Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

D.C. Cops Suck Ass Part II

Deep breath. Let’s start with this. In fact, you don’t even need to read the whole thing. The thing you need to know is that the murderers of Alan Senitt had mugged a woman a few weeks earlier. Because we apparently have to solve our own crimes now, she found out that her credit card was used to purchase some penis enhancing goods that were shipped to an address in SE DC. She told the cops. What did they do? Nothing.

I’m not as much surprised as I am just outraged. I’ve had several incidents with the cops. When some asshole pushed me into the bushes to gain access to our building because he didn’t feel like getting buzzed in, I called 911. THREE TIMES. He was in our building, I had witnesses, and the cops did nothing. And several cars drove by, on their way to nowhere important. Finally I flagged one car down and they said, “How long ago did you call 911? We didn’t get a call.” Good lord. The system doesn’t work people if you don’t actually dispatch an officer!

I’ve had several other cops – always women by the way, ALWAYS, tell me to put my dogs on a leash. Every single woman cop in my neighborhood will tell me to put the dogs on a leash. The guys? Never a peep. I get, “Wow, they don’t run in the street” to “You have them trained really well, wanna go get a cup of coffee?” Interesting. Would we call that discrimination? Fourty cops in my neighborhood and we get 40 different responses to my unleashed dogs. Inconsistent pricks.

Of course the other cop incident was just a few weeks back, (I don’t link to myself, I think it’s pompous) it turns out that this man’s fucking co-worker can’t even figure out who he is. If they can’t find each other, how the hell are they going to find any criminals? Even when you hand them the address and location of the criminal, they still don’t do anything. Maybe the key here is to actually place the criminals where the cops will find them, so they don’t have to try. Though, the last time I checked, murderers weren’t crawling out from under a Krispy Kreme.

Tonight there’s a meeting with the police and the public in my neighborhood. And I have a date. I thought about canceling said date because I really want to hear what these lazy fucks have to say for themselves, but, I’m sure it will be the Officer Barbrady bullshit: “Okay people, move along, nothing to see here.”

26 Comments

  1. cosmic shambles

    1. One time I called 911 after apprehending a person who stole items from my yard. I had caught the guy with my items in the back of his truck. I waited 45 minutes and the cops never showed. When I called back they said they had no record or my 911 report. Meanwhile the dude was threatening to kick may ass and vandalize my house. F the cops.

    2. A date? Oh great here we go again.

    3. Penis enhancement? I thought black guys had… um, nevermind.

  2. KassyK

    Wow that is just naseauting. Its nice to know that in a city with some of the highest crime rates in the country that we are REALLY being looked after by our city’s “finest”. Now more about this date…

  3. Luck O' the Irish

    Love the city! Love it!!! But…just another reason I prefer to be a “bridge and tunneler”. Living there, with completely inept police would drive me to the brink.

  4. KM

    Actually, the 27th and P mugging that is mentioned in the article is within doughnut-throwing distance from the 7-11 where cops hang out in Georgetown. Even when the crimes take place in front of them, nothing is done.

  5. Bill

    Disgusting. Though you may be right about the nature of the meeting, it would be good to know someone who will be there to represent your interests. Sometimes I wonder whether the police who care just get isolated from the experiences people like you have by the doughnut patrol, or frustrated that they’re forced to deal with leash laws on the same basis as murders. I’m lucky to live in a place that gets very good police protection, but I know that not all of Boston does. Certainly in any neighborhood I’d expect better than what you’ve described.

  6. Washington Cube

    I say take your date to this meeting. Now that could be a unifying blog entry. Cop issues and dating issues.

  7. johnny

    DC Cops are the top of the government entitlement pyramid.

    DCCop 4 Life!

    As in “you cant fire me. Even if I sleep on the job.”

  8. Raincouver

    I agree with WC… bring your date to the meeting! Then you’ll have a legitimate excuse to drink heavily that evening.

    🙂

  9. cosmic shambles

    I’m with Cube… take the date to the meeting. Get past all that first-date small talk and show him that you mean business!

  10. Velvet

    Cosmic – to your first comment, how did your restrain him? I’m getting this vision of the Hansel and Gretel cages being hung in your house, but, um, little help?

    KK – It’s another from the Lunch Crew. I haven’t written yet about Sunday’s date, I’ll do that with this one and write it up tonight or tomorrow.

    Luck – Ha! Just typed your name as Lick first. Anyway, yeah, there is something to be said for living in a ‘burb where your public resources aren’t drained.

    KM – It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

    Bill – yes, I can’t say I would want to be a cop, but it wouldn’t stop me from quitting if I knew I wasn’t doing a good job. When a patient dies, a doctor has remorse (usually.) A citizen dies, and these guys go get big gulps.

    Cube – That is HILARIOUS! And I see you over on Kathryn’s blog putting it out there that I should take the date to the cop meeting. That would be really funny.

    Johnny – It’s true. Them and the weather people. They could forecast snow tonight and no one fires them when they are wrong.

    Raincouver – You guys are too funny.

    Cosmic – Stop that! You can’t put me, a first date, and several hundred pair of handcuffs in the same room! What will become of that poor man?

  11. Raincouver

    “Cosmic – Stop that! You cant put me, a first date, and several hundred pair of handcuffs in the same room! What will become of that poor man?”

    I can answer that V… best date he ever had!!!

  12. Bill

    You cant put me, a first date, and several hundred pair of handcuffs in the same room! What will become of that poor man?

    Dunno, but I’m sure you could think of a thing or two. Just be sure to get pictures for your friends here 😉

  13. DCOE

    That’s horrifying! I think that DC cops might be among some of the laziest (or just apathetic) set of law enforcement officials in the country. Of course it is cosmic timing that you hve a date tonight, but it’s probably for the better, like you said. I can just see your rage building as you sit in that meeting and then pummeling an officer. Of course, even though the others are right there, no one would likely respond. 🙂

  14. flawless

    When someone broke into my apt with a knife (that was left behind) and stole several things, the Keystone Kops of Dallas did come. However, after taking the report info down they were ready to leave. I said aren’t you going to take the knife and try to get prints off of it. Their reply – “we don’t do that anymore”! And Dallas is the #1 crime city in US. No wonder.

  15. DCDireWolf

    I used to live in a group house with a DC Cop. We were pretty sure, although could not prove, that he was a pedophile.

    There are exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, idiots, weirdos and sociopaths are attracted to careers in law enforcement.

  16. Washington Cube

    OMG stop it you guys. Raincouver already had me Diet Coke spit taking with “best date ever,” but the follow-ups are equally funny. Velvet YOU HAVE GOT TO DO THIS. This date could totally rock…or lock (handcuffs.) I’m sorry. I could NOT resist.

  17. raincouver

    IMDB review for “It’s just Velvet”.

    From the hit TV series “Velvet in Dupont”, Velvet brings an MBA to a town hall meeting, where she bumps into Sunday’s date, an undercover Police Officer. Plot is unnecessarily complex but the gratuitous sexual innuendos and comic situations are worth every minute. Rated 18A – not suitable for younger audiences.

  18. Velvet

    Raincouver & Bill – you kids forget, this is/now was an “It’s Just Lunch” Date. Meaning: I don’t know what he looks like!!

    DCOE – Someone in my neighborhood emailed me and said that they used to be worse, that the laziness now is an improvement. WTF? How could they be worse? Driving the getaway cars for the murderers?

    Flawless – New state motto? Don’t mess with Texas Law Enforcement? And you kids wanted to secede from the Union. HA!

    DC DireWolf – Where have you been for the past year? I haven’t seen you in like, forever. You were one of my first commenters. Well, you and that guy who went a little batty.

    Cubie – You are killing yourself aren’t you? I don’t know this guy, I can’t take him to a cop meeting!

    Raincouver – I’m getting ready to write up my two dates…stay tuned. You might want to revise that IMDB. And, um, in other Velvet Trivia, I’m actually ON the IMDB because I was in a horrifying worse than B movie with my ex.

  19. KassyK

    I cannot wait to hear about this tomorrow. 😉

  20. Washington Cube

    I’m with Kassy….this should be good.

  21. Terry

    I was hit by a car in front of my apartment building in downtown Silver Spring. I wrote the cars license plate down on my arm (I fell into the road and blocked his way long enough to see the plate well) and limped up to my apartment. I didn’t have a cell phone on me, unfortunately. I called 911 and reported getting hit. Montgomery County police showed up 45 minutes later and actually fussed at me that I’d waited almost an hour to call them. Of course, I hadn’t waited. They couldn’t believe that it was their own system that had caused the delay. The cops took down the license number and said that if they stop that car for another reason that my case might be pursued. Luckily, I wasn’t hurt beyond a bunch of bruises.

  22. john of ne

    Cop took the initiative yesterday to stop me on Rhode Island Ave. in mid rush hour traffic, blocking two lanes. Apparantly I was for going too fast on my scooter. Ha ha ha. I pay his salary in taxes here, the son of a bitch. You are not alone, I’ve hated them all my life.

    However, they used to be a good force before the 70’s. I just hated them then because they were the man!

  23. Wah-wah

    DCDireWolf (and a few others here who are quick to respond without anecdotes): Where do you get your stats from? Call up the Post, we have a great beat-reporter here: one who gets the facts from hunches of housemates while also citing no statistics. I love how in a “gentrified crimewave” the cops are jumped on so easily. Yea, everyone has their typical “cops don’t care” story, but everyone who mentions such a story is hard pressed to say that is the norm and not the exception.

  24. EJ Takes Life

    Well said, Velvet. It continues to incense and awe me how little they care. The “snap to it!”-ness of the last two weeks has hardly made a difference on the street level.

  25. Reddudette

    Did you hear about the guy who was inappropriate with a young boy in Rockville?
    The Dad called the police but the guy walked away. A week later they saw the same guy in Wheaton Plaza where the Dad took him down and, supposedly, held him til the police arrived.
    I guess if the cops won’t respond then people will take their own action.

  26. Joe P.

    I fuckin hate cops… They think that they are high, mighty, and dont have to follow the law.
    The cocksuckers lie in court too… its fucking ridiculous.
    When I see cops, I just want to punch them in the face.
    Most are friggin weak FAGGOTS !!

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