hope this works out.

    2/03/2006 02:33:00 PM

    meghansdiscontent said…
    I refuse to read the archives on this because I want to believe in THIS post.

    I’m pulling for him.
    Actually, I’m pulling for you!

    HOPE this works!!!

    2/03/2006 02:35:19 PM

    Namaste said…

    You had me at the playing with the dogs.

    Be careful.

    And have some fun!


    2/03/2006 02:41:25 PM

    always write said…
    I am rooting for Velvet. Whatever you choose. I’m glad you started things up again with a text.

    2/03/2006 03:36:38 PM

    Sub Girl said…
    cute, very cute. i think he may have redeemed himself with this.

    2/03/2006 04:02:22 PM

    HomeI’mprovementNinja said…
    HAHAHA! I am on record on saying that you should call/text when everyone else was against it. I think someone owes me a beer!

    Of course, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll deny I was the one who suggested texting. It was the evil red ninja who hi-jacked my blog until I was able to break free from the evil dungeon and kill him in an improbably acrobatic duel at the base of Mt. Fuji.

    2/03/2006 04:42:33 PM

    Kayla said…
    Velvet, you didn’t set the women’s movement back – that f*#% rules book did. It just feeds into women’s insecurities. You advanced the women’s movement by *gasp* doing what you wanted to do and what felt right to you. I am glad it worked out! (and since I hadn’t been on here in weeks, was glad to come back to a great post). You go girl.

    2/03/2006 04:59:16 PM

    Crazy Girl City said…
    Whoot! With boys, you never can tell. Really.

    2/03/2006 05:26:24 PM

    Nikki said…
    You are right about the rules. Every situation is different. Glad things went well. Good luck.

    2/03/2006 08:08:15 PM

    Carrie Broadshoulders said…
    I think you need to cancel your date with the other guy. Seriously, if he’s insecure about how you feel about him and you think you like him, you need to focus on him and drop dating other guys…at least for a little while. Give it a shot with him. Does he know that you’re dating other people? I think after this “talk”, maybe you should show him that you’re totally into it. I’m not good at dating people…especially if they are also dating people.

    Just my two cents…and really, what does two cents get you these days?


    2/03/2006 09:00:52 PM

    Siryn said…
    mea culpa, but I hate guys who don’t write back. I mean, you were forgetting about him and eyeing other guys when going off to Michigan.

    Anyway, I am sure you’ll make the best of it. I’m happy that you’re happy. Cheers!

    2/03/2006 11:15:42 PM

    Velvet said…
    Scarlet – Thanks

    MeghansDiscontent – It wasn’t the archives as much as the comments that he wasn’t that into me. But I already emailed you on that! 🙂

    Namaste – You’re right – the dogs thing is huge. I wish I could have taken a video of it.

    AW – Thanks!

    SG – Soooo glad you’re back!

    Ninja – Ok, you get the credit! You said it first!!

    Kayla – That is so dead on. Hate that book.

    CG – You’re alive!

    Nikki – Thank you!

    Carrie – Until he steps up and calls me his girlfriend, I’m not going to stop dating. We’re not there yet…

    2/03/2006 11:21:55 PM

    Velvet said…
    Siryn – Missed you! You’re right. And I plan to continue dating, until I find him.

    2/03/2006 11:23:39 PM

    Mandy said…
    Geez – I go away for a couple days and *everything* changes! Well, good for you, because even if it turns out to be a mistake (not saying it will), at least you won’t be left wondering “what if”. It sounds like he means well, even if he is a bit of a doofus about keeping in touch. But playing with dogs is good. Honesty is good. Cluelessness is a little frustrating, but I think you can work around it.

    I hope it all goes swimmingly, my dear.

    2/04/2006 01:11:42 AM

    chicgirl said…
    i always understand things that come up. you just let me know – i am looking forward to meeting you!


    2/04/2006 02:58:40 AM

    BMW said…
    Sometimes guys are just completely without a clue weather or not we’re into them. Also, not all guys play games. So by you not calling he probably thought you weren’t all that into him. None the less, I’m glad ou started things back up with a text. And now there’s no more lame excuses if he disappears again.

    Good Luck!

    2/06/2006 07:44:31 PM

    NotMiranda said…
    I am SO with you! It’s not setting the women’s movement back when a woman takes control of what she wants in life and goes after it. Sometimes we gain so much just by opening ourselves up for potential hurt. I’m giving it a go, too.

    2/07/2006 11:27:00 AM

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