I have been ridiculously busy with work. The rundown of what is going on is layoffs, layoffs and more layoffs. I narrowly avoided getting tossed out in the last round, and now, it seems there’s been a complete realignment of responsibilities, with a lot ending in my lap. It is fine with me, really. I love being busy. It means there will be less posting. And, zero blog reading. So if I miss something big someone pleeeease send it to me. Great. Thanks.
So, not only is my industry totally male dominated, but there are pockets in the industry (more than I care to admit) that are a complete throwback to the 1950’s. You’ll just be plugging away and all of a sudden you hit a brick wall and you’re like, “WTF? Why is this all going wrong and I can’t make any progress?” Then, after exhausting all the possible alternatives for why things are off track, the only explanation that you can assign to this gross display of incompetence in your path is the fact that you are a woman and the men don’t think you should be doing this high level of a job. Yes, yes, it’s true. There are some men who think that when the female body was built, once they fit the tits in, there was no room left for a brain. Luckily my boss and two of the three other men in my office are not like that.
Without giving a lot of history that could surely get me added to the next blacklist, something interesting transpired over the last week. Someone set into play the domino effect, and some people were interested in getting a gauge of public opinion. Since I have my ear to the ground on that, I started fishing around a la Geraldo Rivera to get the feel for morale. I’m just going to dive into the middle of the convo where my boss asked me what I found out.
Velvet: By the way, HateBoy doesn’t like me.
My Boss (sighing:) No. He doesn’t.
Velvet (laughing:) You know, having my blog has taught me that not everyone is going to like me, and that many of them don’t even have a fucking good reason. I used to care about shit like that, but now, I don’t.
Boss: Well, you shouldn’t.
Velvet: It actually makes me laugh.
Boss: You want to know why he doesn’t like you?
Velvet: Because I’m just a stupid girl?
Boss: Well, yeah, I think there’s some of that in there. But he doesn’t like you because he can’t control you.
That statement stopped me in my tracks for a second, if only to recognize something quite interesting. In my dating life, the guys who couldn’t “control” me, actually ended up liking me more. Funny that it’s the opposite at work.
When people like you, they like you in varying degrees. Some are hardcore, loyal friends, doing anything and everything you need. Others “have your back” when you need it, but aren’t always around. Others just consider you a friend, wouldn’t say anything bad about you, but wouldn’t go to bat for you either.
There aren’t so many varying degrees of hate. Recently I’ve seen all sorts of behavior online that basically amounted to people stating in one way or another that they don’t like me or don’t like other bloggers, and they act out on that dislike, attacking us personally. I will always say, “Wow, I’m really surprised at how far some people will go with their hate.” But you know something? I don’t know why I say that all the time. It’s like the “I’m going out and only having one drink” lie. I never have one drink and I’m NEVER surprised at the lengths people will go to to show their true colors. All these hateful people behave the same. Once you figure out what it is that drives someone (in many of these online cases it is usually jealousy,) it’s easy to deal with them. Once I classify you as the enemy, I know exactly how to proceed.
So, HateBoy and I have to work together on a project that he tried to get me thrown off of. Except that once my boss discussed Velvet’s experience, ability to get this done, and oh lord tossed in the whole MBA thing, (4.0 bitches,) he shut up in a jiffy. But it made him hate me more. Men without advanced degrees tend to be jealous of women with them. At least that’s been my experience.
HateBoy so obviously hates me that you can see his skin crawl when I walk into the room. When you drive someone to such hatred, so much so that they seem to have an emotional reaction when they have to be in the same room with you, you know you have them. I love it like I have never loved a contentious work situation in my life. He has proven himself to be a poor communicator at best. (Read: He comes off sounding sleazy and illiterate in meetings.) So, I’m rubbing my hands together, waiting for him to fuck up. Because when he does, and I get to verbally lambast him in front of whomever happens to be around at the time, I expect to make company history.