Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Let The Walls Burn Down, Set Your Secrets Free

Well, if you are reading then you have the password. I’m expecting significantly fewer people to be reading in general now than in days past. Frankly, there is something just so damn comforting about that to me. I might take the password protection off at some point, but, for now it’s just better this way. I can officially go back to spilling it all, instead of censoring. There should be about 20 of you here, so now it’s a more comfortable group. And you are among friends, so feel free to let it fly.

I’ll back up to last Thursday. Sherlock and I have been looking at condos for the past few weeks because his lease is up in January. Since open houses occur on Sundays and I’m no longer able to bake in the sun due to autumn’s arrival, we were doing this as a joint effort. Somewhere in looking for these places, he started asking the questions, “Does this building take 2 dogs” and “Can we purchase a second parking spot because we both have cars and motorcycles.” I’m not saying I didn’t participate in these conversations, but truth be told, I have very low living expenses. Anything I do in terms of moving is going to crank up my monthly expenditures. So I’m not in a hurry. I have a place to live, and it’s a damn good place in my opinion because it’s got Sammy and Thora.

Okay, so Thursday. He just pops out with, “Are you nervous to move in together?” I said “No. Why?” He said that he was. I said “We don’t have to, you can do this on your own, I really don’t care.” There was more back and forth, but nothing significant really. Just chitchat. I ended up booting him out of my house because he was in one of those needy moods, and I can’t fucking stand that. I really can’t. I’m not a needy girl and I don’t want a needy man in my life. I just got annoyed and told him to go home. He wanted to know why he couldn’t stay over, and I said, “Because you snore, and it keeps me up all night.” I am a hurtful bitch when I’m pissed.

Friday was the day I posted the story about the lunatic ex whatever-she-is of his, TravelWhoreGirl. Friday night I went out with you blogging kids, and somewhere during the night Sherlock got pissed, which I found out via phone. Home Improvement Ninja and I were walking to his car and he was going to drop me off on his way back to the Cheights, and Sherlock called. He told me to call him when I was home. Then I got home, and he called me again before I had a chance to call him. I hate that feeling of being railroaded. Give me the fucking chance to get in the house, change, then I’ll call back. So then he started telling me I was inconsiderate for not telling him I was going to stay out all night, and that no matter how our relationship started out, he at least deserves that respect. I’ve got to admit, and Ninja has seen some of the emails where I write a bunch of nasty shit, I’m not very respectful. I’ve somehow given myself license to be a master superbitch because of all this drama he came with. Then it turned into the classic Velvet fight and I shut down. When I get really mad, I just can’t talk.

So he’s even more pissed at this point and I am just mad that he really thought I went out trying to not come home. It doesn’t happen like that. I always go out in the spirit of having “one drink” and that just never happens. My arrival time home is directly correlated to the people I’m with, how tired I am and how I happen to be feeling about staying out and drinking more with logistics of getting home. We were all having so much fun on Friday that I didn’t want to go home. (Well, other than when Virgile Kent told me a certain someone, Fuckbuddy #2, was prying him for information on me. WTF, seriously?) Ninja and I ended up walking down M Street, getting underage kids into bars by plying the bouncers with the Halloween cookies.

When I’m home in bed, Sherlock and I are texting some more. I can’t remember what he said, but it was some version of asking me why I’m being so cold. I responded with, “When you told me you were scared all of a sudden about living together, I took two giant steps backward out of this relationship.” I meant it I suppose. I know I can say really hurtful things, but I was pissed off. He has been the one promoting the move in together / marriage / kids thing. I’m going along, but these ideas came from him. Something I didn’t mention at the time, but happened early on, was that we were having sex one night and he said something to the effect of, “If you ever have bad news for me, tell me when we’re having sex. I couldn’t possibly get mad with my dick inside you.” And I said, “Really? Even if my bad news was like that I was pregnant or something?” To which he reponds, “Why would that be bad news? That would be great news,” thereby rolling the ball into play on the having kids conversations. Ninja loves these stories. They make him laugh his ass off.

Back to this weekend. Saturday comes. He apologizes via text, and I do as well. I go to the gym and return home to a lengthy email from TravelWhoreGirl in response to Friday’s post. A couple parts stand out. First, she says that Sherlock spent the entire day of our first date reading my archives, so “of course there was a click.” Jesus. I hate to say this about a deranged asylum escapee, but she could be right. The other part that gets to me is that she knows some pretty intimate detail about me and the things Sherlock and I have done in bed, and it’s not from the things I’ve written. It’s from things he told her. Her quote: “I have a folder of emails containing pages of things he’s said about you.” (He also by the way, told both the ex-fuck buddies that I’m “on meds.” I can assure you, crazy as I am, I am not on meds.) I forward the email to him then send a text telling him that he should read his email. He texts back and says she’s wrong about some things. I write back and say, “All three of you are lunatics. I wish that I never met any of you.”

Both these girls, despite the fact that they each recently roasted him on their respective blogs, still attempted to contact him just last week. Are you kidding me? Am I in the middle of some ridiculous bullshit contrived drama? He said he didn’t tell me they called because he “didn’t want to upset me.” I said, “One of these girls publicly attacked your GIRLFRIEND ON HER BLOG and you don’t bother to mention that she called? And what the fuck? She’s calling as if all of that never happened? Please!”

There is a recurring issue with Sherlock and I. Every time there is a “problem,” he goes running to his ex-girlfriends and ex-fuckbuddies for advice. I’m so unclear as to how he could really think that these women have his best interests at heart. But just last week, we had an argument over the fact that BOTH FUCK BUDDIES contacted him and he neglected to tell me. A couple days after, we were at his house and his phone rang. He said it was his ex. Then he remarked without any prompting from me that she must be calling to find out if he and I had reconciled. What. The. Fuck. Has he learned fucking nothing from the TravelWhoreGirl saga? Has he not learned that you don’t go running to your exes to ask for advice?

Couple all this with the fact that I’ve now got my boyfriend and two of his past fuck buddies reading my blog. It sucks. There’s no two ways about it. It just sucks. And I’m counting on you all to please please not give the password out to anyone. I’ll leave it the same every time. I probably won’t password protect every post, but definitely the ones that pertain to this situation. Or if I do anything bad. What? Oh come on! Like being faithful has gotten me anywhere with this situation.

I’m afraid, despite the fact that I love Sherlock, that this damage is irreparable. I just don’t trust him. And I don’t think I ever will. Now we’re not speaking, because I’m just not talking anymore. And the part that worries me most? There’s no anger. None. I have zip in the way of anger, I just feel very very tired. And when I feel tired, it’s because the fight in me is gone. I’m afraid there is not going to be a way for us to salvage this relationship. I’ll try to keep my mind open, but it ain’t looking so good.


  1. Siryn

    I’m sorry, hon.

  2. la whisky

    I think I need to buy you a drink or five.

  3. AussieEm

    As a lucky member of the Password-Privileged I figure I should come out of hiding and make a comment. 🙂 Although my advice giving skills arent necessarily crash-hot. Its hard to give advice when you dont know the person youre talking to, which is why I havent commented before.

    I ended a relationship a few months back with someone who… well, its a long and hideously complicated story actually arent they all? …so Ill just say that I really liked him, he really liked me, but I had to end it because the relationship was creating more stress than joy.

    And I think thats the key to these situations. If the bad times out-weigh the good, then its probably time to move on. *You* need to be your number one priority. #1

    But yeah, its tough to end things when such strong feelings are involved. Crap, I ended and re-started my relationship 4(!!!) times in about as many weeks before I finally managed to stick to my guns and recognise that the little red flags I kept stumbling across were important.

    Its all about the little red flags baby! #2

    Just do whatever makes you the happiest and is the least detrimental to your sanity. (But be careful, as sometimes they arent one and the same!)


    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    #1. Its a huge cliché, I know, but it doesnt make it any less true.
    #2. I dont always agree with the advice given on this site, but a lot of it is interesting and thought provoking.

  4. AussieEm

    Sorry, I think I got a bit carried away there… First time commenter nerves seem to have made me ridiculously verbose. Please forgive!

  5. freckledk

    As I’d said, I don’t think that the email from Travelgirl was meant to attack you, but to defend her creepy actions by making Sherlock look like the bad guy. And, who knows, maybe he is the bad guy. But that’s up to you to decide. Either way, we are here for you. Whatever you need, Sugar.

    I always think that time away from a situation aids in the gaining of perspective. I think you should continue with the not talking thing until you know exactly what you want to say, and exactly how you feel. There’s no rush when you are making a decision that is likely to be an important and permanent one. Take it all in, mull it over, then do what you have to do.

    Let’s raincheck for that drink soon.

  6. Ashburnite

    well, you know my opinion of Fuckbuddy #2 (despite how much she tries to kiss my ass on her blog), and the fact that both TravelPsycho and Fuckbuddy #2 are somehow in the life of the guy I’m dating worries the shit out of me…especially given all the shit you’ve been through because of them. It doesn’t help that fuckbuddy #2 calls the guy I’m dating every other night and tells him how she wishes she had a “sweet guy” like him. Grrr…all I have to say is that if these two chicks don’t back off our men, they better watch out.
    As for Sherlock, I would wait until both of you calm down a little to talk. We all tend to say things we don’t mean when we’re angry, so give it a couple days. I’m sure everything will work out. But he definitely needs to stop going to those hags every time you two have a fight.
    Either way, I’m here for you, hun.

  7. I-66

    Ohhhh jesus.

  8. always write

    He knows those girls don’t have his best interest at heart. He also knows they’re going to tell him exactly what he wants to hear — that’s why he keeps going back to them for ‘advice.’ You’re having problems. He should be working on solutions, not seeking validation.

  9. Velvet

    Huh. What a nice surprise from the password thing. Not only do I NOT have to censor myself, but you all don’t either. Shit. Your comments are all totally different. I love it. AussieEm is out of hiding and just gave me a new phrase I’ll have to interject into my daily speak: “Crash-Hot.” I love it!

    I’m getting bombarded with emails asking for the password. So far I’ve added Namaste and MappyB. So we’re up to like, 22. Still a good, trusted group. Sigh. Relief…

  10. Chico's Bail Bonds

    I think it totally sucks that there is all of this drama, but it seems to me that two things are coming to a head: 1.) You need Sherlock to commit completely (i.e., stop seeking everyone’s fucking advice and just go with his heart which clearly tells him he’s crazy about you), but 2.) having a guy commit completely to you in a dependent-way is a total turn-off (if not a dealbreaker). So… clearly you’re worth 1.), but can you risk 2.) and the way you react to it?

    I feel like you’re in “one last chance” zone. And, finally, I don’t think apathy, exhaustion, and/or numbness is a sign of the passion leaving the relationship; I think it’s the heart’s way of shutting you down for a little bit… it seems to me that b/w you and Sherlock, your heart keeps leading you to him and making you happy while you’re with him, but his and your heads keep getting in the way.

    As to the fucking bitches, this sounds like the most annoying situation ever. He needs to tell you EVERY time they contact him. Everyone needs secrets, but these are bad ones. And they need a smackdown.

    There’s also a weird power-trust dynamic in your relationship with Sherlock. If y’all are going to make it work, you’ve got to start back at zero and forget the past transgressions and foibles (easier said than done).

    Okay, sorry for the lengthy post… but I’m incredibly bored at work.

  11. La Whisky

    I know this isn’t a particularly healthy leaning on my part, but if someone had told me that they had an archive of email messages about me from their-ex/my-somewhat-current, I would be very much inclined to request to see them. Eek. Hope you’re stronger than me.

  12. Velvet

    Whisky – I think about that. He is a maniacal deleter of all email, so I know he doesn’t have it. But I’m certainly not asking her for it. It’s her control mechanism. And I’m sure she’s said some pretty nasty things about me that she doesn’t want me to see because I heard she’s scared of me. Hence her lengthy email this weekend…which she addressed like this:   Melissa, (and I am writing this to Melissa, not Velvet.)

    She’s not even close to a full deck. This isn’t a persona. It’s like, my damn diary without a lock on it. I don’t make anything up, and I don’t do anything other than tell a story and tell how I feel about it. Wacky.

    Chico – please, the long comments are great. I don’t know if I can get back there. We’ll see how I feel over the next few days. All I can see is damage. Even if could find my way back, I’m not sure that I couldn’t continue to disrespect him as I do, somehow punishing him for bringing this shit into my life.

  13. Washington Cube

    The whole thing is unhealthy. I agree with the commenter that said he keeps those two around for validating himself. I also think he keeps them around for…well…fuck buddies. The main thing is, if things straighten up with him in the next few days or weeks? Please rethink any idea about moving in with him. Thank you for entrusting me with a password. I will not be sharing it.

  14. Chico's Bail Bonds

    By the way, as I went back and read my post, I realized that even I didn’t understand what I meant. I guess that’s what I get for picking my wife up at 3 a.m. at MIA (didn’t you feel like you were in the Third World every time you flew in there?) and getting to work at 7:45. Ugh.

    Basically, what I meant was: You seem to be drawn to Sherlock and REALLY want to make a go at it w/ him. If he can ditch the bitches, do you think you can trust him (and I mean like, you can’t hold it over his head)? If not, walk away and don’t look back (no regrets). If you think you can, laugh off the other bitches, trust your heart and your “special place” and give it a go, starting fresh (for what, the fourth time?)

    I hope that makes more sense.

    I think the bitches need to just be ignored. Letting people like that affect your life is what drives them.

  15. I-66

    Interesting the informating prying, by the way. Not sure what to say about that. Not terribly smart in an environment in which one is the new person among a group of people who are familiar with one another.

  16. KassyK

    Wow, I am getting to this late but you know how I feel girl.

    I understand everything you feel. You are connected to him and hence you dont want to give that up–its rare for us (and I mean that in the semi-clone way) to feel for someone and when we do we jump in.

    BUT the dependency on his part is also grossing you out which it would me as well. You want that independence but still the relationship.

    Also, its no coincidence that one of these girls are loving loving us on her blog.

    What she wrote about me was so sweet…SERIOUSLY I had to wait a second and look back and wonder…did she mean it? Or does she know I am close with Velvet and wants me to like her to keep her in the “good” circle.

    Being exhausted SUCKS. You are emotionally drained from this situation and I wish there was something I could do to help. He is dangerous for you but at the same time, even with all his emotional baggage–he loves you.

    Man. Hard. You know my OTHER feeling…having a guy that is sleeping around so casusally is scary. There are a lot of diseases in this world…he needs to be honest for YOU and your health.

  17. MappyB

    I’m with Chico on the smackdown for the bitches. WTF are these three thinking?

    And I’m totally with Cube on rethinking the moving in. Thank goodness all this hit the fan before that step was taken. Living with someone and having major arguments are so difficult.

    That’s scary for Ashburnite too, to have these two girls in her man’s life as well.

    It seems like a whole lot of negative energy to me Velv, is it worth it? (And I mean that openly, not snottily). Snottily, is that a word?

  18. Tacoma!

    Hey, I lasted 2 hours at work without checking your blog.
    Man. Low self esteem is a killer to be with in a relationship. Have you talked to him about seeing a therapist? Does he have any intrest?
    The dude bent you over a Harley. Jesus. Any guy who can do that should feel pretty good about themselves.

  19. Siryn

    Your instinct that you will never be able to trust him is probably correct because he is judgment-impaired. He has no discretion. Telling those two harpies that you’re on meds, especially when you aren’t? Telling them graphic details of your sex life? Who does this?

    And as for these women, especially the one trying to be BFF with you, it’s creepy indeed. They speak to his character, as they are people that he keeps associating with. They say they are happy to be done with him in their blogs, but they all secretly want some more man-candy. And he is probably happy to indulge, especially since your status as a couple is questionable right now and you’ve used language that sounds of “permanent break up.”

    This fish is a carp. Throw it back.

  20. Velvet

    Chico – I meant that the long comments were great, not please as in “please spare me…” And I got it. You will be happy to know that el therapist thinks the same way. She thinks I’m doing the sabotage thing on purpose. I tried to ignore them, but well, the one is very destructive and I just couldn’t not post what I did on Friday. Then she followed up with the email, with yet more info I didn’t know, and it’s just hurtful to get it in dribs and drabs. And yes, even if we make the commitment to be just with each other, and this stuff keeps coming out, I can’t stop myself from being hurt.

    I66 – Agreed. And what’s also interesting, is that despite the colossal bitch I’ve been, a lot of people actually like me. And they tell me shit. So when stuff like this happens, it always finds its way back to me.

    KK – Isn’t it funny to have to think like this – that people are plotting their alliances like that?

    Mappy – I didn’t take it snottily. And Yes, I think snottily is a word. It would be an adverb, maybe. I don’t know. I’m not the grammar geek. It IS a lot of trouble. I know. And no, I don’t know if it is worth it.

    Tacoma – Low self-esteem – his I’m guessing? He suggested the therapist, but if we need a therapist at 3 months, what are we going to need at a year? Separate zip codes?

    Siryn – There seems to have been a very sick relationship going on between the two girls and him. There was a lot of juggling back and forth, and the lines between who was whose fuck buddy got very very blurred. And she did ask for the password by the way, promising she wouldn’t tell travelgirl. Um…I’m looking in the mirror, yet, I don’t see the words: “This bitch was born yesterday” on my forehead.

  21. marie

    Yeah, I agree with Tacoma in that all this has to do with low self-esteem.. in both parts – Sherlock’s and the bitch’s (I don’t know the story with the second FB).
    I do not think he’s keeping in touch with them for sex purposes but for validation (as someone already said – damn it, it sucks that I couldn’t comment sooner)

    And regarding what you said about her not wanting you to read some of the things written on the email exchange, I disagree. I’m sure TravelWhore told you about the folder full of emails half-expecting you to ask to read them. She just wanted to cause more drama. Don’t let her get to you, ignore her but at the same time try to make Sherlock understand how important it is for you that he does the same. He shouldn’t be telling them a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g about you and even less after all the problems they caused in the very beginning (and will continue to cause if he lets them).

    Take some time to unwind and think things through.

  22. I-66

    Bitches don’t make cookies for us 😉

  23. Tacoma!

    Oh I didn’t mean you had low self esteem (note to self- write more clearly), the stuff he does has low self esteem writen all over it (how do I know? I’ve walked on the low self esteem side myself. Mostly it involved staying in bed for entire weekends, not sabotaging a great relationship by talking to crazy people, but hey , you need to get out of bed to meet people.)
    I’m not sure if couples councelling is what you guys need, but if he’s endangering a relationship that he cares about by being so needy he may need an outside professional. Just because normal people don’t want to be around somebody who’s talking about their vast cavern of NEED. It’s icky.

  24. Ashburnite

    what I don’t understand is why these two girls are writing “fuck him” all over their blogs about Sherlock, but yet they’re still in contact with him. I guess it’s just one more part of their whole physcho behavior.

    And Kassy- didn’t you love that? In your case it’s completely true (about being really sweet), but she wrote about how I’m hilarious in person- which I guess is true for those who actually talk to me, but the girl barely said 5 words to me all night, so how the hell would she know.

  25. Velvet

    Marie – Okay…filled you in via email.

    I66 – Those cookies rule. I hope they have a Turkey shape for the next HH.

    Tacoma – Yeah…needy. It doesn’t work for me. It has to go away.

    Ash – EXACTLY!! That was my question to him. I said, “Why the fuck would these two roast you very publicly, then each are on their own emailing you?”

  26. DCOE

    Ugh – way too much drama with this boy. You must really like him to have stuck around for even this long. We’ll catch up on Wednesday to dish before I see you on Thursday for my HH (look at us go! spending all this time together!). I’m sorry things like this are stressing you out – you would have thought that dealing with a grown man would preclude you from this BS. Oy.

  27. Velvet

    Look what I just found on my stats. Enjoy everyone. Oh, wait, let me tell you one thing first: Travel Girl works for Anadarko Chemical. Well, that’s her client. She really works for Ernst & Young. I wonder how they would feel about her utilizing client resourses to find her enemy’s blog?

    Referring Link the walls burn down%22
    Host Name
    IP Address
    Country United States
    Region New York
    City New York
    ISP Anadarko Petroleum Corporation
    Returning Visits 2
    Visit Length 0 seconds
    Browser MSIE 6.0
    Operating System Windows XP
    Resolution 1280×1024
    Javascript Enabled

    Navigation Path
    Date Time WebPage
    16th October 2006 01:55:58 PM %22let the walls burn down%22 the walls burn down%22

  28. I-66

    “Returning Visits 2”

    That is all.

  29. Velvet

    There’s another IP she’s also using. I66 – does this make you feel better?

    Referring Link No referring link
    Host Name
    IP Address
    Country United States
    Region New York
    City New York
    ISP Verizon Internet Services Inc
    Returning Visits 52
    Visit Length 1 hour 8 mins 50 secs
    Browser MSIE 6.0
    Operating System Windows XP
    Resolution 1024×768
    Javascript Enabled

    Navigation Path
    Date Time WebPage
    16th October 2006 02:08:59 PM
    No referring link
    16th October 2006 02:09:11 PM
    No referring link
    16th October 2006 02:09:19 PM
    No referring link
    16th October 2006 02:09:43 PM
    No referring link
    16th October 2006 02:17:21 PM
    No referring link
    16th October 2006 02:37:09 PM
    No referring link
    16th October 2006 02:38:45 PM
    16th October 2006 02:39:25 PM
    No referring link
    16th October 2006 02:42:33 PM
    No referring link
    16th October 2006 02:46:01 PM
    16th October 2006 02:48:57 PM
    16th October 2006 02:49:02 PM
    16th October 2006 02:53:30 PM
    16th October 2006 03:02:41 PM
    16th October 2006 03:11:36 PM
    16th October 2006 03:13:57 PM
    16th October 2006 03:17:49 PM

  30. Velvet

    Someone has been very busy for the last hour plus trying to crack the password.

  31. Chico's Bail Bonds

    You are smart with the intermaweb and teknology.

    The above html or Cold Fusion or whatever means little to nothing to me but leads me to the conclusion that I get to kick some ASS on my next visit to D.C.

  32. I-66

    Returning Visits 52
    Visit Length 1 hour 8 mins 50 secs

    Holy hell on a hotplate.

  33. Ashburnite

    wow…she needs a hobby. 52 attempts to crack the password? seriously…I wonder if her company knows how she’s spending her day.

  34. freckledk

    God, this has to be driving her batt(ier).

    Let’s send the nutbag a present to get the message across, shall we:'mages/horsehead%20(9).jpg

    Oh, and I just noticed the comment left by the other chippy, requesting your tour guide services (in an obvious attempt to use familiarity to obtain the magic words needed to access your recent post). I’m a bit embarrassed for her, but it still is a teensy bit funny.

  35. playfulinnc


    I had a bit of the guy running to the ex for advice with Nick. A lot of that plus other things lead to our break-up. We were apart for awhile, and it was great for us.

    I am sure that it is bad bad bad for you. He’s got to stop that cwap. You don’t ask a fellow patient for advice…you ask a doctah.

    Bless your heart.

  36. freckledk

    Trying this again:

  37. La Whisky

    May I recommend changing the password frequently and incorporating numbers into it?

    For things to work, Sherlock needs to take some responsibility by ending all communication with the other two. His choice in fuckbuddies is kind of atrocious.

  38. Washington Cube

    What. A. Mess.

  39. Scarlet

    I am behind (damn job!) and trying to piece this all together still. What I already know is that these chicks suck at life.

    And are the cons outweighing the pros with him yet?

  40. MappyB

    Oh my goodness, 52 (at LEAST!!!) password crack attempts.

    I’m with Whisky on this one.

  41. Law-Rah

    Okay, finally have a moment to catch up on the drama. I am so completely oblivious that I had no idea FB#2 was there on Friday. I do not recall meeting her, but she said nice things about me, so I guess I did. How crazy that she pulls that shit with you (and the rest of us) standing right there. Did she not think VK would tell you? I bet you won’t be holding her hand at the next happy hour.

    As to FB#1. She is crazy and that has become evident. I guess my biggest concern, though, is Sherlock’s role. Seriously, Velv, he ain’t looking so innocent in all of this. If she is saving emails between the two of them, then maybe just maybe, she has something. Maybe he has been playing both sides here. At the very least, he is surely instigating things by continuing to tolerate the gals while they throw shit your way. Apparently, that ride on the Harley has left your boy with no spine.

    By the way, does it tell you what her password attempts are? That could make things fun.

  42. AussieEm

    Crash-hot is Australian slang then? I didn’t realise. Its quite common here. And while it does mean something great, brilliant etc, its normally used to refer to the opposite. For example:

    The recent antics of FB#1 and FB#2 *arent* too crash-hot. FB#1s password hacking attempts are obviously *not* crash-hot at all. (Bloody scary too, might I add.) To this outside observer Sherlock *doesn’t* seem to be all that crash-hot either. As a result Velvet, understandably *doesnt* feel so crash-hot. (In this context, it means you feel tired or sick.)

    I always hear people saying theyre *not* feeling too crash-hot, but Ive never heard anyone declare that they *are* crash-hot.

    Aussie slang lesson completed, I just want to say that I hope youre coping ok and managing to sort things out… so that soon youll be the first person I see telling everyone just how crash-hot they are! 🙂

    And to use one of those terrible clichés misguided friends bring out in times like these: just think, in a few months youll be able to look back on this time in your life and laaaaaaaaaaugh! *fingers crossed*

  43. homeimprovementninja

    Hmmmm…Like I said before, it’s either one of two things. He is either being devious or chickenshit. I think he knows you’re gonna be angry so he doesn’t tell you, thinking you won’t find out, and not realizing you’ll be even angrier if he hides it. It’s like if you caught you’re husband cheating and ask if there have been others and he says “ummm, no…(as far as you know).”

    Regarding you having changing feelings. Remind me to give a book next time I see you. My opinion is that people fall in love with others when they make them feel like the idealized image they have of themselves. I think, despite your no-nonsense exterior, you see yourself as a girly girl and want a “real man” to make you feel like that. So that when he starts acting all needy, you no longer feel like the girly girl, which makes him unattractive to you. He starts seeming weak, which makes you have to be the strong one in the relationship and you don’t want that kind of responsibility.

    I think the trust thing isn’t helping either. I really don’t think he gets that hiding stuff from you will make you madder than if he spilled the beans. If his exes call him you’ll be mad at them, but if he hides it, you’ll be mad at him. I think he thinks you’ll blame him and is worried about it (especially if he shared stuff w/ travelgirl about your sexcapades and is worried about her spilling the beans).

  44. Law-Rah

    re: Ninja’s comment “He starts seeming weak, which makes you have to be the strong one in the relationship and you dont want that kind of responsibility.”

    Nail. Head.

  45. Barbara

    I’m a little late in tuning in to the current drama. You have to follow wherever your heart takes you. This relationship may just need a little breathing room. You two have been pretty intense over the past few weeks. I’m sure you are the best thing to come into Sherlock’s life and he is probably grieving your loss right now. I just hope he has the good sense to greive alone.

  46. circumlocutor

    Sorry to have not commented earlier… I’ve been quite busy the last few days. I’m very happy that you’ve found a way to continue your blog — not giving into the trash of the world. I also like the speakeasy / secret Velvet society feeling of having access to posts that are password protected.

  47. Velvet

    Barbara – all day I’ve been thinking about your last sentence: “I just hope he has the good sense to grieve alone.”

    And Law-Rah – no, it doesn’t tell me password attempts, but I’ve gotten emails from people admitting they are trying. I need to revisit my list who does have it and make sure I’m okay. I really do think many of you have proven you could care less to dispense a password, but I’m relying on you guys a lot. It’s not just me now who is saying things that could come back to bite me.

  48. freckledk

    Do you remember the scene in Pulp Fiction, with Christopher Walken and the gold watch? I’d carry that password around in my tookus for two years, just to keep it safe 🙂

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