Anticipation – foreknowledge, intuition and presentiment. To look forward to with pleasure.
Have you ever known that something was going to happen, yet, you had no idea what circumstances would actually force the event to commence? When you envision this event in your head, what details do you use to help yourself understand what is inevitable? Do you imagine the worst? The best? Somewhere in the middle?
A few months ago, some things happened that ultimately resulted in the temporary closing of my blog. But during those events, I remember describing to someone that I could feel the walls closing in. It was as if every few minutes, something else happened to indicate the path I was on, and I didn’t know the outcome, but I could tell where I was headed. Parts of what happened, I had forecasted way before the simple minds of the parties involved probably even hatched them as ideas. But other parts? I never knew people could sink so low, and do so much bad to someone else for no reason other than plain spite. I continued to be shocked at that elusive thing called “human nature.” Sort of like being in a car going 100 miles an hour, you’re not driving, and you can see out the windshield but you can’t see over the horizon. You see almost everything you hit, but a few things sneak by without you knowing and that clouds the outcome even further.
Let’s change the scenario a tiny bit. What happens when you know the ending event, but you don’t know how you are going to get there. I would guess that if the event is a bad thing, then you would dread the details. My analogy here is a morbid one, but it would be for the people on the September 11th planes. I think they all knew what was going to happen, but didn’t know how they would get there. Would it be fast? Would they fly around for a few hours? Would they be killed one by one? Of the above two scenarios, I can’t say which I prefer – knowing the details or knowing the outcome. But I still maintain that having an event unfold piece by piece is torture. Just give me the news doc. Seriously. I can take it.
Finally, what if you know what is going to happen, and you deem it to be a good, even a great thing. The unfolding of those details that will get you there can be exciting, and yet, somehow anxiety-inducing at the same time. Those unknowns can make you nervous, happy, or put you on the edge of your seat. Those unknowns can elicit the most genuine feeling you have had in months. You may imagine the details, script how they could possibly occur and relish in the pure delight of what you expect to happen, but you will never really know. There always end up being feelings you have that are new and unique to you, that you never anticipated. Those feelings, those unknowns are what I look forward to – the unique and genuine feeling about something just so wonderful remind me that I’m not in control, but my emotions are very much alive. Finally.