Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

You Can Set Your Secrets Free Baby

I feel dirty today. Not dirty in a good way though.

I’ve been writing to a handful of Craigslist men. I didn’t bother to mention any of them because, well none of them were worth mentioning. Well, until now.

One man I’ve been emailing asked if we could IM last night. So I hopped on IM and we talked for an hour. He lives in Herndon (holy shit Batman, that’s far!) is good looking, and he is also half Greek. So that last fact encourages me to continue the conversation, even knowing I could never be bothered to date someone who lives so far out.

On IM last night he mentioned something like, “Do you have any fetishes?” Le sigh. The warning bell went off in my head as I imagined this guy partaking in all sorts of sordid activity that would make my ears burn. But of course, glutton for punishment that I am, I prodded him to tell me what he was getting at. He asked me again. I said, “I’m about to turn 33. I lived with someone for 6 years. I’ve done what I’ve wanted to do, there’s nothing left undone for me in the bedroom.” Well, I’m sure there is, but not anything that readily comes to mind.

He begins this whole long painful story while I simultaneously talked on the phone with an old friend and texted another CL guy. I was the master of communication last night. Anyway, after beating around the bush for 20 minutes, he tells me he likes to be pinned by a woman, with her legs holding his arms, and her coochie in his face. Ok, he didn’t use the word coochie, that’s my word, but you get it. Then he launched a full on attack on my email inbox with pictures like this.

Well, I guess I’m done with him. Why are all the Greeks so weird?

Last night I walked the dogs around 10:00. A guy passes me, all bundled up, and after our dogs greeted each other, we continued in opposite direction while I mutter to myself that I think I know that man. I turn around, call his name, and he answers. It was the guy from the meeting – the one where I said I wanted to do very bad things to him. He was walking his dog. Alone. Looking very heterosexual. Still not wearing a ring. We talked for a couple minutes about business, then dogs. He said he would get in touch with me today. Anxiously waiting for that moment. NewJersey who?


  1. cupcakegrrl

    This post has been removed by the author.

  2. cupcakegrrl

    I had a roommate who told me that she always got asked on a second date.

    She attributed this to her first date practice of hog-tying the guy and crotch-smothering him to the point of asphyxiation until, with an air of boredome, she’d take the cash from his wallet and leave without saying goodbye.

    “They’ll always call again,” she remarked blithely. “Always.”

    Though I made no attempt to keep in touch with her after I moved out (despite the $263 she owed me for the cable bill), I have often wondered if there wasn’t something to be learned there.

    Unsurprisingly, she did a fair bit of CL dating.

    Come to think of it, too– she was Greek.

    Hope the cool guy calls.

  3. I-66

    What, Herndon’s too far to go to pin someone down essentially riding their face?

    [raising an eyebrow]

    What about Chantilly?


  4. Sandra Dee

    I KNEW he would come into the pic sooner or later! Woohoo!!

  5. Jamy

    I am speechless. Really.

    But that pic is kind of retro cool porn, if you like that sort of thing.

    Here’s to meeting people while walking the dogs!!

  6. Siryn

    Win-NERS, real winners…

    How serendipitous that sexy older guy was out walking his dog. Hmmm! Hopefully the little squirrel is wrong.

  7. Asian Mistress

    You should have said this post was NOT work friendly.

    Personally I am not a fan of such pinning down in that way. But, whatever.

  8. Kristin

    Nice nylons and is that man’s aubergine or is it just me?

  9. Scarlet

    Ha, Can’t say I really saw the picture as I scrolled so fast it was just a blur.

    I love the puppy love! I hope he calls/emails/etc.

  10. ejtakeslife

    I really don’t what disturbs me more– that the guy’s into being pinned or that the guy’s into control-top pantyhose. Eeesh.

  11. I-66

    Wait.. what’s not work friendly about the post/picture? They’re not naked. Sheesh.

    And EJ, I think it’s got to be the latter.

  12. Johnny

    u might be wierdo magnet of the year.

    i should start a website on that.

  13. Sharkbait

    Not all Greeks are weird, we just have our things! 🙂

    Hehehe..and why don’t I have your IM name eh? Cause I’m not a guy from Craigslist?! :-)~

  14. Siryn

    Yes, I’d say that he IS aubergine… hee.

    And it’s nsfw because of its content – not just bc they are not naked. Some places go so far as to block access to Victoria’s Secret because of its suggestiveness. Here… well, it speaks for itself.

  15. Velvet

    Kids: I posted another one of his pictures he sent me. There are a handful more (please make it stop) but you get the idea. It’s not so much retro as it is, just plain weird.

    Kisses! (Extra kisses to you Johnny!!)

  16. I-66

    Siryn – if that’s the case, then it doesn’t matter whether Velvet says it’s nsfw (as AM suggested) because once you come to the blog, the content is loaded – at which point it’s too late.

  17. Washington Cube

    I wish you would leave Craig’s List alone. It’s such a pit of sadness.

    I love it when a man decides to share his fetishes with you, and they are ohsoquick in offering it up. I’ve been on the other end of the crammed email box with the drawings and photos of…well..fill in the blank. Little Johnny thinks he’s finally found his playmate to do those nasties with him. Wait until he gets REALLY SPECIFIC about it; that is..not just pinned down and coochie in the face, but the exact amount of pressure your legs are placing on his arms, or what kind of lingerie you are wearing, or nice little details like smells being emitted or drooling involved. Shaking head.

    Good luck with dog walking man. That sounds positively wholesome after the above.

  18. chicgirl

    bizarre – those pics. what is the thrill, I wonder?

    that is GREAT about the guy – good news Velvet:)

  19. trueborn

    Who likes getting smothered?

    Jesus, those CraigsListers are bizarre.

    Good luck with the man you want to violate LOL

  20. Siryn

    You should write back to the dude and ask him if he’s tried autoerotic asphyxiation, like how Michael Hutchence was rumored to have did upon his untimely demise.

    Yeah, 66, the warning wouldn’t work at that point. Too late…slam! Gotcha. I’ve just been cleaning out my cache every time I come back. eesh.

  21. The Eternal Freshman

    Velvet- are these his personal photos (as in he’s the guy in them)– or are they just random photos depicting his fetish?

  22. Lonnie Bruner

    It’s so embarassing when my dad gets on IM. Sorry about that. I’ll talk to him tonight.

  23. Lady K

    Let me see if I understand you…
    you place an ad on CL asking for a normal, down-to-earth guy…and all you turn up are freaks.
    I mean..o’k saying you like to be pinned down isn’t that bad, but don’t you wait to bring that up until you know each other better..I don’t know.
    CL ain’t right!

  24. Barbara

    Those picture are definitely NOT you! The old guy with the dog sounds like a much better bet than some 1/2 Greek weirdo!

  25. Larissa

    omg that pic is ridic. hope u heard from hot meeting guy!

  26. Rhinestone Cowgirl

    Yikes – control top pantyhose in a sexual situation? Very not hot.

  27. playfulindc

    I dated a guy that we now call Pantyhose Pete.

    This calls for a blog tag…

    Um, hottie with the dogs? Ruuf!

  28. A Unique Alias

    I’m shocked at that last picture. Who knew that Sarah Silverman was such a freak?

  29. El Guapo in DC

    I’m still trying to find you a nice Greek man V. Give me some time.

    Mucho Amor,

    El Guapo

  30. Washington Cube

    Do you ever wonder how fetishes form? I was studying these pictures again. His Mommy shouldn’t have had sex just before giving birth. No wonder he needs to feel forced and trapped.

  31. playfulindc

    Cube is studying these photos. Let us all take a moment of silence to contemplate this.

  32. Laurie (aka buggy)

    A weird thing about this is that he had ready-to-send out saved pictures of this stuff (I’m assuming).


  33. Stef

    Yay! I’m so excited about meeting guy! I hope you guys do get together.

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