Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Get Your Fill to Eat But Always Keep That Hunger

Due to the recent increase in the amount of google image searches for “Velvet in Dupont,” I figure some of you seem to want a picture of me, those in particular being from Canada, somewhere out west, the Carolinas and Philly. And yet, all of you have ended up on the same page from October, 2005, with a picture of my loves, Sammy and Thora. (Respect the stats, peeps.) So, okay, since I aim to please, I present to you, dear readers, my breasts. Check the header. Satisfied? No? That’s because you are one of the few who are sending me some creepy emails. Now, stop.

I’ve got nothing interesting to say. The recent full moon apparently fucked my life up from one end to the other. My poor Speedracer, just 40 miles shy of warranty expiration, has a broken passenger door and has spent the last week in the ER, with some part on its way from California. They didn’t have a loaner for me on Friday, when I dropped my car off, and I said it was no big deal. Yeah. Until Monday.So, when the car wasn’t fixed over the weekend, how did I get to Gaithersburg to go to work Monday? I rode the motorcycle. Lord. If only I was smart enough to remember to NOT put on lip gloss before the ride. I ate probably three bugs, not including the ones that got stuck in my Lancome Juicy Tubes. And, when I went for a run at the gym Monday night and wiped my face with a towel, it was black! Good lord we live in a dirty ass place. On my ride, Connecticut Avenue was closed off and I was that dick motorcycle rider, weaving between cars. I always said I’d never do that, and look at me eating my words. And bugs.

So today I took the metro. To the end of the line folks. Then I had to get a cab. Jesus, how on earth can a cabbie in Maryland charge $15 for a ride a few miles? I swear, who the hell wants to be driving around in Maryland anyway? They should gouge you if you ask to go near the border, but within the same town? Actually, that’s not nice, because I, freak that I am, love Rockville. Love it, love the Pike, love everything about it. So, okay, I’ll behave now.

Luckily today, after much whining, they gave me a loaner car. It ain’t no Speedracer though – well, in size. Parking in the city is nothing short of a bitch already, but with this thing? Oy. And it goes 90 mph easily, without even feeling it. However, since it’s my policy to embrace things that are bigger and faster, well, there you go.

Still playing phone tag with the Lunch people about my practice dates. Phone tag is mostly all my fault, because I’ve been remiss in calling back. It’s hard to care, really.

Yeah, that was boring. Even I stopped paying attention after I was done discussing my boobs. Anyone need smelling salts?


  1. KassyK

    AHAHAHA. That was not boring. Stinks about your shit getting fucked up. UGH. Not having a car in the city is such a huge pain in the ass sometimes but also such a relief. Hope yours gets fixed soon too and honey ONE of these days you are giving me a ride on that motorcyle. A certain blogger friend promised he would but no follow through…who will pop my cycle cherry but you?!

    Oh and no skivvies stripteasing for me tonight. I kept it in check..proud? Or not? Lol. Time for bed and then FINALLY THE LONG WEEKEND IVE BEEN DREAMING OF SINCE MARCH!!

  2. KassyK

    PS Vkent’s got one of my boobies too…and I guess in terms of still having it…sticky is very, very good. EW. 🙂

  3. Needtsza

    If only DC had a decent subway system. And you’re right about the cabs.

    Public transportation just ain’t the way in DC/Md. Sorry about your car. My g/f’s Infiniti got bashed in and it was just sitting there!

    Your pain is felt. Luckily, your bugs aren’t tasted

  4. Scarlet

    Hha, not boring. Hope your car gets returned asap so you don’t have to eat anymore bugs.

  5. Chuckles

    The bus system isn’t horrible. Rarely on time, but not horrible. Convoluted and obfuscated, but not horrible. Rude and crowded at times, but not- well maybe it does suck a bit.

    When I am President, I will fix all that and invest in more light rail systems all over the country.

  6. Raincouver

    Ewww… sticky pictures. VK probably lent them to his buddy Clifton “Origami” Cash.

    And… Rockville? What’s in Rockville???? We have an associate Vacuum Cleaner Depot there so I’ve been there many times. Nice place to raise a family, I guess.

  7. Barbara

    You couldn’t write a boring post if you tried. I never thought about bugs-in-your-teeth as one of the hazards of riding a motorcycle. Hope you car is fixed soon, because Gaithersburg is a long haul in any case, but on a motorcycle it must seem like the end of the world. Dinner in August?

  8. Siryn

    Not boring at all.

    Nice pic of the girls! Of course, now you’ve given men everywhere jackoff material.

  9. virgle kent

    The holla does get the best of girls sometimes. Like K^2 said youre not the only blogger who Ive got scandalous pictures of.

    The world is patiently waiting for my when bloggers go wild post.

    By the way I hope you dont find it weird that I blew up your pictures and I have them mounted on my ceiling. What not weird well what about the fact that I photo shopped the words little vks go here and put that over the left one and then I photo shopped a bulls eye over your tattoo.

    What still not weirded out. What about the fact that Pretty Ricky has picture of you and he drew a mustache and goatee and uses it for target practice. Because that fucking weirded me out.

  10. Marci

    I have pictures too, Velvet, of your somewhat unidentifiable body parts. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

    I finally fixed your RSS feed on my bloglines…all this time I didn’t think you were writing. So sad.

  11. mappyb

    Looks like Jessica Cutler’s heading! Unless my frames are messed up, I can’t see the ‘Velvet’ title and my ‘Ready’ is cut off….I think I need to update my computer!

    Love the Juicy Tubes. They are quite sticky though!

    Nothing boring about this post; you’re crazy! 🙂

  12. marie

    my pc’s messed up.. i see the same header as usual.. the only difference is that it says “If you follow me home on your bicycle, I can’t date you.”.. that’s it..

  13. playfulindc

    He woulda charged you less if you had shown him your goods.

    I’m just sayin’.

  14. Tyler

    Do you know how you can tell a happy motorcyclist? Bugs are in her teeth! At least the battery on the bike is fixed. I need to get out on mine more often. Good luck getting your car back.

    And definitely not a boring post…

  15. injuninjun#9

    DO go back to rockville….. Rockville is great! Definitely changed over the past 10-20 years…but in Rockville you’ve got Dave & Busters. Who doesn’t like Dave & Busters? anyways, really great sushi can be had at a small place in rockville off of rockville pike. The place is a small chain in Rockville and is called
    Taipei Tokyo Cafe
    – really strange 1/2 chinese 1/2 japanese restaurant. if you need a sushi fix
    and are in the neighborhood – this’ll do. Google it. They also have a second
    restaurant (which is better) located
    farther up
    the pike. Both are really good….so check one or both next time
    you are up in that neck of the woods.

  16. CosmicGoof

    You have boobs?

  17. cosmic shambles

    I wish I were a bug.

  18. Velvet

    KassyK – I suck ass on that motorcycle. Are you serious you want to get on it with me? Okay, but we have to get you a helmet. And body armor. And who the hell is the other person who promised you a …. oh. I think I know.

    Needtsza – Wonder when we’ll get the “Dulles” line. What’s that? Purple?

    Scarlet – I got my car back! Yay! Not yay on leaving my iced tea from last week in the cup holder. Ick.

    Chuckles – Will these light rails connect each city to the next?

    Raincouver – I’m okay with that. There is something undeniably sexy about Clifton Cash. Rockville has the pike! Everything you need in life is on the pike!

    Barbara – Got the car, and yes, G-burg is an awful haul. I despise it.

    Siryn – Well, we can hope! My boobs look a little flat in there.

    VK – HA! “Little VK’s go here!” Too funny. Pretty Ricky and Target practice? He’s just jealous because I have bigger balls. I would NEVER stand in line and allow someone to say that shit to me. “You’re cuter…”

    Marci – I’m not sure my feed is on. Is it?

    MappyB – I forgot about Jessica Cutler! Am I stealing her idea? Damn. I suck. That’s not cool.

    Marie – I think my blog is stuck in your memory. You probably have to either reboot or clean the cookies.

    Playful – Who? The cabbie? Heh. Damn cabs here won’t even use the AC because of gas prices.

    Tyler – What do you have? I don’t know if we’ve discussed this. And I owe you an email. I’ve been mostly in meetings the past 2 days. Sucks.

    Injun – I’ve been there. I didn’t like their sushi. That’s not good, right? It means we can’t fall in love.

    Cosmic Goof – YOU’RE BACK! My HandyMandy is still a virgin, right?

    Cosmic Shambles – Heh. You’re bad.

  19. Needtsza

    Purple. I wouldn’t put it past em.

    Ya gotta love DC though. They must think we’re all mentally handicapped.
    “Code Orange” – Weather
    “Yellow Alert” – Terrorist
    “Red Line” – Metro

    I miss the number and letters of the Subway.
    Ah well, time for more drinkin’. Thanks for adding my site to your blog roll or whatever =)

  20. Chuckles

    The Purple line is the often proposed and not yet funded line that would connect the east branch of the Red line to the north end of the Green line in an arc over the northen parts of DC, inside the Beltway. It has been suggested that it be continued around the city, but I have only seen a map of the line from western part of Bethesda to the Green line.

    And Velvet: The light rail system of President Genius would connect metropolitan area to their suburbs in a useful fashion. I will also have government owned railroads built between all major cities so that Amtrak will have dedicated lines and no longer be subject to freight company whims. I will also give incentives to construction companies that build in and up rather than out.

    Imagine a DC with a Metro system that ran out to the heart of Gaithersburg that connected to a local system in G-burg and Germantown. Imagine a Northern Virginia with a network of trams/trains that connected to the Metro. All will look upon my works and know compassion for all levels of workers.

  21. Mel

    Boring? Never. You tell it with such enthusiasm.

    Plus your rack is sweet!

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