I made my list. I checked it more than twice. I have many many great reasons to do this breakup. I have reasons to walk away and not look back. Yet, I haven’t done it. I clearly suck worse at breaking up than I do at dating.
Every time I think about picking up the phone and having the conversation, my heart starts racing and I feel like I’m going to black out. What. The. Fuck. Why is this so hard?
Part of you obviously doesn’t want to let go of the relationship. Just playing devil’s advocate here: do you think there’s enough in the relationship to maybe go through the gruel of making it work?
Just asking b/c that’s what people always say to me when I’m ready to dump the Turk… and then they propose that we go to couple’s therapy. It seems like a bunch of hooey to me, but maybe there’s something to it.
I also think that there are some relationships that just don’t work and perhaps never will. I often think that I am in one of them. These — the realtionships/breakups without the solid justificaiton for ending everything — are the most difficult to pull off b/c you always doubt yourself. In this case, I suggest doing something really awful like making out with Sherlock’s brother, father, uncle or cousing, to make sure it ends for good.
One last thought… A good friend — much older and wiser than yours truly — once told me that I fear lonliness and, therfore, won’t leave the Turk. With so much loss in my life during the last two years, I believe there’s some truth to it — as hard as it is for me, as a self-proclaimed independant person. Reconciling myself to that fact and trying to move beyond to build more substance is a challenge. Thought I’d share…
You don’t want to hurt him, but it’s clearly not healthy for either you or him. Trust yourself this time.
Maybe the phone call isn’t your prefered method of delivery. You tell us about being quiet or shutting down in a time of conflict, so maybe you should break up with him another way (post-it notes come to mind)…
Also, i think you do care enough about him to know that it will hurt him, and also that he will not go quietly. A little fear?
Playful is spot on. You know this will hurt him and you know he’s going to fight you all the way. But is that a reason to stay in a relationship that you no longer want? It will be hard..it will suck, but prolonging it will only make it that much harder to leave.
Might I be pure evil and suggest a blog-post break up? Is that too much?
You have to take care of this in whatever manner feels best for YOU… not him.
Your relationship has been tumultuous, to say the least, but I get the feeling your not ready to let him go even though you know its best.
Trust in you.
I agree with everyone here…its hard bc you are scared and you feel guilt and a part of you is sad and the other part is angry. Good luck & I am here if you need ANYTHING. xo
I know how you’re feeling (which is different that guessing or imagining how you’re feeling), since I’ve found myself in the same situation plenty of times..
And it’s so hard..
I don’t think it’s fear of hurting him or of his reaction what’s keeping you from breaking things off..
Maybe it’s fear of making the wrong choice or regretting your decision later on?
Why don’t you just mention it in passing to one of the bitches that he gossips with / nails? It seems like that information highway is like the fucking Autobahn.
I feel like a moderate Republican… I stuck up for Sherlock for so long, only to be proven really, really wrong.
breaking up is never easy for the dumper or the dumpee. You just need to be resolute in whatever you decide. If you leave even the slightest impression that this is reversible, you will re-learn the mean of the word “pursued”. Be prepared to be stalked and texted for a while one way or the other. It is so important that you decide what you really want from this relationship. Otherwise you will be left in a perpetual state of indecision and that SUCKS!
You can’t do this because it hurts. Because no matter how much he annoys you, etc, you love him and letting him go will hurt. Also, letting go of a relationship hurts because a part of you feels defeated. Why oh why didn’t it work out, YET AGAIN? Still, like we’ve said before, if something in you is yelling NO, NO! Then you should follow that instinct. I agree with Barbara that he will text you, annoy you, etc, because he knows it’s worked before, you’ve caved in. But if this is really what you need and want, rip the bandage, do it and face the storm. I too, just broke up and though it was maddeningly painful… It hurt less than being in the storm that the relationship was. And I’m feeling better already. Whatever you need, we’re here.
You sound (read) more over him than you ever have. Enjoy the calm, and when you’re ready to talk to him (and more interested in the calm than the drama) tell him.
I feel for you Velvet, I really do. You can tell yourself youre better off without someone a million times, but if theyre the one you want, it doesnt change a thing. Now more than ever is where you have to be strong and stick with it.
Try not to fall into what I call one last cigarette mode. Now that youve made your decision you need to cut off all contact and keep it that way. Otherwise its like trying to give up smoking but then constantly having one last cigarette again and again and again. One last night, one last phone call, one last text, one last email, one last coffee, one last whatever. When really, the best way to go is to stop hoping and wishing and wanting and just give up, cold turkey.
Well, thats been my experience anyway. Goodluck! Its tough and it sucks but we all pull through it in the end.
You could give him VK’s friend’s Irish Goodbye. 🙂