Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Now I’ve Shown You All My Cards Well Isn’t That Enough?

Saturday night I went to two parties. There was a sexy little bastard at the second of the parties, and I was trying to figure out who to fish info from. He seemed exceptionally friendly. Me likey friendly. I sent a text to my BestGayFriend-M about it because I couldn’t manage to get him alone. The text said, “Who is this SexyBastard? Meow fucking meow.” So I watch him reach for his pocket and pull out his phone as he’s talking to the husband of the funniest married couple I’ve met, ever. I hear him say, “Oh, it’s from Velvet. Let’s see what she’s saying.” Mind you, I was sitting across the table at this point in time.

Face all shades of red, I scream “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” But it was most likely too late. I think husband saw most of it. At least SexyBastard’s name, and well, that’s really all you need. Anyway, BestGayFriend-M said, “Oh, there’s a story there. I’ll tell you about it.” Later on we’re in the car driving home and this happens:

BestGayFriend-M: I helped him find a place. We did all this looking around and finally we found a place but then I find out he filled out paperwork with another broker.
Velvet: Oh, ok. That’s all I need to know.
BestGayFriend-M: Why? It doesn’t have to be.
Velvet: Yes it does. You just told me at SarcasticGayMan’s party that I need to pay closer attention to warning signs and red flags.
BestGayFriend-M: Yeah, but he’s a nice guy.
Velvet: Yeah, he is. But anyone who would use a broker for 95% of the work, then go with someone else doesn’t have a good character in my book. That doesn’t bode very well to what kind of a person he is. I’m all about people with good character.
BestGayFriend-M: Well, I’m not sure you should not date someone because of that.
Velvet: Mmmm. It’s enough for me. Seriously. I couldn’t do that to someone, switch pitchers at the last minute.
BestGayFriend-M: It’s a good point. Okay. But if you change your mind, he and I are going to be doing some work together this week.
Velvet: No. I always say this: People tell you exactly who they are within five minutes of meeting them. You were right about the last thing and you’re right about this. I shouldn’t have broken my rule.

So many rules. But there is greater loneliness in being in the wrong relationship than none at all.


  1. Bilious Pudenda

    “But there is greater loneliness in being in the wrong relationship than none at all.”

    Damn you Velvet! I really hate it when you make me cry!
    I hate you!
    I hate you!
    I hate you!

  2. Johnny

    bah. you like cowboys anyways.

  3. Barbara

    Unfortunately you are right in your conclusion. It takes so much energy to endure a wrong relationship while you are at the same time figuring out how to tactfully get out of it.

  4. playfulindc

    Totally agree with you…all relationships take work. Why would you want to spend your free time working on a relationship with the wrong person?

    Now, that being said, he will find someone who thinks that those practices are fine, and they will make pretty, snarky, Prada wearing kids.

  5. Esther

    ohhhh, i want to know who it was b/c it sounds like someone i might know. good call on avoiding him; anyone who screws sweetie pie M doesn’t deserve your friendship.

  6. princepurple

    why go into it thinking about a relationship? isn’t that a little… hmm… strange these days? why not get a little friendship going… see what the guy is like, see if it turns sexual, etc.

    i can see why you wouldnt want to try it on with someone who screwed over a friend of yours, but, you needn’t place all that pressure on something that has no footing whatsoever.

    maybe i’m missing the point.

    esther–is that your real name? i LOVE that name… it was my grandmother’s. she dead. make me sad.

  7. AlieMalie

    But there is greater loneliness in being in the wrong relationship than none at all.

    too true, though learning this lesson is extraordinarily difficult. i’ve found often with myself, that it gets repeated too many times.


  8. Rosie

    I’m assessing what you said about the 5 minutes into the relationship thing… it sounds painfully true. I keep getting involved with people despite my initial distrust, and then kicking myself when their true personality shines through a couple of months/weeks down the line. Thanks for the words of wisdom!

    (P.S.: I commented! I did! And it was all about me!)

  9. Big Tone

    I would agree, why waste your time in a bad relationship. I can enjoy wasting it much better being alone.

  10. cosmic shambles

    You aquired this rule for a good reason (past experience)… don’t go breakin’ it just because some guy is cute or charming.

  11. Siryn

    Absolutely, my friend. Absolutely.

  12. Eternal Freshman

    Yep- you’re on the right track by keeping your rule. These rules are necessary- but annoying. Kind of like wickets on a croquet court; you hit one and you ricotche back to the very beginning. I keep hoping that one of these days I will be able to knock it at the right angle so I can make it all through to the very end without finding any deal-breaking red flags. Still no luck.

  13. Eternal Freshman

    I misspelled ricochet. God that pisses me off…

  14. Susann

    Maybe I’m the bad seed at advice giving, but when it comes to “broker”ing, I’ve learned that things get f’ed up often. I say, stick your toe in the water, see if it is warm, if so, wade in cautiously. But don’t be afraid to wade in. (But with that said, BGMFs are some of the best friends in the world, so if he puts up a red light, stop. But I’m willing to bet he’ll at least put up yellow.)

  15. Stef

    Ah, Velvie. I know you’re right. But I’m tired of being lonely in no relationship at all. Want to set me up with something – anything – just so I can forget about the last greek in my life?

    Chocolate martinis on a weeknight are not a good idea. Makes me all nostalgic and stuff.

  16. Mandy

    100% right – nothing compares with the lonliness of a bad relationship. Considering the situations you’ve been able to extricate yourself from lately, it sounds to me like you’ve been very lucky, even if it hasn’t always felt that way.

    I also agree about the red flag – little things can be very telling. Sounds like you’re doing better!

  17. Kristin

    I agree that there’s no place lonelier than being stuck in the wrong relationship.

  18. marie

    Got tired of hitting the snooze button, huh?

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