Help! The deadline is close. Please help Brent reach his goal for the AIDS walk!! Click this. I’m just going to keep nagging you about it. Ok. Think of it like this. I’ve gotten plenty of emails and “offers” to do things for me as a thank you of sorts for the entertainment I provide. I’ve never been able to justify asking for anything back from you kids. But, just this once, pretty please, click the link and give to the AIDS walk. Pretty please with cherries on top and I’ll be your best friend.
So I saw my therapist this week. If you recall, but you may not so I’ll repeat myself, I started seeing her about 2 1/2 years ago when my anxiety issues started um, ruining my life. I refused to get on an airplane post-September 11th and it caused a lot of problems. I had resolved to just drive everywhere, but then, yanno, when my brother decided to get married, it was too far to drive. Then my friend wanted to go to Italy and I realized I would miss Europe entirely unless I could get 6 weeks off to ride the Mayflower over there. And then work wanted me to go somewhere – bastards! You have blown my cocoon apart. It was time to put this fear on the back burner. Anyway, during my time with the therapist, I learned that fear of flying is really fear of losing control – something I hate. I had to confront so many other stupid little things I do to maintain control and(subconsciously) avoid panic attacks.
All right, enough of that. So I spent my entire 50 minute hour talking about him. The new boy. When she asked me what it was that I liked about him, I couldn’t really put it into words. Is that stupid? I mean, for those of you who are in a relationship where you are completely immersed in your feelings for this person, can you actually give a list of the things you like about him/her? Are people really capable of that?
For me, attraction and that feeling of belonging with someone isn’t based on a set of characteristics or a laundry list of things you want. (This is a fabulous argument for why online dating is fatally flawed.) It’s harder to put my finger on than checking off a list. It’s how the person makes me feel. But, sometimes what is more important than how they make you feel is how they DON’T make me feel. As an example, I described my years with AtlantaBoy to the therapist as this:
“We were like two kids living together without adult supervision. We were like two puzzle pieces that just fit together into a working relationship and household. Even though there was no ‘adult supervision,’ we made it work.” She asked me to describe this more. It’s hard to without coming up with a solid example. I told her that one morning my car tire was flat. AtlantaBoy left for work before I was awake, but he had seen the flat, and came back in and left me a very descriptive note that somewhere I believe I still have. It detailed that I needed to get a “plug” and to not let them talk me into a whole new tire, and had directions to the nearest tire place. The note was really long, but it was a step by step of what I had to do. He just knew that I would have no clue how to do any of the assessing of the flat, as well as finding the place to get it done. He even told me about how much it would cost, so I wouldn’t get hosed. And he never made me feel stupid for his having to write that note to his automotivally and mechanically inept girlfriend.
That’s the kind of stuff great relationships are made of – where two people just know how to treat and how not to treat each other. AtlantaBoy knew he needed to spoonfeed that to me just like I knew when it came time to pay our monthly bills, I had to tell him what to write checks for. He just knew that I had it worked out to a 50/50 split and didn’t question it. Of course that relationship efficiency dissipated over time, but that’s another story.
All of that dynamic between us was basically unspoken. And what I have going on currently is more of the same. Well, don’t get me wrong, it’s an entirely different relationship. I feel much more like an “adult” now than I did when I lived with AtlantaBoy, the dynamic is there though. Take for instance the fact that I have no knowledge how to work your new, fancy, thousand-button remote controls of today. He knows that. When something happens that requires remote control assistance, I’ll just hand it to him. He’s tried to show me what the important buttons are, but you know what? I don’t care. I’m more than happy to let him do it, even screaming from the couch when he’s in another room that I need him to change the channel. He doesn’t bitch about this, he just knows that I have no clue which button lowers the volume, which button cooks breakfast and which button fires up electricity under Bin Ladin’s bunker.
So as I’m getting ready to leave, my therapist says, “I think you may have met your match.” It means a lot to hear that from a woman who just might know me better than I know myself.
Oooh, Velvet’s match. Break out the chianti. God you make me want to see a therapist, like pronto. What fun! What insight! Although I am super afraid they’d just confirm that I am as crazy and self-absorbed as I fear I am.
Crossing my fingers for ya. Like the new logo too.
i’ll be your therapist. hehehehe. (oooh, creepy chud makes an appearance)
You may eventually be able to look back and make said list of those things, but marinate in those good feelings right now.
🙂 Me likey.
I think I like that Chud boy. Maybe he can inspire me to write like Velvet?
Oh Chud….here Chuddy Chuddy. Yum yum. You are JUST TARTS TYPE.
Wow, that’s cool.
And the new logo at the top is awesome!!
I know exactly what you mean about fitting together without talking about it. I too am totally inept at electronic things with zero desire to learn. My husband know that and just takes care of all that stuff, not for a moment making me feel guilty for not knowing how to properly operate our stereo system or Advantium oven. But when he needs his pants altered or a button put on, it’s my job. It must be like this or there would be no reason for people to need each other. Well, I guess there might be, but relationships eventually have to get out of the bedroom and off the motorcycle. There’s a little more to life than sex…
I will send you the verbatim conversation we just had while out on a bike trip, which started with ME: “Do you have any idea what was in that box addressed to me that came yesterday?”
oooh, tart you tart. why don’t you come lay on my couch. let’s see if we can’t get your creative juices flowing.
Always great to have validation and from a professional no less.
Enjoy the good times and take it one day at a time.
You know because I am the expert in all things relationship! 😉
It’s good to hear (read?) that you’re happy. And I know the satisfaction of validation from hearing a therapist say something like that. But even more it’s that feeling inside that assures you that it’s true. Congrats and enjoy it.
It’s so wonderful to see things going well for you! I can’t imagine the feeling of relief when she agreed with you though… I’ve finally met someone I fit well with (even if it’s so new that I’m not worried about whatever else it may mean just yet) and all the people who know about it (basically my roommate and best friend) can seem to say is “just dont go getting hurt again, we’re kind of sick of it” sort of sentiment. *pfft* It’s annoying more than anything.
But it must have felt so good to have someone confirm outloud what you may be feeling too!
Hurray! Totally agree with Alejandra — anyone can *tell* you that you’ve got a good match, but it’s the way those words settle so well in yourself that is really telling. I’m so happy that you’ve found someone with whom you feel that instinctive fit. Plus, the sex-on-a-bike thing is HOT.