Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

The Window Burns to Light the Way Back Home

An artist never really finishes his work; He merely abandons it. ~ Paul Valery

Dear Blog:

I love everything about you. You have been here for me for the last 18 months. They haven’t all been good times, but I’ve learned a lot and I have you to thank for that…I guess. I mean, I could thank myself too I suppose. I’m the one who over the last year and a half dated about 40 men. Very, very poorly I might add.

But the nature of our relationship, dear sweet blog, has changed. In writing about my dating escapades, I have somehow become…hunted. Allow me to explain. I have had the following happen to me since I started this blog in June, 2005:

  • I’ve endured a horrible, threatening parody blog that likes to come back to life to spew the incoherent ramblings of its psychopathic author. What kind of 40 year old man with a wife and kids threatens a woman’s dogs who live on the other side of the country? Such a good example you are setting for your daughter there, crackpot. I can only hope your Amanda is the victim of harrassment like you enact on me. That would be schweet.
  • I’ve had readers contact me to tell me that someone was searching for me on technorati, looking for bloggers who link to me. Am I really that interesting? Shit, just email me. I’ll tell you what you want to know.
  • I’ve had a “reader” unravel* in my comments, then contact my commenters and strike up a conversation about me. *Unraveling = great fun and entertainment for the rest of us, by the way.
  • I’ve also discovered from several people that another certain someone (who has repeatedly attempted to forge a dating scenario with me) has been contacting various “suspected insiders” and asking them to divulge the password. The “insiders” didn’t make up a very long list, and it didn’t take very long for that information to make its way back to me. Who does this? I mean, when you are striking up a conversation with someone you barely know and have rarely spoken to, then you ask for a password, doesn’t it like, click in your peasize, webnovel writing brain that what you are doing is INSANE?
  • I’ve had many solicitations from readers for dates – readers I’ve never heard of, who have never commented and became irate when told, “no.”
  • I’ve found references to me on other sites calling me a “trainwreck skank.” Really? I’m a trainwreck skank? Huh. Who knew that someone could use such vicious words about a woman they DON’T FUCKING KNOW. And I’m sorry that your life is so, snore, boring, yawn, that what you perceive as a “trainwreck” is a boatload of fun for me. It’s what they call “living.” But really, stay on your couch watching Oprah get fat, get thin, then get fat again.
  • I’ve also seen people bitching online about why they can’t read Velvet anymore because of the password, and why doesn’t she just “close the blinds all the way?” I own the domain and the content and I can do whatever I want. I can grant a password. I can tell you no. Stop being such a baby.

Why does all this bother me so much? Initially I was disturbed by these people and their evident psychoses. My first instinct was that there are some definite personality traits that seem common to a lot of bloggers. Seriously, I know many bloggers with self-admitted mental illnesses. It makes them act out in ways that are, well, not understandable to me. But of course, part of my growth as a person involves the act of constantly looking at my own behavior as well. What have I done to drive some of the above people to this behavior?

I’m stumped. I’m not sure what it is that I’m writing about that’s making some people crazy. I don’t think what I write about is very controversial. It’s always about me. There’s no deep level commentary. There are no statements intended to stir people. DCPD excluded. (Aussie Em – that’s the D.C. Police Department, not to be confused with the other acronym I use here, “CVS.” Love you Em!) I have a simple formula here at Velvet in Dupont: I date, and I write about it. So what? But obviously, it isn’t as easy as a “so what” for some people. I don’t want to be responsible for driving any more people to the levels of insanity I’ve seen from them, all because they want to read this blog and/or get to the writer – me.

That said, I’m returning my dating, sexcapades and other personal romantic information to the nightstand drawer. This, ladies and gentlemen, is no longer a personal dating journal. You will now find mundane stories here about Sammy and Thora, Dupont Circle, me getting more tattoos, as well as generic dating and relationship posts that may draw on past personal experience, may be about friends, but will not be current with my life right now. Perhaps one day I’ll get saucy and toss in a post about a coatroom blowjob just to see if everyone left is still awake. Don’t count on it any time soon though.

“Art has to do more than look good. It has to disturb the inner spirit.” – Luelan Boddan, with many others stating a similar observation.

Is writing art? I have no idea. I don’t think so because it comes so easy to me. But I’m obviously disturbing a few (already unbalanced) people. I don’t want to be responsible for any more of this insanity. It puts all of us in danger, as we have to share the streets with these psychopaths. I’m sorry about that. I won’t do it again. I can’t guarantee there won’t be any future password protected posts, because sometime’s a girl’s just gotta have secrets. But I’ll try to keep that to a limit. It’s not my intention to exclude people who have been so nice and supportive, but, it’s hard to understand how some of the strangers feel entitled to have my life broadcast to them. This isn’t a book. Y’all aren’t paying you know. In life, there are no guarantees.

To the rest of you, the majority, who sent emails to check in and who expressed concern, you all are awesome. Thanks for your well wishes. It didn’t go unnoticed.

French kisses to all, except the 40 I’ve dated and the five six seven of you who belong in an asylum. You know who you are.



  1. la whisky

    I’m inexplicably happy for you – maybe you will feel freed a bit by making this change.

    Also, as a policy, I don’t have drinks with skanks; and we sooo need to have drinkses. Also also, love the translation bits for AussieEm and your “French kisses to all…” statement.

  2. Erika

    Yea! I’m glad you’re back. I confess I was going to ask a friend who knows you if he could get me the password but then I realized you deserve your privacy too. You know, my favorite post is the one where you went to visit your great uncle and you ended the post about your great grandmother. I think your best writing is about non dating stuff anyway.

  3. Velvet

    La Whisky – A reinvention of the blog was in order. And it’s fun now.

    Erika – Who was the friend? Just curious – you say “he” and there were very few boys around these parts. You can email me if you want.

  4. Erika

    check your email, right?

  5. Needtsza

    Guess we’ll see who is a true reader and who was hooked on the drama

  6. Sandra Dee

    Holy SHIT. I had no IDEA! People seriously need to realize that you’re human and have feelings! What a bunch of psychos. Geez.

    In light of this, I whole heartedly agree that you should go undercover. I’m excited to hear about your life outside of the dating world. Thanks for continuing to want to share that with us!

  7. E :)

    Wow. People are insane. I had one crazy stalker on my blog who left nasty comments (former student of mine) but nothing that horrible. I’m glad you’re back and writing because I really enjoy your story telling abilities. And I love dogs, so please write about Sammy and Thora all the time.

    It’s a just a pity you have to censor yourself now because of a few nutbags. Down with them!

  8. Siryn

    You owe us nothing. Thanks for everything you do share.

  9. Velvet

    Erika – Got it. Wrote ya back!

    Needtsza – How true that is.

    SD – Yeah, sometimes I think of some funny ass shit when I’m flossing my teeth. Now I’ll get to share that. Life really is about more than dating.

    E 🙂 – Hey! I have a lot of readers in Australia. Well, by “a lot” I mean three.

    Siryn – Again I need your blog assistance. Damn wordpress is now not letting me upload any pictures. Arrgh! Eh, maybe it will fix itself tomorrow.

  10. Arjewtino

    Didn’t get a chance to say hi Friday night but I’m glad to see you’re “back,” though you never really left. I echo E’s comments in that I truly enjoy your posts.

  11. Anonymous

    hehe Thanks Velv! Youre always so considerate to us linguistically challenged types. 🙂

    You will now find mundane stories here

    Hey, you can make the most mundane events fascinating stories# if you have the right writing skills. And theres no doubt that the Velvetmiesters got skills. I’m positive your blog will continue to be enthralling.

    *3 cheers for Velvet in Dupont!*

  12. AussieEm

    # For example:

    A few weeks ago I went to pick up my dry-cleaning, but when I got to the shop, it wasnt ready yet. So I decided to go back home and get it later that afternoon. But first I thought Id get some petrol, because I was starting to run out, but I was daydreaming so I ended up driving all the way home without stopping at the petrol station. When pulled into my driveway and realised Id forgotten to get the petrol, I didn’t know if I should just go back straight away, or wait until I returned to get the dry-cleaning and get it then. In the end I decided to have a cup of tea at home and then get the petrol. So I drank most of my tea, but I didn’t finish it, because I think I dont really like tea with milk anymore. I think I prefer it black. At 4 oclock I went back to get my dry-cleaning, which was now ready, and then I got the petrol on the way home. This time I didn’t forget.

    See? Its easy to write riveting stuff. 😉

  13. AussieEm

    Crap, Comment #11 (Anonymous) is me.

    Ok, I’ll quit hogging your comments section now!

  14. marie

    Hahaha.. I

  15. marie

    Hmm.. I don’t know what happened to my comment.. it appears to have been cut off.. damn technology!

    I meant to say: I *heart* AussieEm.. and totally agree with her..
    It takes skills to write about everyday occurrences in a way that’s going to keep people interested.. and hey, here we are..

  16. I-66


  17. viewfromdupont

    Hey you, so glad to see you on Friday night and to see that you’ll be writing again 🙂

  18. Needtsza

    So with your statement: “This, ladies and gentlemen, is no longer a personal dating journal.”, does that take you off the “Dating and Relationships” link on DC Blogs?

    Well, I’ll be interested to hear about more than just how guys suck 😉 Sorry to have missed you on Friday, but I wasn’t going anywhere given my incident.

    Next time

  19. rachelle

    *sigh* Sucks when a couple sociopaths have to ruin it for everyone.

    Makes perfect sense to stop the dating posts though Velvet. Let’s just hope the psychos don’t become obsessed with your dogs.

  20. jkc

    i must say, i’ve never seen the “danger” of blogging so romanticized.

  21. Kenny

    Well once a gain Bravo Velvet! yOU took the words right out of my mouth and I appreciate your honesty and candor for there are truly some Nutjobs out there walkin the streets of DC…I think you were very smart take back your life and protect yourself from the crazies. And I’m really sorry to hear that some people have felt the need to be unkind. That’s sucks! I guess it comes with the Cyberspace territory.

  22. AlieMalie

    Yay! So glad to be able to read Velvet again.

  23. Kathryn

    Congratulations on getting a handle on it all. I never had a doubt you’d rise to the top. Or that a pig is a cop. 😉

  24. Moni

    A big, big YES! to the mundane blogging. And as for those who are mean to you, sadly, there will always be those who think that you have a blog and therefore they have the right to judge you and tell you what to do. No different than real life, right? So do what is good for you.

    I have, for a long time, thought that I am the champion of the “mundane” writings blog. After all, who cares that Milo and I spent a day at the park, or about my now almost dead “Recipes of the Week” section? But it’s my blog and like you say, the author does with it what s/he wants. Plus, the mundane may be that, but it’s no less living.

    Looking forward to the next post on the length of Sammy and Thora’s naptimes…

  25. Barbara

    I will look forward to reading whatever you choose to write. I will still ask you to explain the things that escape me, and you will say to yourself, “How could she not know that?” I will be one of those checking up on you should you decide to hibernate for a while. You are my friend and confidant and I treasure our e-mail exchanges!

  26. playfulinnc

    “I’m eating what you’re cooking” comes to mind in this situation. I will never understand why ppl try to force you to feed them. Some people need more home training.

    Crazies are out there, and I am ready for them to leave you alone here or in your dating life…I know you agree.


  27. Velvet

    Arjewtino – I missed you again? Blast! How do I keep doing that? I think I missed you at the last one too.

    AussieEm(x3) – What do I say to that? Really!

    Marie (x2) – You kids and your comments. Too funny.

    I66 – Woot to you too!

    View from Dupont – I’m back, yes. Thanks!

    Needtsza – I don’t know, that is up to KOB, as he runs D.C. Blogs, not I. It’s his decision on who to put up there and who not to.

    Rachelle – We can hope!

    JKC – HA!

    Kenny – I’m learning just how crazy some online folks can be. Something about being behind a keyboard makes people do and say things that I doubt they would do or say to my face. But I do invite one and all to shut off the computer and tell me what they think of me in person. 🙂

    AlieMalie – Thanks!

    Kathryn – Sigh. I was sooooo looking forward to being “breaking news” again today on the D.C. Goss-rag. Too bad it’s shut down. How, sad, for all of us. Really.

    Moni – I do have a good post about Thora actually. I have a picture that I need to get to load, and it’s giving me a hassle when I try to upload it. Darn!

    Barbara – It was only D&G as an acronym for Dolce & Gabbana, you are so hard on yourself! But I’m happy to explain whatever you want, whether it’s decoding designer acronyms or giving instructionals on, um, handheld devices.

    Playful – I would think people are more addicted to a writer’s style than content. But I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong. Take Jordan Baker, she writes about something different every day, but she has a distinct (and very well-written) style that makes her as great a read as she is. She could write about turnips and it’s the way she does it that has me riveted.

  28. a*

    I missed you! Welcome back!

  29. em

    I heart the mundane! I hope this is a good compromise for you. Glad you are back…be safe.

  30. Marci

    Yes give me witty mundane over the drama. I can’t handle the drama and it’s not even my drama. How many times can I say drama in one comment box. One. Two…

    Heart you! Drinks soon?

  31. Dan

    “I do not expect, by acting thus, to escape criticism. Merely not to deserve it…”
    – T.B. Reed

  32. Aunt SuSu

    Just so glad you’re back…I missed you and your (1) writing style and (2) fabu vocabulary. It’s just great stuff. So sorry about the nutjobs. Lived in Dupont Circle for many years so I remember only too well. And some of your best writing is about your family. Welcome back!

  33. Scarlet

    Can I blog about the french kiss? Because I’ve had no other excitement lately. Haha, jk.

    I’ll be here no matter what you write about:)

  34. bejeweled

    “In life, there are no guarantees….” I think you just sumed up the meaning of life.

  35. *A*

    thank you! sorry i was such a spaz yesterday!

  36. Dara

    Glad to have you back, in whatever capacity. Love the pics of the dogs!

  37. ashburnite

    well, I’m happy for you either way. Whether you want to dish or not, most of us are here for you. (and I hope I’m not one of the “unbalanced.” hehe.

  38. Asian Mistress

    I’ll just wait to hear about the coatroom bj’s… 😉

  39. Jimmy

    Hooray, Velvet..! I’ve been clicking forlornly on your bookmark for weeks. It’s been worse than TimesSelect. So glad you’re back — in whatever snazzy capacity. Big martini sip and cheers…clink…hooray..!!

  40. KassyK

    I cannot believe I am so belated on this post but no matter what you write it will be entertaining and thats why we love you. Fuck the psychos!! Horray!!!!!!!!

  41. Stef

    I’m late to the party again, but glad to see the party has restarted! 🙂 I’m on the bandwagon too, looking forward to lots of stories of the dogs and random Dupont observations.

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