Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Makes Me That Much Stronger, Makes Me Work a Little Bit Harder

I have been ridiculously busy with work. The rundown of what is going on is layoffs, layoffs and more layoffs. I narrowly avoided getting tossed out in the last round, and now, it seems there’s been a complete realignment of responsibilities, with a lot ending in my lap. It is fine with me, really. I love being busy. It means there will be less posting. And, zero blog reading. So if I miss something big someone pleeeease send it to me. Great. Thanks.

So, not only is my industry totally male dominated, but there are pockets in the industry (more than I care to admit) that are a complete throwback to the 1950’s. You’ll just be plugging away and all of a sudden you hit a brick wall and you’re like, “WTF? Why is this all going wrong and I can’t make any progress?” Then, after exhausting all the possible alternatives for why things are off track, the only explanation that you can assign to this gross display of incompetence in your path is the fact that you are a woman and the men don’t think you should be doing this high level of a job. Yes, yes, it’s true. There are some men who think that when the female body was built, once they fit the tits in, there was no room left for a brain. Luckily my boss and two of the three other men in my office are not like that.

Without giving a lot of history that could surely get me added to the next blacklist, something interesting transpired over the last week. Someone set into play the domino effect, and some people were interested in getting a gauge of public opinion. Since I have my ear to the ground on that, I started fishing around a la Geraldo Rivera to get the feel for morale. I’m just going to dive into the middle of the convo where my boss asked me what I found out.

Velvet: By the way, HateBoy doesn’t like me.
My Boss (sighing:) No. He doesn’t.
Velvet (laughing:) You know, having my blog has taught me that not everyone is going to like me, and that many of them don’t even have a fucking good reason. I used to care about shit like that, but now, I don’t.
Boss: Well, you shouldn’t.
Velvet: It actually makes me laugh.
Boss: You want to know why he doesn’t like you?
Velvet: Because I’m just a stupid girl?
Boss: Well, yeah, I think there’s some of that in there. But he doesn’t like you because he can’t control you.

That statement stopped me in my tracks for a second, if only to recognize something quite interesting. In my dating life, the guys who couldn’t “control” me, actually ended up liking me more. Funny that it’s the opposite at work.

When people like you, they like you in varying degrees. Some are hardcore, loyal friends, doing anything and everything you need. Others “have your back” when you need it, but aren’t always around. Others just consider you a friend, wouldn’t say anything bad about you, but wouldn’t go to bat for you either.

There aren’t so many varying degrees of hate. Recently I’ve seen all sorts of behavior online that basically amounted to people stating in one way or another that they don’t like me or don’t like other bloggers, and they act out on that dislike, attacking us personally. I will always say, “Wow, I’m really surprised at how far some people will go with their hate.” But you know something? I don’t know why I say that all the time. It’s like the “I’m going out and only having one drink” lie. I never have one drink and I’m NEVER surprised at the lengths people will go to to show their true colors. All these hateful people behave the same. Once you figure out what it is that drives someone (in many of these online cases it is usually jealousy,) it’s easy to deal with them. Once I classify you as the enemy, I know exactly how to proceed.

So, HateBoy and I have to work together on a project that he tried to get me thrown off of. Except that once my boss discussed Velvet’s experience, ability to get this done, and oh lord tossed in the whole MBA thing, (4.0 bitches,) he shut up in a jiffy. But it made him hate me more. Men without advanced degrees tend to be jealous of women with them. At least that’s been my experience.

HateBoy so obviously hates me that you can see his skin crawl when I walk into the room. When you drive someone to such hatred, so much so that they seem to have an emotional reaction when they have to be in the same room with you, you know you have them. I love it like I have never loved a contentious work situation in my life. He has proven himself to be a poor communicator at best. (Read: He comes off sounding sleazy and illiterate in meetings.) So, I’m rubbing my hands together, waiting for him to fuck up. Because when he does, and I get to verbally lambast him in front of whomever happens to be around at the time, I expect to make company history.


  1. KassyK

    Ohh I’ve had one or two people that despise me for no reason at all. As someone that gets along with everyone for the most part…its jarring for me…but also kind of fun. I mean if we arent pushing all sorts of buttons, how fun is life really?


  2. Dan

    I think for men in a dating scene, we’re impressed by women we can’t control, and that attracts us. But when it’s not a dating/mating endevour, the independence of others just annoys the crap out of us. Men are all about getting things done, and people we can’t control require so much more effort…

  3. The Captain

    Isn’t that the sort of set-up where he winds up falling in love at the end, and presumably makes some sort of tearful confession in the rain?

    If he can’t directly affect your advancement, don’t waste your time.

  4. AussieEm

    Less posts? My goodness, how on earth will all the Velvetindupont addicts survive?

    Although this could make your blog all the more intriguing… as an American actress (I forget the name) once said:

    Its the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have time.

    Everone will be beside themselves wondering what you’re up to! Heres hoping your business also includes time for some naughtiness. After all, all work and no play aint much fun for nobody. 😉

  5. jordanbaker

    The actress AussieEm quotes above is Tallulah Bankhead, who was simply fabulous, dahlings.

    (Yes, I’m a font of worthless information. But very useful to have on Pub Trivia teams)

  6. AussieEm

    *sigh* I meant “busyness” not business

    Although, reading The Captain’s comment, maybe that sentence could still work if left as “business”? Can anyone say “office shenanigans”? Maybe you can find another way to lambast him. hehe

  7. Red

    I too am generally well liked so when statements like I received Friday jar me. My sister’s boyfriend’s friend was stumbling out of the men’s room when he saw me waiting for the ladies room. He stumbled over and said, “You aren’t a real friendly person, are you?”
    But isn’t it interesting how they come to their conclusions. This hater boy doesn’t like you because he can’t control you. I can’t help but think this dude was bothered that I had no desire to talk to him.

  8. Melly Mel

    Man on man, please just let me be there when it happens! LOL…hateboy, that’s good.

  9. Siryn

    Waiting with popcorn and butter. You go, V! Some guys really act like they’re still in the treehouse with “No gurlz alowed” written on the door.

  10. freckledk

    Hateboy has apparently never had one of your fantabulous cupcakes…with sprinkles.

    Screw ’em. He’s missing an opportunity to know, and perhaps be friendly, with a great little lady.

  11. Velvet

    Freckled – Nah. He’s of “the type.” I’ve seen them before – the American guy who marries a foreign chick and has her pop out a litter of kids by the time she’s 30. He’s usually the biggest woman-hater of them all. So, believe me, we are polar opposites and not only doesn’t he not want to know me, but he prefers that I don’t exist. Except I do….

  12. Katie

    The myth of the “one drink”…. that’s been my theory for years. It’s at least three…

  13. *A*

    I’ve noticed the boys that “Hate me” are the ones that want to sleep with me and know they have no chance…
    As a girl who is 5’9″ and smart (1400 on my SATS and all hehe) – I get them alot….they are usually all napoleanic complex…and overly full of themselves…ugh
    Haha TOTALLY not trying to sounds full of myself or over-simplify this but….boys tease(hate)the girls they like.

  14. Heather B.

    I still don’t understand that whole not liking someone for no reason thing. It just doesn’t make sense to me. And yeah, I know you are over it, but it still bugs the shit out of me.

    And I agree with “A”, totally a Napoleon complex. Or an Asshole complex, either way, fucking annoying.

  15. elvis

    He may or may not like you because you are a woman. Same applies to control. I’ve worked in offices where the politics was equivalent to brutal violence. Had nothing to do with gender, race, etc., just bad apples. You think you have it bad? Wait til a project you’re working on has been erased off the shared drive. Then, hallalujah, the completed files were “saved” by asshole-X by next office meeting. Or a deal you were working on was negotiated while you were out, and closed behind your back. It might be personal, it might not. Just know when to get out.

  16. Barbara

    It’s not just men. People are intimidated by smart vocal women like you and like many of us. Sometimes their intimidation comes across as hatred, which is really just jealousy. You get into a vicious circle when your goal becomes moving up the ladder at their expense and embarrassment. Just rise above the crowd gracefully!

  17. nato

    I get along fabulously with everyone in my office, male, female, dumb as stumps or brilliant. Of course, it helps that I telecommute, so the only ones in my office are me, the occasional cat, a couple of frogs, some geckos and a mutant newt with five legs.

    p.s. — Smart, vocal women are sexy (although they tend to enjoy giving me the “Let’s just be friends” speech, which is not sexy).

  18. playfulinnc

    That’s an interesting observation. (See “Everyone’s a little bit racist”-a great song in the fabulous Avenue Q musical for more detail on this phenomenon.)

    I don’t have time for haters. I drop them like a hot turd.

  19. Robert

    “There arent so many varying degrees of hate…”

    I’ve always thought of hate and love as absolutes of emotion, where degrees simply didn’t apply. I also think both words get used far too often.

  20. Balderdash

    I look forward to reading about when you lambast him. Sounds fun.

  21. Namaste

    “Because he can’t control you.”

    Valid point. You gotta feel sorry for that sort of person…

  22. bejeweled

    I am a woman who can’t or won’t let herself be controlled. I’m considered a bitch in a lot of social settings. I’m not a bitch. I just decide who’s worthy of my time. I can’t be worried about men’s fragile ego. Get over it!

  23. Old Lady

    You don’t have to do seeminly openly knock him off his feet. All you have to do is document, document, document and be extremely professional and he will fall like a led balloon. You cannot go wrong.

    Men who do not like co-workers because they can’t control them, I have found, are not very well prepared to do the job they have. They have been lost in the layers of management of a prosperous past. Their talent for glibness and use of support staff has maintained their position. I have found once put to the test they usually crumble.

  24. Erika

    People like that don’t deserve jobs. If I ever have my own company (well, actually I do but I only work for myself) I would without hestitation fire anyone who was acting that way my workplace. Not because I don’t approve –I don’t of course — but because it is completely unproductive, profit-killing, creativity-dousing behavior. Really think about: this guy is getting a paycheck from a company and he turns around and throws up roadblocks that keeps work from getting done. Btw, Happy Thanksgiving!

  25. Scarlet

    yeah! Xtina!

  26. JohnnyDC

    Happy Spanksgiving!!!

    Consider your booty spanked.


  27. niels

    Just unscrew one of the electrical outlets in his office and tuck a few raw chicken livers inside the box before you screw it back up. You’ll have your vengeance in about two weeks.

  28. Moni

    I say you go, Velvet! The whole men threatened by women who are smart or have higher degrees than them is ridiculous. I’ve been told, more than once, that I may be a “difficult catch” because I’m in a PhD program and that may make men uncomfortable. Why? Because they may feel they are less educated than me and therefore less smart or fear what people may think when they see us together. My thoughts on that? If a man feels threatened by my degrees, then I’m better off without him, no?

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